Why be a side-chick???

It just happened. We both caught feelings and selfishly let it go beyond where it should have. It was a long drawn out process and everyone got hurt. His girlfriend never found out but all the lying, sneaking around etc... Wasn't worth the heartache. However the sex was nothing short of phenomenal.

In the end he did leave her but by then things had emotionally gone so downhill that we couldn't start something up like a normal relationship.

Its one of my only regrets in life.

I think most women DO know when they are the "other woman." They either think they can change the guy's mind or they have so little self-respect that they're willing to play second fiddle just to have something. Or they're evil and they just don't care.

Just out of curiousity.

Who is more evil, the side chick (that knows she is) OR the person in the committed relationship doing the cheating?

I'm not sure why someone should be expected to respect a relationship IF one of the people in the relationship obviously have no respect for it themselves.

I think if both know, then they're both equally guilty. It's not an issue of who is more evil- although it seems to me that a lot of people blame the "side chick" over their significant other which is weird to me? You make a good point though- I think the other person probably justifies it by saying well he (or she) is the one in the relationship and they dont care so why should I? Bottom line to me is just don't cheat. If you truly don't care about that person enough to respect their trust then why even be with them?

The majority of the time the "side chick" doesn't know shes the "side chick".

This...I never knew...just assumed we were a casual thing that hooked up every now and then. This was of course before the time of facebook and texting, so I couldn't keep tabs on everything he was doing.

"He wine and dine, but me and you we wine and grind, and when I'm on the field keep it on the sidelines!" - Ghandi

That Gandhi guy, he knew what was up. Very ahead of his time.

I've done it before, a long time ago. My main reasons were that she was hot and I was horny. Attractive women are like kryptonite for men, they make us weak and powerless.

No need to cheat, just let girl one pick the second one out.

It seems to me that they get some kind of perverse sense of self worth if they can actually get the dude to cheat on the girlfriend/wife. Not necessarily true all the time, some are just evil and don't care if they break up a perfectly good relationship, but then again how can it be all that "good" to begin with if he ends up cheating? :ohwell: No one truly knows the motivations behind the actions but the person doing them..IMHO

Neither of those reasons were mine. It had nothing to do with self worth at all. It was strictly a good piece of *kitten*. I am not evil. He was doing what he was doing with me and one other girl. Sometimes together. His wife knew. She didn't know our names, he didn't actually tell her he was doing it at all. She just knew. When I got into my own relationship that I chose to make a monogamous one, I broke it off with him. He kept seeing the other girl. His wife found pictures. She just handed them to him, and said, you may want to keep these somewhere safe. He was not blatant about it, he took very good care of her as well. They went on little vacations together all the time. She and I have spoken several times since then. She says she is not upset by it. She is a little happy..... because she doesn't have the pressure to do the parts she didn't want to do, but she still gets the love and admiration.

Thanks Gale. It was awesome while it lasted, and you were the best I ever had. Now, do you mind bringing me a sammich for lunch...I forgot my wallet today. Love ya babe!

It seems to me that they get some kind of perverse sense of self worth if they can actually get the dude to cheat on the girlfriend/wife. Not necessarily true all the time, some are just evil and don't care if they break up a perfectly good relationship, but then again how can it be all that "good" to begin with if he ends up cheating? :ohwell: No one truly knows the motivations behind the actions but the person doing them..IMHO

Neither of those reasons were mine. It had nothing to do with self worth at all. It was strictly a good piece of *kitten*. I am not evil. He was doing what he was doing with me and one other girl. Sometimes together. His wife knew. She didn't know our names, he didn't actually tell her he was doing it at all. She just knew. When I got into my own relationship that I chose to make a monogamous one, I broke it off with him. He kept seeing the other girl. His wife found pictures. She just handed them to him, and said, you may want to keep these somewhere safe. He was not blatant about it, he took very good care of her as well. They went on little vacations together all the time. She and I have spoken several times since then. She says she is not upset by it. She is a little happy..... because she doesn't have the pressure to do the parts she didn't want to do, but she still gets the love and admiration.

No, I would never presume to say that they were. And I don't think YOU are evil, it's the ones I know in RL that I can put those applications too. Sorry for the generalizations...what I have seen only applies to those that I know.

I was a side chick for 2 years. When I met him, he had been living with a woman for nearly 10 years but was afraid of a serious commitment. He cheated on her several times and she always found out. When we met at work, it was casual flirting. We saw each other outside of work occasionally, but nothing serious. My emotions were getting the best of me, but it didn't seem to be reciprocated. Then after a party one night, she caught us, as he was dropping me off to my car. Seven months later, I found out she was pregnant, with twin girls, and the baby shower was approaching (she was due in 2 months). Our "relationship" faded for a few months after the babies were born, but he couldn't stay away from me. He had already told me he didn't love her, was only with her for stability of his older daughter, whom he had custody of at that time (she was 16). Six months after the babies were born, we went on our first real date. I know, I may seem stupid and naive. I believed him when he said he didn't love her. He was only there because he didn't want to lose his children. They had been sleeping in separate beds and rooms for nearly a year. After about a year and a half, I decided I couldn't take it anymore and tried to break things off with him, and it was the hardest thing I thought I was ever going to have to do. He wouldn't let me go. He told me he was going to end things with her. A few months later, he still hadn't done it. So when the girls were 2, she decided she wasn't going to take it anymore. She said she could have lived with him doing what he was doing, as long as he didn't take it too far, but she knew he was in love with me. So she left, and moved to another town and took the girls with her. Six months later, she gave the girls back to us, a week before we got married and the girls have been with us ever since. They are now about to be 7 in September, and I am their mother. Yes, they know her as their mother and we have legal custody of them, they do regular visitation with her. She is bitter and vindictive... She had been trying to get him to marry her for 10 years and he wouldn't. So when he married me and we had the girls, she made him a proposition: "Divorce her, and I'll come back to you. We don't have to get married, but we can raise the girls together like it's supposed to be". She has been trying for 5 years to break the bond we have, but she'll never be able to do it. She HATES me, and I could honestly care less. (After they split, and we were packing all of her belongings in the house, we came across a few pieces of evidence to HER cheating on HIM as well.)

Simply put - the side chick will get all the fun while not having to put up with all the ****... (just my opinion)

I'll put it like this: What one woman won't do, another woman will. The problem is that things get complicated. You get kids, you get a mortgage, you get things in your life that bind you together. The compliments began to wane, things you used to do aren't done anymore. The relationship grows stagnant and stale. It becomes unexciting. In the end, neither party wants to hurt the other. I've been there. So suddenly, someone comes along that makes you feel like a man. They make you feel needed and wanted. It starts innocently enough at first; You're a committed man sworn to forsake all others for this relationship. However, you begin to rationalize things a little differently. You begin to feel that you deserve to be treated better. This other person begins to provide you with everything that your main girl doesn't. She becomes a supplement to what you already have like a protein shake is a supplement to your diet.

It's not right and I don't condone it, but I COMPLETELY understand where those who have been side chics are coming from. I don't find it reprehensible, disgusting, bitter, or even cheating. I know that's how society views it, but then again I don't understand the correlation between love and sex. I understand it on a fundamental level, but I don't understand it on a primal level as it relates to us as humans in regards to evolution, but I digress.

So yeah, it's messed up and people get hurt sometimes. On the other hand people deserve to find their happiness in whatever way they see fit so until you get caught I say Have fun, keep it pimpin', and let it do what it do. I agree with others though: The minute that emotions get involved, cut it loose. Also, the one woman that mentioned the wife knew, I understand that as well. That is a very real situation and happens more often than many here would care to admit. It just depends on so many factors.

Very well said.

The world is filled with pathetic, lonely people who hunger for intimacy.
And instead of setting relationship goals and taking the right action to achieve those goals, they just blow around like a reed in the wind.
Losers....

I'll put it like this: What one woman won't do, another woman will. The problem is that things get complicated. You get kids, you get a mortgage, you get things in your life that bind you together. The compliments began to wane, things you used to do aren't done anymore. The relationship grows stagnant and stale. It becomes unexciting. In the end, neither party wants to hurt the other. I've been there. So suddenly, someone comes along that makes you feel like a man. They make you feel needed and wanted. It starts innocently enough at first; You're a committed man sworn to forsake all others for this relationship. However, you begin to rationalize things a little differently. You begin to feel that you deserve to be treated better. This other person begins to provide you with everything that your main girl doesn't. She becomes a supplement to what you already have like a protein shake is a supplement to your diet.

It's not right and I don't condone it, but I COMPLETELY understand where those who have been side chics are coming from. I don't find it reprehensible, disgusting, bitter, or even cheating. I know that's how society views it, but then again I don't understand the correlation between love and sex. I understand it on a fundamental level, but I don't understand it on a primal level as it relates to us as humans in regards to evolution, but I digress.

So yeah, it's messed up and people get hurt sometimes. On the other hand people deserve to find their happiness in whatever way they see fit so until you get caught I say Have fun, keep it pimpin', and let it do what it do. I agree with others though: The minute that emotions get involved, cut it loose. Also, the one woman that mentioned the wife knew, I understand that as well. That is a very real situation and happens more often than many here would care to admit. It just depends on so many factors.

good. answer.

it happens, you start out as friends, then soon fall for the compliments and enjoy all of the attention you are getting. hopefully sooner, than later you realize its BS and you learn your lesson.

SIMPLE ANSWERS: Some are side chicks cause they dont give a damn about someone else relationship, and only care that their needs are met.

Side chicks get to be the guys stress reliever therefore gets the romantic, sweet guy....while the man chick gets the headache and tries to figure why the relationship isnt what it use to be and why the guy has changed......