The man and his horrid comment
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I got a question:
Why do women develop complexes of such things? I know you do. My wife does the same things. I'm not saying the guy was in the right, sounds like to me it was said jokingly, and not in a mean spirited way, but it doesn't take a genius to realize it was a bad idea....
But my wife will walk past me and slap me on the butt, and say, "getting a little jiggle down there eh?" I know she is joking, so I don't care, in fact i don't mind it at all. One day, I made the universally bad move to do the exact same thing to her... After an hour of her crying in our bedroom and many I'm sorry's later she came out. Why?
Not trying to start a fight, I'm just curious, as to why for most guys it gets shrugged off, but with most women, it is taken to a higher level?
I admit, I have met many many men that are just as bad as some of the women, and in my time in the Army, I met more than one woman that could kick my butt...
Because we are our own worst critics. As long as no one agrees with us our flaws are minimized. The minute you agree with us or point a flaw out then it must be true, right? Personally I don't go there with my husband anymore, it just sets him up for failure and he shouldn't bear the brunt of my emotions for my hang-ups
I can agree with this... My wife is way more self critical than I am. I take it for what it is. I love her for her. Not how skinny/fat she is. So its not a big deal to me. If she wants to work out, I would be glad to join her. But i wont force her. I think a lot of women need to love themselves as much as they want someone else to love them first.0 -
So...you want us to lie to you?
I'm probably going to get chewed out for this but seriously, sometimes we have to tell you that you need to start watching what you eat and hit the gym. Would you rather we start cheating on you (not that I would, just saying) or just plain dump you with the lame "oh its not you, its me" ?
Please, don't make my post a gender issue and I perfectly understand getting hurt over comments like these however, the significant others can be in a hard place and a rock with these situations
Would you seriously dump a girl just because she gained weight? You're either very young or very shallow.
Yes, because thats exactly what I wrote in there right? That "I" would dump somebody for gaining a few lbs.
I was dumped for letting myself get in a bad shape. I donot resent the person for leaving me for getting into a bad shape, I do however resent that the person didn't said anything about me getting to a disgusting weight. In all honesty, anyones husband/wife telling them to start working out and eat well should be thankful for having a partner who is truthful to them and likes them enough to rather tell them and explain to them whats bothering them than just lie and secretly hating them for getting unhealthy.
But thank you for taking the time to twist words around.0 -
That's when you grab his crotch and say "we need to work on this so I have something to grab!" LOL
AND THANK YOU FOR MAKING MY WHOLE WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :drinker:0 -
Really dumb comment, but I'm sure he is really sorry for hurting your feelings. Sometimes we speak without thinking..... forgive him and have some great make up sex.0
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That's when you grab his crotch and say "we need to work on this so I have something to grab!" LOL
this. hahaha0 -
I read your profile and my bet is she left you for a far less shallow reason than you gained weight. You had a pretty severe addiction and I'm sure that didn't help anything.
The hypocracies in your posts is mind boggling. But oh well, its MFP and you can say whatever you want. Good luck with life, where anything a woman does is fine and dandy but god forbid a man says what he wants and its just shallow and inconsiderate
You state in your profile that you spent four years plopped in front of a video game and "it ruined my life." That's an addiction sure as alcoholism and drug abuse. There is no hypocrisy in my post. I doubt your girlfriend was real happy playing second fiddle to a video game. Someone gaining weight doesn't mean that person is necessarily sitting on the couch eating bon-bons. It happens to people who are out living life, too.
If your weight gain was the sole reason you got dumped, then she was a jerk. But based on what you said about yourself, she either lied or you didn't hear her right.0 -
I kind of feel that if you are on a weight loss journey, and you're public about it that you open yourself up for comments from people. Whether they be good or bad you've just got to let them roll off you0
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my boyfriend comments that im getting less comfy XD "comfy" being less cushy from fat. it's nice to hear but at the same time im just like o.o lol0
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I read your profile and my bet is she left you for a far less shallow reason than you gained weight. You had a pretty severe addiction and I'm sure that didn't help anything.
The hypocracies in your posts is mind boggling. But oh well, its MFP and you can say whatever you want. Good luck with life, where anything a woman does is fine and dandy but god forbid a man says what he wants and its just shallow and inconsiderate
You state in your profile that you spent four years plopped in front of a video game and "it ruined my life." That's an addiction sure as alcoholism and drug abuse. There is no hypocrisy in my post. I doubt your girlfriend was real happy playing second fiddle to a video game. Someone gaining weight doesn't mean that person is necessarily sitting on the couch eating bon-bons. It happens to people who are out living life, too.
If your weight gain was the sole reason you got dumped, then she was a jerk. But based on what you said about yourself, she either lied or you didn't hear her right.
Thankfully I raised better to make personal attacks and hence the reason I wouldn't say what I would like to but you should realize, 4 years is not a lifetime and I have had relationships before and after.0 -
Uhmm... is that really something to get really worked up over?
I guess I'm just not the type to really take offense to comments like that. My hubby is very honest with me about stuff, but then again he's training to be a fitness trainer, so his comments are usually pretty dead on, lol.
I find it silly how women get so worked up and offended when their SO says something slightly offensive. They're human, they make mistakes. Acknowledge it and move on.0 -
LMAO... ya know once you do get them nice and firm he gonna complain that they are too hard... reason why you do what you do for you and disregard what anyone else says
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I read your profile and my bet is she left you for a far less shallow reason than you gained weight. You had a pretty severe addiction and I'm sure that didn't help anything.
The hypocracies in your posts is mind boggling. But oh well, its MFP and you can say whatever you want. Good luck with life, where anything a woman does is fine and dandy but god forbid a man says what he wants and its just shallow and inconsiderate
You state in your profile that you spent four years plopped in front of a video game and "it ruined my life." That's an addiction sure as alcoholism and drug abuse. There is no hypocrisy in my post. I doubt your girlfriend was real happy playing second fiddle to a video game. Someone gaining weight doesn't mean that person is necessarily sitting on the couch eating bon-bons. It happens to people who are out living life, too.
If your weight gain was the sole reason you got dumped, then she was a jerk. But based on what you said about yourself, she either lied or you didn't hear her right.
Thankfully I raised better to make personal attacks and hence the reason I wouldn't say what I would like to but you should realize, 4 years is not a lifetime and I have had relationships before and after.
That wasn't a personal attack. You keep saying she left you because of your weight but your profile tells a very different story, which completely nullifies the comments you have made in this thread.0 -
My husband and I have been together seven years now. In that time I've gained, oh, I dunno, around 100 pounds. He has never, NEVER complained about my weight or called me fat, and I think he has every right to say something. I've asked him to be honest. Told him it might help me stay on track to know it bothers him. Explained I would strongly prefer he be blunt (and I genuinely mean this - we're not a spare the other's feelings kind of couple, we're the getting stuff out in the open so it can be fixed kind). The closest he's come is, "Honey, I think you're beautiful, but this weight thing seems to really bother you, and you being upset about it is starting to bother me. What can I do to help?"
Best husband ever.0 -
I'd really rather have my SO tell me I need to get fitter than keep getting fatter. Being in a relationship is also about self-improvement. All this talk about "loving me for what I am" is great but what is wrong with pointing out faults in each other? We should be glad there's someone in our lives to care enough about us to tell us our faults. Both me and my husband started getting fitter and losing weight together because at some point he told me, "Both our bellies are coming between us when we hug!" I'm glad he did!0
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That wasn't a personal attack. You keep saying she left you because of your weight but your profile tells a very different story, which completely nullifies the comments you have made in this thread.
So you're going to judge how and why his relationship ended based on simply reading his profile? Did you live his life? Were you there when she broke up with him?
You may have your opinion but that doesn't make it fact. Only him and his ex know the reasons behind it.0 -
Men and women just speak different languages.0
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What a sweetheart!My husband and I have been together seven years now. In that time I've gained, oh, I dunno, around 100 pounds. He has never, NEVER complained about my weight or called me fat, and I think he has every right to say something. I've asked him to be honest. Told him it might help me stay on track to know it bothers him. Explained I would strongly prefer he be blunt (and I genuinely mean this - we're not a spare the other's feelings kind of couple, we're the getting stuff out in the open so it can be fixed kind). The closest he's come is, "Honey, I think you're beautiful, but this weight thing seems to really bother you, and you being upset about it is starting to bother me. What can I do to help?"
Best husband ever.0 -
That wasn't a personal attack. You keep saying she left you because of your weight but your profile tells a very different story, which completely nullifies the comments you have made in this thread.
So you're going to judge how and why his relationship ended based on simply reading his profile? Did you live his life? Were you there when she broke up with him?
You may have your opinion but that doesn't make it fact. Only him and his ex know the reasons behind it.
No. But I know what it's like to be in a relationship with someone with an addiction. Their physical features are meaningless.0 -
That wasn't a personal attack. You keep saying she left you because of your weight but your profile tells a very different story, which completely nullifies the comments you have made in this thread.
So you're going to judge how and why his relationship ended based on simply reading his profile? Did you live his life? Were you there when she broke up with him?
You may have your opinion but that doesn't make it fact. Only him and his ex know the reasons behind it.
I think the self-righteousness and defensive position she's trying to take here is sickening. Either that or she just fails at math where she can't realize that even though I was addicted to a particular video game for 4 years, I did had relationships before and after.
Not really sure how this thread which was about how some life partners can say something wrong even though they're trying to help others but just choose wrong words came down to this person trying to defend her gender by bashing me personally but its the nature of the beast (internet).0 -
Honestly, I see it this way...........he noticed how much weight you have lost and this was his adorable and totally masculine way of letting you know he finds you sexy and wants to copulate with you and that you have lost so much that you have to get a muscle butt to give him something to grab on to. You should not let your insecurities keep him from complimenting, praising and ravishing you. Would you rather be with a man who either doesn't notice your effort or leaves instead of sticking with you through this tough time? Let the man love you before you take a good man and ruin him. Jeesh.0
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I guess I am lucky enough to have a boyfriend that would never tell me anything like that. He met me at the beginning of my weight loss journey and I ask him all the time what he could have seen in me 53 lbs ago. He always tells me "you" which just makes me melt. If I did have someone say something off color like that to me that was supposed to be my biggest supporter and fan, I would re-evaluate their status as that. From a perpetually fat kid all my life, some things like that DO NOT ever need to be uttered. Say it in a different or motivational way, but especially do not poke or grab at me while you are saying it, Complex acheived, level up *kitten*!0
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I don't understand why it is not only accepted but encouraged to physically attack the man in the story, or at least verbally berate him for what seems to be a bad choice of wording.
Instead of badmouthing him here, why not ask him what exactly he meant by it? Maybe he was trying to compliment you on a shrinking bum, maybe he was trying to encourage you to consider a different toning regime, maybe he was suggesting a certain kind of taboo adult activity. The point is no one will know what it was except for him, and none of us here will be able to tell you what he meant.
My husband has said things that sounded totally acceptable to him, but hurt my feelings. Instead of disparaging his intelligence by suggesting he's dumb, or kicking him in the balls like other women seem to think is appropriate marital conduct, I told him flat out that what he said hurt me and asked what he really meant. He once said that he better save up for a tummy tuck for me. I was very hurt, because I thought he meant I needed surgery to lose weight. Instead, he had meant that I was losing weight great and was acknowledging that my extra skin was a problem that he was willing to help with.
But hey, I get it is the cool thing to mock and joke about physically hurting men.0 -
So...you want us to lie to you?
I'm probably going to get chewed out for this but seriously, sometimes we have to tell you that you need to start watching what you eat and hit the gym. Would you rather we start cheating on you (not that I would, just saying) or just plain dump you with the lame "oh its not you, its me" ?
Please, don't make my post a gender issue and I perfectly understand getting hurt over comments like these however, the significant others can be in a hard place and a rock with these situations
tuanto? I've lost 60 pounds this year I started fitness pal on the recommendation of a friend. You, my friend....can shuttit.0 -
That wasn't a personal attack. You keep saying she left you because of your weight but your profile tells a very different story, which completely nullifies the comments you have made in this thread.
So you're going to judge how and why his relationship ended based on simply reading his profile? Did you live his life? Were you there when she broke up with him?
You may have your opinion but that doesn't make it fact. Only him and his ex know the reasons behind it.
No. But I know what it's like to be in a relationship with someone with an addiction. Their physical features are meaningless.
Your situation =/= His situation.
Just because you went through something with someone having an addiction doesn't mean it's anything like his situation was.
My husband also had a video game addiction and our story ended quite happily. Obviously others in our situation would have gone a totally different route.
My husband has told me that if I gained an enormous amount of weight and refused to get healthy, he would leave me. He said he can't stick by someone who would physically hurt themselves on such a large scale. If you can't respect yourself, you can't expect your SO to do it.0 -
I know this will sound a bit sexist but women shouldn't take everything men say too seriously. Most of the times they don't think thoroughly before they speak so they end up choosing bad words even though they never mean ill. It has a lot to do with us, women, looking for hidden meanings under every word as well.
Even though I'm not a feminist, I'm going to take the feminist route on this one...
So men have difficulty finding tactful ways of saying things? Sometimes they just say dumb *kitten* without thinking it through? Yet, they want to be in charge of *kitten*, call all of the shots, and rule the world? Come on now... Poor thinking skills and judgment can't be the excuse! To be fair, the same goes to women who always "have a headache" and never put out.
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WOW, some of these comments are freaking insane. I am a gal, but I am glad I am not some of your husbands/boyfriends. Heaven forbid you say one wrong thing, or world war 3 might start!0
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Honestly it sounds pretty harmless to me, but then again my husband and I tease each other all the time.0
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Could this be his misguided way of showing support? Men are odd like that.0
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I guess with age comes wisdom, because I would never say something like that to my wife. I wouldn't even respond to a direct question about appearance unless it was positive.
Same way about pregnancy. Wouldn't ask a woman if she was pregnant, even if her water broke right in front of me.
Can't win.
Seems you were raised like I was: If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all
My husband, if asked questions like "am I fat in these jeans" or something along those lines, knows that I'm asking if HE thinks I look nice. He's smart enough to know that I DO want his honest opinion, and he will give me a positive answer and if it differs from his honest opinion, he'll tell me so. Case in point: I bought my first pair of skinny jeans a few months ago. I think I look swell in them. He doesn't like the fact that it downplays my backside (it's his favorite feature, aside from my eyes). He told me that he loves the way my legs look, but it kinda flattens my butt. I still wear the jeans, but he told me honestly what he thought.
As for the original post, it was rather tactless of your fella to say something like that without being directly asked, and even then, he could have been a little more choosy in his words. Guys, a lot of us DO want your honest opinion, however, could you be a LITTLE less blunt and give us something positive first before the honesty?0 -
He grabbed my behind and said "Hey we need to tone this up so I have something to grab onto."
......So did he want your *kitten* to be bigger or smaller? If he wants something to grab onto then it sounds like bigger, but perhaps "tone" means rounder. It's sounds like he was trying to flirtatiously tease you and it didn't sound as good out loud as it did in his head. :laugh:
I constantly hear that I'm allowed to lose weight but not in my *kitten*. When I point out that this approach is not only unrealistic but would leave me hideously out of proportion, I get some reply about "badonkadonk". Some guys are just *kitten* men. :blushing:
Apparently yours and mine have the same mindset because I got told the same thing! *lol*0
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