Who initiates in your house??

1…910121415…18

Replies

  • beyg
    beyg Posts: 212 Member
    If you said no a lot I'd say he has a legit point, but I don't know why he'd threaten to leave over that.

    I could see him talking to you about it, but not leaving. It's not like he's being deprived with that amount.

    Some guys don't know how good they have it. I'd be ecstatic if my wife had your mindset.

    To answer your question, my wife does initiate more, but it's only because I don't bother trying anymore. After getting rejected so many times, a guy kind of gets sick of it.

    So truth!! lol!!
  • beach_please
    beach_please Posts: 533 Member
    Honestly, I don't usually initiate. I did more when we were dating. My husband does it 98% of the time.

    Unless I'm drinking... then I'm all over it.
  • _EmmaStrong_
    _EmmaStrong_ Posts: 647 Member
    We both do. Its basically 50/50. But I haven't heard much about rather your man is helping you reach the Big O. It's a pretty well know fact that 90% of women have to be helped to reach climax. If your man is doing that for you, then you have nothing to complain about. Initiate a hell of a lot more, it won't hurt. I only get the Big O, maybe 6 or 7 times a year, if I'm lucky. It's always "Wam, bam, I'm done with you, Mam." He never turns me down, but he never wants to touch me, either. We have sex about twice a week, that is He does.
  • gail2207
    gail2207 Posts: 133
    . But like I said--I don't hardly ever tell him no and we are together probably 4 or 5 times a week. What is the norm in your relationship?

    Oh my god! Three or four times a WEEK? I've only been with my fiance three years and we 're lucky if it's once a week! I have basically no libido and don't think about sex at all, and he stopped wanting to initiate it all the time, so now we just don't do it much. Is that strange?

    This my sound harsh.. but do yourselves a favor and REALLY REALLY explore this before tying the knot.

    Not harsh, I appreciate it. The thing is I just don't really enjoy sex that much, I do it to keep him happy and just spend the time thinking about cooking, or tv and waiting for him to be done. Sometimes I want sex, but rarely. But it isn't like I want to have sex with anyone else, I just have no sex drive. I don't even think about it anymore, I don't have fantasies. But I know I love him and I am attracted to him. Also in every other relationship i've had the sex has just repulsed me...it doesn't repulse me now with him and I enjoy it sometimes so it must be ok....
  • rybo
    rybo Posts: 5,424 Member
    When i was with my EX I initiated 99% of the time. Usually was turned down 99% of the time. :( I'd have given the world for the OP 4-5x a week!
  • _AllieCat_
    _AllieCat_ Posts: 515 Member
    Usually me, but it requires negotiation, usually related to promising to buy her something the next day. I hurts my feelings, and makes me feel pretty cheap and worthless.

    This made me sick reading it. I am so sorry to hear that... that's no way to be treated.
  • PlunderBunneh
    PlunderBunneh Posts: 1,705 Member
    I'm really sad to see all of the stories about people using sex as a negotiating tool. I was in a relationship a long time ago like that, and looking back, I'm disgusted by how unhealthy it was, and disappointed in myself for not getting out sooner.
  • sarasmile144
    sarasmile144 Posts: 108 Member
    It's even in our house, my boyfriend is fond of my libido.
  • rosesedge
    rosesedge Posts: 36
    When I was in a couple, I'd say about 70/30 him/me, and (as we didn't live together) roughly 3 times a week. However, I've been single for nearly a year now, and there's been no initiating by anyone, so who knows!
  • braign
    braign Posts: 89
    I honestly don't know, but I don't actively initiate, it just comes to me when I want it/give out the signals, or when I tell him my plans for that evening if they involve me being taken care of lol. It's not a thing we really count, since to me, taking note of each initiation sounds more like a symptom of the initiator feeling un-sexy or undesirable. I try to make my guy feel special whether or not I want sex, by kissing, complimenting him, squeezing his sexy arms etc. And he also understands that my stress levels would affect my sexual appetite and so he wants to help me cope with stress as much as he can. It's a two-way street.

    It upsets me to read about so many unhappy marriages/relationships on here. I've been in those before, and it sucks :(
  • bellyake3
    bellyake3 Posts: 135 Member
    Of late...me! Jeez I gotta chase it down like a wild cat!
    When all else fails there's always self love and I love myself to death (wink wink)!
    Though I finally found out what safe words are for! lol
  • lukeout007
    lukeout007 Posts: 1,237 Member
    When I was in a couple, I'd say about 70/30 him/me, and (as we didn't live together) roughly 3 times a week. However, I've been single for nearly a year now, and there's been no initiating by anyone, so who knows!

    I think this is an acceptable ratio. I don't expect a 50/50 split...but initiate it often enough to make me feel good about myself. 30-40% of the time would be fine.
  • ampa916
    ampa916 Posts: 189 Member
    Ok--I have been married for 16 years and my husband threatened to leave me the other day because he is tired of always being the one to intiate sex. I rarely say no when he intiates--but I only am the aggressor maybe once ever couple of months.He said that he doesn't feel wanted.

    I'm really trying to work on it but I can go quite awhile before I even think about it. I love my husband very much but we have alot of stress and it tends the be less on my priority list then his. But like I said--I don't hardly ever tell him no and we are together probably 4 or 5 times a week. What is the norm in your relationship?

    My advice would be to make yourself a note, it might sound unromantic but it works

    I feel like I have the most unromantic relationship I told my husband that I hate initiating it all the time, so now he just says "so, you wanna have sex?" In like the most unromantic way. So I usually try to initiate it.
  • lukeout007
    lukeout007 Posts: 1,237 Member
    Ok--I have been married for 16 years and my husband threatened to leave me the other day because he is tired of always being the one to intiate sex. I rarely say no when he intiates--but I only am the aggressor maybe once ever couple of months.He said that he doesn't feel wanted.

    I'm really trying to work on it but I can go quite awhile before I even think about it. I love my husband very much but we have alot of stress and it tends the be less on my priority list then his. But like I said--I don't hardly ever tell him no and we are together probably 4 or 5 times a week. What is the norm in your relationship?

    My advice would be to make yourself a note, it might sound unromantic but it works

    I feel like I have the most unromantic relationship I told my husband that I hate initiating it all the time, so now he just says "so, you wanna have sex?" In like the most unromantic way. So I usually try to initiate it.

    I do this to my wife sometimes...she HATES it. But seeing as I initiate it 100% of the time I think I'm allowed to be a little less than enthusiastic about it once in awhile. Especially when there's a 50/50 shot at being turned down.
  • turningstar
    turningstar Posts: 393 Member
    It was 50/50 before baby. And actually, I was all over him when I was pregnant. Id wait at the door for him in something sexy.

    Now he initiates it most of the time, and we do it to the tune of "baby monitor". Got to love having kids...
  • chrystee
    chrystee Posts: 295 Member
    We’ve been together for over 16 years and I would say that I am the initiator most of the time, but that’s because I am a nympho! If I had it my way, we would have sex in the morning, after I got home from work and then before bed…Hell, maybe even in the middle of the night if either of us woke up!

    9821387.png

    That is what is frustrating to me, cause I WANT to be that way..
    Anyway, I'm off to initiate.
  • bp716
    bp716 Posts: 68 Member
    In a relationship I am the one to initiate most of the time which can get very annoying, cuz there's nothing sexier than being grabbed, stripped down and shoved against a wall... you know. All you gotta do is walk up and grab his junk. It isn't all that difficult to get a man going.

    Mmmm.....

    Dammit, I need a man :laugh:
    You and me both. I haven't gotten laid since January 1st. I'm flippin dying here.
    lolol
  • t2kburl
    t2kburl Posts: 123 Member
    My hand.

    same here

    After being married 13 years.

    No one initiates anything. Ever
  • zombiesama
    zombiesama Posts: 755 Member
    Haha I agree my hand initiates sometimes, oh the joys of being single.
  • futuremalestripper
    futuremalestripper Posts: 467 Member
    0/0
  • AzhureSnow
    AzhureSnow Posts: 289 Member
    I think it's more frequently me, but it's kind of average between us. i have a (IMHO) more-active-than-average libido for a female, though.
  • Rick_SH
    Rick_SH Posts: 71 Member
    I can see Im in the minority but I am of the mind that is relieves stress for both people sometimes at the same time ; ), is lots of fun and a little bit of a workout if you do it right.. Why wouldn’t I want to try and get as much of it as I can? Id take sex over my favorite desert/food anytime...

    :-) I can relate..
  • Rachelle_Rachelle
    Rachelle_Rachelle Posts: 16
    Let me ask a question; Is he the one who initiates romantic get-aways/outings/dates/surprises with you? My take is, how he treats me during the day, is a direct correlation to how I will treat him at night if you catch the drift. It's not a threat nor a tactic. It's just a fact. Men like sex more than (most) women and women like romance more than (most) men. It's a hard fact of life. Talk to him about your needs as well and directly relate them to his sexual needs. There is nothing wrong with bribing your husband to do romantic things with sex. I am NOT saying withhold. That is the worst thing a woman could do (but it sounds like you are ok in that department). But I am saying he should be initiating what YOU want and you should be initiating what HE wants so that both are satisfied. Honesty is the best policy though. Tell him how you feel as I expect him telling you this was his way of telling you how he feels.

    P.S. You can't own his feelings. He is feeling a certain way. Let him and move on. Deal with it together and find new and creative ways to express your love to each other. Ask him how he would like you to initiate, things like that. Ok, now I am rambling. Sorry and good luck.
  • Warmbloodwear
    Warmbloodwear Posts: 387 Member
    Not all men are easy...I'll walk around the house in a tshirt and panties, hoping for some play and...nothing. He says he's attracted to me and enjoys sex but...I dunno if he's just dense or what. And, as some people have mentioned...it's pretty much killed our marriage. There are other issues, but the lack of Oh-my-God-I-can't-keep-my-hands-off-you sex is a huge one.

    Killed my marriage! Im so much happier now:) But to each their own:wink:
  • ToBeSmaller
    ToBeSmaller Posts: 46
    LMAO...this was just the topic of conversation two hours ago....

    Together 15+ years. Three kids. We work different shifts but he tries very hard to be awake when I get home so we all eat dinner together and spend some time joking around. I flat out initiated tonight and he mentioned something about me being the "aggressor" this evening. Then i admitted to him even when he THINKS he's the aggressor he usually isn't, cause it doesn't take much, all i have to do is change in front of him and he's all over it.

    Then i laughed and told him i hated to "hit and split" but I had to get up early and i'd call him, and then i left the room.

    Pretty sure he was smiling pretty hard when i left....
  • Abrowe313
    Abrowe313 Posts: 189 Member
    i have to initiatle probably 8 out of 10 times....and it does get old.
  • SugarNtheRaw
    SugarNtheRaw Posts: 191 Member
    I initiate more, and we've been together for 8 years, but to his credit, his job is MUCH more stressful. After a long day Hubbs generally is too sore, he climes roofs and hauls ladders, so I don't blame him, where as I recuperate much faster from a hard day because my job isn't very physically demanding. Sometimes I don't feel wanted because he isn't up to it, but I would never LEAVE him over that. I would, however, go cave-woman on his behind after... let's say, a week of no intimacy? A week of no loving is about as long as I can go before a slight wind change gives me issues...:laugh:
  • Awkward30
    Awkward30 Posts: 1,927 Member
    I'm not married, and I think there is probably more to this, but I know from experience that it does feel crappy when the other person doesn't initiate! Maybe make a routine. Every Wednesday and Saturday, you initiate. Habit is more reliable than memory!
  • whitehandlady
    whitehandlady Posts: 459 Member
    My hand.

    WHAT a coincidence....mine too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Warmbloodwear
    Warmbloodwear Posts: 387 Member
    I've noticed many of the women who think its ridiculous that someone would leave over that...are also the women saying they never initiate.

    Food for thought....or fu**ing.

    It would be like a woman saying "My husband never tells me I'm beautiful, so I feel ugly and our marriage is falling apart...I want out!" and the men being like "Dafuq you talkin' bout woman???". I guess it's hard to see things from the other perspective.

    ^^ You are hilarious:laugh:
This discussion has been closed.

Categories