Who initiates in your house??

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  • MaryDreamer
    MaryDreamer Posts: 439
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    That would be my hubby who initiates 99% of the time lol. Like you I rarely turn him down I'd have to be sick or something. He doesn't mind if I don't initiate. He knows my hormones are whacked to hell. He's just content he still gets his needs fulfilled. He's simple thankfully! Been married 21 years and my hubby only gets his feelings hurt if I turn him down. Glad I don't have to initiate lol
  • Kenzietea2
    Kenzietea2 Posts: 1,132 Member
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    Oh and someone else said it, but I second this: Men are SO easy to get turned on. Just take off your clothes. Simple. Sometimes I will just mention my boobs and bam, he is ready to go (lol). Men are extremely simple creatures when it comes to sex, they really don't need a lot of work to want to do it. So, mentally get yourself in the mood and then release it on him. Easy. For most men, all you have to do is say you are turned on, and that is enough for them to take the lead.
  • J3SSP3NNY
    J3SSP3NNY Posts: 235
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    My man and I just end up doing it...there is no initiation. We just give each other a look and know. I hope that doesn't ever go away! :indifferent:
  • tambink
    tambink Posts: 349
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    I am the one initiates it all the time. My sex drive is very high and hate to be turned down sometimes it happens but I dont like LOL
  • ZombieChaser
    ZombieChaser Posts: 1,555 Member
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    Lack of physical intimacy will kill a relationship for many people. Just sayin. If one person has to always initiate then it is going to feel like the other doesn't really want to. Which then in turn leads to wondering why exactly that is.

    Truth, at least in my experience.

    As for the question at hand...i will initiate only once the batteries are charged :devil:
  • abberbabber
    abberbabber Posts: 972 Member
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    I always did...and then I got tired of being the one always asking for it so I stopped. Even if you rarely turn him down, it can still leave the "aggressor" feeling unwanted/unattractive, etc.
  • SirZee
    SirZee Posts: 381
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    Tell him it could be worse. I initiate it 99.99% of the time and I get turned down about 90% of the time. I would have probably left by now but I know I would lose half my stuff.

    You're not alone. By any means. http://www.avoiceformen.com

    So many men are trapped inside horrible marriages and stay miserable for this reason. No fault divorce has made the institution of marriage only advantageous to women. Entitlement princesses get the house, kids and half the man's money - it's highway robbery and a complete waste of male potential.

    Yep, its sad that the best advice I can give my son is to not get married. (I haven't yet, hes only 12)
  • MissC787
    MissC787 Posts: 175 Member
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    There is probably nothing more to it than what she said he said. I have been thru it the other way around though. I was the that tried to start it everytime. Only to be turned down by my husband who was always to tired from doing construction out in the hot sun. Walking up and down hills, ladders, and carrying materials/tools all day. It made me feel like I was unwanted, ugly, and just plain sad!
    I decided that I wasn't going to reach out to him, beg, or even touch him unless he initiates it.
    So here we are today.... We have sex at the least once a week. Most of the time a couple times. I started focusing on me. My body, and my own well being. I started doing things for myself, and giving him his space.
    I personally feel better about myself, and I learned that I don't need him to touch me.
    He noticed the other night that I have changed. He told me that he is worried that I have something on my mind.
    I just told him that if he wasn't happy he needed to work on himself, and make himself happy. I don't rely on him to complete that part of me anymore. I figured out how to not need the affection anymore.
    I love my husband, and I don't plan on leaving him. I don't plan on finding sex anywhere else. I just decided to find my own happiness. I won't say I NEVER turn him down when he tries. There are those 7 awful days every 6 months that I just refuse!!
    Anyway..... My point is that someone has to change. It is up to you guys to figure it out. Good luck!

    Oh.. My husband and I have been together 18yrs, and married for 17yrs.
  • FrostyFour
    FrostyFour Posts: 262
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    I really appreciate everybodies comments. Since he told me that the other night--I have already intiated several times and he obviously was pleased. :blushing: lol but I need to just make sure and keep it going. Part of me does think he's kinda being dramatic but I need to make sure that I'm doing everything I can do to keep him happy.

    That's great! It might feel kind of forced at first but maybe you just aren't on each others wavelengths right now. Hopefully after a while you'll tune in to each other.

    I like to send my husband pictures while he's at work... even if it's not me, if it's just a tasteful art shot of two people grinding each other against the wall. Then I wait for him in my silk bathrobe, and as soon as he comes home from work we hide from the kids and it's on LOL
  • MIchelleH2027
    MIchelleH2027 Posts: 1,239 Member
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    IMO First of all i dont know how serious he was about leaving you butin the end. So what? You know his concern just do it occasionally. Maybe every 5th time or something just go tear his clothes off and abuse him for a while (call it a workout) and he will be happy. He just wants to feel wanted.




    What the hell else would you be doing for those 2 minutes?

    ^^that^^

    It's fun, or at least it should be. I can't imagine being with someone that I didn't want to have sex with or turned them down regularly or didn't have a desire to initiate more or as often as he does. Not that sex is everything, but the intimate part is a big part, and so it the feeling of knowing someone "wants" you and can't wait to tear off your clothes.....That feeling goes both ways, women like to feel that way and so do men.
  • melbot24
    melbot24 Posts: 347 Member
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    tell SIRI to remind you every other day to seduce your husband but dont let him know you're doing it. feeling wanted is important and i know if my boyfriend never initiated i would feel like he's just doing his duty and wasnt attracted to me.

    Hahaha SIRI!!

    Great advice.

    In fact, I think I'm going to do that now just because it makes me laugh.
  • SirZee
    SirZee Posts: 381
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    Oh and someone else said it, but I second this: Men are SO easy to get turned on. Just take off your clothes. Simple. Sometimes I will just mention my boobs and bam, he is ready to go (lol). Men are extremely simple creatures when it comes to sex, they really don't need a lot of work to want to do it. So, mentally get yourself in the mood and then release it on him. Easy. For most men, all you have to do is say you are turned on, and that is enough for them to take the lead.

    :) 100% truth. It is really easy. If you got a guy who ever turns you down.. leave him. Lot more a LOT MOOORE fish in that sea. I could never imagine turning down a girl who asks for it... boggles the mind!
  • XxYeaIrocxX
    XxYeaIrocxX Posts: 224 Member
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    I don't initiate. I don't know. I just feel like the man is supposed to do that.

    Get naked.


    Really though, sometimes, I will just whisper in his ear the things I would like him to do to me or me to him, He will come home and I will be cooking dinner in an apron, panties and heels - nothing else, I will buy something really sexy to wear for him and tell him that I got something for him - then model it, when we are laying in bed I will just rub his chest and down his leg and just barely graze "down there" and once it responds, I just start taking care of things......... There are TONS of ways. It is way easier to get them in the mood than us.

    I do the same :tongue: I absolutely love when he comes home (if he's working the late shift and my daughter is sleeping of course) walking around in heels panties and say a corset or something. It's a nice shocker for when he's had a long day at work.
    And even if that fails he can never turn down....well something else involving a mouth. :blushing:
  • 1_Happy_Camper
    1_Happy_Camper Posts: 66
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    Tell him it could be worse. I initiate it 99.99% of the time and I get turned down about 90% of the time. I would have probably left by now but I know I would lose half my stuff.

    :laugh:

    ^^^^^^^^^^ what he said. so I just quit trying any more..
  • sandrinamsilva
    sandrinamsilva Posts: 651 Member
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    50/50 for us!
    We don't live together yet but during the day I will send him a text letting him know I need his help on something later. He usually knows what that means. On days we do sleep in the same bed I will be woken up in the middle of the night and in the morning. We both like lots of sex so it works for us.

    I am sorry your going through this. Hopefully you and your husband can work this out. :flowerforyou:
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member
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    Initiating is easy

    -Get naked, lay in bed and cover up like nothing and when he slips in bed he's be pleasantly surprised to see you without your pj's! I did this 2 nights ago, but with thigh-high stockings on and nothing else. :devil:

    -Make a kiss last, and make it spread from his nouth to his neck to his chest.... and so on...

    -Just tell him what you want him to do to you OR what you want to do to him. :wink:
  • SirZee
    SirZee Posts: 381
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    ....Only to be turned down by my husband who was always to tired from doing construction out in the hot sun. Walking up and down hills, ladders, and carrying materials/tools all day....

    No excuse. If my arms didnt work, I'd figure out a way to attach a rope to the ceiling fan and wrap it around my armpits to keep me in the right position.
  • angryguy77
    angryguy77 Posts: 836 Member
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    I'm a newlywed, and I very rarely initiate. Once we get health insurance, I will discuss my low libido with a doctor, but until then, he initiates almost 100% of the time. Since sex isn't important to me, he just lets me know when he wants it, and I take care of him. :wink: It's an odd situation, but we're both satisfied, and that's all that matters.

    This is what both sides in a relationship should do. The problem is the one's who don't want it don't care that their SO is suffering.
    It's not just about the physical aspect of it, it's knowing that your spouse cares enough about you to put forth the effort.

    For some reason, many people look at sex differently than other activities when they shouldn't. It doesn't matter what the need is, the husband and wife should do what they can to accommodate.
  • J3SSP3NNY
    J3SSP3NNY Posts: 235
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    I really appreciate everybodies comments. Since he told me that the other night--I have already intiated several times and he obviously was pleased. :blushing: lol but I need to just make sure and keep it going. Part of me does think he's kinda being dramatic but I need to make sure that I'm doing everything I can do to keep him happy.

    Speaking from personal experience I have been with serveral men who would not initiate and it was a MAJOR downer to me and my confidence. I can kinda understand where he's coming from.
  • kristalfrissy
    kristalfrissy Posts: 158 Member
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    ....Only to be turned down by my husband who was always to tired from doing construction out in the hot sun. Walking up and down hills, ladders, and carrying materials/tools all day....

    No excuse. If my arms didnt work, I'd figure out a way to attach a rope to the ceiling fan and wrap it around my armpits to keep me in the right position.


    HAHAHAHA!!! Now that is dedication!

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