Teenaged Girls Fashion

I am not a mother but I am a high school teacher. We have a pretty strict dress code at our school but that doesn't include anything about the height of heels for young ladies. I think it depends on the shoe, the style, the dress and the occasion. I wouldn't say that five inches to too high for a 16 year old, period. I think you have to look at the big picture. What does the shoe look like, does it go with the dress? Is she going to prom, then I think that is perfectly acceptable but if she's going to a picnic she needs to rethink this. I personally feel there are bigger issues out there than shoes. At sixteen it's more about guiding them into adulthood and making wise choices. I'd want to know what her reasoning was buying the shoes. If she can make a valid, well thought out argument then that skill is going to far outweigh simply following the rules. Besides, shoes don't make the person. It sounds like you are a very good mother I'm sure that you've taught her about responsibility that doesn't change when she puts on a new pair of shoes.

So if I wear shoes like that I look like a slut according to you? WOW

No, and if that is what you got out of it, I apologize.

The basic message...there is a time and place for everything. And for teenage girls to dress like Snooki is not one of them.

My parents tried to be like that with my sister, and she left home to live with her boyfriend at age 16 because she couldn't stand their "tyranny". She was a pothead, an underage smoker and drinker, has been arrested 3 times, and has been pregnant at least once. She even had a stint with cocaine. I decided through their mistakes that I will never place non-negotiable restrictions on my children as long as they are not putting themselves in physical danger. I don't want my future children to feel like they have to sneak around behind my back - I'd rather know what is going on at all times, and to do that, I need them to trust that I won't flip out and try to control them. It starts with little things like this, in my opinion.

Teenage girls want to feel grown-up. They want to do the things adults do. And honestly, if I ever had a daughter, I'd rather she got that feeling through having the freedom to choose her own wardrobe than through the things my sister did.

By the time I was sixteen, I was allowed to wear heels as high as i wanted, short skirts, tops with cleavage, short shorts, etc., etc. And you know what? I knew what was appropriate for certain situations and what wasn't. Short shorts and skirts are for the beach, high heels go with more modest clothing.

But the main thing here is that I was given the room to exercise my own judgment. Because my parents trusted me, I felt the responsibility of not betraying that trust. And this perpetuated modest dress because I wanted to attract friends and boyfriends who would also have a sense of responsibility, in other words people who don't want girls who dress as sex objects. All in all, high-heeled shoes were simply not an issue. I loved them, I still do, and I wear them with appropriate clothing. No one sees me as any less because of it. As long as the dress is about knee-length or longer and not too tight, I don't really see how those shoes are bad.

The fact that she is adopted and that her biological mother allegedly had no morals is not the issue here. Just the fact that you would treat her suspiciously because of it tells me that you are the one with the problem here, not her.

By the time I was sixteen, I was allowed to wear heels as high as i wanted, short skirts, tops with cleavage, short shorts, etc., etc. And you know what? I knew what was appropriate for certain situations and what wasn't. Short shorts and skirts are for the beach, high heels go with more modest clothing.

But the main thing here is that I was given the room to exercise my own judgment. Because my parents trusted me, I felt the responsibility of not betraying that trust. And this perpetuated modest dress because I wanted to attract friends and boyfriends who would also have a sense of responsibility, in other words people who don't want girls who dress as sex objects. All in all, high-heeled shoes were simply not an issue. I loved them, I still do, and I wear them with appropriate clothing. No one sees me as any less because of it. As long as the dress is about knee-length or longer and not too tight, I don't really see how those shoes are bad.

The fact that she is adopted and that her biological mother allegedly had no morals is not the issue here. Just the fact that you would treat her suspiciously because of it tells me that you are the one with the problem here, not her.

WORD.

let your daughter learn her own lessons, said by the 25 yo in 6 in heels...

I have to laugh because most people answering this are still teens, just got out of the teens, older with no children, or older with children they treat as friends instead of children.

IOW, all these other people are people who are not like me so naturally they are not as good as me. They are young or old, don't have children or have children but don't raise them as I think is best. None of these people are as smart as me and people who agree with me.

I have to laugh.

lol what?

If you missed it, what I was saying is the people giving OP a hard time are teens, just got out of their teens, older women with no children or parents who treat their children like friends. Someone who is 18 is going to agree with the 16 year old because they were just there. The parents with teens who actually parent will take the moms side.

It's called BIASED. So yeah, I have to laugh because the people who say "Let her do what she wants" are barely adults themselves!

Well at 27, I wouldn't say I'm "barely an adult" and I disagree with the OP's outrage about the shoes. Oh, and my mother, who was ALWAYS a parent, and didn't become more of a friend until I was an adult, allowed me to wear whatever shoes I wanted because she trusted my judgement and respected my opinions as a teenager, since I showed her that I could make good decisions (made good grades, didn't skip school, didn't lie to my parents, etc). And no, I never dressed like a hooker either, nor would that have been acceptable. High heels aren't like some gateway drug into dressing like a streetwalker.

Its just shoes, its not like they are stripper boots.

She is 16, she should make some of her own choices.

Eventually at some magic age, you have to let your kids go. There is a LOT of information they need to know before you do that. Every child is different and you need to start from day one teaching them, loving them, raising them up to believe they CAN do anything they set their minds to and that they matter. But to do that, you do need to let go of their little hands and begin to just guide them instead of controlling them. They will mess up, so do we. But you need to be there to nudge them and guide them back on THEIR right track not YOUR right track. For every child the magic age is different. Communication is sooooo key. Only when they get out on their own will you know if you did a good job or not. Parenting is not black and white at any stage and it's hard for everyone. Trial and error. You learn from each other...at every age. I absolutely loved being a parent. It was and is still extremely rewarding

Well at 27, I wouldn't say I'm "barely an adult" and I disagree with the OP's outrage about the shoes. Oh, and my mother, who was ALWAYS a parent, and didn't become more of a friend until I was an adult, allowed me to wear whatever shoes I wanted because she trusted my judgement and respected my opinions as a teenager, since I showed her that I could make good decisions (made good grades, didn't skip school, didn't lie to my parents, etc). And no, I never dressed like a hooker either, nor would that have been acceptable. High heels aren't like some gateway drug into dressing like a streetwalker.

WORD.

I'm a teenager myself, and no, I wouldn't be caught dead in 5 inch heels. Gross.
I do agree with most of your dress rules though. Except the shorts thing. But you're being a good parent by giving her rules.

I find it interesting that most posters are not concerned with the height from a physical health perspective.

For me, that's because a 5" wedge with a 2" platform provides the same incline as the 3" heel height the mom would have been ok with.

I don't see where she said they are wedges, unless I missed it. I see in the original post that she said her daughter has four inch full wedges, which she is okay with, but it seems like the shoes her daughter bought are heels.

Okay, just one more comment I have to say.

I saw on the other thread about pot that you smoke marijuana. Okay, so it's fine for you to do something illegal but your daughter can't wear a pair of heels that will most likely kill her feet after an hour and regret buying?

It's a little pot calling the kettle black if you ask me.

Pun Intended????

Haha didn't even think of it that way! But damn that is a good pun.

The second part of that is actually were the problem lays, I think.....I did not adopt her until she was 10 years old, and her birth mother had questionable morals at best....so there are many times when I think something is just insane, or wrong, or just plain ridiculous and she cannot understand for the life of her what the problem is.....my son, whom I gave birth to, and was raised from day one by me, has my morals, so I do not need to police him nearly as much.....I have to say, that is the most challenging thing about having a child you did not raise from day one.....

You can't just parent the exact opposite way and hope it works. It doesn't work.

Also, I understand that you are using pot for medical reasons...however, when kids learn in school that it is illegal and wrong, they might perceive you being a rebel even if you aren't. So if you do it, it is okay for her to do it. I would just think about that. And the fact that many high schoolers have sex, do drugs or drink alcohol, get pregnant. And then realize the shoe thing isn't a big deal...

Shoes aren't a gateway drug to promiscuity.

Wanting her to LOOK a certain way is quite honestly petty compared to how she behaves. If she gets good grades, tells the truth, and isn't running around doing illegal drugs or having sex, I don't honestly see why letting her make small decisions like this are such a big deal.

Let your daughter express herself reasonably now, or risk losing honesty and openness with her later. I have seen far too many of my friends alienate from their parents because they pressed issues like this that weren't about morals or modesty but just about control. I am sad when I see that happen.

All the best.

AGREED.
You said exactly what I think. Like I said before, better wearing high heels then having sex or doing drugs. Pick your battles and be happy you have a solid, confident daughter.