I don't know what to do.... divorce?

OP Im glad you talked to him and are willing to try and work it through.

I met my husband at 16 got pregnant 4months later had my precious baby boy and got married at age 17 he was 18. We will be celebrating 15years of marriage this coming december with 2boys and 1 girl now. Yup getting married young was tough adjusting to each other and the financial problems do not make it any easier that can be a HUGE cause of what you are feeling right now but it does get better in some cases or at least for me it did. Im glad you two are going to go to counseling I hope this helps find out where your real paths lie and hopefuly you can make it work. GL!!

Well, I don't think that being married and having fun experiences are mutually exclusive. Is the guy you married not interested in your kind of fun? Do you share any common goals for the future?

I don't think it's wrong to get divorced if the relationship isn't good for you, but it might be worth it to talk - perhaps with a counselor - and work out if you two are on the same path or not.

I agree with this answer. I'm no expert, but we married fairly quickly as well. That was over 8 years ago... We're still happily married. Don't choose to walk out just because you realize it's not what they portray in the movies. It really does take work, but it's so worth it if you both put in the work and are both happy. Don't be so quick to walk away without putting in some work.

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I have to say that I think that people think that marriage is something you can dispose of because so many of us have divorced parents. I got married at 21 and will be celebrating 11 years of marriage to a wonderful man. However my parents did not set a very good example for me with their marriage. They were divorced at 17 years. I honestly can not imagine living with someone for that long and then just decided you don't want to be married to them any longer. I take my vows seriously. But I will say that if I was unhappy in my marriage, I would leave. But before I left, I would make darn well sure that I did everything in my power to see what I could do to save my marriage.

Original poster: talk to your husband, open communication will work wonders for a relationship!
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I definitely agree. I've been married 11 yrs and got married when I was 20. I admit I got married fast (we were engaged after 3 weeks and married after five months together. It's been a very rough 11 years. I didn't know who I was at that age and we are two very different people now. We've weathered a LOT of storms together and have a very tumultuous relationship. In those 11 years we've had maybe two years of being "happily married", but we haven't given up yet. We're trying to make it work because those are vows to take seriously and too many people take them lightly. Just because you're married, it doesn't mean the end of your life and identity. Discover yourself as part of a couple AND as an individual. We do activities together but I also do my own thing. The weight loss and workouts are all me. He plays golf while I like to get out and do things. Before you throw in the towel, talk to him and really reflect on why you got married in the first place.

It sounds like you both made a mistake and got married too soon and too young. Breaking up is difficult, whether you're married or not, but it seems unlikely to me that he will kill himself or never marry again. Talk to him, go see a counselor, but if it's really not working, it's really not working--you're young, you don't want to feel like you've settled for something, you'll just end up resenting him.

And yes, I'm married. In fact, we've been married just about 11 months as well. The difference is that my husband and I were together for 4 years before we got married, and we're both substantially older. Sometimes people meet, get married quickly and/or young and it works out, but realistically, it often doesn't.

This thread has given me faith in today's time. Not with what the OP had said and asked, but with the responses it evoked.

I was sure that I was the only one that saw marriage as a partnership, team, whole-hearted commitment that bonds two people together in promise through thick and thin. The way things are today with movie stars going through marriages like a hot knife through butter, so many people divorcing now because of things like "we didnt connect" or "it got boring" (thats why you court the woman. So you build a relationship.) The responders all have the same idea that I was brought up with.

Important core values that are damaged like abusive behaviour or unfaithfulness should not be tolerated at all. No man should lay a finger on his wife, or evoke any pain emotionally or physically. He is there to protect and provide for her. If he beats you, OP, then leave. I dont stand for that. But if you are just bored from him providing for you and caring for you, why would you want to leave him? Open marriages seem so fake to me. I could not stand the thought of my woman being humped by other men to try a new appendage, nor would I ever want to make love to a woman who is not mine because I want to get off to something new. It's unethical and not really what marriage is about.

Endure, forgive and forget, and keep your promises.

I am posting this again, anyone who is getting married, just did, has a crappy relationship or has been married forever... read it.

It's about edification and we do it when we date and we can do it while we are married.


"The five Languages of Love" by Gary Chapman

I am posting this again, anyone who is getting married, just did, has a crappy relationship or has been married forever... read it.

It's about edification and we do it when we date and we can do it while we are married.


"The five Languages of Love" by Gary Chapman

The Five Love Languages I think.

I'm all for the idea that relationships are hard and need working at.

However, I hate this idea that just because I signed a contract, I can't change my mind at a later date.

Why should anyone settle for being anything less than happy? If you've made a mistake, learn from it, move on, but you don't have to stick with the mistake just cos you made a decision in the past.

I don't know the situation specifically, but from what I've read it sounds just like something I've experienced.

I was in a relationship where I felt like that. Where I was trapped and couldn't experience the world. We broke up and it literally changed my life. I grew in confidence, got closer with my friends and made great new friends. I had the best time for years, and then at a later date decided I was in a position where I was ready for a relationship now.

If I had have stayed with the first relationship, I would have always resented her for feeling like I'd missed out on so much of life, and to be honest I would have been right, cos I WAS missing so much.

Working at yourself to be able to 'put up' with the person you're married to isn't something anyone should do. The way I could see counselling working is when you just start to go off or dislike the person. You can talk and realise what's making you feel like that and maybe resolve it. When part of it is external that you feel you are missing something by being with that person, then I don't know how you can ever resolve that properly. There is always going to be a part of you that regrets the things you never did.

That's what happens when you marry at 18. At 18, everyone is too damn immature and unstable to take such a huge responsabiity like marriage, upon themselves. No one is 100% ready at that age.

Next time when you pick another man, try not to get married out of lust.

You should talk to the poor guy and tell him exactly how you feel. And if it doesn't work, it doesn't work.

However, I hate this idea that just because I signed a contract, I can't change my mind at a later date.

Why should anyone settle for being anything less than happy?

Working at yourself to be able to 'put up' with the person you're married to isn't something anyone should do.

Good luck with life, you're gonna need it with that attitude!