Judging other people's diaries

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  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
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    Hmm... I agree with you for the most part. BUT, when I see a friend with some unhealthier choices in their diary, I'll typically check in with them (message or comment depending on who they are) asking about their choice. Was there some stressful event that led them to having a latte and a muffin at lunch? Did they go out with friends for fast food at dinner? I guess I think of it as being supportive because while I am technically judging their choice, I'm not attaching a negative connotation to it. Just opening the line of communication, or trying to. I want them to know that I actually look at their diary, I care what they eat, what they're putting in their body, and I support their decision to change their habits and eat healthier food.

    I'm curious--how do people usually react to that? To be honest, that wouldn't open communication for me, that would lead to me not wanting to log publicly how I really did. If I want to discuss my reasons for eating a certain meal, I post it.

    (And a latte and a muffin isn't a terrible lunch to have. In fact, now I want a latte and a muffin. And I can't eat muffins. :sad: )
  • sharlowbrla
    sharlowbrla Posts: 54
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    For many of us, eating has been a life long addiction. Whether it's emotional eating, stress eating, insecurity eating, etc. we became overweight for a reason. I think that each person has a way that they are motivated. I have to keep a very rigid path. Keeping my diary open and logging EVERYTHING I put in my mouth daily helps ME to keep MYSELF accountable. I like looking at other diarys to get food ideas and see what the successful losers are eating.
    Personally, at 55 yrs old, silly as it may seem to others, I love seeing a "way to go, well done, high 5" etc. on my entry. They took the time to do it. I love a pat on the back. But at the same, as a career dieter, I know what I did wrong. They are just tryng to be encouraging.
    I see people on here that have lost hundreds of pounds so i know MFP works. I also see right away the ones that are going to fail because I have been there. It's like any program. You have the most success when you do ALL the components.
    Bottom line, do what works for you. We are all here for the same reason. To lose weight. I am not going to get offended because I truly believe that any comments, pro's and con's are to help me.
    Curious, how do you feel about someone messaging you when you havent logged in for a few days? Do you find that offensive as well? I need all the support i can get. Thank you to all that have encouraged me. It's a long road for me and so far MFP has been great!
  • Josie_lifting_cats
    Josie_lifting_cats Posts: 949 Member
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    I would not keep a friend around that did that more than once.

    I am basically at or close to my goal weight, and I'm not willing to change my diet completely. I love wine. I love potatoes. (Oh do I love potatoes.... especially fried potato objects of any sort), I eat Taco Bell once a week. I love Fun Dip. I'm NEVER going to cut out any specific food. I have no desire to. I love my food. That's how I ended up here in the first place. It was not an easy journey, but I discovered that eating less of what I love is a lot more fun than eating nothing that I love.
  • L00py_T0ucan
    L00py_T0ucan Posts: 1,378 Member
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    And because I'm so scared of people judging, I've been trying to put off eating even when I'm hungry.

    ^ Oh no, I'm really sad to hear this. :embarassed:

    I think the reason some people give very specific comments is that other people complain about all the 'Way to Gos' and feel like people have not looked at their diaries carefully.

    I am a self-professed food creeper. I love food, and I am nosy by nature, so I look at people's diaries for ideas, etc.
    But I am also the first to point out that I am not one of the success stories here; I don't know what other people should or should not be eating, so I try not to make judgements.

    That said, if someone told me to stop the useless, idiotic comments (mine tend to be very generic, safely non-judgemental: mmm...beeeer.) or to be more critical, I would try to provide the kind of criticism or commentary they are asking for.
    My point is that they would need to tell me what ruler I am measuring their performance against though - everyone has different goals and restrictions, etc.

    Good luck w/ everything! Don't ever let the judgey mc judgersons prevent you from eating! :flowerforyou:
  • melisabee
    melisabee Posts: 19
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    I keep my diary private, it was private when I started and I didn't even know you could make them open, until I noticed one day that it said "view diary" next to someone's ending day post. I really don't think it's anyone's business what I eat and it is not my business what they eat. I enjoy the feedback that my friends and I give each other, it is all encouragement, as it should be.
  • ScatteredThoughts
    ScatteredThoughts Posts: 3,562 Member
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    I don't see anything wrong with some healthy and constructive criticism of my food diary from my friends. Part of being supportive is the occasional nudge to help us keep each other on the right track. There may be things that I don't agree with, but I try to at least give those thoughts consideration.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
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    So what kind of friends do you people have in real life? If you can't expect your "friend" to tell you when you are heading off a cliff...Who will tell you? If you don't like criticism or verbal encouragement...then unfriend the offending culprits and go find someone who is less serious about this whole weight loss thing. I think that to have a friend...you have to be a friend too! PS....I would run like hell away from the folks on this forum who have tons of "friends" who have stopped logging in for weeks!

    Don't you think most of us know that diet soda, potato chips or cupcakes aren't *healthy* foods?!

    I don't always log my food, but I turned off the "has completed her diary" status update because I don't need praise nor condemnation on what I eat. I know if I ate healthy or not so healthy. I know if I hit my macros. I know when my sodium is through the roof, and I'm going to know it even more the next day when I retain two or three pounds of fluid... I don't need someone telling me my sodium was high.

    If I specifically ASKED for suggestions, then, sure... go right ahead and tell me what's wrong with my food. For now, I'm pleased with my results and if someone wants to see how I ate and exercised to achieve those results, they cant take a peep at my diary. (But there will be a lot of blank days lately.)
  • jenniferadouglas
    jenniferadouglas Posts: 8 Member
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    I PURPOSELY have bad days... I would go crazy without them! I eat healthy the majority of the time just so I can have Five Guys (and Smashburger!!)... with the bun.. and the french fries! Yummmmy. :)
  • TRISTAR
    TRISTAR Posts: 105 Member
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    I agree strongly with this post. If people need constructive crtiticism, or guidance, they will ask for it (or look at other posts for help). I had to ask for help today. I can't speak for everyone, but there are probably alot of people on here, who have really had to pluck up the courage to open themselves up on here in the first place, so knocking people down, could be detramental to their overall sucess and confidence.
  • KristyStuebe
    KristyStuebe Posts: 42 Member
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    I like to use others diaries and my share my own for different food ideas and eating ideas. But never to judge
  • kayemme
    kayemme Posts: 1,782 Member
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    yeah but if it were that easy for everyone to have that easy breezy relationship with food and judgments regarding eating, then many of us on here looking to lose weight wouldnt be obese or overweight in the first place, right?

    many of us former binge eater and overeaters are still works in progress and probably will be for the rest of our lives. leaving a negative comment about something the logger might already feel guilt about eating just comes off as shaming and not very supportive.. at least it's not the type of support I need or appreciate

    i'm not really suggesting that it's easy, but it is very simple. these feelings are only mirrors of our own self-worth, so when we seek to destroy our own negative feelings about ourselves, everything becomes much easier in the end.

    i'm not saying that i never feel "bashed" or anything like that; it's all a practice, but when i feel like "hey, that person's judging me" then i look inward and say, why do i feel like that person's judging me? what am i projecting? or at least i try.
  • Isaanne
    Isaanne Posts: 41 Member
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    I have my diary open to others to see. I also get a lot out of seeing other folks. I comment all the time but always a positive comment. I can always find something positive to say. If they ate something that was not going to help them reach their goals I just say - "great logging!" If they have different goals than I do, I will comment on something that was healthy or generally give them a positive reinforcement for doing what they believe will help them toward their goals. That is what we are here to do! We get all kinds of negative everything from the real world.

    If people want to explore other ways of eating they can bring it to the forums.

    In the end tho - I like to have my diary available for others to look at and set an example for others to open up theirs if they want to - but I do NOT judge. I like to get ideas. If they do not have theirs open that is fine too. I can see my friends posts that they are either reaching their goals or not but they are here! Sharing their progress, feelings and actions towards their goals. :smile:
  • Nancy_AZ60
    Nancy_AZ60 Posts: 99 Member
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    I journal all my food for 'me', to be heathier, to be aware of what I need to work on etc. I like looking at others for idea's and inspiration. Sometimes when i have a day where things did not go as planned I think about not logging it.. But then I do, I need to be honest with myself. I share mine, I need advice sometimes.
  • sculley
    sculley Posts: 2,012 Member
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    Honestly if i had a friend comment on my diary like that they wouldn't be my friend anymore. We are all allowed a cheat meal once in awhile
  • NBabi91
    NBabi91 Posts: 270 Member
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    I judge cause I want people to judge me. I am on here not just to be told I did great when I didn't. I want help not to be told im awesome when I'm not. But that's just me I guess
  • chivalryder
    chivalryder Posts: 4,391 Member
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    I've only really judged one person's diary before, but that was simply because she supposedly only ate one meal at Taco Bell all day. This happened more than once.

    I'm sorry, but if you eat like that, you're life expectancy is going to drop dramatically. Either that, or she was cheating herself by not listing all the other foods she ate.
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
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    funny...the "bad" stuff on my diary is what excites my friends (and myself, to be honest). Bacon. Wine. Ice cream.

    I just manage to fit it within my macros. My diary may not be perfect, but it's fun.
  • MizSaz
    MizSaz Posts: 445 Member
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    Well, when someone says "I'm not losing weight, what am I doing wrong", and I look at their diary and see McDonald's and KFC and ice cream all over the place, I don't feel out of line suggesting that maybe some changes would help. However, unsolicited advice and opinions are never ok.
  • jyuubi
    jyuubi Posts: 109
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    It's awful people can be like that. I have read online constantly that you need to have the PERFECT diet and PERFECT eating habits to even lose a pound, but I've been told you don't need to cut everything out of your diet, you just need to think smarter. If you're going to eat unhealthy, plan out your day, see if you can work it in without going overboard. I'm going to have a sandwich from McDonald's for lunch, and I've made sure that my day can handle it. If you cut everything out when you're first starting out, you're going to fail. That's why I failed. People have pressured me into cutting everything, immediately change everything I eat. You have to do what works for you, even if you add a little something people wouldn't approve of every once in a while.
  • Swissmiss
    Swissmiss Posts: 8,754 Member
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    I will only comment on my friends. And, if there is something that is not that healthy, I will PM them. I don't think that this sort of advice should be public.

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