Respecting men
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Can you love someone you don't respect?
Totally and utterly NO!
Eh. I've been attracted to this one person for a while now even though they did things that made my respect for them plummet like a rock (excessive use of illegal drugs, hooking up randomly, etc). Taking a step back, I realize that I have little respect for this person, however for one reason or another I still have a soft spot for them...although in order to have a healthy, long-lasting relationship a lot of mutual respect is essential. Not to stray from OP's question or anything...0 -
Us women are all about "me, me, me"... "I'm strooooong. I don't need no man", but DO, DO, DO for me. Eff that. If a man is kind enough to do something nice for you, drop to your knees and thank him :smokin:.... girls want to feel respected, but we never do anything to make the man feel the same. Quit *****ing about what you don't have and appreciate what you do have. Give them their space, do something nice for them, pay for dinner for ONCE, and pull over and surprise him with dessert on the way home from dinner.
A happy boyfriend makes for a very happy girlfriend, and vice versa.
Lol. This except he has to do his time with his kness in the dirt as well.
:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:0 -
Speaking for myself. Being appreciated is your spouse or partner knowing you are a good man.
If he takes care of things in the home like minor plmbing problems, electrical fix its, painting, gardening, and helps with the grocery shoping, laundry and vacuuming. Niether partner should get saddled with all the domestic chores especially if you both work.
If you have children," I don't," I would make one day a week "MOM" day and keep the little people out of her hair. Just because a women brings them into the world doesn't mean she wants to be aroud them 24/7 365.
When we appreciae somebody don't you want to do things you know make them happy? That makes men feel apprecieated as well as vocalizing the appreciation.
Respect and appreciation are very closely related. Respect is one of the key components to any relationship.
If you don't have love, respect and friendship, you are going to have a difficult time making any relationship work. If you think your relationship is all about you, good luck with that. Sort of eliminates the give and take a relationship needs for survival.
Of course then there is the old adage that "if you don't respect yourself then nobody else will".
So, we can wax on and on about this topic but gotta stop someplace.
Good luck to all on reaching all your goals in life.
You are a wise, and wonderful man. Your family is very lucky. Keep on being you!0 -
I would have thought what they mean by men preferring to be respected is.....by acknowledging their feelings, thoughts, interests etc. Just the same as us women like to be respected with our views / opinions, independence, trust, feelings, how we interact with men, common interests, doing simple, little things for them without being asked such as a hug or smile or making them laugh.
To some extent, yes. But remember that (most) of us guys are far less emotionally driven than (most) women. So I'd first have to say not to try and treat us like you would one of your girl friends.
To feel manly, and in control of his own life, a guy oftentimes needs to do his own thing, without having to get approval from a woman. Think about this & you might start realizing what the study was hitting on. I know so many men that have to constantly get "permission" to go eat w/ friends, spend a few dollars on something for themselves, etc., etc.--to the extent that any single guy friends they have stop inviting them out because they can't just DO something without asking permission for fear of sleeping on the couch.
Understand that men need their "cave" time. It's how *we* work out emotional / personal issues *that we'd rather not share* without exploding. A man starts to feel controlled, smothered, and claustrophobic when his whole life tends to be one big mission to keep his woman "entertained" for fear of her leaving him. It gets to be a lot of work, and there is where the "underappreciated" stuff starts.
Another part of this was hit on by someone else. Don't ask us our opinion if you are just going to automatically disagree. Don't ask us to choose where to eat if you're immediately going to say "eww, not there!" If you are just fishing for suggestions, ask for ideas. If you ask us to pick, we'll pick, because if we don't then we're considered "indecisive" which somehow translates to "lack of confidence" in a woman's eyes. And that is the kiss of death.
And finally, quit trying to change your man into something he's not. That is the ultimate booby-prize (and happens all too often)--you picked him, then you want to turn him into someone else. Persistent attempts to train your man like you would a dog is why men stereotype women as "constantly nagging."0 -
Trust his judgement - sometimes even if you know he's wrong.
So.... being deceitful and disingenuous is the foundation for a good relationship?
I feel quite confident that no man I've ever had a relationship with wanted to be patronised in this way.
It's not about patronizing him, it's more about not arguing with him, submitting and letting him find out on his own he wasn't right. We don't always have to point our fingers and say "I told you so, you were wrong." or argue something to death. And when he realizes he was wrong, don't gloat. That was what I meant.
Yeah, that's kind of patronising...
Basically you're saying 'I know I know better, but bless him, I'm going to leave him to work out that I'm right'...
I'd be enraged if I found out my partner thought like this. It's the opposite of respect. You might as well go the whole hog, and pat the little boy on his head too.0 -
Trust his judgement - sometimes even if you know he's wrong.
So.... being deceitful and disingenuous is the foundation for a good relationship?
I feel quite confident that no man I've ever had a relationship with wanted to be patronised in this way.
It's not about patronizing him, it's more about not arguing with him, submitting and letting him find out on his own he wasn't right. We don't always have to point our fingers and say "I told you so, you were wrong." or argue something to death. And when he realizes he was wrong, don't gloat. That was what I meant.
I think it depends. On many things, we hash things out, and the compromise turns out better than if either of us had the single word. I choose my battles, but on things which matter equally to both of us (home renovations, for example), sometimes the temporary discord leads to happier longterm outcomes.0 -
Can you love someone you don't respect?
Yes, but it isn't a healthy love. It's similar to a parent's love for a child in the sense that you might not respect them, but see them almost like something to take care of. The dynamic is unhealthy in that, while you may not respect them, you need to be needed or think you can make them respectable. This also depends on how you define love.0 -
Trust his judgement - sometimes even if you know he's wrong.
So.... being deceitful and disingenuous is the foundation for a good relationship?
I feel quite confident that no man I've ever had a relationship with wanted to be patronised in this way.
Again, different angles of approach.
Allowing a person the space they need to walk their own path and learn the way they need to isn't patronizing. It's trust and confidence in where their heart lies.
A 50/50 share of things is more akin to what you're speaking of. Men and women are equal in a relationship. I don't believe that one is anymore worthy or important that the other but it's never 50/50 around here. 90\10, 20\80, his role and mine...whatever the day calls for.
There's something to be said for getting out of the way and allowing another person to find out what they don't know. I appreciate when that's been done for me.0 -
'um, I think of respect and admiration as two totally different things, and that you should also treat your loved ones with respect (as much as possible anyway), but you don't always have to admire them.0
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I must be one of the 25%I read some research yesterday that said if they had to choose, over 75% of men would rather be respected than loved.
Without debating whether or not this is true, I am curious as to HOW men feel respected by their partners ie what can women do to show respect/admiration etc for the man in their life??
Love is more valuable to me. I get respect too, and that is great.
They're not mutually exclusive.0 -
Why not just ask your SO what they feel is respectful?
For my hubby he just wants me to support and trust him. I do, completely. I show it by giving up all control over finances. He takes care of ALL of it. Ever since we started doing it this way we save a lot more money and yet get to spend on more "fun" things.
I also make sure to compliment him at least once a day. Men love hearing it just as much as we do.
My husband also expects me to basically treat him the way I want him to treat me. The golden rule, right?
Excellent point. My husband works very hard to support all of us, and likes to hear how much we appreciate it, every once in a while. At times where it fits into the conversation without feeling forced, I tell him how very much his efforts mean to me.0 -
Trust his judgement - sometimes even if you know he's wrong.
So.... being deceitful and disingenuous is the foundation for a good relationship?
I feel quite confident that no man I've ever had a relationship with wanted to be patronised in this way.
Again, different angles of approach.
Allowing a person the space they need to walk their own path and learn the way they need to isn't patronizing. It's trust and confidence in where their heart lies.
A 50/50 share of things is more akin to what you're speaking of. Men and women are equal in a relationship. I don't believe that one is anymore worthy or important that the other but it's never 50/50 around here. 90\10, 20\80, his role and mine...whatever the day calls for.
There's something to be said for getting out of the way and allowing another person to find out what they don't know. I appreciate when that's been done for me.
I prefer honesty. To me, honesty is respectful. Quietly sitting waiting for your partner to find out they're wrong and you're right... well that just sounds kind of smug to me.0 -
I prefer honesty. To me, honesty is respectful. Quietly sitting waiting for your partner to find out they're wrong and you're right... well that just sounds kind of smug to me.
That's kind of what I was thinking. If I did that to my partner, he'd probably feel pretty undermined, and would wonder why I didn't give him a "heads-up" or advice on how to properly handle a situation I knew wouldn't work.0 -
*wishing I could post under an incognito name for this one.
but.
i have always been a believer that men should feel needed, feel smart, feel "pretty", (even if they aren't any of these things) and be kept fed and sexed well. Don't let him see you pee, don't let him catch you in your ratty "period panties", and as far as he knows, you NEVER emit odious gasses or defecate.
And come ON, what's wrong with getting up and at least putting on real clothes before he gets home or comes over? If you're sleeping over, or living together, why are you bringing or keeping things you wouldn't want to be photographed in? i don't care if you have his last name or 3 months of his paycheck wrapped around your finger, if you plan on keeping him around - you should also continue to be the person that attracted him in the first place (within reason). and yes, that IS a jab at those women who stop visiting the gym on their wedding day.
yes, i'm serious. for every one i've had, this is how they were treated until ____ happened. for one, it was because he was abusive. another, because he decided i existed ONLY to serve these purposes. etc.
on the flip side, i expect just as much from my man. which is probably why i don't technically have one anymore. they're too much work.0 -
Meerkat, it absolutely could be. I hadn't thought about it being used as a tool for righteous indignation and playing the innocent victim. Both of which I abhor deeply.
You made a good point. If you're going to take a step back and do the more traditional gender role thing then it will FAIL if it's used a means of manipulation. That and it's just plain wrong.0 -
*wishing I could post under an incognito name for this one.
but.
i have always been a believer that men should feel needed, feel smart, feel "pretty", (even if they aren't any of these things) and be kept fed and sexed well. Don't let him see you pee, don't let him catch you in your ratty "period panties", and as far as he knows, you NEVER emit odious gasses or defecate.
And come ON, what's wrong with getting up and at least putting on real clothes before he gets home or comes over? If you're sleeping over, or living together, why are you bringing or keeping things you wouldn't want to be photographed in? i don't care if you have his last name or 3 months of his paycheck wrapped around your finger, if you plan on keeping him around - you should also continue to be the person that attracted him in the first place (within reason). and yes, that IS a jab at those women who stop visiting the gym on their wedding day.
yes, i'm serious. for every one i've had, this is how they were treated until ____ happened. for one, it was because he was abusive. another, because he decided i existed ONLY to serve these purposes. etc.
on the flip side, i expect just as much from my man. which is probably why i don't technically have one anymore. they're too much work.
Very well stated. :flowerforyou:
It's rather simple (in my opinion)
- don't be condescending.
- show a genuine interest in his hobbies/ interests.
- have his back when you are taking on the world together.
- never argue in front of your or his friends. Save it for another time and place.
- remind him that he feels important (as hopefully he is if you are in a committed relationship with him).
- you like to be thanked for making dinner, cleaning the house, and the other things you put into the relationship... take a little time to Thank him for fixing things, building things, doing outdoor chores, changing the oil in your car, etc.
And yes ladies, I know this goes both ways.
Notice I didn't say a thing about "obeying" or "servitude". You get back what you put into it.0 -
Here's my take on it. Respect and HUMILITY/being humble are twins. it's takes being humble to respect a man. being Meek and humble DOES NOT MEAN weak and vunerable AT ALL. Being "meek and humble" actually is to be super strong and totally brave--but it takes a wise woman to recognize and live that way--IT is TRULY rare (especially these days) that many women understand and/or take advantage of these two powerful ways of living, thinking and being--it's not that you HAVE to be meek and humble to be respectful to your man always, it's that YOU GET TO BE THAT WAY . Everyone wants respect, everyone...but IMHO, Men NEED respect (from their wives and children)...at least mine does and every man that I know or have ever known absolutely need/thrive on respect. Respect for your husband and sons (treat your sons like young MEN and MALES) That does not mean being a door mat, but instead it means being a helpmate. Someone who looks at their man like he's the best looking, strongest, bravest man on the face of the earth and constantly (everyday and night) talking to him and treating him thusly AND training your children to do the same. Being meek and humble can also involve being independent (having a life of your own--hobbies, interests...not being needy and a PITA) and sassy/confident/$exy...most men LOVE that, I know mine does
Constantly affirming that your man is a big strong handsome rescue hero and you're GLAD he's yours and your his. constantly thanking your husband for who he is and what he is and does and openly being grateful for him taking care of you in every way. another way of respecting your husband is by cooking for him and/or making SURE he is well fed and REALLY taking "CARE" of him EVERYDAY
In other words, treating your husband like he's a king, a hero, a superstar...like he's your boyfriend (no matter how long you've been married)/your first and only love--ALWAYS! Do this, and the respect will naturally flow and it's not ANYTHING that man won't do for you and with you ALWAYS, including walking thru fire and everything in between--I'm living proof of it.
I asked my husband this question and he said:
"Well, wives can start by listening." Respect is shown to a man by his wive honoring his ideas, opinions, following his guidance and suggestions, especially if they are what they are suggesting is for their wives well being and to better themselves. They have to trust him and believe that when God says the man is the "head" of the wife and the head of the household, the responsibility falls on the man to be a good provider, a constant companion, someone to be looked up to and admired and to care and protect and honor and love his wife and family above his own good or to his own hurt. If he's being put down by his wife, talked down to, nagged and bossed by his wife, he's not going to be the "man" of the house at all and not act like the man nor handle his business like the man of house at all, ever...the man will simply not be the man of the house and instead will be like a careless child and give his wife grief and a whole lot of leaving alone. Unless and until a wife respects her husband, he will never be the man she wants. It's all about respect and most women don't know anything about respecting a man because they are too busy trying to be "the man" and it a vicious circle. "
That's what my "boyfriend" says and I agree with him 100%
Here's some cool quotes I found on respect that's deep to me
Without feelings of respect, what is there to distinguish men from beasts?
Confucius
Knowledge will give you power, but character respect.
Bruce Lee
When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you.
Lao Tzu
Nothing is more despicable than respect based on fear.
Albert Camus
Show respect to all people, but grovel to none.
Tecumseh0 -
*wishing I could post under an incognito name for this one.
but.
i have always been a believer that men should feel needed, feel smart, feel "pretty", (even if they aren't any of these things) and be kept fed and sexed well. Don't let him see you pee, don't let him catch you in your ratty "period panties", and as far as he knows, you NEVER emit odious gasses or defecate.
And come ON, what's wrong with getting up and at least putting on real clothes before he gets home or comes over? If you're sleeping over, or living together, why are you bringing or keeping things you wouldn't want to be photographed in? i don't care if you have his last name or 3 months of his paycheck wrapped around your finger, if you plan on keeping him around - you should also continue to be the person that attracted him in the first place (within reason). and yes, that IS a jab at those women who stop visiting the gym on their wedding day.
Nice!!
Would also appreciate a home cooked meal!!!
Seriously a real man earns respect from a woman!!
Don't give up!! Remember a real man will find you!!!0 -
Trust his judgement - sometimes even if you know he's wrong.
So.... being deceitful and disingenuous is the foundation for a good relationship?
I feel quite confident that no man I've ever had a relationship with wanted to be patronised in this way.
It's not about patronizing him, it's more about not arguing with him, submitting and letting him find out on his own he wasn't right. We don't always have to point our fingers and say "I told you so, you were wrong." or argue something to death. And when he realizes he was wrong, don't gloat. That was what I meant.
:drinker: :drinker: :drinker: :drinker: :drinker: :drinker: :smooched: 0 -
If you pick and man and instantly make a list of things to fix about him, you arent respecting him as a person. If he makes all the changes, he isnt respecting himself. You can have love without respect but it is weak.
One day you will look up and wonder where the manly man you fell in love with went. He probably went to the Container Store to buy closet organizers.0
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