Does anyone else NOT want kids?
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Wow, there are so many comments!! My husband and I have been married four years and I am 32 years old. He decided he wants one kid and I"m thinking I might be on board with that but since I'm not positive we are STILL waiting. ;-)
Until now we have said "not right now' or 'we are enjoying each other'. Perhaps those comments will work for those that ask you. Now that we've been married for four years I have noticed the questioning is dying down. Perhaps my mother asked them all to leave me alone!0 -
My husband and I knew we never wanted to have children from the time we started dating. People always said 'You'll change your minds!' or 'Just wait... your biological clock will start ticking!' Well... we both turned 40 last year, and even after 15 years of marriage we felt the same as we ever did. My husband even decided to have a vasectomy.
When people bug us about when we're going to start a family, we either tell them that we're really happy with our life and don't want kids. Or, if people are pushy/nosy/critical we tell them 'We're not able to have children' (which is *technically* true after my husband's vasectomy). It always makes them feel awkward - which is good. They deserve it for delving into personal territory.0 -
I'm going to post something a little different.
I didn't want kids, and I have a soon to be 10 year old daughter now.
I still stand by my original statement when I was in my 20's when I said I didn't want kids and I would be happy without them.
That doesn't mean I don't love my daughter to pieces, I do. And she WAS the best thing that happened to me.
BUT, if I never had kids? I wouldn't know what I was missing and as a result, how can I say now, that my original statement of "I would be happy in my life if I never have kids" wouldn't be true?
I know it would be true. I would have had a GREAT life if I didn't have kids, I would have travelled, had fun, done things for myself, it would have been an awesome life and I NEVER WOULD HAVE KNOWN WHAT I WAS MISSING by not having her.
That being said? I did have her, and I have an awesomely wicked life. She's the light of my life and my everything.
It's comparing apples and oranges. it's TWO completely different life paths and I would have rocked both of them with no regrets, I AM rocking one of them right now with no regrets.
Lauren0 -
I'm on the fence about kids...when I meet and marry that special someone it'll be his choice..I'm open for it.0
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I have two girls and sometimes I don't want them.
I mean, I drive a minivan now. A MINIVAN! And it always smells like gold fish crackers.
Seriously, I love my kids. They fill my life with all sorts of crazy.
If you're on the fence, then start making a list of all the things you want to do before you have kids. Then do the list.
Worry about the kid thing when you're ready.0 -
I'm only 20 so i don't want any yet. I am VERY careful about extracurricular activities
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You're better off being totally honest. If you have made a decision not to have kids, make it abundantly clear to your husband and family.
Acquaintances don't need an explanation.
I'm in my fifties. I made a decision at age 15 not to have kids. I haven't wavered, and I'm not sorry.
Not everyone has to make use of their uterus, no matter what people "think". They aren't the ones who have to have the lifelong responsibility of having the child.0 -
Take it from me - There is NOTHING that you can say to these people to make them understand that you do not want children. Just learn to smile and nod. No matter what you give as a reason, they will try to prove you wrong. You can let it get to you or just let it roll off. It used to get to me BIG TIME. Especially when people say "Oh, you'll change your mind," as was mentioned. I'm almost 33, and am pretty sure I would know by now. So my husband and I just keep giving the same answers: "Don't want any. Never will." "I like my free time the way it is." or whatever. Eventually, some folks will get the hint, but someone will always be there to say the same thing. So I just chose to pretty much ignore it and live my life the way I choose. Now, I just have to look forward to being 50 when the question will be "Aren't you sorry you never had kids?" LOL :laugh:
P.S. I would bet you money that your husband definitely does want children. Sorry to say. Just try to be understanding and don't give in unless you really want to for yourself. I just hope it doesn't cause a rift. Like you said, you've been straight with him about it from the beginning, but I can guarantee you he is in the camp who believes you will change your mind. Good luck with everything!0 -
I'm going to post something a little different.
I didn't want kids, and I have a soon to be 10 year old daughter now.
I still stand by my original statement when I was in my 20's when I said I didn't want kids and I would be happy without them.
That doesn't mean I don't love my daughter to pieces, I do. And she WAS the best thing that happened to me.
BUT, if I never had kids? I wouldn't know what I was missing and as a result, how can I say now, that my original statement of "I would be happy in my life if I never have kids" wouldn't be true?
I know it would be true. I would have had a GREAT life if I didn't have kids, I would have travelled, had fun, done things for myself, it would have been an awesome life and I NEVER WOULD HAVE KNOWN WHAT I WAS MISSING by not having her.
That being said? I did have her, and I have an awesomely wicked life. She's the light of my life and my everything.
It's comparing apples and oranges. it's TWO completely different life paths and I would have rocked both of them with no regrets, I AM rocking one of them right now with no regrets.
Lauren
This is awesome. I hope that I feel JUST this way if I ever do change my mind.0 -
When people bug us about when we're going to start a family, we either tell them that we're really happy with our life and don't want kids. Or, if people are pushy/nosy/critical we tell them 'We're not able to have children' (which is *technically* true after my husband's vasectomy). It always makes them feel awkward - which is good. They deserve it for delving into personal territory.
I've done this too, and it's somewhat true, as I have medical problems that make having children not the most responsible thing I could do--but mostly, I love watching people who are being jerks squirm.0 -
I'm only 20 so i don't want any yet. I am VERY careful about extracurricular activities
^^ This. Though I'm 22. I have so many career and life goals for myself right now that personally I just don't want to fit in being a full-time mom. I have a ton of friends that have children and have still met their career goals.. but it's just not for me!0 -
Too many people in the world now. If you know you don't want children, you're not doing anyone a favor by having children. Tell your mom and MIL how you feel. They are not the ones raising your children if you have them.0
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No kiddies for me, not for a few years at the very least. Not married, and not in a hurry. Sis was 28 and had her first, but I'm just not 'feeling' the same instinct yet.0
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So Much ignorance out there, it amazes me. if you look at the stastistics there is enough room in TEXAS for everyone on the planet to have one square foot. That is just texas! Come on people. I think there are way to many selfish people in this world, why do you think Germany is at negative population growth.If everyone thinks like this what do you think will happen in 50 years? Good thing your parents didn' t think like you or you would never have been given a chance to experience your wonderful life.0
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I am 32, and I have no kids. I had my tubes tied last year and haven't looked back. I like my life, I feel happy and content and have not regretted my decision at all!0
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I always thought I didnt want kids, till I turned 33 and (insert totally hoakey-ness here) something from deep within my bosom (lmao) started to tick. It took us a year to conceive and voila, now I have a 2 year old son. It totally changes your life and your priorities, in some good and some bad ways. I though I knew it all about other peoples kids till i had my own. I dont want any more, Im good with one. Wasnt a big fan of the newborn stage, though I never would have given him back Still find other peoples kids highly irritating, but love mine to bits 0
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the only way I would not want anymore is if the guy meant for me has 2 of his own. since I only have 1 daughter I would like more. the above scenario is the only acception but I will say if a man didn't have kids nor wanted them I wouldn't want to marry him.0
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:huh:So Much ignorance out there, it amazes me. if you look at the stastistics there is enough room in TEXAS for everyone on the planet to have one square foot. That is just texas! Come on people. I think there are way to many selfish people in this world, why do you think Germany is at negative population growth.If everyone thinks like this what do you think will happen in 50 years? Good thing your parents didn' t think like you or you would never have been given a chance to experience your wonderful life.
Yeah. You can raise all the unwanted children there in Texas. What's your address?0 -
Not really.0
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I was totally on the fence - not really sure if I wanted them or not. I met my now husband and he had a son from a previous marriage and he said he didn't want any further children. I was fine with that and, obviously, still am. I don't have any regrets. I love my stepson and help raise him (somewhat complicated story and don't want to get into it), I have a great niece who I helped to raise until she was about 6 and I am very happy with that. The choice was mine and my parents respected me enough to be understanding and loving about it.
I did explain to my husband before we started any sort of intimacy that if there was an "accident" I would not get an abortion, I would have the child and raise him/her without my husband, if that is what it came down to. Don't get me wrong, I am not anti-abortion so please anyone reading this I don't want to start a political debate but I do believe that you should share whatever decision you are thinking of with your SO. In my case I was on the fence but he was adamant that he didn't want children - so I thought he had a right to know. There have been no "accidents" and we don't intend to have an "accident" but he knows my stance.0 -
:huh:So Much ignorance out there, it amazes me. if you look at the stastistics there is enough room in TEXAS for everyone on the planet to have one square foot. That is just texas! Come on people. I think there are way to many selfish people in this world, why do you think Germany is at negative population growth.If everyone thinks like this what do you think will happen in 50 years? Good thing your parents didn' t think like you or you would never have been given a chance to experience your wonderful life.
Yeah. You can raise all the unwanted children there in Texas. What's your address?
:flowerforyou: :laugh:0 -
Everyone has a different opinion on this subject. I was always on the fence and said if I could have a kid that came out about 5 yrs old then I might think about it. Then life dealt me some cards and I had to have a full hysterectomy, so that eliminated my choice. I married a man that had 2 boys and one of them lives with us. They were 9 and 11 and now are 17 and 15. I can honestly say for me, I am so thankful I never had any of my own. I am sometimes overwhelmed with his kids. Everyone says "oh it would be different if it were your own", and I just know how I feel and I am thankful that I never did. So you aren't alone.0
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Be honest.... cause the more you wait it out then the more people are going to push. I understand mothers & mother's in law bc most of them are older & want grandkids to spoil. It will be heartbreaking for them but it's your choice regardless.
Some women can't even have kids or the risk is too high & maybe they don't want to share that with others.
I love babiesss... I want a whole clan :laugh:0 -
So Much ignorance out there, it amazes me. if you look at the stastistics there is enough room in TEXAS for everyone on the planet to have one square foot. That is just texas! Come on people. I think there are way to many selfish people in this world, why do you think Germany is at negative population growth.If everyone thinks like this what do you think will happen in 50 years? Good thing your parents didn' t think like you or you would never have been given a chance to experience your wonderful life.
damn what sort of haterade did you drink?
Who wants to live in 1 square foot in Texas?
You're being exceptionally rude.0 -
So Much ignorance out there, it amazes me. if you look at the stastistics there is enough room in TEXAS for everyone on the planet to have one square foot. That is just texas! Come on people. I think there are way to many selfish people in this world, why do you think Germany is at negative population growth.If everyone thinks like this what do you think will happen in 50 years? Good thing your parents didn' t think like you or you would never have been given a chance to experience your wonderful life.
Wow. No one said having children was a terrible thing. They were just expressing their preference. Some people want children, some don't. It does not mean they are ignorant or selfish. I wish everyone who really didn't want a child would not get pregnant. Then there wouldn't be overflowing orphanages, babies left in dumpsters, and families with 12 kids that can't feed them.
Why can't people understand that choosing not do do something isn't being hateful toward people that do? It's simply a different decision.0 -
It's not for everyone, so don't feel like you HAVE to have them no matter what anyone says especially if you don't want them. I was born to two young parents, neither of which really wanted me when I was born, and it was not a good relationship to have as a child. Obviously, I wasn't given a choice of parents, but I think it's always best when you have your parents around, and they really love and want the child.0
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I think it fair for you to say "it's not a topic we want to discuss for these first __ years". And that will be your response each and every time the subject comes up "like I said, it's not a topic we're discussing now." Carve out a particular period of time where it just simply will not be tolerated as a subject open to discussion (with your in-laws, not with your spouse, of course). That'll take some pressure off. It's not something you have to decide right now.
My own experience: I didn't want children until I was in my mid-to-late thirties. Until then, I was pretty sure I was just gonna create someone who would need a lot of therapy. I was 39 when my daughter was born and I'll be 50 later this year. I've loved every minute of it... but that's just me.0 -
I don't want kids. I'm 21 and have been saying the same thing since I was 15. Some friends called me heartless but I don't see how its heartless when everyone is entitled to their own decisions. 2 of my closest friends have just had kids but they understand how I feel about them so they don't constantly bring them up around me. As far as I am concerned children aren't for me and I can't see me changing my mind any time soon!!0
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My friend and I were talking about this the other day. She hates how tradition still dictates what society thinks we should be doing. I personally do not want kids ever. But moms and in-laws need to chill out when it comes to their kids/in-law kids not wanting their own kids. Just because you get married doesn't mean you have to pop out a kid (I am single haha). I actually don't want to date anyone w/ kids either... My mom has no grandkids and is perfectly fine with it.0
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I had one child when I was 19 and she turned out to be such a handful that I didn't want any more. I got married when she was 7 and at first though I might want another with my husband but decided not to when my daughter's behavior got worse. Anyway, when I sent her to live with her dad, I was pretty content with the thought of never having another. Somehow though, despite birth control, I am now 8 weeks pregnant with my first child. I was pretty shocked about it but am happy to be bearing his first child. It will also be interesting to see which one of us this child looks like and acts like. I am looking forward to it. If this is a boy, I am having my tubes tied right afterward to make sure there are no more oopsies, but I'm happy about this oops. Still, for all those who know they don't want any then that is their right. I would advise having a tubal ligation or having a vasectomy to be 100% sure that no oopsies happen though, and so you don't have to worry about the side effects associated with other forms of birth control. 0
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