Does anyone else NOT want kids?

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  • Nactasha
    Nactasha Posts: 19 Member
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    I love my son unconditionally and I think I may want another (maybe!). I expected the sleepless nights and all the little battles, my only wish is that someone would have warned me that I would never have another second alone again! Lol. Seriously though, I have a co-worker that does not want children and I make sure to back her whenever it comes up. It is one of the most fulfilling and hardest jobs that anyone will ever do, but if you don't want to do it just enjoy the life you are creating for yourself. There is nothing wrong with that, but I know many women may stumble into making other women feel that way. I see it happen all the time, I don't think it is on purpose, it's just because once you have kids you stop seeing life in any other way. It's part of the job description, and something that helps make you a great Mom.

    If you chose to have kids, then all those Mommy hormones kick in, and you wouldn't want another day without yours. But that doesn't mean that life wasn't equally great before. Have a great life with all the free time and adult vacations that all of us other Mom's dream about. We have to live vicariously through someone!
  • gwduker
    gwduker Posts: 293
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    I have a female freind much younger than me that insisted she didn't want kids. In fact she divorced her husband and alienated her parents because she refused to have kids. She is now 34, remarried, and I found out she spent the last 2 years trying to get pregnant, and succeded. My point? Cercumstances change, and so do peoples minds.
    I never gave kids much thought, wasn't sure I wanted any, but when my daughter came along, I wouldn't change it for the world.
  • gingerveg
    gingerveg Posts: 748 Member
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    If you are on the fence don't have them there are 7 BILLION people in the world! Check out this link for some perspective http://www.worldometers.info/world-population/ If you really want children AND you have the resources, energy, intellect and enthusiasm then go ahead. Children really change your life and I believe one needs to be 100% committed (there are some amazing parents out there). But children are extremely expensive, they will change your relationship (sometimes for the better but often for the worse at least temporarily) and they are also horrendous for the planet/environment. So there are pros and cons, but really I think there are too many thoughtless pregnancies/oops pregnancies/my parents did it so I should do it pregnancies and also not enough foresight to either terminate or give the child up for adoption if the couple is clearly ill prepared. Of course the answer is proper use of birth control (with an emergency back up birth control) in the first place but alas...

    To answer your question yes we are out here I am happily childfree at 39 with no regrets.

    ETA: Sorry I forgot to add this. As for the advice I would just stave people off by changing the subject. I had to do that for years. Now that I'm at the tail end of my reproductive lifespan I don't really get it anymore. I have a lot of snide remarks you could give people such as when someone asks about children say "we're $%##@ like mad but it doesn't seem to be happening!" or say with a smile "god hasn't blessed us with children" or "Maybe we are doing it wrong would you mind explaining what we are supposed to be doing?" start crying and say "It's medically impossible!" all of these will remind people that it is none of their business. As for the MIL or your own parents when they say they want grandkids tell them they should have had more children to up their odds. It's not your responsibility. But of course these responses are a wee mean spirited ;)
  • Chipmaniac
    Chipmaniac Posts: 642 Member
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    People who don't want kids definitely shouldn't have them. The last thing we need are parents who are resentful of the children in their care.
  • Josie_lifting_cats
    Josie_lifting_cats Posts: 949 Member
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    I never wanted kids.

    Then I suddenly did.

    So I waited a while to make sure it wasn't temporary insanity, then we had kids. I have a boy and a girl. And I don't have to worry about temporary insanity right now, because my life is FULL TIME insanity.

    But I love them. I'm thankful for them. I'm glad I have them. And I would never take it back. NEVER.
  • Bentley2718
    Bentley2718 Posts: 1,690 Member
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    I'm 31 and at this point, I have no interest in having children, my family has been well-aware of this for a long time. Thankfully, neither my family, nor my mother-in-law are hung up on this. Back when I was dating, I had a "serious" boyfriend whose mother was "looking forward" to grandchildren, I told him it was between him and his mother to have this conversation, since he didn't want children either--she wasn't too happy, but that really wasn't my problem (and she hated me anyway).

    Also, I too get really sick of the "you'll change your mind" thing. I think it is an exceptionally rude thing to say to someone, and a subtle way of pressuring them to have children. I also find it irritating when people feel the need to tell you their "conversion story" of how they went from not wanting kids to have kids--that's great for you, I'm glad you're happy, but that has nothing to do with me, or my decision--again, I view it as a subtle way of pressuring you to do the "socially acceptable" thing. In my mind, "everyone else is doing it" is a better reason to jump off a bridge than to have a child.

    As a side note, when I was about 16, someone said "you'll change your mind" to me in front of my mother, who responded with "you don't know my child." The woman who said it looked like my mother just slapped her--I just smirked, it's nice when your parents have your back. My mother has "aunty" time with her great-nieces and nephews, so she gets to do grandmother things, and she happily asks how her grand-cats are doing (she even makes them little "cat quits" to sleep on).
  • lbrown246
    lbrown246 Posts: 2
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    I have a friend that doesn't want kids and people do the same to her. Oh you'll change your mind. Oh once you marry him in the fall you'll decide you want to have a big family. All that kind of stuff. I, personally, am on the fence. My grandmother bugs me constantly because I'm 24 and haven't been on a date since I was 16. She is always saying I need to date so I can get married so I can have kids. Well... I don't necessarily want kids. I am a teacher. I have 22 of them for 10 months out of the year LOL That's pretty good birth control.

    If I do, I will probably adopt. It pains me to see unwanted kids.
  • Phrak
    Phrak Posts: 353 Member
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    Never want kids of my blood, id make a terrible father.
  • bbygrl5
    bbygrl5 Posts: 964 Member
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    I will be married for eleven years next month and up until a few months ago I have not wanted them. Now, I'm undecided. It's not helping that my husband is really wanting them, lol.
  • JennieAL
    JennieAL Posts: 1,726 Member
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    Tell them the truth. That's it. Point blank. It's your life. Kids are a huge responsibility. My Dad is the only one who's hinted around... and it's because he doesn't know me well anymore. Lol. If he didn't, he wouldn't have assumed. My grandfather knows better... he asks about "the cats" and happily so.

    I've always leaned toward not having them. Made sure my husband understood this BEFORE marriage. He would like them, but he doesn't want one if I don't.

    I never subscribed to the idea that ALL women are maternal... we just aren't. Oh well. Life is too full of other things to do.
  • sweetteboho
    sweetteboho Posts: 1
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    Wow, there are so many comments!! My husband and I have been married four years and I am 32 years old. He decided he wants one kid and I"m thinking I might be on board with that but since I'm not positive we are STILL waiting. ;-)

    Until now we have said "not right now' or 'we are enjoying each other'. Perhaps those comments will work for those that ask you. Now that we've been married for four years I have noticed the questioning is dying down. Perhaps my mother asked them all to leave me alone!
  • UpEarly
    UpEarly Posts: 2,555 Member
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    My husband and I knew we never wanted to have children from the time we started dating. People always said 'You'll change your minds!' or 'Just wait... your biological clock will start ticking!' Well... we both turned 40 last year, and even after 15 years of marriage we felt the same as we ever did. My husband even decided to have a vasectomy.

    When people bug us about when we're going to start a family, we either tell them that we're really happy with our life and don't want kids. Or, if people are pushy/nosy/critical we tell them 'We're not able to have children' (which is *technically* true after my husband's vasectomy). It always makes them feel awkward - which is good. They deserve it for delving into personal territory.
  • Alex_is_Hawks
    Alex_is_Hawks Posts: 3,499 Member
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    I'm going to post something a little different.

    I didn't want kids, and I have a soon to be 10 year old daughter now.

    I still stand by my original statement when I was in my 20's when I said I didn't want kids and I would be happy without them.

    That doesn't mean I don't love my daughter to pieces, I do. And she WAS the best thing that happened to me.

    BUT, if I never had kids? I wouldn't know what I was missing and as a result, how can I say now, that my original statement of "I would be happy in my life if I never have kids" wouldn't be true?

    I know it would be true. I would have had a GREAT life if I didn't have kids, I would have travelled, had fun, done things for myself, it would have been an awesome life and I NEVER WOULD HAVE KNOWN WHAT I WAS MISSING by not having her.

    That being said? I did have her, and I have an awesomely wicked life. She's the light of my life and my everything.

    It's comparing apples and oranges. it's TWO completely different life paths and I would have rocked both of them with no regrets, I AM rocking one of them right now with no regrets.

    Lauren
  • Phoenix1401
    Phoenix1401 Posts: 711 Member
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    I'm on the fence about kids...when I meet and marry that special someone it'll be his choice..I'm open for it.
  • tomomatic
    tomomatic Posts: 1,794 Member
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    I have two girls and sometimes I don't want them.
    I mean, I drive a minivan now. A MINIVAN! And it always smells like gold fish crackers.

    Seriously, I love my kids. They fill my life with all sorts of crazy.

    If you're on the fence, then start making a list of all the things you want to do before you have kids. Then do the list.

    Worry about the kid thing when you're ready.
  • lovinmyself2012
    lovinmyself2012 Posts: 12
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    I'm only 20 so i don't want any yet. I am VERY careful about extracurricular activities :)
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 33,944 Member
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    You're better off being totally honest. If you have made a decision not to have kids, make it abundantly clear to your husband and family.

    Acquaintances don't need an explanation.

    I'm in my fifties. I made a decision at age 15 not to have kids. I haven't wavered, and I'm not sorry.

    Not everyone has to make use of their uterus, no matter what people "think". They aren't the ones who have to have the lifelong responsibility of having the child.
  • twoscimitars
    twoscimitars Posts: 272 Member
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    Take it from me - There is NOTHING that you can say to these people to make them understand that you do not want children. Just learn to smile and nod. No matter what you give as a reason, they will try to prove you wrong. You can let it get to you or just let it roll off. It used to get to me BIG TIME. Especially when people say "Oh, you'll change your mind," as was mentioned. I'm almost 33, and am pretty sure I would know by now. So my husband and I just keep giving the same answers: "Don't want any. Never will." "I like my free time the way it is." or whatever. Eventually, some folks will get the hint, but someone will always be there to say the same thing. So I just chose to pretty much ignore it and live my life the way I choose. Now, I just have to look forward to being 50 when the question will be "Aren't you sorry you never had kids?" LOL :laugh:

    P.S. I would bet you money that your husband definitely does want children. Sorry to say. Just try to be understanding and don't give in unless you really want to for yourself. I just hope it doesn't cause a rift. Like you said, you've been straight with him about it from the beginning, but I can guarantee you he is in the camp who believes you will change your mind. Good luck with everything!
  • JennieAL
    JennieAL Posts: 1,726 Member
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    I'm going to post something a little different.

    I didn't want kids, and I have a soon to be 10 year old daughter now.

    I still stand by my original statement when I was in my 20's when I said I didn't want kids and I would be happy without them.

    That doesn't mean I don't love my daughter to pieces, I do. And she WAS the best thing that happened to me.

    BUT, if I never had kids? I wouldn't know what I was missing and as a result, how can I say now, that my original statement of "I would be happy in my life if I never have kids" wouldn't be true?

    I know it would be true. I would have had a GREAT life if I didn't have kids, I would have travelled, had fun, done things for myself, it would have been an awesome life and I NEVER WOULD HAVE KNOWN WHAT I WAS MISSING by not having her.

    That being said? I did have her, and I have an awesomely wicked life. She's the light of my life and my everything.

    It's comparing apples and oranges. it's TWO completely different life paths and I would have rocked both of them with no regrets, I AM rocking one of them right now with no regrets.

    Lauren

    This is awesome. I hope that I feel JUST this way if I ever do change my mind.
  • Bentley2718
    Bentley2718 Posts: 1,690 Member
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    When people bug us about when we're going to start a family, we either tell them that we're really happy with our life and don't want kids. Or, if people are pushy/nosy/critical we tell them 'We're not able to have children' (which is *technically* true after my husband's vasectomy). It always makes them feel awkward - which is good. They deserve it for delving into personal territory.

    I've done this too, and it's somewhat true, as I have medical problems that make having children not the most responsible thing I could do--but mostly, I love watching people who are being jerks squirm.

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