Don't Request Me
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I am by no means inferring that we are to friend every single person on this site. As a new member, I was rather taken aback when reviewing peoples profiles with a long list of do's and don't for friends and people with successful stories that have stopped accepting friends and refuse to help others in the same manner they were likely helped. Everyone on here has the right to do whatever they please. I just wanted to understand the rationale behind the culture on this site because this kind of behavior is strange to me.
Lots of the success stories have huge friend lists and it's hard for them to be really active on their friend's feeds with the constant inundation of people friend requesting them. That's why some of them have the disclaimer that they are not accepting new friends but usually they have their blogs linked for those wanting to know how they did it. They aren't just being jerks. I mean, I know they are regular people like you and me but if you could imagine it, pretend Jillian Michaels was on here and open about it. Can you imagine the number of friend requests she would get and the amount of people who would want her attention, time, and effort to help them personally? It would be exhausting. It's kind of the same for some of the successful people here, just on a smaller scale.
Many people are trying to avoid others who would be detrimental to their own success. People with active ED's would be detrimental to those in recovery, the eat more to lose crowd probably wouldn't mesh as well with the eat less to lose crowd, the "I hate men" crowd wouldn't mesh with the "I love men" crowd, the Satanists wouldn't mesh with the Christians, etc, etc. It's better IMO to have that list of requirements up because if you see you don't fit them, you and the person whose bio you're looking at already know you won't fit well.
The only requirement I have up is that you send me a message with your FR. I will, however, delete as I need to if you don't fit well with me. I expect others will delete me if I don't fit well with them. No harm, no foul. It's just the internet.0 -
I agree 1000%! I had this happen to me already. I hadn't logged in for a week because I was going through some personal stuff, I had no internet (courtesy of living in the country) and admittedly lost motivation during that time. First of all, yes we gain support from one another but if you're going to set me rules in addition to my goals that I'm trying to achieve, then it sounds more like a competition to me than anything else. I don't agree that people should do that to others and I don't support it at all.
I appreciate you bringing up the topic for those of us!0 -
Very well said!! When I see those profiles, I keep it moving because I definitely don't want them as my friend. This is a support network, not an "I'm better than you are" network!! Love it! Thanks so much for this!!!
I hate that to as well. I will be your friend Cyn and anyone who wants one. especially to the lady who said she feels by herself.
you are so right cyn. the only kinds of people I won't be friends with the judgmental kind.
I agree!! I have learned so much by supportive friends on here, I couldn't imagine if I started getting negative comments about my hard earned weight loss. I thought this was about learning and helping each other in the journey...
The ironic thing is that if we are finding things that work for us, it doesn't necessarily mean it will work for everyone, but modifications on the idea might be just 'the thing'.0 -
I only send and accept requests from girls between the ages of 18-24. And they better be RIPPED! Sorry but no oldies and no fatties allowed.
Is it weird I'm creeped out by this being said by a 28 year old, 260 lb man? Just wondering...0 -
I only send and accept requests from girls between the ages of 18-24. And they better be RIPPED! Sorry but no oldies and no fatties allowed.
Is it weird I'm creeped out by this being said by a 28 year old, 260 lb man? Just wondering...
No, that's completely creepy.0 -
I have a couple of guidelines listed on my page. My thing is why would I want people adding me that obviously have nothing in common with me? I’m here for the support and motivate each other. I don’t need some girl on my FL that is starving herself when I’ve made it clear that I do not support that.0
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Great post Cyn! My friend request is on it's way to you!0
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WELL SAID FEEL FREE TO ADD ME AS A FRIEND ENJOTED READING YOUR POST AND IT WAS WELL SAID.0
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After having nearly 900 friends I am having a hard time keeping up with them, so I started removing people who haven't logged in a month or longer, and then that still wasn't narrowing it all down a bit, still having a hard time so no message no friend, simply because I figured if someone wants to be friends with me the lease they can do is tell me something lol. My choice, though I won't support people who believe starving themselves or putting their finger down their throat is ok and aren't trying to do things healthier, ya know? I think I can do that, that's for my own personal self though, I don't want to feel any kind of influence to do things wrong.0
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I'm lucky enough not to have been snubbed like that on here before - not nice! Like you say we are all on here for a reason and this is to get motivation and support to lose weight.0
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too bad!! add me i would love to chat with you!!:flowerforyou:0
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AMEN sister, I totally agree with you on this one. Everyone's goals are different. I see so many judgmental people on here.0
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I find it very strange how people refuse to add more friends or set so many guidelines for them.
"Here's my success story, but please don't request me as your friend"
"I give my friends 110%, and expect the same in return"
"If you eat 1200 calories a day, don't try to friend me"
"If you stop logging for 5 days, I will remove you"
"If you are not eating enough protein you will be removed"
Seriously?.... Like seriously? We are all here for the same reason. We are for the most part experiencing the same struggles, or we would not be here. No method is the right method and that is okay. Maybe you think eating more to lose weight will get you there, or 1200 calories each day. It really does not matter.
I will be your friend. I am here to lose 100 pounds and I will not judge you and I hope you will not judge me. I will not set any guidelines for our friendship or judge you for any relapses. We are in this together.
Very well said!!! I also sent u a friend request :happy:0 -
Hmm, I'm here for me and me alone. I have friends and they are awesome, but this (MFP) is what I make of it, same as you. So, best of luck in everything!0
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i'm a bad MFP friend....if some one never comments on my updates i delete them. if they dont log in for a week, i delete them. (unless its some one who is usually very supportive or that i know in real life)0
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Judgement is probably what attributed to alot of peoples weight problems to begin with!!!
I'm new here and i've noticed what you are talking about...i guess for some there is no room for those who don't think and act like they do. As i mentioned in a comment on another forum...not all of us are at the same point thus our goals may not be the same. We share a common struggle and no one should be unkind because another person is different in how they deal with that. Out in the real world those who have a weight issue suffer enough criticism...MFP should be a safe zone with helpful suggestions and support!!
I agree with you 1000%!!!0 -
I think your totally awesome !0
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Honestly. I really do not care if someone puts stuff like that on their profile. it just means to me they are just stating their wishes. Meh, to each their own.0
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I find it very strange how people refuse to add more friends or set so many guidelines for them.
"Here's my success story, but please don't request me as your friend"
"I give my friends 110%, and expect the same in return"
"If you eat 1200 calories a day, don't try to friend me"
"If you stop logging for 5 days, I will remove you"
"If you are not eating enough protein you will be removed"
Seriously?.... Like seriously? We are all here for the same reason. We are for the most part experiencing the same struggles, or we would not be here. No method is the right method and that is okay. Maybe you think eating more to lose weight will get you there, or 1200 calories each day. It really does not matter.
I will be your friend. I am here to lose 100 pounds and I will not judge you and I hope you will not judge me. I will not set any guidelines for our friendship or judge you for any relapses. We are in this together.0 -
I don't normally see people who say suggest specific things. I do ask for messages with a friend request because I just think if someone's gonna add you they have a reason and I like to know what it is. I mean, this is the Internet, it's not like we all work together or live in the same apartment complex. If someone doesn't want to be my MFP friend or has specific guidelines, really, what do I care? There's 100 more out there where they came from.
That said, I have the best MFP friends ever.0
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