ugh!! people judge quickly

124678

Replies

  • pascale485
    pascale485 Posts: 173 Member
    statistics show that people who live together before marriage are more likely to get divorced than those who did not live together before marriage.

    I work in a small court house and I see about 500 divorces every two weeks, some for people who are 18 years old, some are elderly and even some people who are 90 years old.

    I do not know where you took your statistics but I can assure you that divorce happend in ANY kind of marriage, even with people that are very religious and did not live together before marriage!

    I have seen pretty much any kind of mariage disolve so I am more surprised when a marriage works.

    My grand parents have been married for 58 years and they are still in love, I am a believer in marriage, I know it works!!!

    I just think that some people use marriage the same way we use a car, we are all excited before buying, maybe even test drive it but after some time, when the parts are to be changed or a little rust is shown, we will buy a new one and throw the old one out of the door.

    I don't think living together before or after or anything makes a difference, some people just don't work together and it's okay by me, better be apart than together and unhappy!
  • perdie7
    perdie7 Posts: 266 Member
    statistics show that people who live together before marriage are more likely to get divorced than those who did not live together before marriage.

    Proof? Link to the statistics? Bulls**t?


    http://divorce.lovetoknow.com/Divorce_Statistics_and_Living_Together

    http://www.leaderu.com/critical/cohabitation-socio.html

    http://drphil.com/articles/article/351

    http://articles.cnn.com/2002-07-24/us/cdc.marriagereport_1_cohabitation-marriage-divorce-within-five-years?_s=PM:US
  • gogojodee
    gogojodee Posts: 1,243 Member
    Aren't you the same chick who posted about getting married too young and wanting a divorce? Maybe your friends are trying to help but you are too thick to realize it.


    :laugh: that's what I thought :laugh:
  • LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo
    LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo Posts: 3,634 Member
    The whole notion that living together before marriage is "living in sin" is totally archaic. Plenty of people never get married and spend their entire lives together. Plus, I think it's a good idea to live together before saying your "I do"s...I mean, you never REALLY know somebody until you're sharing space with them 24/7.

    I agree... My plan is to save money so I can get my butt out of here & move in with my bf in his country. I will just lie to my folks that I'll be migrating there merely for work. So sick & tired to be living in this kind of culture honestly. I'm actually considered a rebel in our family but who cares. I'm already 33 & I have a job so all their religious banterings I just put them away on the bin. I'm not trying to gather your sympathy here but just telling a reality that opinions do vary from one person & even on culture.

    As for the OP, like others have said de-friend them. If they happen to be your family or close friend then let them know how you feel but if they still insist on their opinions then you have nothing else to do but to walk away.
  • AJ_Pete
    AJ_Pete Posts: 863 Member
    You gotta try it before you buy it.
  • SoozeE512
    SoozeE512 Posts: 439 Member
    I see that you're only 19 so I'm assuming your friends are around the same age. And I'm assuming your friends probably aren't in serious relationships or even married. So what do they know? If you felt that living together before marriage worked for you, then what does it matter what your friends think? If you're happy in your marriage, that's all that should matter. Your friends will experience things in their own time and come to realize they shouldn't have judged you.
  • malibulu
    malibulu Posts: 79
    I lived with my ex for years, we have 3 children, and I never got married - and thank goodness for that because We've split up now and I don't have to wait around for, or pay for a horrendous divorce! :-)
  • kelif5959
    kelif5959 Posts: 202
    Lived with my husband for 3 years before getting married and we WERE having sex (thank gawd........how miserable if not)! LOL! :bigsmile:
  • vim_n_vigor
    vim_n_vigor Posts: 4,089 Member
    So, a comment on FB bothered you so much that you had to bring the drama to MFP instead of dealing with the person whose comment you didn't like? Did that fix anything?
    I see.....
  • auroranflash
    auroranflash Posts: 3,569 Member
    Never get married before living together. Never.

    ^

    It's pretty ridiculous not to, like buying a pair of shoes without trying them on. Only the shoe gets half of everything if it turns out you don't like it.
  • NettyIOM
    NettyIOM Posts: 44 Member
    Well, I believe that you should try before you buy.... ;)
  • RainyAM
    RainyAM Posts: 18 Member
    My partner and I have been together 8 years and we have a 6 year old daughter ... and shock horror, we're not married! :)
  • TrailRunner61
    TrailRunner61 Posts: 2,505 Member
    It is no one else's business if anyone lives together, married or not. Ignore them!

    And this is coming from an old lady (50) who has been married for 33 years. lol I met my husband when I was only 15, he had just turned 18. We got married when I was 18, he was 20. A lot of people said it wouldn't last, we were too young, etc. and I (we) didn't care what they thought then either. Most of them are divorced now and we aren't!

    It sounds like that person isn't a very good friend to have. Ignore or delete!
  • EmCarroll1990
    EmCarroll1990 Posts: 2,832 Member
    It is no one else's business if anyone lives together, married or not. Ignore them!

    And this is coming from an old lady (50) who has been married for 33 years. lol I met my husband when I was only 15, he had just turned 18. We got married when I was 18, he was 20. A lot of people said it wouldn't last, we were too young, etc. and I (we) didn't care what they thought then either. Most of them are divorced now and we aren't!

    It sounds like that person isn't a very good friend to have. Ignore or delete!

    I love your username.
  • KellyKAG
    KellyKAG Posts: 418
    I happen to be married (will be 13 yrs this month), but if I should ever find myself single again, I would NEVER marry a man who I didn't live with for at least 5 years first!


    ^^^^ This. I've been married 11 years. We did not live together first and if we had we probably would not be married now.
  • dayone987
    dayone987 Posts: 645 Member
    statistics show that people who live together before marriage are more likely to get divorced than those who did not live together before marriage.

    What statistics?
    Divorce statistics. Choose whichever source you want. They all say the same thing.

    I didn't live with my husband before we got married. I wanted marriage to be special not just another day of waking up the same way in the same place as the week before but with an extra bit of gold and some new photos on the wall. that was just my opinion about my own situation though. I really don't care what anyone else does (athough I'd discourage it with my kids in the future.)

    Personally, I think it's far more important for someone to live on their own before they get married than to live with their boyfriend/girlfriend. Preferably alone but living on your own with a roommate works too. I just think it's important to learn to manage your own finances, do your own laundry, do your own shopping, cooking, cleaning, bill paying, etc before you get it all tied up with someone else.

    Can you, please, show these statistics? When you make a claim it's your job to show the evidence, not our jobs to figure out if you're right or not. If you're going to spout such idiocy, at least back it up.
    The statistics did show up until the last decade or so that the divorce rate was higher for those living together prior to marraige. The numbers have changed and now show that women who lived with their partner before marraige but only have lived with their partner have a slightly lower rate of divorce , but those who live with several partners (i.e serial mongamy) have a higher rate of divorce. Google "divorce rate and living together"and you will get the stats you're looking for.
  • sarahharmintx
    sarahharmintx Posts: 868 Member
    I love this comic:
    http://theoatmeal.com/comics/living_significant_other
    Holy crap. Thanks for sharing.
  • LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo
    LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo Posts: 3,634 Member
    It is no one else's business if anyone lives together, married or not. Ignore them!

    And this is coming from an old lady (50) who has been married for 33 years. lol I met my husband when I was only 15, he had just turned 18. We got married when I was 18, he was 20. A lot of people said it wouldn't last, we were too young, etc. and I (we) didn't care what they thought then either. Most of them are divorced now and we aren't!

    It sounds like that person isn't a very good friend to have. Ignore or delete!

    my grandma got married when she was 19 & my grandpa was around 23 at that time. guess what, last year they celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary in style. it goes to show that age doesn't matter really.
  • Pomoch325
    Pomoch325 Posts: 63 Member
    Ok, so even if the statistics show living together first ends in more divorce...

    Maaaayyyyybeee the people who are so against living together before marriage are also those so against getting a divorce no matter how unhappy they are.

    A part of me wishes I would have waited until marriage just for the romantic honeymoon... but then another part of me realizes I would be a 31 year old virgin without the most amazing 4 year old ever in my life.
  • AllTehBeers
    AllTehBeers Posts: 5,030 Member
    I think that it should be required as part of pre marital counseling that you need to live together for 3 months before getting married. I would be willing to be there would be less divorces. That towel that's left on the bathroom floor may be endearing the first few times but after picking it up for the zillionth time and telling your SO again not to do it grates on your nerves.

    I love this comic:
    http://theoatmeal.com/comics/living_significant_other
    I HIGHLY disagree with FORCING people to live together before they got married. It seems like an amazing idea for some people and might prevent divorces, but it is their RIGHT to do what they feel is best, and they shouldn't have that choice taken away from them.

    ^I'm not yelling, I'm trying to emphasize, so please don't think I'm trying to be angry or rude :)

    *sigh* seriously? I just meant you learn things from living with someone, I don't actually mean people should be forced to live together.
  • roodledoodle
    roodledoodle Posts: 183
    You only truely get to know someone when you live with them! Why risk signing a contract until you know exactly what you're getting? You only get one life so best to try and make it a happy one!
  • GretchenReine
    GretchenReine Posts: 1,374 Member
    I love this comic:
    http://theoatmeal.com/comics/living_significant_other
    Holy crap. Thanks for sharing.

    Oh damn! I don't think I could've laughed any harder!!!
  • auroranflash
    auroranflash Posts: 3,569 Member
    I love this comic:
    http://theoatmeal.com/comics/living_significant_other
    Holy crap. Thanks for sharing.

    So true.
  • LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo
    LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo Posts: 3,634 Member
    Ok, so even if the statistics show living together first ends in more divorce...

    Maaaayyyyybeee the people who are so against living together before marriage are also those so against getting a divorce no matter how unhappy they are.

    A part of me wishes I would have waited until marriage just for the romantic honeymoon... but then another part of me realizes I would be a 31 year old virgin without the most amazing 4 year old ever in my life.

    TRUE.. believe me Philippines is one of the only two countries (the other one is Malta I think, well make that three if you would like to add Vatican City) that has no divorce & at the same time its the very same country who doesn't approved of living in before marriage. no wonder there are so many battered wives & some polygamous families exist. not to put the country in shame but this is the reality
  • auroranflash
    auroranflash Posts: 3,569 Member
    I think that it should be required as part of pre marital counseling that you need to live together for 3 months before getting married. I would be willing to be there would be less divorces. That towel that's left on the bathroom floor may be endearing the first few times but after picking it up for the zillionth time and telling your SO again not to do it grates on your nerves.

    I love this comic:
    http://theoatmeal.com/comics/living_significant_other
    I HIGHLY disagree with FORCING people to live together before they got married. It seems like an amazing idea for some people and might prevent divorces, but it is their RIGHT to do what they feel is best, and they shouldn't have that choice taken away from them.

    ^I'm not yelling, I'm trying to emphasize, so please don't think I'm trying to be angry or rude :)

    *sigh* seriously? I just meant you learn things from living with someone, I don't actually mean people should be forced to live together.


    True love is when your SO brings you a roll of TP after you sat down before checking if you had any.
  • d0gma
    d0gma Posts: 3,966 Member
    I love this comic:
    http://theoatmeal.com/comics/living_significant_other


    Aw, shoot. There goes my productivity for the day.
  • AllTehBeers
    AllTehBeers Posts: 5,030 Member
    I think that it should be required as part of pre marital counseling that you need to live together for 3 months before getting married. I would be willing to be there would be less divorces. That towel that's left on the bathroom floor may be endearing the first few times but after picking it up for the zillionth time and telling your SO again not to do it grates on your nerves.

    I love this comic:
    http://theoatmeal.com/comics/living_significant_other

    You can hide anything for three months. Living with someone before you get married does not mean you will learn all the things about them that will drive you nuts after you get married.

    You can hide things for years and years. I'm not saying you learn everything you need to know in three months, but it can be a real eye opening experience.
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
    I think that it should be required as part of pre marital counseling that you need to live together for 3 months before getting married. I would be willing to be there would be less divorces. That towel that's left on the bathroom floor may be endearing the first few times but after picking it up for the zillionth time and telling your SO again not to do it grates on your nerves.

    I love this comic:
    http://theoatmeal.com/comics/living_significant_other
    I HIGHLY disagree with FORCING people to live together before they got married. It seems like an amazing idea for some people and might prevent divorces, but it is their RIGHT to do what they feel is best, and they shouldn't have that choice taken away from them.

    ^I'm not yelling, I'm trying to emphasize, so please don't think I'm trying to be angry or rude :)

    *sigh* seriously? I just meant you learn things from living with someone, I don't actually mean people should be forced to live together.


    True love is when your SO brings you a roll of TP after you sat down before checking if you had any.
    :laugh: Not quite there yet, but she's gotten to the point where she thinks it's fine to hang around when I want to have a pee.
  • Lil_MiSsSunshiNe
    Lil_MiSsSunshiNe Posts: 167
    Sorry people. This isn't 1864 and I will do as I d@mn well please. My boyfriend and I have been living together for over a year now. My last boyfriend, whom I did get engaged to, we lived together for 3 1/2. If I wouldn't have lived with him before, I would not have found out what a complete jerk off he would turn out to be.
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
    So someone on my FB just made a status saying "If you are not married yet, you shouldn't be living together" and this was meant towards me because before my husband and I got married, we lived together for a few months....

    I see nothing wrong with this! It does not mean we hare having sex just because we live together so stop judging and live your life and leave mine alone
    Was it directed at you? Are you sure about this? you are married now, when did this status happen? If it happened AFTER you were married who cares?


    I often post things that some people take as being personal and its not directed at them in particular but they figure it is because its close to their situation.

    kind of this. sometimes people post general statements and beliefs that aren't necessarily directed at anyone specific, but some people take it that way. If it wasn't specifically addressed to you, or unless there is some other reason to think it was addressed to you then it may not be a big deal.
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