The man and his horrid comment

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Replies

  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    Just another side of the coin: I don't recall her asking for his opinion, thusly it was unsolicited advice that she work out harder on a part of her body he doesn't think is adequate...

    That stings. Luckily, she knows it was a poor comment and that he is indeed the sweetest thing ever that meant no harm. So yeah, he may get a pass. But there's a difference between being honest when asked or volunteering up your honesty to someone else's detriment.
  • k2quiere
    k2quiere Posts: 4,151 Member
    Wow....I know how that goes. This weekend I was trying on jeans and my guy goes.."I like how they look from the front but they make your butt look funny when you walk" WTF??!! I swear they have no filters!!!

    I wouldn't call this having no filter. I would say that same thing when out shopping with girlfriends, and I've said the same thing to my teenage daughters. These are the kinds of comment I want people who love me to say before I wear stuff in public that causes complete strangers to go "WTF was she thinking?!?" Ladies, if we're going to be that sensitive to our men trying to help you look good in public, then we might as well stay the hell home and wear sweats all day!
  • BigDaddyBRC
    BigDaddyBRC Posts: 2,395 Member
    So...you want us to lie to you?

    I'm probably going to get chewed out for this but seriously, sometimes we have to tell you that you need to start watching what you eat and hit the gym. Would you rather we start cheating on you (not that I would, just saying) or just plain dump you with the lame "oh its not you, its me" ?

    Please, don't make my post a gender issue and I perfectly understand getting hurt over comments like these however, the significant others can be in a hard place and a rock with these situations

    I understand what you are saying... but as I told my husband when we first started dating, "don't make comments when I'm not eating healthy or exercising because *I* already know that I should be doing better. It's doesn't help and makes me feel even worse than I already do. If you want to help, then comment or compliment me when you see me making a healthy choice or putting some effort into working out."

    To the OP - I loved your comeback!! I never think of something that quick...

    So you want us to comment only when you're making bad choices sitting on the couch eating bonbons and putting the jelly back in the roll? This makes no sense. Change your mentality for how you interpret people to a more positive outlook and you become able to accept people for who they are, rather than setting expectations of how you want them to be.
  • EvanKeel
    EvanKeel Posts: 1,904 Member
    Meh, I'd love it if my husband made that kind of comment. I'd just assume he wanted to play. ..and then I get ice cream? Hell yes.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member


    So you want us to comment only when you're making bad choices sitting on the couch eating bonbons and putting the jelly back in the roll? This makes no sense. Change your mentality for how you interpret people to a more positive outlook and you become able to accept people for who they are, rather than setting expectations of how you want them to be.

    Accepting people for who they are would be accepting their decision to sit on the couch & eat bonbons.
  • xuashe
    xuashe Posts: 46
    God my fiance can be like that but in his defense, English is his fourth language.
  • k2quiere
    k2quiere Posts: 4,151 Member
    Meh, I'd love it if my husband made that kind of comment. I'd just assume he wanted to play. ..and then I get ice cream? Hell yes.

    I would prefer if he offered to play WITH the ice cream...best of both worlds!
  • bpetlock
    bpetlock Posts: 109
    So...you want us to lie to you?

    I'm probably going to get chewed out for this but seriously, sometimes we have to tell you that you need to start watching what you eat and hit the gym. Would you rather we start cheating on you (not that I would, just saying) or just plain dump you with the lame "oh its not you, its me" ?

    Please, don't make my post a gender issue and I perfectly understand getting hurt over comments like these however, the significant others can be in a hard place and a rock with these situations

    Didn't you ever see Bambi?

    If you can't say something nice then don't say nothin at all!:laugh:
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    So...you want us to lie to you?

    I'm probably going to get chewed out for this but seriously, sometimes we have to tell you that you need to start watching what you eat and hit the gym. Would you rather we start cheating on you (not that I would, just saying) or just plain dump you with the lame "oh its not you, its me" ?

    Please, don't make my post a gender issue and I perfectly understand getting hurt over comments like these however, the significant others can be in a hard place and a rock with these situations

    Yes to I'd rather you dump me. I don't need someone in my life whose love is that conditional.

    Don't cheat, though. If it's that bad, end the relationship and move on.
  • RachelBiancaxx
    RachelBiancaxx Posts: 62 Member
    My other half says stupid stuff all the time too... But when he says he wants something to grab, he's usually trying to get me to stop dieting... xx
  • jmilian825
    jmilian825 Posts: 193 Member
    it's not a matter of lying to us it's a matter of how it's done you can still be truthful without being inconsiderate of anothers feelings in the way it is said makes a big difference...
  • insightdean
    insightdean Posts: 19
    Perhaps politically incorrect, but I thought this a little and I wanted to share with everyone. The majority of responses to this topic are from the females. If you want a male perspective and are willing to listen to me, I hope you will read my comment.

    I don't it is not a sense of humor. He says that because he is surprised that his female partner is so sensitive regarding his comment. He is trying to diffuse the anger but the problem is it will happen again because he does not know why you feel that way. Remember - should be honest with one another?

    The guy actually wishes that your body was a hard body - flat abs, toned, etc. He also feels that way about himself. If you were to say that his tummy was a little soft, he would NOT be offended but he want to get it changed. He recognizes does not change overnight and your comment to him was more the direction he needs to take. It serves as a battle cry, motivation for self improvement.

    So that is why if someone said that to many guys -- soft and fluffy, many would not be offended. Many guys don't realize that the same comment made to a female is hurtful - both to those that are trying and those that are not. And if confronted and he responds he was kidding, but it is not true. He was just unaware of why the comment is offensive. So if you care and recognize that he really does not know, explain it to him. Tell him it hurts because. It might happen again because he may not understand and it will take a couple times to communicate why it hurts (because the same comment would not offend him).

    He will learn and be a little more sensitive. You will be happier as he will communicate better. He does not want to hurt you - he would not be with you if that were the case. My view -- if anyone wants more thoughts feel free to email me. If you completely disagree and are offended by my comments, sorry! In that case, just ignore my view. Good luck everyone.
  • ImKindOfABigDeal40
    ImKindOfABigDeal40 Posts: 807 Member
    You should have sprinkled his crotch with Miracle Grow.
  • AJ_Pete
    AJ_Pete Posts: 863 Member
    It wouldn't have been his brain I would've grabbed and asked him to work on......
  • roch1972
    roch1972 Posts: 113 Member
    Your comeback was AWESOME! I swear, what are men thinking sometimes??!
  • MissAnjy
    MissAnjy Posts: 2,480 Member
    I don't get what's so wrong with the comment? lol
    I mean, he grabbed your butt and said you needed to tone it so he had more to grab on to.

    If you had a fat *kitten*, he would have lots to grab on to, so he clearly wasn't saying that.

    It almost sounded to me like he wanted you to have a bigger, fatter *kitten* than what you have....

    I wouldn't be insulted?

    Maybe i'm weird, or I'm reading this wrong

    I took it like he was telling you that you're losing your *kitten* (during the weight loss process) and that he wants you to keep it lol
  • BAMFMeredith
    BAMFMeredith Posts: 2,810 Member
    So...you want us to lie to you?

    I'm probably going to get chewed out for this but seriously, sometimes we have to tell you that you need to start watching what you eat and hit the gym. Would you rather we start cheating on you (not that I would, just saying) or just plain dump you with the lame "oh its not you, its me" ?

    Please, don't make my post a gender issue and I perfectly understand getting hurt over comments like these however, the significant others can be in a hard place and a rock with these situations

    ^^ I agree. If you can't count on your SO to tell you when you need to lay off the cupcakes, who else is gonna tell you?

    Word. I remember a conversation I had with my boyfriend once and I COMPLETELY appreciated his response. This is the smallest I've been since we've been together and I was asking if he'll still be physically attracted to me as I get smaller and smaller and he responded "of course, I'll always think you're beautiful and I love that you're taking care of yourself and your body." When I asked "what if I just let myself go and gained a bunch of weight" and he said "I'd be about as attracted to you if you did that as you would be to me if I did that. I doubt you'd let yourself go that much, but I'd probably say something if you did, and I'm sure you'd say something to me if I did. I wouldn't be very attracted to you if you quit working out and just sat on your *kitten* all the time eating ice cream."

    It's not shallow or rude, it's just honest.
  • LoraF83
    LoraF83 Posts: 15,694 Member


    So you want us to comment only when you're making bad choices sitting on the couch eating bonbons and putting the jelly back in the roll? This makes no sense. Change your mentality for how you interpret people to a more positive outlook and you become able to accept people for who they are, rather than setting expectations of how you want them to be.

    Accepting people for who they are would be accepting their decision to sit on the couch & eat bonbons.

    But why should we accept that for the people we care about? I personally want more out of life for my husband, family, friends than a life of sitting indoors eating unhealthy food, probably destined for a myriad of health problems. And I would hope those people would want more for me. Just because you accept someone for who they are, doesn't mean you have to accept their poor decisions/lifestyle choices.
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
    So...you want us to lie to you?

    I'm probably going to get chewed out for this but seriously, sometimes we have to tell you that you need to start watching what you eat and hit the gym. Would you rather we start cheating on you (not that I would, just saying) or just plain dump you with the lame "oh its not you, its me" ?

    Please, don't make my post a gender issue and I perfectly understand getting hurt over comments like these however, the significant others can be in a hard place and a rock with these situations

    Yes to I'd rather you dump me. I don't need someone in my life whose love is that conditional.

    Don't cheat, though. If it's that bad, end the relationship and move on.

    Sorry but I'd rather try and work it out with my SO rather than treat her like a damn object and replace her over a small thing. Point of the post was that sometimes down the line, these kinds of issues comes up where the man or the woman let go. In my case, it was me however if my SO would have done that to me, like poked my belly and made an oink oink noise, while it would have hurt, I woulda buckled up
  • bpetlock
    bpetlock Posts: 109
    I don't get what's so wrong with the comment? lol
    I mean, he grabbed your butt and said you needed to tone it so he had more to grab on to.

    If you had a fat *kitten*, he would have lots to grab on to, so he clearly wasn't saying that.

    It almost sounded to me like he wanted you to have a bigger, fatter *kitten* than what you have....

    I wouldn't be insulted?

    Maybe i'm weird, or I'm reading this wrong

    I took it like he was telling you that you're losing your *kitten* (during the weight loss process) and that he wants you to keep it lol

    This is what I thought exactly at first, but then I was second guessing myself because everyone was talking about losing the butt. IDK maybe I was wrong too! Lol!
  • lindsyrox
    lindsyrox Posts: 257 Member
    LOL sorry but its funny...
    my husband refers to his expanding waist as his PMB (pregnant man belly)... well this weekend he grabbed my middle and commented on my PWB... i said What??? and he said Pregnant woman belly (mind you i'm NOT pregnant)... i was less than pleased. Sometimes (most of the times) men are just dumb, what can you do?
  • LDM90
    LDM90 Posts: 24
    That's when you grab his crotch and say "we need to work on this so I have something to grab!" LOL

    Brilliant!! I would have said this even if there were no complaints, it would sure make him think twice about saying what he did when he's suppose to have no complaints about you.....
    TAKE ME OR LEAVE ME :drinker:
  • soontobesam
    soontobesam Posts: 714 Member
    Seems perfectly logical to me. :laugh:

    Your picture cracks me up!
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
    So...you want us to lie to you?

    I'm probably going to get chewed out for this but seriously, sometimes we have to tell you that you need to start watching what you eat and hit the gym. Would you rather we start cheating on you (not that I would, just saying) or just plain dump you with the lame "oh its not you, its me" ?

    Please, don't make my post a gender issue and I perfectly understand getting hurt over comments like these however, the significant others can be in a hard place and a rock with these situations

    Didn't you ever see Bambi?

    If you can't say something nice then don't say nothin at all!:laugh:

    I actually have never seen Bambi :)

    And while typically I try not to say anything if I can't say anything nice, I'd rather say something that would make me uncomfortable and you a bit hurt for a couple of days than us resenting each other for the rest of the life over something that could be fixed and infact could be a wonderful journey to take together
  • sofitheteacup
    sofitheteacup Posts: 396 Member
    He grabbed my behind and said "Hey we need to tone this up so I have something to grab onto."

    I do not want to invalidate your feelings here, because even simple comments from someone we care about can be hurtful, but it really doesn't sound like he was trying to be rude or vicious about it. Props to you for the comeback you made, letting him know that itw as hurtful and inappropriate. But reaction comes across as disproportionate to the comment.
    Have you guys had issues over your body before? Does he know you're trying to improve yourself? For all I know it was all about the way he said it, but it just doesn't sound like he meant to be a ****.
  • Minoesh
    Minoesh Posts: 105 Member
    Here's this nice guy's thought...

    He see the changes in you...and likes it. Makes him frisky. It's his playful way of encouraging you.

    Dont always read into the words without understanding his mindset. Ask him. And you will see the above comment is right.

    :wink: :drinker: :smokin:
  • soontobesam
    soontobesam Posts: 714 Member
    men can be fairly daft sometimes and I would imagine that since he is with you it wasn't meant as an insult but he just lost some brain power for a moment and out came a brain fart.
  • shanice_22
    shanice_22 Posts: 202 Member
    So...you want us to lie to you?

    I'm probably going to get chewed out for this but seriously, sometimes we have to tell you that you need to start watching what you eat and hit the gym. Would you rather we start cheating on you (not that I would, just saying) or just plain dump you with the lame "oh its not you, its me" ?

    Please, don't make my post a gender issue and I perfectly understand getting hurt over comments like these however, the significant others can be in a hard place and a rock with these situations


    Only IF the man doesn't need to lose weight himself though.
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
    We? WE? Tell him if he tones his you'll join him. Until then, WE are not doing anything.
  • secretlobster
    secretlobster Posts: 3,566 Member
    I love that he uses "we" to mean "you".

    Donkey kicks work wonders for the butt, especially when making contact with your *kitten* boyfriend's face

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