I don't know what to do.... divorce?

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  • danielleharvey2009
    danielleharvey2009 Posts: 25 Member
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    I just wanted to add that me and my husband have worked this out and we feel more connected now then we ever have. TV and movies give you a fairytale image of what a marriage should be like and that is not the case! Marriage is tough but it can still be fun and romantic if you choose for it to be.

    I have read some comments here where people say I was to young and immature and all that jazz. I do not think age has anything to do with whether a marriage survives or not. When you know you know no matter what age you are.

    Also, a quick engagement isn't the cause either. When you know you know.

    Please do not quickly judge that I am immature or that I do not take marriage vows seriously. I do.

    And again thank you all for the tough love and support! I cannot wait to spend many more years with my husband! Our 1 year anniversary is on june 11th :) and we are expecting! due on christmas

    Very happy for you both!
  • lorny39
    lorny39 Posts: 11
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    Try to fix your problems, talk it out, don't it throw away unless you have other problems as abuse , but sounds like you have a guy that truly cares they are hard to find that want to commit, i married at 16 been married to same man 57 years no regrets only that i hadn't been stupid at times , the paths we take together sometimes cause us to take a rabbit trail and we get off the path , get counseled at least try to fix it, what kind of fun do you want that you can't receive with your husband....you may make a mistake you will regret, many say "the first marriage was right if I had only tried". Hope this helps
  • robot_potato
    robot_potato Posts: 1,535 Member
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    Marriage is about fixing what is broken rather than throwing it away. Seems to me that this guy would bend over backwards to make you happy, and you're just acting spoiled.
  • poundsgalore
    poundsgalore Posts: 99 Member
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    I am happy you have talked with your husband and worked everything out. Marriage is hard and boring sometimes. My husband and I had a very short courtship and we have been married for 15 years. Happy Anniversary!! Congratulations on your pregnancy also. Good luck to you!
  • riiah86
    riiah86 Posts: 35
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    Counseling.
    Marriage used to be til death do us part, not boredom.
    Consider talking to him, and going to counseling.
    ps: yes, I'm married.

    truth
  • Kenzietea2
    Kenzietea2 Posts: 1,132 Member
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    This thread has given me faith in today's time. Not with what the OP had said and asked, but with the responses it evoked.

    I was sure that I was the only one that saw marriage as a partnership, team, whole-hearted commitment that bonds two people together in promise through thick and thin. The way things are today with movie stars going through marriages like a hot knife through butter, so many people divorcing now because of things like "we didnt connect" or "it got boring" (thats why you court the woman. So you build a relationship.) The responders all have the same idea that I was brought up with.

    Important core values that are damaged like abusive behaviour or unfaithfulness should not be tolerated at all. No man should lay a finger on his wife, or evoke any pain emotionally or physically. He is there to protect and provide for her. If he beats you, OP, then leave. I dont stand for that. But if you are just bored from him providing for you and caring for you, why would you want to leave him? Open marriages seem so fake to me. I could not stand the thought of my woman being humped by other men to try a new appendage, nor would I ever want to make love to a woman who is not mine because I want to get off to something new. It's unethical and not really what marriage is about.

    Endure, forgive and forget, and keep your promises.

    Couldn't have said it better.
  • HiKaren
    HiKaren Posts: 1,306 Member
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    Are you in danger? If you are, speak up, admit it, and go as fast as you can. If not, i suggest working on it.
  • Laura_Suzie
    Laura_Suzie Posts: 1,288 Member
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    If he's not abusing you or cheating on you, try everything you can to make it work...
  • ShareeMorty
    ShareeMorty Posts: 324 Member
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    I'm all for the idea that relationships are hard and need working at.

    However, I hate this idea that just because I signed a contract, I can't change my mind at a later date.

    Why should anyone settle for being anything less than happy? If you've made a mistake, learn from it, move on, but you don't have to stick with the mistake just cos you made a decision in the past.

    I don't know the situation specifically, but from what I've read it sounds just like something I've experienced.

    I was in a relationship where I felt like that. Where I was trapped and couldn't experience the world. We broke up and it literally changed my life. I grew in confidence, got closer with my friends and made great new friends. I had the best time for years, and then at a later date decided I was in a position where I was ready for a relationship now.

    If I had have stayed with the first relationship, I would have always resented her for feeling like I'd missed out on so much of life, and to be honest I would have been right, cos I WAS missing so much.

    Working at yourself to be able to 'put up' with the person you're married to isn't something anyone should do. The way I could see counselling working is when you just start to go off or dislike the person. You can talk and realise what's making you feel like that and maybe resolve it. When part of it is external that you feel you are missing something by being with that person, then I don't know how you can ever resolve that properly. There is always going to be a part of you that regrets the things you never did.

    This

    Sometimes the problems are more as a result of a poor match. I told my husband last night that I want to end our 12 year marriage. We are badly suited and I have been miserable for 5 years. Now that I am getting healthy and focussing on myself instead of him and the demands of children I finally feel confident that I can leave. He is a good man and I love him, but I fell out of love with him 5 years ago and cannot get it back. I have been committed to our marriage and it didn't work out, now I can commit to myself and my children and hopefully have a bit of happiness.
  • 51powerski
    51powerski Posts: 66 Member
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    This is why you should never ruin a perfectly good relationship by getting married.

    Nearly 15 years with my girl (with a short break in the middle :wink: ). You don't need a piece of paper to validate your relationship. And clearly for many it doesnt really mean that much.
  • iwillrideagain
    iwillrideagain Posts: 10
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    to be honest i feel sorry for the guy and now the baby when it arrives!!! you got bored after just 11 months !!! i get "bored" but that because i have 11 year old son and 9 year old son that has to do the same things everyday {aultism} but seeing the beaming smile on thier faces changes that i just hope you wake up and smell the coffee before kid or hubby gets hurt
  • marketdimlylit
    marketdimlylit Posts: 1,601 Member
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    This thread has given me faith in today's time. Not with what the OP had said and asked, but with the responses it evoked.

    I was sure that I was the only one that saw marriage as a partnership, team, whole-hearted commitment that bonds two people together in promise through thick and thin. The way things are today with movie stars going through marriages like a hot knife through butter, so many people divorcing now because of things like "we didnt connect" or "it got boring" (thats why you court the woman. So you build a relationship.) The responders all have the same idea that I was brought up with.

    Important core values that are damaged like abusive behaviour or unfaithfulness should not be tolerated at all. No man should lay a finger on his wife, or evoke any pain emotionally or physically. He is there to protect and provide for her. If he beats you, OP, then leave. I dont stand for that. But if you are just bored from him providing for you and caring for you, why would you want to leave him? Open marriages seem so fake to me. I could not stand the thought of my woman being humped by other men to try a new appendage, nor would I ever want to make love to a woman who is not mine because I want to get off to something new. It's unethical and not really what marriage is about.

    Endure, forgive and forget, and keep your promises.


    Why can't all men have views like this. Jeez.
    WELL said though, you're 100% right.
  • nikki0960
    nikki0960 Posts: 13
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    There should be a age limit as too when you get married. This is not a joke. Some girls think it's cool to have the wedding gown and all the party that goes with it. The law should make it tougher for people to get divorced this days. It's too easy to get married and too damn easy to get divorce. I know that at times there is no choice, infidelity , abuse and such. But to leave cause you are bored. Grow the hell up and realize that you could be walking away from the most terrific guy out there.
  • chrishgt4
    chrishgt4 Posts: 1,222 Member
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    However, I hate this idea that just because I signed a contract, I can't change my mind at a later date.

    Why should anyone settle for being anything less than happy?

    Working at yourself to be able to 'put up' with the person you're married to isn't something anyone should do.

    Good luck with life, you're gonna need it with that attitude!

    With what attitude? That people deserve to be happy?
  • hellokehtty
    hellokehtty Posts: 94
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    A lot of people will say "try counseling", "marriage is a commitment" or whatever...the truth is that we only live once and no one should sacrifice their happiness for someone else or just to do what others would view as "right". You have to do what is right for YOU and probably shouldn't decide this based on answers from a forum :)

    I think you are open enough to realize you got married too young and that you're not happy. Bravo. It took me 10 years to realize that and it's made it 10 times harder. I wish I would have realized then what I know in my heart to be true now.
  • alice0711
    alice0711 Posts: 99 Member
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    You asked. I'm gonna put it out there the way I see it, and I say this with much love. Tough. Marriage is tough. It is not as simple as should I have the "fish or chicken?" Stick with it through the tough times and have fun in the great times. You obviously think you are mature enough to be married so GROW UP, put on your big girl panties and deal with it. Your life is shared with your husband now its just not about you. Get some wise counseling outside MFP and family. And yep I've been happily married 20 years and with my husband from age 19.

    Im 21 yrs and im not married. Im Christian and in past, I cant bother to go church for excused now im back to church when i come back, I never realised I still have faith in God as I dont believe in marriage. Last week, My friend's mother and I had chat about Christian and relationship. She asked me if I want to get married in the future, I told her i dont want to cos i dont believe in marriage because people always end up for divorce also I dont trust my heart with any men. I am still single since I was 15-16 years old. Thanks to this woman changed my mind and heart about marriage. Marriage is more important of relationship also she advised me if one or neither of me and future hubby, very important to have each other open our heart and talk understand. Communication is always about in relationship.

    Well, you are very young and I think best for you find a way to your heart and talk your hubby. I wish you all best
  • golferd
    golferd Posts: 400 Member
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    Married at the age of 18. 16 years later we are still going strong. Most marriages fail as they are concerned with having a better ceremony or being married because someone else is. I like this quote: marriage is being able to have a sleep over with your best friend every night.
  • angieleighbyrd
    angieleighbyrd Posts: 989 Member
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    Unless fun includes banging a bunch of different men, why can't you experience the world with your husband?

    Normally, I'm nice and non judgemental blah blah, but **** like this gets to me.

    Marriage is NOT a damn game. It's not a toy that you can just toss to the side when you feel you are done with it.

    That's all I'm gonna say
  • Run4Fit
    Run4Fit Posts: 1 Member
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    This man does not deserve you. What has he done for you to even consider taking this type of action. Grow up. Love is a choice....I think you need to choose to love your husband and be true and faithful.
  • awisegirl84
    awisegirl84 Posts: 82 Member
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    I just wanted to clarify that it is not because I am "bored." For about a month now I just could never look at him the same.. every little thing he did got on my nerves. BUT tonight I read all of these responses and sat back and realized that I did make a commitment before God ( yes i am a strong christian) and I just needed to think about why I married him in the first place. There is nothing wrong with him, it is me that has changed. I did have a very long conversation with him and he was sweet and understanding. We are going to get couples counseling and try and work this out. Marriage isn't just something that happens. It is a life long commitment and yes some days will be tough but through it all I have the choice to fall in love with him again everyday. And I am choosing to do so.

    And to clarify to the people I upset, I am sorry. I am not an immature 19 year old. I have lived on my own since I was 17 and I finished high school and am in college ( not that those things make you mature).

    But thank you everyone for the tough love and support.

    I guess I just got caught up in stress of finances and the bad things marriage brings, but there is so much more worth fighting for. I loved this man 11 months ago and my heart still belongs with him!!

    I just wanted to say...my level of respect for you went up about ten notches right there. Not because you're doing what I think you should...but because your reply was intelligent, well written, and though out....without an ounce of defensiveness.

    My apologies if MY posts offended you. This is a subject near and dear to my heart.

    Ditto!!

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