Is it ok for a woman..........

it seems odd to me. but what are they talking about anyways?? I dont even talk to my husband that long on the phone, about anything. I would just dig a bit deeper by saying "so i notice you talk to "blah blah" a lot. Whats up with that? What yall talking about?"

The only time I've ever spent that long on the phone with a man is when I was interested in him, in "that" way.

THIS^^^^^

I haven't spent more than 3 minutes on the phone with anyone in 20 years.

I'm a fairly liberal person; I think that a woman or a man is entitled to have friends of the gender to which they are attracted, sometimes even exes... but man, what she is doing is not okay. That is WAY too much time spent, even by phone, with another guy (especially if he's straight). I agree that it's emotional cheating. Even if the dude is gay, or even if she spent that much time talking to her female friends, I would still be concerned that she's sharing more personal details of her life with them than with you (also not healthy, as relationships go). I would keep copies of your phone records, if I were you.

In my view, if you are in a serious relationship, your closest confidante should be your partner, with family (blood relations) and people who in no way have a sexual orientation compatible with yours second. While I personally refuse to give up my friendships with long-time male friends (I have some going back to junior high, and also some exes have become long-time friends), I believe that certain ground rules should be followed, out of respect for one's significant other. They are:

-Occasional phone calls only. Like maybe a half hour every couple of weeks or something, tops.

-A fair amount of time can be spent with such friends, if in a wider social group gathering to which my S.O. is readily invited. There should be nothing I have to say to these male friends that I can't say in front of the one I love. As for my exes, any talk about past intimacies is a no-no. I will not tolerate them dragging up ancient history, because we no longer have that kind of relationship, and it would likely be hurtful to my S.O.

-No one-on-one meetings with these male friends, except for maybe a chance meeting out in public that turns into coffee, and/or I haven't seen them in a really long time.

I think that would give me plenty of time to maintain such friendships, while still not giving any rational man a reason to worry. I would expect the same to apply to my S.O. and any of his female friends/exes.

My advice: less time with D and D and more time with the wifey.

Wait wait wait...she's been friends with him for 14 years? Knock it off dude...if she hasn't boned him yet she's not going to now.

And about your "gal friends"....how many of them have you known for 14 years? I'll tell you right now I would never stop talking to someone I've known that long just because my wife said so. I have female friends I've known for that long. There's also no question about my intention with them. The only person I want anything beyond friendship with is my wife and she knows it.

FUDGE this ^..this is just an excuse for her to continue to talk to him..dude don't listen to this.... yeah she's know him for 14 years but knowing of him or actual in her life knowing him day to day are two different things...if anything she is emotionally cheating on you and it's up to you to decide if you can live with that...not fulfilling her emotionally that is.

I had guy friends and my hubby made it known he was uncomfortable with it so i dropped them out of respect for him. He's been pulling the same **** your girl is pulling and passing it off like they are just friends..FUDGE that..I demanded him to cease and desist but they work together and far away..the trust is gone and once that goes there is no relationship..at least for me..just found out last week there was more to my husbands "friendship" story...still a little upset..sorry.... but i know what your going through..

And for the record...in that situation the trust isn't "gone"...it was never there in the first place. Telling someone to drop their friends just because they have the opposite anatomy is about the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard and it's the complete opposite of having trust in someone.

My neighbor was like this with the calls and texts. she was cheating on her husband- they are now getting divorced. Does she let you read the texts?

I'm married, and while my hubby and I each have plenty of friends of the opposite sex, I wouldn't feel comfortable with him talking to one of them on the phone for 3hrs at a time on a regular basis! Maybe once if he/I hadn't talked to that person in forever, but what is there to talk about for that long on a regular basis? I don't even think I couldn't talk to my husband on the phone for 3 hours, lol.
Texting...whatever, because people text all the time and who cares what time it is (but then again I work nights and DH is a bartender so we're not on "normal" time).

You're leaving out a lot of info. Who is this guy to her? Are they coworkers, met at the gym, long time friends, best friends, relatives or family friends? If she's known the guy a long time (whether longer than you or just as/shorter) then I can't say I would be concerned. If it's someone she's known less than a year, then you might want to get to know this dude before you pass judgment.

However, rule #1 for relationships: if it's enough to bother you, it's enough to mention to your partner. If you are genuinely uncomfortable with her talking to him that much, sit her down and talk to her about it, tell her how it makes you feel but at the same time don't accuse her of anything. Make "I" statements. If she doesn't want to talk about it or gets defensive maybe try a marriage counselor, a neutral environment where you can resolve any disputes you two might have.

I'd also suggest you ask yourself just exactly why you don't like it. Is it because it's taking time away from "we" time? Is it jealousy/hurt? It helps to know so you can explain more clearly to your wife. If she's never given you reason to distrust her, give her the benefit of the doubt. She's your wife, you married her for some reason and you obviously had enough trust in her.

That aside, I really get bothered by people who come in and say "you can't have different sex friendships once you're hitched" whether from personal experience or not. You can. If we couldn't then chances are every married person ever would be having so many affairs we'd make Hollywood pale in comparison.

I don't even like talking my boyfriend that many hours on the phone let alone just a good friend. I don't think you are wrong in being suspicious.Also theres a big difference between going to hang with the guys once every other weekend and gabbing with another person 3 hours a day in my opinion

its not appropriate. thats one thing ive learned with my marriage. things may be platonic, but even then, when its making you uncomfortable, she needs to address the situation and fix it or compromise with you. otherwise you guys dont have the same level of respect. yes she may let you play with your buds but the simple fact is, youre straight. youre hanging out with other men. shes straight, but chatting endlessly to a guy. the situation isnt comparable and not right for her to be shoving in your face. its not respectful on either hers or this other dudes end to be doing this.

hey, wait a minute. I didn't notice any woman products on your sink counter. Are you just yanking our chain?


Cuz if you fibbed about something important, like playing D&D, I'd be a lite miffed with you. :laugh:

Hmmm it does sound a bit iffy.. But to be fair, I can chat to my best friend (who is male) for hours and not get bored. And I wouldn't stop talking to him on the phone if I got a boyfriend.

I play DnD too. I DM for a group. It's a great socializing hobby.

Anyway, no. It isn't cool.

I wouldn't be okay with that if my husband was doing it. I don't mind talking or anything because I absolutely trust my man. However, once they begin doing honestly suspicious things, like texting someone that late or chatting with them for hours everyday, that would make me very suspicious.

Being trusting is one thing. Being walked on is another.

Losing the trust of a partner is an awful thing.

I don't think it sounds right, do you talk to this guy? I have lots of very close guy friends who I regularly hangout with BUT my boyfriend is always welcome to join us (and often does), and visa versa with his chick mates. And neither of us talk much to them day to day and I would have no problem with him seeing my text messages to them.

If they are just buddies why don't you suggest you all hang out sometime, surely your partner wants her hubby and her friends to get on?

This is the bit that gets me about it thought as well "She has told me I can not talk to my old gal friends" double standards much? I would raise this with her definitely - good luck x

Honestly... I didn't read all the comments on here.. BUT if it were me it would be normal... however ; most of my friends are guys so if I talked to them for 3 hours it would be no more than talking to a girlfriend on the phone for 3 hours. I will add though, I would NEVER ever ask a SO to give up their female friends and I sure wouldn't get pissed if my SO and his friends did something...

Is the whole talking on the phone for 3 hours a new thing or is it something that has been happening since forever? because if it is new I would question it but if its not - you kinda knew what you were getting into when you decided to pursue it. You have every right to tell her how uncomfortable it makes you but I really think you should be talking to her and not on an online forum..