Can I have a male friend even if I have a boyfriend?

Having "male" friends is a tricky and slippery slope. Every time I've seen it, it never works out for the better, especially if you're just meeting him AFTER your current relationship.

Honestly think to yourself how you would feel if your boyfriend met some random girl from a random place that he wanted to be "friends" with.

Aren't you the one who's living with a "boyfriend" that takes care of you financially, and you don't want to cook and clean for him and you have separate sleeping arrangements?

This *has* to be a troll. I'm sorry but this cannot be serious.

lol omg you're right!! wowwww

From some experience, you really NEED friends in a new city like that. If you BF doesn't like it tell him to grow up and find some confidence. Because someday when you two aren't together and you're left all by yourself because he wouldn't allow you to have friends you're going to be absolutely miserable. Make friends, regardless of their gender, be faithful to your bf of course, but don't be some beaten down girl who lets her bf decide who she can talk to.

So if you're going to prepare for a future break up, why not do it now and save yourself the stress?

What you highlighted makes sense because if someone is going to control their partner's life, the person being controlled would most likely not stay if they're smart.

You guys keep using control? What part of respecting his feelings if he's unhappy about it, is controlling her? It's still her choice to do so...no control whatsoever. If however, he refuses her the same respect...he should be gone, and hello guy from the bus.

yunno? I was just thinking about how the word "control" is sooooo over-used on the message boards. This is controlling me, that is controlling me...wth? I was in a controlling relationship for over 20 years. Why? I have no real reason other then I wanted my daughter to have a relationship with her dad. He was always good to her and treated her like gold. Me...not so much. But the point being....to have ever thing you do controlled is far different from giving in on the odd little thing here and there. Like wth....pick your priorities for sure and stick with them...but ya gotta give somewhere too no? It must be bedtime for me :P

I love this post...thank you for that

:flowerforyou:

You guys keep using control? What part of respecting his feelings if he's unhappy about it, is controlling her? It's still her choice to do so...no control whatsoever. If however, he refuses her the same respect...he should be gone, and hello guy from the bus.

We don't know how he feels because she hasn't told him, IF she had told him and he said he was uncomfortable with it, that can be respected but if he said "there is no way you're looking at guys, or being around guys, or having guy friends other than me" then it's control, since she's afraid to tell the BF, which she probably is or she wouldn't be posting here for advice then I think it's an issue of control.

Really? Control? No WAY it could possibly be that she has already exchanged emails, and began a friendship without saying a word to him right? Even without that, there's no way it could possibly be that she's here looking for justifications for it, because she already knows he probably won't be really happy with it (funny how you went to a serious extreme there with your two options).

No way!! It's got to be control...that's the only logical conclusion.

You know he has girls as friends. I dont see anything wrong with it.

How do you know that?

You know he has girls as friends. I dont see anything wrong with it.

How do you know that?

Ummm duh causes he's a man which means he can't keep it in his pants anyways

I have to say I find a lot of these answers really surprising. Your boyfriend is a crazy control freak who is suffocating you if he has a problem with you meeting guys on the bus? If he's okay with it and you guys have that kind of relationship, great. However, I'm guessing by your questioning telling him you either a) don't or b) haven't been together very long or you would know.

To me, a big part of trust comes from trusting them to not put themselves in situations where things could happen and bad decisions could be made. Not everyone agrees with that and that's fine. But people that feel like that feel like its respecting their partners and there's nothing wrong with that either.

My judgement could also be clouded by the fact I have never had a male friend who did not try to take it further than friendship, and I have had a fair amount of them over the years. Which is most likely because the guys I was friends with starting talking to me because they thought I was attractive. Which pretty much comes full circle to the about what the guy on the bus's intentions are, at least in my opinion.

But see, you, and Victoria, and every other woman who has posted these type comments...your opinions aren't valid. A lifetime of experience with male friends counts for nothing, because we're all people, and completely the same.

(Just giving you an FYI there ...)

Funny though, when it comes to biochemical reactions in your body, and physiological response...everyone on this forum is a special effin little snowflake lol.

And for the record...my entire post here was sarcasm...I completely 100% agree with her.

/sigh!

You guys keep using control? What part of respecting his feelings if he's unhappy about it, is controlling her? It's still her choice to do so...no control whatsoever. If however, he refuses her the same respect...he should be gone, and hello guy from the bus.

We don't know how he feels because she hasn't told him, IF she had told him and he said he was uncomfortable with it, that can be respected but if he said "there is no way you're looking at guys, or being around guys, or having guy friends other than me" then it's control, since she's afraid to tell the BF, which she probably is or she
wouldn't be posting here for advice then I think it's an issue of control.

Wait...you're saying she's afraid to tell her boyfriend...but she's not afraid to tell what, 400,000 or more, total strangers?

Maybe she's just afraid that she'll be out on her *kitten*, and that he'll no longer take care of her.

Seems like she wants to be taken care of by the bf...but have a little somethin extra with "bus booty".

.... Question for you:

WHY do you HAVE to run your friends by your boyfriend? Is he some sort of muscle-brained power-tripping control freak who spouts hairy-chested nonsense about who you should be, how you should dress, what makeup you can & can't wear & how to wear your hair? Does he make EVERY decision in life for you? Yeah, I know some women are into that, but the very fact that you're asking this question tells me you're not one of them.

Perspective:

My boyfriend has a LOT of female friends. He's had them a lot longer than he's had me, & YES... there are certain things he does like plan rafting trips to Costa Rica with them... two single women... that he's know for AGES, & had every chance to date when he was single & he never has. Those things are weird to me, yeah. But it's just him, & who he happens to be as a person. I wouldn't change him because I kinda like him the way he is. If I didn't, I'd move on & get a different boyfriend. He invites me to go with them... but I don't have that kind of money, so I can't go. But it's what he wants to do, & I'd never hold him back from that, because I LOVE HIM.

I have guy friends. Several have tried on more than one drunk &/or sober occasion to climb into my panties... but I *do* have control over who I sleep with & who I choose to have a romantic relationship with. If I EVER for any reason felt the need to look outside my current relationship for romance, that's kind of what clues me in to the fact that I'm not happy in my current relationship & need to make a change. I'm kinda logical that way. My boyfriend (who was basically stood up at the altar by his fiancé---terrible mess, had to return the shower gifts, etc. & cancel all the wedding plans himself because she slept with one of his groomsmen, so yeah; my BF is damaged goods, with more emotional baggage than you can pack in an 18-wheeler) knows this about me, & he also knows that I'm happy in my relationship, & that I love him, & I would never cheat on him, because we've HAD that discussion: it was no-holds-barred, & everything is crystal clear.

If you want to do something, your boyfriend should support you at it. He should feel totally free to express his opinion about things, but I wouldn't let him tell you who you can & can't spend time with.

Bottom Line: Clearly, this is a conversation that you need to have with your boyfriend. Establish where the lines of trust are in your relationship. If they're unclear, then that may be something you will either have to consider working on, or maybe re-think the relationship, because if you don't have mutual trust & respect & honesty.... you don't have much of a relationship anyway.

Unless he's the guy from the bus of course...that dude's a saint.

:grumble:

:drinker: :laugh:

NOOOOOOOOOOO IT'S ILLEGAL, DUH. -________- If my boyfriend had a problem with me hanging with my guy friends I would be like uhh hell to the no.... I don't care if he hangs with (non-slutty) girls so why should he care when I hang with my friends, who happen to be almost all guys? :x Pffff.

Would you pick them over him if he did have a problem?