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MyFitnessPal Community

Marriage Advice

GasMasterFlash

I have an MFP friend, who we'll call Kort, that is getting married soon. Where we don't have a video camera to go around and ask everyone for unsolicited marriage advice, I've created this thread for her.

You're welcome, Kort.

Replies

infamousmk

Anal is what makes love last forever.

I made this into a cross stitch for your living room, Kort!

*writing thank you note to GMF* .. thank you for the lovely cross stitch! We're going to hang it above the couch in our sitting room! love, kort

amysmith987

You cannot change people...you can only change the way your react to them.

digitalbill

When you feel like you simply want to MURDER each other for petty things, take a look at your finances.
Chances are, you are stressed out about money.
Once you realise this, you can calm down.
The money problems will still be there but you can curb the other stress.

infamousmk

Oh, P.S. we keep our money separate. Best relationship decision I've ever made. We still consult each other on large purchases, etc., but my money is mine, his is his, and things that need both of us to contribute to are ours.

What else? Butt stuff, obvs. important...

We do go on dates - love a good date night. We always act silly and do ridiculous things just to make each other laugh... hearing his laugh is one of my favorite things in the world!

k8blujay2

Oh, P.S. we keep our money separate. Best relationship decision I've ever made. We still consult each other on large purchases, etc., but my money is mine, his is his, and things that need both of us to contribute to are ours.

What else? Butt stuff, obvs. important...

We do go on dates - love a good date night. We always act silly and do ridiculous things just to make each other laugh... hearing his laugh is one of my favorite things in the world!

Glad that works for you... I know one couple that it's seriously a detriment to their marriage... but it's mostly because they aren't being open and honest about their money.... whereas, my DH and I have one account for the both of us and it works for us.

GasMasterFlash

Oh, P.S. we keep our money separate. Best relationship decision I've ever made. We still consult each other on large purchases, etc., but my money is mine, his is his, and things that need both of us to contribute to are ours.

What else? Butt stuff, obvs. important...

We do go on dates - love a good date night. We always act silly and do ridiculous things just to make each other laugh... hearing his laugh is one of my favorite things in the world!

I trust that you guys have your **** together. I apologize for the serious replies. I just wanted some LOLZ. HA HA HA YEAH LOLZ ZOMG OMFG

crisanderson27

Anal is what makes love last forever.

^ I concur. :drinker:

'

And this is just one reason this young lady is one of my most treasured MFPeeps lol.

WildFlower7

YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!!!

*tears*
*lulz*
*awwwws*

Here is a quick reply to many great tips:

I make the best sammiches, and I brew the beer, mmkay?
We have both been in a LOT of therapy, so the whole 'communication' thing comes naturally!
I already refer to him as my second husband - the first was a dud.
I'm definitely, for sure, 100% positive this is the guy I want to marry and spend my life with
We are best friends
Although we're BFFs, we still have our own lives too!
Sex comes easy and often, even when he doesn't want to
"The panties go over the garter" - words to live by.. words to live by..
We're not having children - so thankfully none of that business is even applicable (thank god)
Our dogs eat their poop, too!
We do go to bed angry. Sometimes you gotta step away and cool off. We never go to bed without saying, "I love you." though.

Awww, good luck and congrats!

A_New_Horizon

Love is a choice, not a feeling

Also, like someone else said...never stop dating

sjiphone

Marriage is great. My husband and I (yes, gay marriage is legal in Canada) have been married for 8 years and I have never been happier. I recommend marriage for everyone. Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials.

lizzybethclaire

Be absolutely sure you can live with him as he is. No woman can change a man. Also, rememer the 80/20 rule: A spouse will only be about 80% of what you want. Make a list and on one side write down everything you love and on the other side everything you hate about your spouse/fiance. If the hate side is longer than the love side, sit down and really think about what you are about to do. Marriage is hard work.
Personally, I married at 26 to a man with three kids. Sometimes I regret it. I missed out on a lot of things. Other times I know I made the right choice. It was a lot to take on to become a "mom" to three children. We missed out on our "couple" time. My kids are all teens now (17, 16, 14) and we are both excited to have our "couple" time coming up shortly.

candykay0605

experiment with toys") invest in a swing

I second this. A swing is a great investment.

glad someone agrees to this

when i started selling toys and starting getting some for ourselves things got really good

Jtorres326

I once read a quote: "women marry hoping the man will change and are disappointed when they don't; men marry hoping the woman never changes and are disappointed when she does."
Know the person who you are marrying, truly know them. No one is perfect, but you should be able to live and love your spouse's imperfections.

Also, don't let other's marriages set the rules for your own. FIgure out what works for you and your husband and know that your marriage will be different from someone else's. Good luck and enjoy each other!

cabaray

The first 14 years are the hardest...as far as I know...we've been married 14 years this month!

Poorgirls_Diet

Learn to compromise and accept each others faults. The first three years are the hardest thats if you haven't lived together before as you will be learning to live together but once you pass that then it should be plain sailing. Never hold a grudge. All the best to you both on your marriage

tuffytuffy1

In the wise words of Vicki from The Real Housewives of Orange County, make sure he fills your love bucket. :laugh:

NU2U

My experiences...

*when they've had a bad day..don't make it worse
*be his fantasy
*when he feels like talking..talk about everything..when he doesn't, STFU
*do what you can to make his home life wonderful
*don't use your mouth to fuss at him...use it to kiss him
*the little things he does that pi$$es you off...let it go...they're LITTLE things
*he works hard for you..always remember that..and appreciate it
*encourage him..respect him..love him
*he chose you....never let him regret it.

melb2003

I have one more. When you do argue, don't make it a point to talk to everyone about your problems. I keep our issues inside our relationship and we like it like that. I mean, the people who you are talking to may not have the same perspective of you and they may very well give you bad advice. have a couple of close friends and only share with them. To all others, keep it private.

PottyMrs

Whats his is yours and whats yoursis yours too! Your the boss and make sure he knows that!!

spoonful

I would have to say be careful not to take your spouse for granted. It's such an easy thing to do as time passes. A great relationship is like air. You only notice it once it is gone.

NU2U

Whats his is yours and whats yoursis yours too! Your the boss and make sure he knows that!!

Nope..uh uh...no way!!

NU2U

I would have to say be careful not to take your spouse for granted. It's such an easy thing to do as time passes. A great relationship is like air. You only notice it once it is gone.

Winner Winner..Chicken Dinner (baked chicken, of course) :drinker:

MichaelRay21

In my experience:

1. Kids change everything. Go into the child bearing years with your eyes wide open. Your relationship will change when kids come along. It is inevitable. Only you can decided whether this change will be positive or not.

2. An extramarital affair does not always involve another person. Jobs, hobbies, climbing the corporate ladder, whatever....all of these can be considered affairs if the pursuit of one does long term damage to the relationship.

3. Long term love is a decision.

KrisyKat

1) The best marriages are between best friends.

2) Listen to your heart (but don't let it drown out the sound of your brain!)

3) Love.

Congrats & best wishes for a bright future :flowerforyou:

Danardeener

Don't do it.

I second that!

MissC787

My experiences...

*when they've had a bad day..don't make it worse
*be his fantasy
*when he feels like talking..talk about everything..when he doesn't, STFU
*do what you can to make his home life wonderful
*don't use your mouth to fuss at him...use it to kiss him
*the little things he does that pi$$es you off...let it go...they're LITTLE things
*he works hard for you..always remember that..and appreciate it
*encourage him..respect him..love him
*he chose you....never let him regret it.

All of this and.... KEEP THE SEX spontaneous AND ALIVE!

skir927

Staying in love is a choice you make every day. Dan Savage says it very well:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1tCAXVsClw&feature=youtube_gdata_player

countrygirlatheart0717

Quote: Remember marriage is not a contest—never keep a score. The two of you together are on the same team to win.

http://thestir.cafemom.com/love_sex/136313/worlds_longest_married_couple_has

Well said!

OSC_ESD

~ Make certain this is the person you can't imagine going through life without ... It's imperative to have honesty, trust and transparent moments that involve showing all your cards.

Accepting someone for who they are before entering into a partnership / life commitment is probably the most important decision you can ever make ... never think you can change anybody after the fact ... make sure you enjoy some of the same hobbies and ideas of what life is about. Share your goals and where you want to take this road together, being sure that both want to go down the same path ... nothing is worse than that crossroads a few years into the marriage and your left wondering " why didn't I see this coming ".

Communication is key ... NEVER go to bed angry ... learn early on that you can love somebody just as much when you agree to disagree.

When you look at the person from a distance ... there should be no where else in the world you would rather be ... than in each others arms. Love is a gift ... should never be taken for granted.

If your friends are younger than 30 ... I would strongly suggest making absolutely positively certain that they know who they really are before making a lifetime commitment ... people change and most of us don't get comfortable in our own skin until after 30.

The bedroom should always be amazing with passion, lust, desire ... LOVE ... take chances ... risks ... be the fantasy the other person dreams about each and every day ... don't fall victim to " not enough time " ... make time !

The last and final thing I would say is .... NEVER ... EVER ... SETTLE !

Best wishes to the happy couple ... and if it's true love, may it last a lifetime !

:flowerforyou:

blowsfire

congrats! respect one another-cherish it cuz it goes by faster than u think....:blushing: