Are most men like this to live with??

mischa_12
mischa_12 Posts: 126 Member
in Chit-Chat
I've recently moved in with my boyfriend and I'm just wondering if I'm being taken advantage of or if all guys are like this?

My boyfriend NEVER washes up his dishes which really annoys me because he has friend eggs and bacon every morning for breakfast. I just think he could at least clean his pans and plates and cups once as a sign of respect rather than leaving than for me. I also have cereal every morning which he knows that I don't use a pan...I just have one bowl.

He also just expects I'm going to make his dinner every night which is a pain for me because I'm a vegetarian and he's not so I have to make separate meals. He often doesn't finish until late so I have to make sure his meal is ready and hot by the time he gets home. I hate to sound like I'm ranting and being selfish but it's getting to the point where I don't want to do it anymore and I resent him for it sometimes. It's things too like making his bed which he just expects I'll do every morning and then it's funny because sometimes I'll leave a couple of crumbs on his couch and he'll say 'You can't eat breakfast on the couch, it has to be at the table...you're too messy' and then I'll look in the sink and there's a bazillion plates and cups there again :I

I'm just wondering if it's me being picky or if there really is a problem here?
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Replies

  • ket_the_jet
    ket_the_jet Posts: 1,257 Member
    Yes. Every guy is like that.

    Wait, I mean no, not every guy is like that.

    So you're dating? Do you communicate?
    -wtk
  • budhandy
    budhandy Posts: 305 Member
    some men can be like that but your bf sounds like he is just well lazy imo. If i was you so i would explain to him he better help out more.
  • Loraah
    Loraah Posts: 111 Member
    Stop doing things for him, then when he next comes to make his breakfast he won't have a pan to cook it in :) my ex was exactly like that
  • vodkaswigger
    vodkaswigger Posts: 467
    Yes, thats why the past 7 years of living on my own have been bliss! You do sort of tend to get used to it tho as it becomes routine but im feeling your misery, try and have a word if its bugging you so much, might not do any good but its worth a try x
  • GasMasterFlash
    GasMasterFlash Posts: 2,206 Member
    I've recently moved in with my boyfriend and I'm just wondering if I'm being taken advantage of or if all guys are like this?
    Yes and yes. :drinker:
  • scapez
    scapez Posts: 2,018 Member
    Your choices:

    1. Hope that he changes (he probably won't).
    2. Accept things the way they are.
    3. Move out and don't resign to being his maid for the rest of your life.
  • 7funnygirl7
    7funnygirl7 Posts: 1,176
    Can't live with them and can't live without them!...LOL. Welcome to love and compromise honey! :bigsmile:
  • tacha00001
    tacha00001 Posts: 2
    It sounds like you are acting as his mother than his girlfriend. If it bothers you, then say something about it. Some men are like children. If you don't put your foot down, he will run all over you.
  • hpsaucette
    hpsaucette Posts: 102 Member
    Seriously?

    Sounds like he's stuck in the stoneage. Unless he's hunting/gathering for you and you've got nothing else to do with your day why on earth is he expecting you to do that for him? what does he do for you?

    Who did it before you, his mother?

    Talk to him about it. Maybe he thinks he's doing something.
  • PJ64
    PJ64 Posts: 866 Member
    If he doesn't know it annoys you, he will keep doing it. Everything you wrote here is what you need to tell him. Diplomatically of course, nobody likes to hear they're a slob (even if it's true).
  • LiddyBit
    LiddyBit Posts: 447 Member
    I don't think it's useful to essentialize but yes, I think your BF is taking advantage. Not because he is a man but because he is immature. Which is not an exclusively male trait.
  • susansmoaks
    susansmoaks Posts: 77 Member
    If you haven't told him the things that bother you, then he doesn't know.
  • SinkTheBismarck
    SinkTheBismarck Posts: 133
    Wait, did I read it right? Are you his girlfriend or his MOTHER? :noway:
  • DPernet
    DPernet Posts: 481 Member
    Sounds like he's replaced his mother with you. Do you wash and iron all his clothes as well?

    Communication. You need to tell him what's bothering you. I think a lot of guys will otherwise just assume that you don't mind doing all these things. We're not mind readers and he probably can't smell that you're unhappy about this stuff :wink:
  • suzzann666
    suzzann666 Posts: 334 Member
    not every guy is like that...just most of them!!
  • AmyM713
    AmyM713 Posts: 594 Member
    I do dishes, cook, clean, laundry for the 4 boys/men in my life. This is sadly how it can be. The oldest of the 4 does occasionally help but sometimes it takes a bit of pressure such as me saying "I'm not the only one that lives in this house yet I seem to do everything" that usually signals to him that I might need a little help.

    Talk to your bf and let him know how your feeling see if that helps if it doesn't then stop cleaning up after him and let him do it himself.
  • marieautumn
    marieautumn Posts: 928 Member
    if he expects you to do those things for him, what is he doing in return? paying more of the bills? if you are finacially equal i would have a serious talk and tell him you're not a maid, but he can hire one if he chooses. Otherwise, he should grow up and pick up his own mess.
  • ket_the_jet
    ket_the_jet Posts: 1,257 Member
    Wait, did I read it right? Are you his girlfriend or his MOTHER? :noway:
    I didn't expect my mother to wait on me and she wasn't going out of her way to do so either.

    But I'm one of those "started doing his own laundry at ten" kinds of kids.
    -wtk
  • TexanThom
    TexanThom Posts: 778
    NO and No. I do all the dishes, cooking and cleaning. I happen to be out of work right now, and my GF is working. I think that is the only way it should be. When I go back to work we will share the duties.
  • DeckerDoll
    DeckerDoll Posts: 201
    Are you writing this from the kitchen?

    And no. I don't do the dishes when my husband is home. I cook, he cleans. He won't let me because he claims I don't rinse them well enough before putting them in the dishwasher. Strategy successful.
  • LuckyLeprechaun
    LuckyLeprechaun Posts: 6,296 Member
    This is true for all of the people, not just him. He will treat you however you allow him to treat you.

    If you keep doing his dishes for him, he will keep expecting it. If you keep making sure his hot dinner is waiting for him when he gets off work, he will keep expecting it. There's nothing wrong unless you don't want to keep on in the manner you have been.

    If you want things to change, you have to take action.

    You need to sit down together and discuss these things and come to an agreement that makes both of you happy. Otherwise, one day you're going to get fed up and leave, and he will be left wondering what happened, and why you turned into such a meanie all of a sudden (that's how it will look from his side of things if you never speak up)
  • hennyben
    hennyben Posts: 313 Member
    Ummm NO they are not all like that to live with.

    I'm kind of wondering why you would think that this is what it is like once a woman moves in with a man....

    Anyway, tell him you're not his servant.
  • Sabresgal63
    Sabresgal63 Posts: 641 Member
    Tell him that you are not his mommy or his maid and he should put his big boy pants on and join the grown up world. You should only be doing those things for him because "you" want to, not because he expects it from you.................that crap happened too many moons ago..............oh, unless he would like to pay you for it:bigsmile: :bigsmile:
  • AZKristi
    AZKristi Posts: 1,801 Member
    Well, if it was just the dishes I would be inclined to say that he's just sloppy and probably would have left them there to be cleaned later even if you weren't around to pick up after him. But, you also said he expects you to prepare his meals (even though you don't eat the same foods) and that it has to be ready to go when he comes home. So, it sounds like his expectations are a little off from yours. Just sit down and have a conversation about what he expects and what your are willing to do. Are you working and paying a portion of the rent? If so, he should definitely be helping out with the cooking/cleaning. If not, perhaps this is how he sees your contribution to the household. Ultimately you just need to talk and figure out if you can accommodate each other.
  • 19kat55
    19kat55 Posts: 336 Member
    Sounds like he wants a mother instead of a GF. He can only do this to you if you let him. My advice, nip it in the bud and let him know you will not allow him to take advantage of your good nature!
  • fox5659
    fox5659 Posts: 1 Member
    No. Every man is not like that and your question is childish.

    You are being a doormat and he is absolutely taking advantage of you. If you were my kid I would definitely smack you in the back of the head and tell you to wake up.
  • JeepBaja
    JeepBaja Posts: 1,824 Member
    It's a tradeoff... there are things I don't like to do such as dishes and cleaning the bathroom, even though I do. Often the better half has to say so because I just don't think about it but I'd say it is 75/25 on who does these two chores.

    On the flip side, I do things that the better half doesn't like to do such as laundry, anything in the house that needs repair and I hate anything gardening and such but she loves everything about it as long as she doesn't have to do any of it herself so we compromise and just pay someone to do the work...

    She won't put gas in her own car or wash it either! Man, are most women like this to live with????
  • jilltaylor86
    jilltaylor86 Posts: 87 Member
    It sounds like your bf is kind of a jerk, honestly. I do the dishes, laundry, cooking in my household but my boyfriend also does his fair share of chores and also doesn't mind helping out with his own dirty dishes. Just tell him how you feel, and if it doesn't work, stop doing anything for him. Let him wash his own dishes and tell him you'll eat where you want since you do the cleaning anways.
  • Glowbee
    Glowbee Posts: 68 Member
    Let him go. Find someone who respects you and has the same ideas of cleanliness and self worth that you do. He's a waste of your time.. relationships are about mutual understandings in day to day decisions. Find someone who you communicate well with, and treats you like a best friend. LIfe is too short for anything less. I'm sorry and good luck <3
  • beccci91
    beccci91 Posts: 213 Member
    I've recently moved in with my boyfriend and I'm just wondering if I'm being taken advantage of or if all guys are like this?

    My boyfriend NEVER washes up his dishes which really annoys me because he has friend eggs and bacon every morning for breakfast. I just think he could at least clean his pans and plates and cups once as a sign of respect rather than leaving than for me. I also have cereal every morning which he knows that I don't use a pan...I just have one bowl.

    He also just expects I'm going to make his dinner every night which is a pain for me because I'm a vegetarian and he's not so I have to make separate meals. He often doesn't finish until late so I have to make sure his meal is ready and hot by the time he gets home. I hate to sound like I'm ranting and being selfish but it's getting to the point where I don't want to do it anymore and I resent him for it sometimes. It's things too like making his bed which he just expects I'll do every morning and then it's funny because sometimes I'll leave a couple of crumbs on his couch and he'll say 'You can't eat breakfast on the couch, it has to be at the table...you're too messy' and then I'll look in the sink and there's a bazillion plates and cups there again :I

    I'm just wondering if it's me being picky or if there really is a problem here?

    Has he moved right out of home? Did his mum do everything for him? Even if he hasn't just moved out of his parents his mum could still have done everything for him.

    I have lived with my boyfriend for 3 years and he hasn't ever been like that thankfully. I suggest talking CALMLY about it with him and setting up a chores rota.
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