Are most men like this to live with??
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I've recently moved in with my boyfriend and I'm just wondering if I'm being taken advantage of or if all guys are like this?
My boyfriend NEVER washes up his dishes which really annoys me because he has friend eggs and bacon every morning for breakfast. I just think he could at least clean his pans and plates and cups once as a sign of respect rather than leaving than for me. I also have cereal every morning which he knows that I don't use a pan...I just have one bowl.
He also just expects I'm going to make his dinner every night which is a pain for me because I'm a vegetarian and he's not so I have to make separate meals. He often doesn't finish until late so I have to make sure his meal is ready and hot by the time he gets home. I hate to sound like I'm ranting and being selfish but it's getting to the point where I don't want to do it anymore and I resent him for it sometimes. It's things too like making his bed which he just expects I'll do every morning and then it's funny because sometimes I'll leave a couple of crumbs on his couch and he'll say 'You can't eat breakfast on the couch, it has to be at the table...you're too messy' and then I'll look in the sink and there's a bazillion plates and cups there again :I
I'm just wondering if it's me being picky or if there really is a problem here?
Most guys are like this in my opinion. Have you tried to talk to him about that, I would resent my husband too if he told me about the crumbs I left but then leaves a mess for me.0 -
Before you moved in, did you discuss who would have what responsibilities, what was expected of each person, etc?
If not, now would be a good time to have that talk.0 -
Oh honey. Stop now. Just stop. Dont do it. Would you do it for a roommate? Dont mother your SO. He can and will care for himself. If he is too messy for you, then tell him he has to pick up after himself. If he wont, then either live with it or find someone neater. Mine tried to be like this for a LONG time. We argued and whatnot. Then he became disabled, and now he has to be the stay at home dad while I earn the big bucks.....he sure is learning now. He even wishes he had tried harder all those years. And he sees why I could not and would ot be his nanny. He sure doesnt want to be mine. Good luck. :flowerforyou:0
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Your choices:
1. Hope that he changes (he probably won't).
2. Accept things the way they are.
3. Move out and don't resign to being his maid for the rest of your life.
You forgot the most logical response: Talk to him.0 -
Have you talked about your frustrations?
Everyone brings their own set of expectations into living together. It's really easy to assume that your partner knows what you're thinking or that those things bother you, but unless you sit down and really hash it out, it's impossible for those expectations to be met. Who's to say you're not doing something that's making him crazy too?0 -
Me and my boyfriend live separate, but when he got his own home he expected me to do the dishes and the laundry and the cleaning. I didn't even live there, but now out of the kindness of my heart I do those things for him. I guess it's just a new routine you have to get used to. The only difference is now he appreciates it and now he helps me out. He'll often start his own laundry and he'll clean the rooms in good detail. It's just something everyone has to get used to. Just keep open communication with him and tell him that he needs to help you transition because you are his girlfriend and not his maid. Trust me you will fight in the beginning until it becomes more routine for both of ya'll.0
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Have you told him that acting like that bothers you? Unless you have, he more than likely has no idea so he’ll continue to do so unless you tell him it upsets you.
If my husband acted like that he’d be out on his a**. So to answer your question….no.0 -
Its a mix answer. I'm a single guy who've been living on his own for a very very long time. My house is never "girl clean". At most it would be "guy clean". If you don't know what that means then allow me to elaborate. Things might be put in order. Floor is vacumed. The furniture is dusted but there are these corners and little tiny things that you can easily tell looking at that a guy lived here alone. We (or atleast most of us) can't help it. We cannot keep the place cleaned like a woman can't no matter how hard we try and some of us DO try to keep it clean because we know it'll keep you happy but we almost always fail.
HOWEVER, the cooking thing is a no go in my opinion. You either cook together or take turns on cooking. Don't know how to cook? Well start learning from the other or helping her out. No excuse to not give a helping hand.0 -
I love being a domestic goddess!!!!! :drinker:0
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Let him go. Find someone who respects you and has the same ideas of cleanliness and self worth that you do. He's a waste of your time.. relationships are about mutual understandings in day to day decisions. Find someone who you communicate well with, and treats you like a best friend. LIfe is too short for anything less. I'm sorry and good luck
SERIOUSLY?? Breaking up over a couple of dirty dishes? For christ sake, get a grip!!0 -
Maybe now is the time for you to realize you will e living with a lazy and filthy person?0
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making his bed??? do you have separate beds??
stop babying him..hes a grown man...set the record straight NOW or he will expect you to do this FOREVER!!!!0 -
Who pays the bills, and is there something he does more of?
Like some people have it where the woman does like 80% of the cleaning and the guy pays like 80% of the expenses, takes care of cleaning the cars, and fixing things around the house.
If he isn't compensating...Then have a discussion on who should do what.0 -
Unfortunately, I was like this when I moved in with my boyfriend. In my defense, I had always had a dishwasher before moving to the UK and had never lived alone, so I didn't have it in my head to do dishes every day. My boyfriend let me know I needed to do some and I'm better about it now.
Just tell him what's up.0 -
I am a work from home dad, so I do all of the cooking and cleaning. AND I do all the "man" stuff like yardwork etc.
So, quit *****ing and go find a guy you actually like.0 -
I don't think it's useful to essentialize but yes, I think your BF is taking advantage. Not because he is a man but because he is immature. Which is not an exclusively male trait.
Exactly^^^^
Talk to him and if he refuses get rid of him. And for the record there are men and women like this, it isnt just men!!0 -
Uh - no. Not at effing all. It's one thing to just be messy (all men are messy) but EXPECTING you to clean his dishes is unacceptable. Him setting them down and just forgetting about them - every man does that.
As far as meals go, if my BF doesn't like what I'm cooking then he finds his own food. Likewise, when he cooks, it's usually unhealthy stuff, so I make my own.
If you've just moved in give it some time. You'll figure it out. But don't let him expect anything from you. You don't HAVE to do anything.0 -
Your choices:
1. Hope that he changes (he probably won't).
2. Accept things the way they are.
3. Move out and don't resign to being his maid for the rest of your life.
Or 4) Talk about it. If you go around like everything is OK, he will think it's OK. COmmunication goes a long way. If after talking things don't change then yeah, if you can't live with it or deal with itwithout becoming bitter, move out.0 -
Sounds like he's replaced his mother with you. Do you wash and iron all his clothes as well?
Communication. You need to tell him what's bothering you. I think a lot of guys will otherwise just assume that you don't mind doing all these things. We're not mind readers and he probably can't smell that you're unhappy about this stuff
^^^^this exactly. If you don't say something, he will assume everything is ok. Although I've been married for almost 16 years and hubby still leaves all the dirty pots and pans on the stove. He will take care of his plates and cups, but I'm stlll the only one that actually washes pots and pans. I've learned to accept it, but he also does a lot of other things around the house.0 -
I suggest talking to him. My husband used to be that way, but once I talked to him and explained what a PITA all those things were we came to an agreement and it's not like that now.0
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:flowerforyou:Yes. Every guy is like that.
Wait, I mean no, not every guy is like that.
So you're dating? Do you communicate?
-wtk
haha too funny....don't even gettttt me started lol talk to him about it and see if you can work out some sorta deal that works for both of you, where you don't feel like you're being taken advantage of. Some men don't realize that they're leaving things behind and that it's really annoying to have to clean up their mess in order to use the same work space for yourself. Good luck!!! :flowerforyou:0 -
No not all guys are like that. You probably need to have a talk with him and come to an understanding that he needs to pitch in and help. And let him know you didn't move in to become his mother. I bet your also paying half the bills now too.0
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You need to have a damned good talk with him, it sounds like you're being taken for granted, I'll bet he had his mother to run around and clean up after him.
Lay it out, that you don't mind making meals for him but you aren't an unpaid skivvy, that he makes a mess that you shouldn't be expected to clean up. You should also stop washing the pans he uses for making his own breakfast, since you only have cereal, clean your own bowl, he'll soon realise what you do for him and if he doesn't then screw him, he can make his own meals in future.0 -
Why are you doing all these things for him? About dinner.. does he actually tell you to make his dinner?0
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A couple thoughts:
*Things of this nature were not discussed prior to moving in?
*Have you or have you not spoke to him about this specifically?
*There's an old expression that a lot of my friends got caught up in living like this and waiting 10-12 years to get engaged: "Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free?" Setting the tone in a relationship early is key or he will always expect this from you.0 -
My boyfriend is not like that! I think he knows he cannot get away with that kind of thing. We tend to do chores, etc, pretty equally (we both work full-time, so it seems unfair for one of us to get stuck with that complete burden)... Good luck. I hope the situation improves for you.0
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Look at the way he was raised, was it like that with his parents. Bingo0
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I just moved in with my boyfriend a couple of months ago. No, not all men are like that. I thought that my boyfriend was being a little too messy at first, the dishes were our biggie too. One night I calmly asked him if he could pick it up a little with the dishes. Since then he's done great! He wasn't even thinking about it really before that (men!) To be honest, he doesn't do a great job cleaning the dishes, (there's always food left on the outside of pans for instance) so I've kinda decided that I would do the dishes more often while he does other chores- like taking out the garbage and sweeping - that I don't particularly care for. It seems to work for us and we're both happy with it. We both have different schedules so who ever is home first generally cooks for the other. He's up first in the morning and he makes me an extra plate for breakfast every morning. I have a keeper
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No. Talk to him and figure out who does what. For example, I cook and my husband does the dishes or I do the laundry and my husband keeps up the yard work. In my opnion, I work just as much as my husband does, so there is no reason that we can't share the household chores. I have not done the dishes for years!! If you keep taking care of him like he's a child, he will grow to expect everything to be done for him. Put your foot down. Tell him he's an adult too and has to pitch in. If he doesn't like it, too bad for him!0
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Y'all need to have a conversation about it. He may not realize that it bothers you so much. He may assume that this is what it is like to live with someone.
The household duties should be shared. He shouldn't just expect you to take care of everything.
If a civil conversation about this topic cannot be had, I would seriously reconsider this relationship. If you guys can't discuss household chores, you won't make it through finances, marriage and raising children. If something bothers you, speak up! End of story. You should not be made to feel belittled under any circumstances!
Good Luck!!0
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