Your WORST date

I haven't had a lot of dates in my lifetime but the ones I've had, have been rather interesting :laugh:

I was 17, in high school and was a pretty well rounded kid. I did the whole jock thing but was also a bit of a nerd. So I ended up falling really hard for this one kid who was in my AP American History class and played football as well. He was tall, blonde, green eyes, athletic and a total smarty pants! I was swooning hard :laugh:

Word gets around to him that I had a MAJOR crush on him and he asked me out. Being the unconventional type that I am, I was completely okay with him suggesting we'd go out on Sunday morning. He told me to dress up nicely but to bring a change of clothes but didn't specify what we were doing. I thought maybe we were going swimming or to the park or something outdoorsy after maybe, a brunch or whatever. I tell my mom and of course, she slaps a dress on me with the quickness! :laugh:

He picks me up around 9am. I'm in a super girly lace knee-length dress and pretty satin ballet flats with bows and all that crap! My mom had a field day with me. And I bring along my change of clothes. He opens the door for me, tells me I look pretty and we ride out. We drive back to his house and I'm a little confused as to why but don't ask. We go inside and his house is a shrine to religion. All the furniture sports those sticky 1980's plastic coverings and there are paintings of the last supper, bibles, scripture nicknacks and crosses EVERYWHERE. His mother comes out of her bedroom wearing this ridiculous outfit with this massive hat and shouts, "well aren't you a DOLL! Let's run along now, Sunday mass can't get started without us!"

I died. I had never been to church in my entire life! And now here I am, going with my crush and his entire family to Sunday mass! The awkwardness was of epic proportions the entire day. I had no idea what they were singing, I had no idea when to shut my eyes, when to open them, when to put my hands together, when to stand, when to sit, I had no freaking IDEA. I'm mouthing random words when they did their prayers and all the while, his mother is just giving me the eyes of DEATH. When church lets out and I start walking out with him, his mother pulls him aside and tells him I'm not the "girl God has chosen for him" and tugs at his arm. He tried to play it off that his mother didn't approve and suggested we go have lunch and catch a movie. I was ALMOST tempted to say yes since he was just THAT damn cute but I looked over and caught a glimpse of what could have possibly been the most annoyed mother on the planet and declined.

Needless to say, after our little church outing, I told him just to take me home. I'd see him in class on Monday :laugh: It was pretty awkward the rest of the semester since he clearly had the hots for me but mommy dearest wanted someone holier for her son. He's now gay and a photographer in NYC. :laugh:

We met online, texted/chatted/talked for a couple of weeks then decided to meet. While driving out to see her, she sends me a picture of a gift she had purchased for me. She said, it's from an adult store. So I'm thinking, what could you possibly get for someone that youv'e never met, at an adult store...maybe some massage oil?

So she sends another picture...a set of anal beads. She said, I had to go buy a new set...just for you. I can't wait to use them on you.

I turned around and went back home...it was a very tense ride back as my cheeks were squeezed tight all the way back home.
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ROTFLMAO!!!!!

Yeah...can't bring out the anal beads until at LEAST the third date!

I just involuntarily tightened up!

Hey..in her defence..at least she bought you a NEW set and didn't try to recycle her old ones :devil:

It's pretty sad when at the moment, I actually thought that as a justification for perhaps that being her only fault. Unfortunately, my *kitten* had a convincing rebuttal.

OMG - this is ALOT like my story....

I want to a local dealership to buy a new car. Admittedly, I enjoyed the attantion I received from the new car manager. He gave me a GREAT deal on my new car. So, when he asked me out, I was flattered, but I also felt like I really owed the guy since he hooked me up with the new car. So I agreed.

We met at a local night club for some drinks and dancing. I had a great time. So, later in the evening, he asked me if I wanted to go see his new boat. I really did, as I was practically a fish from living at the lake. So we drive. And we drive. And we drive....It took up almost an hour to get to the boat. THAT in itself made me wary.

We get there. Get out of the car and go to his beloved new treasure. I was enthralled with it, looking at everything it had to offer. I must have had my attention on the boat alittle too long. Because when I turned around to ask him a question, there he was...naked from the waist down!! OMG, I was SHOCKED. (When I told the story later to guy friends, they said I was just niave.)

So, I begin explaining to him that I wasn't going to be getting it on with him, he thinks he's going to change my mind by...er...touching himself....I started laughing because he had a tiny...appendage...THAT didn't sit well....

He didn't speak a word to me on the way back. But when he pulled up into the parking lot, he said "I think I could fall in love with you." (Probably a last ditch effort.) I said "Uh, okay." I RAN TO MY CAR!!!

My friends and I have had MANY laughs about this over the years!!

some of these were soo funny to read. Unfortunately, I don't really have something funny to share. One date that sticks out as being particularly sad and uncomfortable is the night my husband and I went out....on the day we were supposed to get married. We had postponed our wedding and rather than be home in tears on that night we decided to go out for supper. The restaurant was terrible and both of us were on edge and irritable. Worst date.

Unfortuately my frist two online dates didn't take my thirst away...so I decided to try a third...Anal Beads and Drug Deal girls weren't enough.

I met a lady, who was a song writer. She invited me to a Holloween Party/ single country song debut for her Mom & Step-Dad's band. I show up at some hole in the wall joint about two hours away from me and two hours away from her...both of us coming from opposite directions. I arrived, she was gorgeous, just as was shown through pictures. She was a little tipsy, but understandable because I got there a couple of hours after the party had started.

So I am there talking to her, mom gets off stage, she comes straight to where we are at. She looks at me and looks at her, lifts up her hand to give me a high five, while looking at her she says, "Someone is getting some *kitten* tonight!" Her sister, cousins, mom, dad, and some other "kinfolk" haha I felt the need to use kinfolk ...they were alll there and all except her and me got drunk. I offerred to provide DD services since they were too intoxicated with the condition that I had to crash at someone's place. We drove out to her trailer home (not too thrilled, but as a single mom, I understood)

Next day I woke up to look at four kids...all hers. She had told me she had two kids, well they ended up being hers and they all had different daddy's.

I got rid of my online dating account...reverted to it several months later due to lots of business travel and never having time to go out. I had a couple of more crazy B's that I met, but I do have some awesome stories.

You have the worst luck! I want to just put you in my pocket and find you a nice girl!!!

These are amazing

First off all of these stories were HILARIOUSLY entertaining and definitely made my morning at work go faster.

I enjoyed them so much...That I'm willing to share my painful story.

So I meet this pretty girl at a supermarket after flirting with her a little. We exchange numbers and talk for about two weeks until our schedules line up and we agree on a dinner date. At the time I had a 1 month (new to me) C5 Corvette that I was very proud of...and being that it was a nice Saturday I wanted to take it out. Anyway...Pick her up at her house, she likes the car (great!) and then hints on how she's never driven one and would like to drive one. I didn't even bother asking if he could drive stick I thought that was a given...boy was I wrong. We exchange seats and immediately I'm thinking "Beau wtf are you doing...you don't even know this girl and you're letting her operate a vehicle you wouldn't let your own mother in". She starts off fine, but throttles it too much going around a bend and the rear slides out sending the whole passenger side into the guardrail. (Ended up totaling the vehicle due to chassis damage). Before I can ask if she was okay...she just starts laughing...which instantly pisses me all the way off..but I hold my baring, remain silent..and CLIMB out of my own window to assess the damage. The wreckage makes me sick to my stomach as I behold my 30k investment in shambles.

She says "Oh relax, it's just a car."

I send her a glare that I wished would have melted her into the pavement...and the just proceed to collect my valuables from the vehicle and walk as far away from her as possible. I called for a ride once I was far enough out of the way and had the car towed by AAA. I never spoke to her again and I've never let any woman drive any of my vehicles again.

June 4th 2010 was once of my saddest days. RIP Baby Elephant.

I've had my C5 for almost a decade myself. You have my sympathy and my respect for not burying that broad in ten different graves.

I met him online.... we had all the same interests. I love music... he sings and plays guitar. I love movies... of course he does too. We talked on the phone for hours and texted about our favorite things and our views of life. I met him for a movie.... Zombieland. It was dark, but he seemed to shake a lot. Very nervous perhaps? Maybe I was intimidating? He was, however, the perfect gentleman. Date 2: Mexican restaurant.... he orders exactly the same meal I do. After 5 minutes into the meal, he gets up to use the restroom.........5 minutes passes......................................20 minutes passes..... at this point I am sure he has ditched me. He was still shaky when he was talking to me so maybe he was nervous about how to get out of there as fast as possible? I ask for the check and just as it comes, the guy comes back (tucking his shirt into his pants)... "Sorry" he says, "Montezuma's revenge". Well, who am I to judge a man by his diarrhea? So I went out with him again. Third date (well kinda date 1.5?): We meet at the local coffee house to take his car to the restaurant. He drives a Kia. He got points for being economical... until I saw the seat covers. I had to sit myself down on a half naked woman, which was his seat cover. I know right now you are thinking I gave up. Nope. I am Miss Sally Brightside.... I was sure it was a new car and didn't want to offend him by asking why the heck he thought that was ok. So I let it go. His hands still shook... he must have been really anxious having both of us in there after all. (you know, me and the girl on the seat cover). We had an amazing dinner, with great music, even though he ordered exactly what I did and still shook (maybe it was an illness that caused the shaking?). On the way back to my car, he wants to stop at his house for something.... "Come on in for a minute so you can see my place" he says. Yes, I am an idiot... I walked my fanny away from the half naked seat covers and to the small mother in law apartment that backed up to a ravine. I stepped across the threshold..... picture this.... our shaky handed movie and music loving friend has a 19" tv/dvd combo... I do not judge a man by the size of his tv... so I looked past it. BUT when he started to serenade me with his "first act" guitar, fresh from toys are us.... I got a little suspicious. (I know- about time, right?). I was still polite until he tried to eat my face like it was the last piece of cake on earth and the only thing that would save him from his shaky existence. I politely asked him to take me home. There is much more... but I am not sure any of you got past the first paragraph before yawning and moving on... so I will save you.

Unfortuately my frist two online dates didn't take my thirst away...so I decided to try a third...Anal Beads and Drug Deal girls weren't enough.

I met a lady, who was a song writer. She invited me to a Holloween Party/ single country song debut for her Mom & Step-Dad's band. I show up at some hole in the wall joint about two hours away from me and two hours away from her...both of us coming from opposite directions. I arrived, she was gorgeous, just as was shown through pictures. She was a little tipsy, but understandable because I got there a couple of hours after the party had started.

So I am there talking to her, mom gets off stage, she comes straight to where we are at. She looks at me and looks at her, lifts up her hand to give me a high five, while looking at her she says, "Someone is getting some *kitten* tonight!" Her sister, cousins, mom, dad, and some other "kinfolk" haha I felt the need to use kinfolk ...they were alll there and all except her and me got drunk. I offerred to provide DD services since they were too intoxicated with the condition that I had to crash at someone's place. We drove out to her trailer home (not too thrilled, but as a single mom, I understood)

Next day I woke up to look at four kids...all hers. She had told me she had two kids, well they ended up being hers and they all had different daddy's.

I got rid of my online dating account...reverted to it several months later due to lots of business travel and never having time to go out. I had a couple of more crazy B's that I met, but I do have some awesome stories.

haha ur making me scared about my online date tomorrow LOL

Some of these are so out there... I wonder where this breed of human comes from!