Talk about a slap in the face. Motivation depleted.

Can't remember who asked, but he's 32 and has previously divorced someone due to the fact that she gained weight while they were married and DIDN'T put in an effort. I AM working hard, I AM putting in an effort and he STILL tells me he's not attracted to me? I'd love to hear that he thinks I'm beautiful, it would be MUCH more motivation for me, because now I feel like it doesn't matter, he won't be happy with me even if I hit MY goal weight.

Ugh. Ok, first off, I'd be a little freaked out at the fact that he is enamored with the 17 year old you. Um, jail bait? Secondly, he divorced his first wife because she gained weight and didn't take care of herself? Either he is really *THAT* shallow, or she *REALLY* didn't take care of herself. I'll go with the first reason.

DO NOT start a life together with this man, if you can call him one. HE WILL cheat if he's doing/saying things like this. He IS a pig and a shame to the human race.

THIS!!

I just read the second pargraph again.... Thats his exact wording?

I think its good to find somebody not just attracted to you by your weight. What did he say there? Read the second paragraph again. I think its good find someone who loves you for who you are, and not just your body size. Because our body sizes are just going to change over time. Thats a fact. I know its hard sometimes for our partners to word everything just right. So it doesn't hurt our feelings, because alot of us are sensitive to this subject. Do you think you have alot of potential? Were you thinner when you were younger? I might be the only one here thats not going to tell you to break up with him. Why don't you talk to him, and tell him how you took what he said. You have a few months to toss this around in your head. And maybe you can decide later if you need to upgrade the man situation.

You want his exact wording? LOL okay.. pretty much verbatim

Him: "Promise you don't get mad at me for what I am about to say."

Me: "Okay. say it"

Him: "I hope you lose the weight. I am not always that attracted to you, and when I see the american flag bikini picture in my head, I see the potential you have, and I am really attracted TO THE GIRL IN THAT PICTURE"

I capitalized the last part because there is no bolding function on here. LOL

I am going to open myself up here.
My wife said the same thing to me just about.
I used it as motivation to reach my fitness goals. And yes, it hurt.
She was just honest.
Should I have divorced her for that?
ABSURD!

Were you 145 pounds (or say the male equivalent 190) at the time?

Does it matter?
As one poster said "you're beautiful at ANY size"...lol
Seriously, does anybody really believe that?
Do we live in some dream world where love is so deep that it transcends physical beauty?
Maybe some of you folks are different.

Alleycat you will lose a lot of weight once you dumb him. First he should be loving you for who you are and not what you look like and for you to be making such a big move like this and this is how he is treating you I suggest you rethink this.

Second I am no expert but have gain a lot of knowledge from my wonderful pals on here. I looked at your diary and you tend to go over on your sodium so you could be retaining a lot of water and also you say you are working out alot eating 1200 is not enough it will work for a while but your body needs fuel.

Check out this group-http://www.myfitnesspal.com/groups/home/3817-eat-more-to-weigh-less

Good luck Hun!!

@ chipmaniac, I will say she was far more overweight than I have ever been. My top weight was 155. Hers was probably 205.

As for those saying it could be misunderstood, he prefaced his words with "Promise you won't get mad" so obviously something that has been on his mind.

205?!?!?! That is SO not fat.

5,000 miles apart makes it easier to not miss him when he is your ex. Give him points for being honest, but seriously???? BYEBYE!!!!

THIS

He was just being honest.
Most guys would never do that. Use this as a way to set goals and strive for your own ideal.
Optimal body fat for a lady is around 20%, and as for weight, just fit yourself in the BMI range.
When we are fat, and our SO says we are beautiful, they're lying.
Sometimes the truth hurts, but pain makes us stronger.
The echo chamber will tell you to ditch him but guess what?
Every other guy will feel the same way. They just lie better.
Good Luck :flowerforyou:

Your answer sounds very shallow and all men do NOT lie. So if your wife gains weight are you gonna come out and say "honey you're fat and I am not attracted to you right now but when you lose weight I will be again."

She beat me to it...lol
I am the one who was getting the walking papers.
I wouldn't want to be with a woman who enabled me to be overweight and unhealthy. LOL at the people saying to dump him....I applaud him for being honest. If it weren't for my wife being honest with me, I wouldn't have gotten the kick in the pants that I needed to start getting healthy.
The truth hurts but sometimes that's what you need...:bigsmile:

Once again, I doubt you were 145 pounds and hot, like the OP.

You know, if my wife ditched me for every dumb thing I said, I wouldn't have made it past the first week. Politely, but firmly, point out to him that the way he approached the subject was wrong in the first place. Never, ever, ever comment on a woman's weight. Just not done. Not unless you like being single.

And for all the "Dump him now" people, do you guys honestly believe that a few words should end a relationship? And if so, how many of you are single?

He did her a favor but showing his true colors. Now she can evaluate his extreme shallowness and make a change in her life. She should thank him.

It isn't shallow to be honest and tell your loved one when your attractiveness level has decreased. Calling her a fat cow...yeah that would be disrespectful. Seems to me what happened here is boyfriend opened his mouth and forgot tactfulness.

BS. Anyone who is not attracted to a 145-pound woman due to her weight is shallow.

That is their personal preference. I'd rather someone be honest. Somehow if we change the situation around to be based around other features like brown eyes or short hair or whatever it may be, I feel like many would not be so upset about it all.

And most people would rather honestly avoid people with unrealistic expectations. Different strokes is fine -- but he needs to move on, not expect her to keep her teenage body into adulthood.

^^^^^
THIS - I would HATE to feel like I was in competition with my younger self. OUCH!

Can't remember who asked, but he's 32 and has previously divorced someone due to the fact that she gained weight while they were married and DIDN'T put in an effort. I AM working hard, I AM putting in an effort and he STILL tells me he's not attracted to me? I'd love to hear that he thinks I'm beautiful, it would be MUCH more motivation for me, because now I feel like it doesn't matter, he won't be happy with me even if I hit MY goal weight.

So say you do hit your goal weight and get married, etc? What happens if you get pregnant? Or have a thyroid problem and gain weight? Or have some other problem and need to go on steroids and your face swells up?

This guy is an *kitten*.

^^^^Exactly! My mom had ovarian cancer and had a hysterectomy and it screwed up her thyroid and she has gained weight but my dad loves her no matter what. They have been married for 26 years!!!

Can't remember who asked, but he's 32 and has previously divorced someone due to the fact that she gained weight while they were married and DIDN'T put in an effort. I AM working hard, I AM putting in an effort and he STILL tells me he's not attracted to me? I'd love to hear that he thinks I'm beautiful, it would be MUCH more motivation for me, because now I feel like it doesn't matter, he won't be happy with me even if I hit MY goal weight.

Do you plan on having children with him? I can give 150% every day, but I'll never work out enough to get rid of the stretch marks and the looseness of being just over 200 when I was pregnant. Yes, it's true that when my fiance/baby daddy of six years was working in construction n was buff(at 6'4 those muscles sure do look impressive) I would catch myself watching him more, n when I was skinner he probably did too, but the point is, it's not a deal breaker! I love him, and he loves me! Our bodies are going to change over the years, sometimes we slip n get a bit looser, sometimes we get toner, but we always love each other. He got a divorce because she wasn't trying hard enough? that seems really lame.. and U, you look like some of the after pictures, you're lovely n you deserve better. Everyone deserves to be loved, and if the relationship is based on how you physically look, what's it going to be like when you're older or pregnant(if u intend on having children) or after you have a baby or if something happens to your health that causes you to gain or lose too much weight? Just think about it, you can try to talk about it to him, but if he already has been divorced for this same reason, it's unlikely that he's going to be satisfied (again i.m.o.)

Time to make a change.....

I just read the second pargraph again.... Thats his exact wording?

I think its good to find somebody not just attracted to you by your weight. What did he say there? Read the second paragraph again. I think its good find someone who loves you for who you are, and not just your body size. Because our body sizes are just going to change over time. Thats a fact. I know its hard sometimes for our partners to word everything just right. So it doesn't hurt our feelings, because alot of us are sensitive to this subject. Do you think you have alot of potential? Were you thinner when you were younger? I might be the only one here thats not going to tell you to break up with him. Why don't you talk to him, and tell him how you took what he said. You have a few months to toss this around in your head. And maybe you can decide later if you need to upgrade the man situation.

You want his exact wording? LOL okay.. pretty much verbatim

Him: "Promise you don't get mad at me for what I am about to say."

Me: "Okay. say it"

Him: "I hope you lose the weight. I am not always that attracted to you, and when I see the american flag bikini picture in my head, I see the potential you have, and I am really attracted TO THE GIRL IN THAT PICTURE"

I capitalized the last part because there is no bolding function on here. LOL

I am going to open myself up here.
My wife said the same thing to me just about.
I used it as motivation to reach my fitness goals. And yes, it hurt.
She was just honest.
Should I have divorced her for that?
ABSURD!

Were you 145 pounds (or say the male equivalent 190) at the time?

Does it matter?
As one poster said "you're beautiful at ANY size"...lol
Seriously, does anybody really believe that?
Do we live in some dream world where love is so deep that it transcends physical beauty?
Maybe some of you folks are different.

Yes. It does matter.

I was married to a terrible terrible individual who said this kind of thing ALL THE TIME - 8 years of hell. Honey, trust me, ditch him now because it won't get any better. You deserve so much more - you sound like a wonderful person AND you're gorgeous.
Run. Now.

:flowerforyou: Good luck!

That guy can pretty much go f**k himself. What an *kitten*. If he's not attracted to you, why is he with you? Take Dan Savage's advice and DTMFA (dump the motherf*cking @sshole).