Don't Request Me
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I don't find it strange or snobbish that people place restrictions on their friends here. They have every right to pick people who they think will be supportive of their journey and who they themselves can support. They want their friends to mean something on here, not just be a list of names like on Facebook.0
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This is why I haven't really requested anyone that I didn't already know first this time around. I don't want to be judged for not starving or having too much to lose, you know?0
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Yes.0
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The ones that bother me are the ones with a written paragraph decribing their MFP friendship philosophy......I don't give a ****. I totally hear you.0
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I find it very strange how people refuse to add more friends or set so many guidelines for them.
"Here's my success story, but please don't request me as your friend"
"I give my friends 110%, and expect the same in return"
"If you eat 1200 calories a day, don't try to friend me"
"If you stop logging for 5 days, I will remove you"
"If you are not eating enough protein you will be removed"
Seriously?.... Like seriously? We are all here for the same reason. We are for the most part experiencing the same struggles, or we would not be here. No method is the right method and that is okay. Maybe you think eating more to lose weight will get you there, or 1200 calories each day. It really does not matter.
I will be your friend. I am here to lose 100 pounds and I will not judge you and I hope you will not judge me. I will not set any guidelines for our friendship or judge you for any relapses. We are in this together.
This is DIFFERENT than Facebook in a LOT of ways, mainly because a LOT of people are VERY Serious about what they are trying to accomplish. It is NOT for the most part a "Popularity Contest'. Yes, there ARE Cliques (and they are usually open for any "surface" seeker. CYBER Cliques always seem like a JOKE to Me; someone with a Screen Name is afraid to "step" on the toes of another Screen Name, Very Low Confidence and Self Esteem.) But to really accomplish one's Goal (s) many want to be connected to people with whom they have something in common. ALSO, many have found out from EXPERIENCE that when YOU get to KNOW some of these people, it can be a "Bummer".
Personally, I don't think it is ANYONE'S right to question why someone has restrictions on whomever they choose to "Friend" or NOT...That's Personal Preference, just like one's hair style. If their guidelines don't FIT YOU...Move ON.0 -
I find it very strange how people refuse to add more friends or set so many guidelines for them.
"Here's my success story, but please don't request me as your friend"
"I give my friends 110%, and expect the same in return"
"If you eat 1200 calories a day, don't try to friend me"
"If you stop logging for 5 days, I will remove you"
"If you are not eating enough protein you will be removed"
Seriously?.... Like seriously? We are all here for the same reason. We are for the most part experiencing the same struggles, or we would not be here. No method is the right method and that is okay. Maybe you think eating more to lose weight will get you there, or 1200 calories each day. It really does not matter.
I will be your friend. I am here to lose 100 pounds and I will not judge you and I hope you will not judge me. I will not set any guidelines for our friendship or judge you for any relapses. We are in this together.
I was just thinking about this the other day. I saw that someone was venting...and someone said something like, I would love to watch you succeed, but I cant add you as a friend. I was like: are you flippen kidding me???!!!!
You said it very well!!! Thanks for sharing your thoughts!!!0 -
What’s with the entitlement issue? My privacy settings are set a certain way and I only want certain people to have access. I suggest that if you encounter a person with whom you have something in common, send them a short note outlining why you want to be friends and request the friendship. They may or may not reciprocate.I find it very strange how people refuse to add more friends or set so many guidelines for them.
"Here's my success story, but please don't request me as your friend"
"I give my friends 110%, and expect the same in return"
"If you eat 1200 calories a day, don't try to friend me"
"If you stop logging for 5 days, I will remove you"
"If you are not eating enough protein you will be removed"
Seriously?.... Like seriously? We are all here for the same reason. We are for the most part experiencing the same struggles, or we would not be here. No method is the right method and that is okay. Maybe you think eating more to lose weight will get you there, or 1200 calories each day. It really does not matter.
I will be your friend. I am here to lose 100 pounds and I will not judge you and I hope you will not judge me. I will not set any guidelines for our friendship or judge you for any relapses. We are in this together.
Btw…you assume that everyone is on here for the same reason. That is not the case.0 -
One thing that I really don't like is when ppl friend you and they have their diary closed, no info filled out on their profile and no photo at all, not even of a cat or a tree... why be friends with that person cause I'm getting nothing in return at ALL?
People have the right to put any requirements they want on here for friends, you have the right to ignore or accept them also. You can't control other people... too bad but that's life lol0 -
i dont keep girls with EDs. sorry but i cant read about binging and purging and asking retarded questions like how long should i fast? what liquids are ok? comments like sucks that my mom forced me to eat and my most unfave is 17 to 19 yr old girls that want to weigh less than 100 lbs. i just cant! this is a fitness site, not a starve yourself site. wrong place for that. sorry, thats me0
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You took the words right out of my mouth!!!0
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Well put!0
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I only send and accept requests from girls between the ages of 18-24. And they better be RIPPED! Sorry but no oldies and no fatties allowed.0
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I completely understand why some people want to limit friends to a like minded group of individuals with similiar interests or goals. I also realize that if your group is getting unmanageable it is difficult to support and stay on top of hundreds of different people. What I think folks find offensive is the need to post the rules required to be allowed as a friend. A person might have enjoyed your post or admired your progress and decide to request you as a friend but it is up to the individual as to whom they choose to accept. If I requested a person to be on my support team and for whatever reason did not get a response back I would assume they are not interested but not take it personally.
I think sometimes since this forum consists of many different people from many different cultures. It also covers a broad range in ages so we don't always communicate as we intend to. I know many people are also from foreign speaking countries and English isn't their first language and as a result might not have the understanding of all the nuances or slang. We should all try to be good stewards for who ever we represent, and to try to remember the golden rule... treating all others the way you would like to be treated.0 -
I deny friend requests. I like to comment on my friend's posts when they finish a good workout or log a good meal. When I have too many friends, the news feed is too clogged up and I miss posts from the people who are good about regularly supporting me.
Sure, I could "ignore" the posts from some people - but that seems like a jerk move as well. I'd rather have a smaller group of people either with similar goals, excellent knowledge, entertaining posts, or potential friends.
You can't please everyone.
^^^ThisPlease remember that we're not all here for the same reason. Yes, we should all be supportive. But some people are here to lose weight, some to get fit, and others to gain weight or handle an eating disorder.
If you had an eating disorder, you might not want to "friend" someone who regularly boasts about eating under 1200 calories a day. Similarly, if you are not planning to eat "clean" you might not want to "friend" someone who keeps suggesting vegetarian options. Some people write to all their friends on a daily basis, so they only want 5-10 friends, who understand their goals.
I don't need 1,000 "friends". I like to know people before I call them friends. You can still send messages to people who aren't friends, you can share information on posts, you can even share your diary with people who aren't friends, if you want.
I'm on another site where someone said everyone should share their picture or they weren't using the site right. And other sites where you'd get chastised if you didn't check in every day. I just saw another post here where someone was scared to share her food diary because of the criticism she saw of others.
If this is to be a supportive site, it's important to accept that not everyone's the same, and some people will chose to use this site differently -- that includes different decisions about who to chose to "friend". And if someone chooses to make that decision clear in advance so that someone's feelings won't be hurt when they don't accept a friendship request, then that's a perfectly reasonable way to use this site.
^^^And this.0 -
HappyCyn, feel free to request ME as a friend (if you need one). I don't expect you to comment on everything I post and I hope you don't expect the same of me. I'm here to cheer you on but I have a life and cannot spend all my time on here commenting on everything everyday.
But seriously, I'm willing to have people as friends who have similar goals or just need the support of someone. :flowerforyou:
Yes! This^!
I can't spend the time on here to review or comment on every diary. I can't even keep up with the posts everyone makes, even so, I want to build my MFP community, so friend me up!0 -
Maybe because they're looking for genuinely supportive quality friends, not quantity.0
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someone removed me because i ate jalapeno poppers for lunch oh well. I just had a craving for them that day not like I do this everyday.0
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What’s with the entitlement issue? My privacy settings are set a certain way and I only want certain people to have access. I suggest that if you encounter a person with whom you have something in common, send them a short note outlining why you want to be friends and request the friendship. They may or may not reciprocate.I find it very strange how people refuse to add more friends or set so many guidelines for them.
"Here's my success story, but please don't request me as your friend"
"I give my friends 110%, and expect the same in return"
"If you eat 1200 calories a day, don't try to friend me"
"If you stop logging for 5 days, I will remove you"
"If you are not eating enough protein you will be removed"
Seriously?.... Like seriously? We are all here for the same reason. We are for the most part experiencing the same struggles, or we would not be here. No method is the right method and that is okay. Maybe you think eating more to lose weight will get you there, or 1200 calories each day. It really does not matter.
I will be your friend. I am here to lose 100 pounds and I will not judge you and I hope you will not judge me. I will not set any guidelines for our friendship or judge you for any relapses. We are in this together.
Btw…you assume that everyone is on here for the same reason. That is not the case.
I think you misunderstood my message. You have the right to keep your profile and food diary private. I by no means feel that people should share something they consider private. I wish you the best of luck with your journey towards becoming healthier, however you define it.0 -
TOTALLY AGREE!! I was just thinking about this today. Personally, I think it's nice just to know you are not alone, and to me that doesn't mean I have to comment on every single thing my friends post or that they have to comment on anything I post. What's wrong with browsing? If that makes me a lurker or a creep, well, whatever. And what's with this "I won't add you if you don't message me saying why you want to add me?" Okay, fine....not adding you because that, to me, is the equivalent of being a ***** in face-to-face interaction. I like people who are open and accepting and I don't really get why people demand reasons to be friends. If somebody ends up creeping you out, you un-friend and ignore them. Simple as that. No need to have a rule book.0
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Until yesterday I was the pal that never denied a friend request no matter what. Then I started noticing girls in my list that aren't eating or are drama queens and supremely judgmental or use foul language. I'm not that kind of person. I take a vested interest in the people on my friends list and it really breaks my heart to see these girls acting so silly on 500 calorie diets. They need more help than I can give and I'm willing to offer because it's emotionally draining and destructive to my progress. As far as the drama and the foul language, it's just a no no for me. It makes me want to smack people via the computer. I'm here for me and I have to do what I have to do to get me right. I want to do that with people that get me and my goals and can help. If being honest with myself and the other people on mfp is a bad thing, then I'll do bad all by myself. I'm not going to allow someone else's garbage to cloud my day and make me rue logging on. Sorry.0
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I do not add people who eat less than 1200 calories per day, unless they are in recovery.
I used to be anorexic, and it is triggering for me.0 -
I deleted a few people from my friends list. The first were a few girls that continually posted pro-ana status' and tips on eating very low amounts. My reason for having friends is for healthy support both ways. I can't get that from friends who post stuff like that. I had another friend who continually messaged me asking for my number and everything other than weightloss. He never logged anything or exercised. I deleted him because he treated MFP more like a twitter account. I'm open to having all kinds of friends, but when your posting unhealthy information and not even serious about weight loss, I'm sorry, but I don't want you as a friend on here!0
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I just don't get the friend thing, honestly.0
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LOL...that's ridiculous! And even if you did eat them everyday...so what? That's your biznasssomeone removed me because i ate jalapeno poppers for lunch oh well. I just had a craving for them that day not like I do this everyday.
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Well said0
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agree!I deny friend requests. I like to comment on my friend's posts when they finish a good workout or log a good meal. When I have too many friends, the news feed is too clogged up and I miss posts from the people who are good about regularly supporting me.
Sure, I could "ignore" the posts from some people - but that seems like a jerk move as well. I'd rather have a smaller group of people either with similar goals, excellent knowledge, entertaining posts, or potential friends.
You can't please everyone.0 -
What’s with the entitlement issue? My privacy settings are set a certain way and I only want certain people to have access. I suggest that if you encounter a person with whom you have something in common, send them a short note outlining why you want to be friends and request the friendship. They may or may not reciprocate.I find it very strange how people refuse to add more friends or set so many guidelines for them.
"Here's my success story, but please don't request me as your friend"
"I give my friends 110%, and expect the same in return"
"If you eat 1200 calories a day, don't try to friend me"
"If you stop logging for 5 days, I will remove you"
"If you are not eating enough protein you will be removed"
Seriously?.... Like seriously? We are all here for the same reason. We are for the most part experiencing the same struggles, or we would not be here. No method is the right method and that is okay. Maybe you think eating more to lose weight will get you there, or 1200 calories each day. It really does not matter.
I will be your friend. I am here to lose 100 pounds and I will not judge you and I hope you will not judge me. I will not set any guidelines for our friendship or judge you for any relapses. We are in this together.
Btw…you assume that everyone is on here for the same reason. That is not the case.
EXACTLY !!! In other words, just because someone "Knocks" on My door, does NOT mean that I open it for them.0 -
someone removed me because i ate jalapeno poppers for lunch oh well. I just had a craving for them that day not like I do this everyday.
:laugh:0 -
I do 'purge' my FL and often deny. It's my choice. To each their own I say.0
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LOL...that's ridiculous! And even if you did eat them everyday...so what? That's your biznasssomeone removed me because i ate jalapeno poppers for lunch oh well. I just had a craving for them that day not like I do this everyday.
Not if it's coming up on someone else's newsfeed. And then that same popper eater is going to post every last detail of the remorse that followed. She will then not log in for a month while she "recovers her center", usually a time when you need support. Who has the time or the patience. It's one thing on a thread you can leave but letting a stranger into your private information, and that is what you are doing, is a concern and it will affect you for better or worse. Everybody here is not what they say they are and you don't know what they want. I suggest you choose your friends carefully and not just let everybody bounce off you.0
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