Don't Request Me
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ill pretty much add anyone but if they have glaring eating disorders then they will get deleted because i cant support that lifestyle and its not healthy for me to see it either. or people who i cant respect because they do silly things like count work as working out LOL. sorry, no. just no. i cant sit by and not say something so i'd rather take myself out of the equation so there isnt a conflict and i dont step on any toes.0
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@ Laney 540
Your success is admirable. Once again this is your disposition and you should be commended for it. As i stated earlier, i have less than 20 friends in about 2 years of being on mfp. I love this group of people even though i havent met them in real life. We cheer each other on and in many ways feel connected and have touched each others lives positively. The same way you can inspire 200 people or more, is also the same way i think i can inspire a smaller number. The quality of the inspiration is not determined by the size of the audience. You have done a great job and are able to share that with alot of people, once again, let people be themselves. The way you are comfortable being that role model for people, might be unwanted pressure for someone else. We are all different
I really dont think we all need to do things the same way at all. That is what makes life interesting.
@ happilycyn. I understand where you are coming from and you do have a friendly attitude and a funny sense of humor (the "i collect stamp comment was hilarious"). Keep up the good work and hope you meet your goals.0 -
thats great and all, but everyone has their reasons. why do you have you best friends in real life, because you are like minded. there are reasons for everything, and like you said 'similar goals'. my goal is to eat more, hence i wont add people who dont eat enough. its triggering to the relapse of an eating disorder. i dont add people who dont log in regularly, and why would i. they dont offer the support that i want *and need*. i got very upset reading the thread about not adding males as friends, because i feel like everone should have a chance to offer their support. but i wount start a thread about how its not fair to think that way because everyone has a personal opinion. i have a few close friends on here, and ive had them for over two years. add them on facebook and text with them too. just like real friends, and thats what im looking for. if other people add me i *usually* wont deny them and see how it goes. if i look at their profile and their view are much different then mine i wouldnt. lately ive only added people that i see posting on other things who have intrests that arnt fitness related. like a favorite tv show, book, activities etc. just like i wouldnt hang out with people who upset me. point being, its a personal choice and what you say wont change anyones mind.0
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If I saw that I wouldn't request them. Let 'em think they have it all figured out. I'm here to help ppl from my own experience and to keep a food diary for the first time in my life to see where i can improve...they sound like "fitness snobs" and who needs them? I know what I'm doing. I lost 70lbs in the late 80s and kept it off! So I wouldn't want someone removing me b/c my computer crashed and I couldn't log in for 5 days. Forget them! There are plenty of ppl on here who want the support and accountability.
very well said and i totally agree. and by the way congrats on losing the 70 POUNDS AND KEEPING IT OFF!!0 -
I actually just put not 2 send me a request w/o a msg. I mean, if I haven't talked to u, then idk if I wanna add. I have quite a bit a friends & I like to support them all. It gets hard when U start gettin a lot of friends.
I delete people who regularly eat under 1200, because I dont wanna deal with tht. I can't support ppl like that, because I don't believe it in. I delete people if they haven't logged in in forever (not 5 days). Also I will delete people if they don't support me. What is the point in being on my list if you never say anything to me?
I understand people like this and that is their right to do so.0 -
I have 3 friends on MFP and they are all people I know in the real world. I just don't have the time or inclination to nurture internet relationships. I get all the online social interaction I need just reading and responding to forum topics. It's not that I don't love every single one of you, I just don't have the energy to deal with your dramas.
Everyone's personality is different I guess. :flowerforyou: 0 -
thats great and all, but everyone has their reasons. why do you have you best friends in real life, because you are like minded. there are reasons for everything, and like you said 'similar goals'. my goal is to eat more, hence i wont add people who dont eat enough. its triggering to the relapse of an eating disorder. i dont add people who dont log in regularly, and why would i. they dont offer the support that i want *and need*. i got very upset reading the thread about not adding males as friends, because i feel like everone should have a chance to offer their support. but i wount start a thread about how its not fair to think that way because everyone has a personal opinion. i have a few close friends on here, and ive had them for over two years. add them on facebook and text with them too. just like real friends, and thats what im looking for. if other people add me i *usually* wont deny them and see how it goes. if i look at their profile and their view are much different then mine i wouldnt. lately ive only added people that i see posting on other things who have intrests that arnt fitness related. like a favorite tv show, book, activities etc. just like i wouldnt hang out with people who upset me. point being, its a personal choice and what you say wont change anyones mind.
I won't start a new thread to share that I agree with your statement about not adding male friends. Men need support too.0 -
I deny friend requests. I like to comment on my friend's posts when they finish a good workout or log a good meal. When I have too many friends, the news feed is too clogged up and I miss posts from the people who are good about regularly supporting me.
Sure, I could "ignore" the posts from some people - but that seems like a jerk move as well. I'd rather have a smaller group of people either with similar goals, excellent knowledge, entertaining posts, or potential friends.
You can't please everyone.
I couldn't have said it better myself. I like to get to know my fitness pals personally, I couldn't imaging having 500 real friends, the same applies for cyber space. I'm looking for quality not quantity. It's really hard to keep up with everyone and I want to give everyone as much feedback & motivation as possible. I like a small circle of friends with similar goals, this keeps me motivated and helps me work harder.
I guess two each their own, and like he said ^ we can't please everyone!
I have helped so many people in so many ways on MFP ... I just can't imagine saying " no " to somebody who sends me a request saying " You inspire me and I would love to be your friend so I can learn from your experiences " .... Yes, I get this often and why in the world would I ever decline helping somebody reach there goals ????
Sometimes just reading my page, my posts or diary ... is enough for some people. I want to reach out and touch as many lives as I can in a positive way. I know it's not for everybody, I get the close knit group feeling ... but the way I see it ... I have both ! I have friends I interact with daily and we support each other equally ... but I also have a group of people whom look to me for inspiration, knowledge and ideas ...
And I'm ok with that too !
I don't ever want to be the one who " could " have saved a life ... but thought I already had too many friends ...
:flowerforyou:
Wow 135lbs, you are better than AWESOME! Your situation is definitively different from mine, your an inspiration to so many people and I applaud you for sharing your success and friendship! I have 100 friends and that's a lot. I never say no directly to anyone but I am very particular about not accepting men. They have to be married and serious about losing weight, and I'm still iffy. I have about 5 male friends out of 100. These online community tend to turn into a dating site and I don't want any problems with my hubby.
I honestly have a special bond with so many of my fitness pals and I simply just don't want a cluttered feed. I like my circle of friends better than my facebook friends and lots of them are HS friends and family.
Thanks for your feedback and congrats on such a huge success! :flowerforyou:0 -
thats great and all, but everyone has their reasons. why do you have you best friends in real life, because you are like minded. there are reasons for everything, and like you said 'similar goals'. my goal is to eat more, hence i wont add people who dont eat enough. its triggering to the relapse of an eating disorder. i dont add people who dont log in regularly, and why would i. they dont offer the support that i want *and need*. i got very upset reading the thread about not adding males as friends, because i feel like everone should have a chance to offer their support. but i wount start a thread about how its not fair to think that way because everyone has a personal opinion. i have a few close friends on here, and ive had them for over two years. add them on facebook and text with them too. just like real friends, and thats what im looking for. if other people add me i *usually* wont deny them and see how it goes. if i look at their profile and their view are much different then mine i wouldnt. lately ive only added people that i see posting on other things who have intrests that arnt fitness related. like a favorite tv show, book, activities etc. just like i wouldnt hang out with people who upset me. point being, its a personal choice and what you say wont change anyones mind.
I won't start a new thread to share that I agree with your statement about not adding male friends. Men need support too.
Let me tell my husband, men need support too! He'll look at me like :huh:0 -
I would delete you if you ate jalapeno poppers & didn't share them with me. Seriously though, it's a tad extreme to be judgmental of what people eat. I guess I'd consider axing someone who ate like crap AND complained about feeling like crap & not losing weight AND I had tried to offer some constructive criticism said person repeatedly ignored. But that's kind of different.someone removed me because i ate jalapeno poppers for lunch oh well. I just had a craving for them that day not like I do this everyday.
After my dinner tonight, I may be losing quite a few friends.
I had pomegranate martinis & bar food for dinner. Definitely not one to judge. :glasses:0 -
thats great and all, but everyone has their reasons. why do you have you best friends in real life, because you are like minded. there are reasons for everything, and like you said 'similar goals'. my goal is to eat more, hence i wont add people who dont eat enough. its triggering to the relapse of an eating disorder. i dont add people who dont log in regularly, and why would i. they dont offer the support that i want *and need*. i got very upset reading the thread about not adding males as friends, because i feel like everone should have a chance to offer their support. but i wount start a thread about how its not fair to think that way because everyone has a personal opinion. i have a few close friends on here, and ive had them for over two years. add them on facebook and text with them too. just like real friends, and thats what im looking for. if other people add me i *usually* wont deny them and see how it goes. if i look at their profile and their view are much different then mine i wouldnt. lately ive only added people that i see posting on other things who have intrests that arnt fitness related. like a favorite tv show, book, activities etc. just like i wouldnt hang out with people who upset me. point being, its a personal choice and what you say wont change anyones mind.
I won't start a new thread to share that I agree with your statement about not adding male friends. Men need support too.
Let me tell my husband, men need support too! He'll look at me like :huh:
Lmao... I can only imagine. I haven't dated in so long I forgot what it is like. Listen to your man. I don't blame you.0 -
I would delete you if you ate jalapeno poppers & didn't share them with me. Seriously though, it's a tad extreme to be judgmental of what people eat. I guess I'd consider axing someone who ate like crap AND complained about feeling like crap & not losing weight AND I had tried to offer some constructive criticism said person repeatedly ignored. But that's kind of different.someone removed me because i ate jalapeno poppers for lunch oh well. I just had a craving for them that day not like I do this everyday.
After my dinner tonight, I may be losing quite a few friends.
I had pomegranate martinis & bar food for dinner. Definitely not one to judge. :glasses:
I am so defriending you!0 -
haha story of my life, i got deleted by so many friends because at one point i lost my motivation and couldn't log in for a couple of weeks...0
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well said
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I agree! I've had some delete me too. Tried to add them back and they wouldn't do it! I am always looking for new friends and support! Anyone can add me if they wish! I was addicted to Facebook and I deleted that on memorial day. This has become my Facebook! I love ALL people! None of us are perfect and we all need help in some way or another! I have a friend who could use a lot of support and friends as well! Feel free to add me and her! Her name is Ca6980. 0
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~ I have over 800+ friends ... why ? Because either I inspired them or they inspired me in one way or another. People often ask me ... " how do you keep track of all of those people ... how can you support that many people ? " ... My response is simple ... I am not here to track anybody ... I am here for myself ... as I continue on my journey, I tell my story ... I post positive quotes daily for myself that others find useful along their own journey.
I came here to reach my own goals and perhaps inspire a few others with my ambition and determination. I respond to whomever is in my feed when I log on ... that differs every day. I get tons of " PM's " and I answer every one of them.
Not everybody on here needs to be " chatted " up daily ... some just want to cruise the forums, gain knowledge and test new theories ... not everybody has to be in the limelight ... sure, it's nice to have friends who follow everything you do ... but then again, it's nice to make a mistake here or there and not have people threaten to unfriend you because of it !
I never judge anybody ... rarely decline a request ( only decline creeps not here for the right reasons ) .... and if a new friend wants to lurk in the shadows and just sit in the bleachers ... so be it !
I never understood why people on here call it " collecting " ... the way I see it ... the more supporters, the merrier ! At this point, I am not only letting myself down when I think I can't do something ... heck I'm letting 800+ friends down too ! And trust me ... they ain't happening !
Soooooo truth be told ... I need each and every one of my friends in one way or another ... I may even need them more than they need me !
If you want to judge, decline or give title's to people .... Facebook has new openings every day ! Let the people who have the same mindset and goals as me ... join me in a lifetime of healthy living and getting fit !
Cheers ! Ok .... rant over ... Carry on ! :drinker:
Well Said!!:flowerforyou:0 -
Amen!!0
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sorry, but im in the other boat,
I've just recently started denying friend requests (especially those with no message.. how the hell did you find me??)
mainly cause im not on really much anymore, and when i am, i do it to support my friends. I don't like lurkers.. whats the point of having friends if they just read your news feed, but dont look at your diary and give you suggestions?, and sometimes it just gets too many to keep supporting them all. however if there is a specific reason , if thy ywant info from a post i have written, i will gladly answer all thier questions and add them as a freind.
just my0.2
DITTO! I've only started to feel this way recently-people have been adding me left and right, with NO message. Every single FR I've ever and will ever send I will always state why and that it's cool if you deny. I can guarantee 99.99% of my friends prior to this week when I put on my profile requesting a message never sent a thing. I find it utterly disrespectful, rude and creepy that someone wants to be friends and not say anything. I can honestly say I have a handful of people who consistently msg/comment and I'm getting more and more bothered by howmany "lurkers" I have. It's creepy and yeah. I don't like not getting the same amount of support I give. It's disappointing.
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I have to somewhat agree with the OP. It's not like in real life when you meet someone you say, "Excuse me, we can only be friends if you talk to me at least 3 times a week, you don't talk to Amber because she's a beyotch, and you love sushi." Hopefully in real life people take the time to get to know a person before they decide if they want to be friends or not.
I guess that's kind of my philsophy about accepting friend request on MFP... might as well give it a try and if we don't click or they don't meet my secret criteria then I can always unfriend them.
But then again, I somewhat see the point of the people who post those criteria. Especially if they have been on MFP for a long time or have become popular or well known. I'm sure it's hard to keep up with a ton of friends and it might be easier to weed people out in the beginning.
I guess in the end I try to only send friend request to people who are asking for friends or to people who I send a message to first.
And if anyone wants to be my friend, feel free and add me. :flowerforyou:0 -
[ earlier comments omitted ]
I had pomegranate martinis & bar food for dinner. Definitely not one to judge. :glasses:
Pomegranate... that's fruit. Bars... wood, lots 'o fiber. Sounds like a good selection to me! 0 -
sorry, but im in the other boat,
I've just recently started denying friend requests (especially those with no message.. how the hell did you find me??)
mainly cause im not on really much anymore, and when i am, i do it to support my friends. I don't like lurkers.. whats the point of having friends if they just read your news feed, but dont look at your diary and give you suggestions?, and sometimes it just gets too many to keep supporting them all. however if there is a specific reason , if thy ywant info from a post i have written, i will gladly answer all thier questions and add them as a freind.
just my0.2
DITTO! I've only started to feel this way recently-people have been adding me left and right, with NO message. Every single FR I've ever and will ever send I will always state why and that it's cool if you deny. I can guarantee 99.99% of my friends prior to this week when I put on my profile requesting a message never sent a thing. I find it utterly disrespectful, rude and creepy that someone wants to be friends and not say anything. I can honestly say I have a handful of people who consistently msg/comment and I'm getting more and more bothered by howmany "lurkers" I have. It's creepy and yeah. I don't like not getting the same amount of support I give. It's disappointing.
Left and right! That's just insane. No message... that is so creepy. MFP is note safe. Hide your kids... hide your wives.0 -
Love it!0
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All those guidelines people post on their profiles are kind of ridiculous. If someone sends you a friend request with no message, just press ignore. And just delete someone if their habits bother you! No need to make yourself look like a tight *kitten*.0
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!0
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sorry, but im in the other boat,
I've just recently started denying friend requests (especially those with no message.. how the hell did you find me??)
mainly cause im not on really much anymore, and when i am, i do it to support my friends. I don't like lurkers.. whats the point of having friends if they just read your news feed, but dont look at your diary and give you suggestions?, and sometimes it just gets too many to keep supporting them all. however if there is a specific reason , if thy ywant info from a post i have written, i will gladly answer all thier questions and add them as a freind.
just my0.2
DITTO! I've only started to feel this way recently-people have been adding me left and right, with NO message. Every single FR I've ever and will ever send I will always state why and that it's cool if you deny. I can guarantee 99.99% of my friends prior to this week when I put on my profile requesting a message never sent a thing. I find it utterly disrespectful, rude and creepy that someone wants to be friends and not say anything. I can honestly say I have a handful of people who consistently msg/comment and I'm getting more and more bothered by howmany "lurkers" I have. It's creepy and yeah. I don't like not getting the same amount of support I give. It's disappointing.
Left and right! That's just insane. No message... that is so creepy. MFP is note safe. Hide your kids... hide your wives.
The point is - are you seriously THAT lazy that you can't write a f**king note to say "why"? I think it's rude. Don't get me wrong I love my friends that are encouraging, but there are some people that I know for a fact that I have commented on and have never commented on my page. I think that is in distaste.0 -
I couldn't agree with you more, each to their own I guess but what's the harm in having quieter friends on here as well as the ones you chat & interact with regularly, the more the merrier I say & all are welcome to add me) 0
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sorry, but im in the other boat,
I've just recently started denying friend requests (especially those with no message.. how the hell did you find me??)
mainly cause im not on really much anymore, and when i am, i do it to support my friends. I don't like lurkers.. whats the point of having friends if they just read your news feed, but dont look at your diary and give you suggestions?, and sometimes it just gets too many to keep supporting them all. however if there is a specific reason , if thy ywant info from a post i have written, i will gladly answer all thier questions and add them as a freind.
just my0.2
DITTO! I've only started to feel this way recently-people have been adding me left and right, with NO message. Every single FR I've ever and will ever send I will always state why and that it's cool if you deny. I can guarantee 99.99% of my friends prior to this week when I put on my profile requesting a message never sent a thing. I find it utterly disrespectful, rude and creepy that someone wants to be friends and not say anything. I can honestly say I have a handful of people who consistently msg/comment and I'm getting more and more bothered by howmany "lurkers" I have. It's creepy and yeah. I don't like not getting the same amount of support I give. It's disappointing.
Left and right! That's just insane. No message... that is so creepy. MFP is note safe. Hide your kids... hide your wives.
The point is - are you seriously THAT lazy that you can't write a f**king note to say "why"? I think it's rude. Don't get me wrong I love my friends that are encouraging, but there are some people that I know for a fact that I have commented on and have never commented on my page. I think that is in distaste.
Just quote your above message on your page and I guarantee you won't have the same issue... problem solved. It's all in the delivery. Great choice of verbiage.0 -
All those guidelines people post on their profiles are kind of ridiculous. If someone sends you a friend request with no message, just press ignore. And just delete someone if their habits bother you! No need to make yourself look like a tight *kitten*.
Isn't better for someone to know and add a quick note than just be ignored out of hand. Are they supposed to be psychic and magically know you want a message. Please use logic.0 -
I agree all the way! That's the only thing I don't like about this site. That and when people are rude for no reason, or talk down to people.0
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I find it very strange how people refuse to add more friends or set so many guidelines for them.
"Here's my success story, but please don't request me as your friend"
"I give my friends 110%, and expect the same in return"
"If you eat 1200 calories a day, don't try to friend me"
"If you stop logging for 5 days, I will remove you"
"If you are not eating enough protein you will be removed"
Seriously?.... Like seriously? We are all here for the same reason. We are for the most part experiencing the same struggles, or we would not be here. No method is the right method and that is okay. Maybe you think eating more to lose weight will get you there, or 1200 calories each day. It really does not matter.
I will be your friend. I am here to lose 100 pounds and I will not judge you and I hope you will not judge me. I will not set any guidelines for our friendship or judge you for any relapses. We are in this together.
You are entitled to your opinion, however in doing so it feels as though you ARE judging those people that are selective about their MFP friend choices. In life most people would not befriend every single person they come into contact with. We unconsciously select our friends through the places we frequent for leisure, the clothes we wear, where we live, where we shop and so on. We usually select people that have similar interests or outlook to our own, people who match our current or future aspirations, people who do things in a similar way to ourselves, or do things in a way we can learn from. Generally people do not deliberately enter into relationships that would be detrimental to their well-being or their goals. Do you accept every single invitation out for a drink from everybody who asks you? I think not (well I hope not anyway, ).
Being on MFP is just another facet of life. In life we have friends that are with us for a short period of time, medium term and those that are with us for the long haul. I see nothing wrong with being selective, and periodically deleting MFP friendships that have fallen by the wayside. Rather like in real life, you would stop calling people, or drift apart as friends. Irrespective of whether you have the same goals or the same struggles - it is how a person approaches those things in life that matter to us as individuals. You can give your support of course, but that does not always work - then it becomes detrimental to you and draining. As charming as your "Polyanna" approach is, it is important to be realistic and honest about the GOOD and the "BAD" aspects of our own human nature.0
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