does anyone have a hard time making friends?
Replies
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i would rather sit inside and play video games.
all my friends are online.
i'm happy. people suck.
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YES!!!!!
I've felt this way since I was a little girl! I've always been the "quiet one" and I have a twin sister whose always been popular, so growing up it was easy to tag-along and adopt "friends" via my sis. None of these friendships were positive and I always ended up feeling like I give more than I get back. Now that I'm an adult ( plus divorced single mommy) and my sister and I don't really have a relationship, maintaining and finding friends has been VERY difficult. I try to stay optimistic about it, but its hard. Some days I feel like I'm an alien from another planet.
Most days I just keep it moving and stay as active as I can, but like I said, its hard.
Thanks for posting this topic. It's nice to know that there are other people out there who feel this way!0 -
Oh YESSS!!! All the time & I'm talking about in real life, not here in MFP.
Its so sad that all that I consider my true friends are those that I never met in person. A lot of people that I met in person are jerks.0 -
I 'lost' my best friend in Feb last year and have had a hell of a time trying to find someone to replace her.
I work hard to meet new people, but I'm really, really picky.
I have found that most lonely people with no friends are socially LAZY.
I meet tons of new people (I have met at least 30 since December) but they are usually too lazy to stick to plans - even ones they have organized and invited me to.
I guess it's a bit like dating - you gotta kiss a lot of frogs to find a friend.
Just put yourself out there! (and don't be lazy)
I'm in the same boat. I'm very picky as well! It's true. I've been trying to find friends to actually hang out with, and in the end they give up even texting or I keep trying to actually hang out and they always say they are busy, and can't do it. It's really lame. I know people have responsibilities, but if they care, they should put in effort. I have 1 friend who works crazy hours but she always finds time to hang out and do stuff which is really surprising. And honestly, I'm waiting for that to stop actually happening
Let her know she's amazing!
Anyway, finding new friends is fun - I always enjoyed dating and was sorry when that ended. (being married is fun too though)
But I have waited a long time for a new bestie though - where is she? lol.0 -
Friendships change, which can be difficult. I found that some of my best friends (after high school and college) were made at work. I was a stay-at-home mom for 10 years (not voluntarily at first, since I was laid off), and many of my mom friends were really acquaintances, but they seemed like friends at the time. That said, I have a group of women I met when I was a Girl Scout leader, and I feel even if I don't see them for a while, I can share things with some of them. It's a kind of bond we'll always have, even though most of our daughters have developed other friendships and don't really hang out anymore (they're in high school now, not little girls anymore).
Today, I told my daughter she needs to get out of the house (she's 14) and start making plans with other people. At her age, I was always out and about, maybe too much. She feels I'm nagging her, I'm sure, but I've told her she needs to do something at least once a week with a friend, during school vacation. I'm thankful she enjoys being at home, but I don't want home to be an escape. There has to be a balance of some kind, I guess. But I want to be mindful of the fact that a lot of kids are into things I want her to avoid, so I don't want to push her too much.
Anyway, this summer, I'm going to see a friend I met when we were both 15, (now 49). We live 3000 miles apart, but I still feel that closeness that I can't really re-create with anyone else, except maybe my college roommate from freshman year.0 -
Girl I don't know what Melanie_RS is talking about. I feel like you shouldn't listen to that, that's just one way of being. Personally, I am 29 and have had a bit of an issue with making friends for a while. I blamed it on a lot of different things/issues but then I went on a year long volunteer position with WorldTeach in Samoa and suddenly I was surrounded by people who I needed to rely on and people who needed to rely on me (the other volunteers) it was like a crash course in making friends and making time for people in your life other than family and partners. I realized that most people would not be annoyed by having MORE friends because most of us feel like we don't have as many friends/close friends as we wish we did. We feel too insecure to talk to random strangers because we feel like they'll think we're weird or pathetic and lonely, but in actuality I feel like a lot of people are lacking friends and would be over the moon if we just reached out to each other instead of being afraid. I took the attitude I learned in Samoa with me and went out to a bar when I moved here to Dallas and went okay, I'm gonna go make friends with that group of people by the pool table, cause they looked like a fun group. And lo and behold, all it took was walking up and saying hi and everyone was happy to talk and make plans to hang out again. People who only have time for their pets, spouses and children wouldn't be hanging out anyway. So just assume, when you're out and about, that others hanging out are FUN people who would be happy to have more friends!0
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There is some truth to the whole getting older thing. Yes our lives change and we dont have time for social stuff like we did back in the day. But i'd say that society in general has forgotten what friendship requires and its benefits. So many people would rather text then call you...kind of hard to maintain a personal connection via electronic devices. Social network sites have become a numbers game..its not about who cares but about how many "care". The net gives us an artificial sense of openess too...a big example is the need to reveal every little intimate detail of our lives to anyone out there. The downside being that too much info can put people off...theres just somethings that only best friends need to know. It makes me sad to think my children may not have the same close bonds that i did with friends at their age.
Once you leave the school setting your friendships are usually created at work, where you live or from hobbies and recreational activities. Work and your neighborhood can be a breeding ground for "convenience friendships". They come and go and are usually affected by office politics and general drama. Not saying you wont find a few good ones but they seem to be rare. Finding friends from activities you enjoy seems to be a better choice...after all you have something in common right off the bat!!
The most important thing is to always be yourself but be open to people whos personality and beliefs may not coincide exactly with yours. Friendship isnt about changing to be liked or expecting the same in reverse....its about a connection with another person that will last through good and bad. Best of luck!!:flowerforyou:0 -
alot of people are in the same situation and there are groups on the internet where you can hang out with people with similar interests. I think there is one site called 'meet up'.
i have seen this.....do you know of anyone who has used it. i feel so strange going out to spend time with strangers.
They are only a stranger until you meet.
As for me hell no. I have no problem meeting people.
As for your friends they just may be caught in their own lives.
Put yourself out there girl....
This is why Cliff is on my friends list...great guy!
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I weigh 300+ pounds and (according to my mother) look like a convicted felon. Yes, I have trouble making friends despite my dynamic and captivating personality. No, seriously.0
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I weigh 300+ pounds and (according to my mother) look like a convicted felon. Yes, I have trouble making friends despite my dynamic and captivating personality. No, seriously.
Lmao.... with your sense of humor i dont see why you would have a problem!!! And i guess your mom hasnt seen alot of convicted felons lately!!! :laugh:0 -
I don't anymore, but I was so shy as a younger person that I would literally cross the street so I did not have to make eye contact with a stranger and I hid in the back of the classroom so I didn't get called on lol...started growing out of it in the last part of high school and now I get comments about how friendly I am...I think you just have to find the right situation/people and put yourself out there. I joined a couple running groups through my local running store last summer and it was a great way to meet new people...I also have started talking to people at concerts (I photograph a lot of bands and am trying to get out from behind the lens and actually talk to people)...I met a really nice woman at a concert last year and after communicating via facebook for a while, we've started walking weekly at a local park, have been to the movies, and have gotten together for a few other events...it's definitely not as easy to make those deep friendships that we all had when we were kids, but I think it's doable...it takes alot of effort, and if you keep reaching out to people and they don't respond, I know it's frustrating but don't worry about it, just get to know someone else. I have a coworker who has used Meetup.com to get together with groups for dances, bible studies, etc and she really enjoys it.
Sorry I rambled alot. I wish you the best--as much as I enjoy my online friendships (especially here at MFP) I agree that it is not the same as "real life" friendships!0 -
Me! I know I'm partially to blame at this point. I don't put the effort in (been burned too many times!) I think a lot of people hang onto unhealthy or one sided relationships where as I kick them to the curb. I try to surround myself with positive/like-minded people, they just seem to be in short supply or not enough in common. I miss Califorina, I felt like I really "fit" there. Been in NY for yearrrssss and I still feel out of place. Have signed up for some Meet-Ups but yet to go....0
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I do sort of... I hand out with 5 other girls on the regular but I'm not particularly close to anyone in our circle it more of a (You like having a good time and so do I lets hang out) It's been ages since I've had a true best friend...0
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maybe we need to put ourselves out there more. at least this is what i tell myself.
i have so many acquantances also.
whenever i have a party, people say "oh, i will see what i'm doing..if i don't have plans"...um, you're doing my party, your plans are my party!
maybe people are scared of my ambition....earlier this year i thought people might just be jealous of me, but i know that is so self-absorbed. i can't explain it otherwise.
^^this! If I ask early they say "well idk whats going on yet..." So I ask later and everyone has plans! Also I am so sick of people making plans right in front of me! how rude!!! Especially at work. Its like hello, im a human here. I have feelings. And I DO put myself out there. But no one wants me. Seriously. Its so pathetic. And when they have anything going on from huge blowouts to small get togethers, I NEVER cross their mind to invite. I know im a good fun person. I say to myself on a daily basis that "I just dont get it!!"0 -
whenever i have a party, people say "oh, i will see what i'm doing..if i don't have plans"...um, you're doing my party, your plans are my party!
Not sure if this event is all you are inviting people too, but a lot of people dislike parties and will try to get out of them. More intimate, one on ones with friends are likely to go over better.0 -
I've been struggling with this problem lately. I moved to a new city... and new country right after I graduated university. I couldn't have had worse timing. So my friends are spread out all over North America. But after moving here I have a hard time meeting people about my age with similar interests. So if anyone in Manitoba wants to hang out let me know :P0
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whenever i have a party, people say "oh, i will see what i'm doing..if i don't have plans"...um, you're doing my party, your plans are my party!
Not sure if this event is all you are inviting people too, but a lot of people dislike parties and will try to get out of them. More intimate, one on ones with friends are likely to go over better.
you bring up a good point--I know that I personally am not good at parties, I tend to hang out in the corner with the small children and/or animals lol instead of mingle well, I do better with a smaller group...0 -
I work with a man who is over 300 hundred pounds I told him last Friday I'm buying a mountain bike and apparently he bikes some crazy trails and is taking me out early this Saturday day morning. I have a feeling hes going to be a lot better than me but honestly the reason I jumped at the chance do go is because of his weight it just made me more comfortable to go.I weigh 300+ pounds and (according to my mother) look like a convicted felon. Yes, I have trouble making friends despite my dynamic and captivating personality. No, seriously.0 -
social media is killing personal interaction slowly0
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There is a website, called "fitness singles", where people who want to combine their fitness/ workout activities with meeting up with new people can go; check it out :-)0
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There is a website, called "fitness singles", where people who want to combine their fitness/ workout activities with meeting up with new people can go; check it out :-)0
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I only have one friend and my husband, and I couldn't be happier!
Seriously. At first I used to worry about how people felt about me, but then I would have these half-hearted friendships that were dissatisfying. When I cut my losses and focused on my favorite friendship, I realize how much more rewarding this friendship is. We know each other so well, and can tell each other anything. We are each other's safety net. I can't even get this kind of relationship out of family members (even my sister!), and I'm glad I just have one friend.
I guess if we ever grew apart, it could get lonely, but I feel satisfied with all of it for right now.0 -
hahah I seem to do okay on the internet but toss me in real life and I'm toast :sad:
This! Me!0 -
I guess it's a bit like dating - you gotta kiss a lot of frogs to find a friend.
Well Said! :drinker:
I feel the same way about friends, and have had this issue ever since I can remember. It is only until the last few years, I am realizing a big part of the issue. I am very, very assertive, and since learning this, I have learned to tone down depending on the circumstances which can be very difficult for me. Apparently, this either intimidates people or people take you as a know-it-all or both. I know this is so not the case with me; however, even tho I can tone down when the need arises, I cannot change who I am.
I meet a lot of people constantly, and I have learned to thinnk of it as weeding. Usually the people I try to keep toned down for are the ones I put all my time and effort into with no recipricosity. I may not have many friends, and of those true friends none of them even live in the same state as me. But...I have learned to be ok with that, because when the going gets tough those gems are the ones who are there for me.
Anyway, think about this friendship endeavor as a mining experience: how much work do you have to go thru to find at least one gem? :flowerforyou:0 -
I have a hard time too. im kinda shy.. plus i h ate bothering people. I always think that if so and so wanted to hang out they would call me. i call them thou.. usually just play phone tag or something.
it can be rough
I always feel like I am bothering people and it always seems when I call someone it is when they are busy and I KNOW people are busy and so am I but I can't help feeling I was being a bother. On the other hand though I do enjoy just staying home on my days off.Whats the song, "Make the world go away" I don't even call my sister I interrupt her tv when I do 0 -
YES.
I was never good at making friends when I was in school. I was chubby and extremely hyper (undiagnosed adhd). that made me stand out and the kids bullied me every day for 12 years. They picked on me for everything, right down to the fact that I couldn't eat the foods that they ate. I was born with a medical condition, and I had to eat a lot of special foods because my body couldn't metabolize the proteins in regular foods (I can eat a lot more now than I used to). That made me "weird" and the subject of ridicule.
As I grew up, most of the hyperactivity went away and I became quite shy and introverted. When you're an adult, it's even more difficult to "make friends" because I don't like to do the things other people my age do. I don't drink, I don't go to bars, clubs and lounges, I don't partake in recreational drug usage, I don't consider going to get a "mani pedi" a good time, and my husband and I don't have kids. I don't really "fit" anywhere. the FEW friends I had in school have either moved away, moved on and had kids, or they are dead (that's just 1 friend)
it's tough, so the only friend I have is my husband....i guess that's pretty pathetic.0 -
I think there are many people, including myself who have limited or no friends. Life is busy, and as we age as some of you have mentioned, makes it that much harder to start over and make friends. I'm so busy at home with five daughters, a home ran business, husband , that I have lost touch of even wanting friends. I have no time to even commit to giving myself let alone friends. I do sit back sometimes and feel jealous when I see women hanging out together, having fun...
I'm very outgoing and not shy at all, but still can't seem to have any friends.... Maybe I just don't give it enough effort... So I guess we are all not alone....0 -
My job depends on me being social. I've always been a social butterfly, so this hasn't ever been an issue for me.
Now weeding out the weirdos is a completely different topic for me
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I find that I have much better success making individual friends. Most of my friends have met at some point, but aren't super close with each other. They all seems to get along ok, but no real spark. I don't really click with a lot of my friends' friends.
I have 8 people I would consider close friends (I'm including my husband) and no real acquaintances. Fewer people, but better quality in terms of relationships.0 -
Yup.... I know exactly how you feel! If I don't call or make contact, I don't hear a thing. I even see "friends" on my facebook account talk about having parties, get togethers with mutual friends etc... and when I casually bring up or ask about how it all went, I get the "It was great" or "we all had such a great time" not even a comment in regards to the fact that I might have been overlooked or "sorry we should have called you"
I think I am a pretty nice guy, I get along with pretty much anyone. I am successful in my work place etc.... but, and this is not to get any sympathy at all, but if someone were to ask me who my best friends were or who was my best mate..I would have to say - no one....
Oh well enough about the lonely loser....Got work to do
Greg
PS - I should add that I don't just sit at home waiting for friends to contact me....I make a concerted effort to try and keep connections with friends but always seem to be met with "We should get together soon" or "I would love to catch up but I am just soooo busy" so after a while you just kinda say "Fk it why bother!"0
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