Why be a side-chick???

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  • LooseWheel
    LooseWheel Posts: 211 Member
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    Sex and physical affection is a great thing to have in your life and I guess some are happy to compromise for just having that. It is a fantastic thing to have. God knows its great for us physically (awesome calourie burner!), mentally and emotionally. But us as individuals need to find out if this kind of sex is satisfying all those areas in your life?

    It crossed my mind why you had asked, if it was possibly due to being in this situ yourself? And please believe I lay no judgement on anyone one else, seriously! Its just a though provoking topic. I just wondered if someone was in this situ and they were thinking through things and had serious worries, then I'm here for a chat if need be ok. Thats all :)

    Other peoples posts do raise futher questions, so dont worry if its not or if it is. Just me speaking my mind hey. Dont have to answer mate, but if anyone out there is thinking over things in their relationship, all I can say is - just be sure you and the other person are in it for similar reasons. Dont be used, dont be a user. If you are both clear about why you are in your relationship, and you make it clear to your other partner, then that does work evenly. If not, then you're getting the raw end of the deal. If you talk to the other partner about this topic and what they say goes opposite to your gut instinct, then go with your gut guys. Do what feels right to you. You are in this world for YOU, the others around you get the benefits of knowing 'part' of you. All relationships work this way.

    Sex and physical contact is necessary in life. Its part of nature. I love it, its a necessary part of my life. Dont know if the term 'it' wraps it up for me though lol, kinda think its on earthquake level for physical, emotional and mental reaction status :)

    Good on ya, to everyone who responds with an honest feedback response and are in this situ too. If its what YOU want, then what anyone else thinks about your situation, doesn't bloody well matter huh. So long as you are all putting you first :)

    Oh, and PS to the slutty comment, thats in all of us but comes out in different ways! :blushing:

    Cheers MFPers
  • StarvingDiva
    StarvingDiva Posts: 1,107 Member
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    It seems to me that they get some kind of perverse sense of self worth if they can actually get the dude to cheat on the girlfriend/wife. Not necessarily true all the time, some are just evil and don't care if they break up a perfectly good relationship, but then again how can it be all that "good" to begin with if he ends up cheating? :ohwell: No one truly knows the motivations behind the actions but the person doing them..IMHO

    It isn't a good relationship if he's so easily swayed. But I do wish that men and women would just end their relationships rather than hurting the person they are with like this. Getting cheated on is such a self esteem squasher.
  • Curvimami
    Curvimami Posts: 1,853 Member
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    It seems to me that they get some kind of perverse sense of self worth if they can actually get the dude to cheat on the girlfriend/wife. Not necessarily true all the time, some are just evil and don't care if they break up a perfectly good relationship, but then again how can it be all that "good" to begin with if he ends up cheating? :ohwell: No one truly knows the motivations behind the actions but the person doing them..IMHO

    Yeah, true. There are obviously some problems on the home front. But still why be a side piece. 2nd string. You wont meet the family we cant Hang out for real for real. Not locally. Is it really just for sex. Emotions are bound to creep in there. People are bound to find outl. right? Is that something a person would want to be remembered for? Runner up? Homewrecker?
  • CountryBoy65
    CountryBoy65 Posts: 908 Member
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    The majority of the time the "side chick" doesn't know shes the "side chick".

    WRONG! Thats a cop out.
  • GretchenReine
    GretchenReine Posts: 1,427 Member
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    we are all sluts

    I'm still wondering why there are any posts past this one? I think this sums it up!!!
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member
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    In my opinion, I don't always put blame on a side-chick. I have on two occasions in my life been with someone who was involved in a relationship. Not saying that would ever happen again as my bf and I have a strong, honest and wonderful relationship. We both know that the other won't cheat and have no reason to.

    The reason I did it: if it's just sex to me, a man's business is not mine. I don't know what his relationship is like, I don't know how he is treated at home, I don't care what his reasons are for finding sex elsewhere. I have met some down-right nasty, evil women who are abusive to their husbands and withhold intimacy like it's a toy. I honestly DON'T feel sorry for those women when their husbands stray or find someone to fill their needs when the wife won't out of spite.

    Bottom line, in my opinion, is that an affair is an issue between a man and his wife. Not the other woman.
  • nwhitley
    nwhitley Posts: 619
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    The majority of the time the "side chick" doesn't know shes the "side chick".

    WRONG! Thats a cop out.

    Agreed. Most of the time these women know, they just choose to ignore the signs.
  • Curvimami
    Curvimami Posts: 1,853 Member
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    For me, it was because I didn't have to deal with any of the BS of a "relationship". I could set up an appointment for sex, fill my rx and send him to his crib. I wanted him for one thing. I got that one thing without having to deal with any of the other things. If I wanted to go on a date with someone else, I could, If I wanted to chill with the girls at the club, I could. He couldn't really veto any of it, because he was taken and understood that he couldn't ask me to live a life of solitude while he had his other life. It was a great relationship where we cared deeply about each other. We both went into it with the understanding that it had to be what it was. I knew he wasn't gonna leave his wife for me. I didn't want him to. We did love each other, but with the understanding that he also loved her. And he loved her in a much different way, and I was ok with that, because it was not what I wanted. I was into stuff in the bedroom that she wasn't, and I didn't want to clean up after him and make him sandwiches. Maybe someone, someday. But not him and not then.

    Wow!! Brutally honest. Was not expecting that at all.....Curious...How did you love him, without wanting to be with him?? How did you separate the feelings and the mutual understanding that you had set in place?
  • galegetsthin
    galegetsthin Posts: 1,352 Member
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    It seems to me that they get some kind of perverse sense of self worth if they can actually get the dude to cheat on the girlfriend/wife. Not necessarily true all the time, some are just evil and don't care if they break up a perfectly good relationship, but then again how can it be all that "good" to begin with if he ends up cheating? :ohwell: No one truly knows the motivations behind the actions but the person doing them..IMHO

    Neither of those reasons were mine. It had nothing to do with self worth at all. It was strictly a good piece of *kitten*. I am not evil. He was doing what he was doing with me and one other girl. Sometimes together. His wife knew. She didn't know our names, he didn't actually tell her he was doing it at all. She just knew. When I got into my own relationship that I chose to make a monogamous one, I broke it off with him. He kept seeing the other girl. His wife found pictures. She just handed them to him, and said, you may want to keep these somewhere safe. He was not blatant about it, he took very good care of her as well. They went on little vacations together all the time. She and I have spoken several times since then. She says she is not upset by it. She is a little happy..... because she doesn't have the pressure to do the parts she didn't want to do, but she still gets the love and admiration.
  • Curvimami
    Curvimami Posts: 1,853 Member
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    In my opinion, I don't always put blame on a side-chick. I have on two occasions in my life been with someone who was involved in a relationship. Not saying that would ever happen again as my bf and I have a strong, honest and wonderful relationship. We both know that the other won't cheat and have no reason to.

    The reason I did it: if it's just sex to me, a man's business is not mine. I don't know what his relationship is like, I don't know how he is treated at home, I don't care what his reasons are for finding sex elsewhere. I have met some down-right nasty, evil women who are abusive to their husbands and withhold intimacy like it's a toy. I honestly DON'T feel sorry for those women when their husbands stray or find someone to fill their needs when the wife won't out of spite.

    Bottom line, in my opinion, is that an affair is an issue between a man and his wife. Not the other woman.

    So basically, Being a side-chick isnt the problem. Because the marriage/relationship has nothing to do with you. As far as you're concerned you're just with the man. In your mind he is single, because that is how he has presented himself t o the world.??
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
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    I think most women DO know when they are the "other woman." They either think they can change the guy's mind or they have so little self-respect that they're willing to play second fiddle just to have something. Or they're evil and they just don't care.


    Just out of curiousity.

    Who is more evil, the side chick (that knows she is) OR the person in the committed relationship doing the cheating?

    I'm not sure why someone should be expected to respect a relationship IF one of the people in the relationship obviously have no respect for it themselves.

    So now two wrongs make a right?

    It doesn't matter who is more evil. If you're sleeping with a guy who you know is involved with someone else, you are wrong. The fact that he is also wrong doesn't absolve you of any responsibility for the situation.
  • scs143
    scs143 Posts: 2,190 Member
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    It just happened. We both caught feelings and selfishly let it go beyond where it should have. It was a long drawn out process and everyone got hurt. His girlfriend never found out but all the lying, sneaking around etc... Wasn't worth the heartache. However the sex was nothing short of phenomenal.

    In the end he did leave her but by then things had emotionally gone so downhill that we couldn't start something up like a normal relationship.

    Its one of my only regrets in life.
  • Curvimami
    Curvimami Posts: 1,853 Member
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    It seems to me that they get some kind of perverse sense of self worth if they can actually get the dude to cheat on the girlfriend/wife. Not necessarily true all the time, some are just evil and don't care if they break up a perfectly good relationship, but then again how can it be all that "good" to begin with if he ends up cheating? :ohwell: No one truly knows the motivations behind the actions but the person doing them..IMHO

    Neither of those reasons were mine. It had nothing to do with self worth at all. It was strictly a good piece of *kitten*. I am not evil. He was doing what he was doing with me and one other girl. Sometimes together. His wife knew. She didn't know our names, he didn't actually tell her he was doing it at all. She just knew. When I got into my own relationship that I chose to make a monogamous one, I broke it off with him. He kept seeing the other girl. His wife found pictures. She just handed them to him, and said, you may want to keep these somewhere safe. He was not blatant about it, he took very good care of her as well. They went on little vacations together all the time. She and I have spoken several times since then. She says she is not upset by it. She is a little happy..... because she doesn't have the pressure to do the parts she didn't want to do, but she still gets the love and admiration.


    WOW!!! to this response as welll. You're on a roll today Lady
  • Schraudt814
    Schraudt814 Posts: 496 Member
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    I think most women DO know when they are the "other woman." They either think they can change the guy's mind or they have so little self-respect that they're willing to play second fiddle just to have something. Or they're evil and they just don't care.


    Just out of curiousity.

    Who is more evil, the side chick (that knows she is) OR the person in the committed relationship doing the cheating?

    I'm not sure why someone should be expected to respect a relationship IF one of the people in the relationship obviously have no respect for it themselves.

    I think if both know, then they're both equally guilty. It's not an issue of who is more evil- although it seems to me that a lot of people blame the "side chick" over their significant other which is weird to me? You make a good point though- I think the other person probably justifies it by saying well he (or she) is the one in the relationship and they dont care so why should I? Bottom line to me is just don't cheat. If you truly don't care about that person enough to respect their trust then why even be with them?
  • Curvimami
    Curvimami Posts: 1,853 Member
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    I think most women DO know when they are the "other woman." They either think they can change the guy's mind or they have so little self-respect that they're willing to play second fiddle just to have something. Or they're evil and they just don't care.


    Just out of curiousity.

    Who is more evil, the side chick (that knows she is) OR the person in the committed relationship doing the cheating?

    I'm not sure why someone should be expected to respect a relationship IF one of the people in the relationship obviously have no respect for it themselves.

    So now two wrongs make a right?

    It doesn't matter who is more evil. If you're sleeping with a guy who you know is involved with someone else, you are wrong. The fact that he is also wrong doesn't absolve you of any responsibility for the situation.

    ^^^Agreed
  • meg7399
    meg7399 Posts: 672 Member
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    The majority of the time the "side chick" doesn't know shes the "side chick".
    This...I never knew...just assumed we were a casual thing that hooked up every now and then. This was of course before the time of facebook and texting, so I couldn't keep tabs on everything he was doing. ;)
  • galegetsthin
    galegetsthin Posts: 1,352 Member
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    Wow!! Brutally honest. Was not expecting that at all.....Curious...How did you love him, without wanting to be with him?? How did you separate the feelings and the mutual understanding that you had set in place?

    For me, it was not very difficult. The fact that he was in a home that he had no intention of leaving, was just that. A fact. If he was happy with that, cool. I was not in a place where I wanted the relationship aspect of it, so, I was able to keep it seperate. He was mine while I had him, and someone elses the rest of the time. I got him when I could, enjoyed what I could, and then enjoyed life outside of him. I still love him. I want him to always be happy. I am no longer in the relationship with him. Have not been in years. Don't intend on being in one like that again, because I am in a different place in my life. I am older and want different things than I did then. I have actually refused to meet in person a man I care about, just because I know that it is far more a possibility than most people will admit to.
  • ssilvey726
    ssilvey726 Posts: 107 Member
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    "He wine and dine, but me and you we wine and grind, and when I'm on the field keep it on the sidelines!" - Ghandi

    That Gandhi guy, he knew what was up. Very ahead of his time.
  • DixiedoesMFP
    DixiedoesMFP Posts: 935 Member
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    The "side chick" that broke up my relationship was fully aware that she was the side chick (she had met me previously when she was dating a mutual friend) and told other mutual friends that she would just take any attention she could get from him, even if it was only a little bit of the time.

    Strange thing is, I left and she's still a "side chick" to all the other girls he has dated since, which I don't understand at all.
  • Roadie2000
    Roadie2000 Posts: 1,801 Member
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    I've done it before, a long time ago. My main reasons were that she was hot and I was horny. Attractive women are like kryptonite for men, they make us weak and powerless.

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