Talk about a slap in the face. Motivation depleted.

Haven't read through all the comments, but am sure someone has already said what I'm about to say: OP, I know you're pulling a silly face in your picture, but it's so obvious you're gorgeous!

I hope you move on from him. What he said... wow. That's not someone I would want to be with. Can't help but wonder if you *looked* like his idea of a perfect woman what else he'd find to knock you down with, you know?

He was just being honest.
Most guys would never do that. Use this as a way to set goals and strive for your own ideal.
Optimal body fat for a lady is around 20%, and as for weight, just fit yourself in the BMI range.
When we are fat, and our SO says we are beautiful, they're lying.
Sometimes the truth hurts, but pain makes us stronger.
The echo chamber will tell you to ditch him but guess what?
Every other guy will feel the same way. They just lie better.
Good Luck :flowerforyou:

Your answer sounds very shallow and all men do NOT lie. So if your wife gains weight are you gonna come out and say "honey you're fat and I am not attracted to you right now but when you lose weight I will be again."

She beat me to it...lol
I am the one who was getting the walking papers.
I wouldn't want to be with a woman who enabled me to be overweight and unhealthy. LOL at the people saying to dump him....I applaud him for being honest. If it weren't for my wife being honest with me, I wouldn't have gotten the kick in the pants that I needed to start getting healthy.
The truth hurts but sometimes that's what you need...:bigsmile:

Once again, I doubt you were 145 pounds and hot, like the OP.

No, the more and more we go on, the more I am thinking this guy was NOT trying to be supportive,.
I value straight talk but not mean, controlling head games.

I say dump the jerk and enjoy life without him while you wait for a guy who'll treat you like a princess.

Dump him for sure...I think you look great but I'm a little old for you...

i would have ended it right there.

I love how everyone is so negative on your BF.

Here's something to think about...maybe he knows what your goals are and is not the best communicator. With that in mind, could it be that you are misinterpreting his attempt at support? Remember, that not everyone conveys what they mean in perfection, and no matter what your mindset is at the time, you will have influence upon how you read what is said.

This isn't the first time he comments on my weight. We had a HUGE argument around christmas time when I was the heaviest I have ever been (155), and I wasn't happy with myself. I started putting together a plan to lose weight. The way he thought was best to "motivate" me was by being negative and I confronted him about it.

He changed significantly and was very supportive WHICH IS WHY THIS HURTS SO MUCH. Out of the blue, after 2 months of hard work (and him being supportive) he tells me this. I'm starting to think a lot of things he has said has been utter bullcrap. He is telling me now again he is not attracted to me despite the discussions we have had previously regarding this subject and how I think he should have handled things back then.

What's interesting is you miss the greatest point...he's not into your looks, meaning he sees the real you and is with you because of it

He was just being honest.
Most guys would never do that. Use this as a way to set goals and strive for your own ideal.
Optimal body fat for a lady is around 20%, and as for weight, just fit yourself in the BMI range.
When we are fat, and our SO says we are beautiful, they're lying.
Sometimes the truth hurts, but pain makes us stronger.
The echo chamber will tell you to ditch him but guess what?
Every other guy will feel the same way. They just lie better.
Good Luck :flowerforyou:

THIS IS THE BIGGEST BUNCH OF CRAP I HAVE EVER HEARD! YOU ARE THE PROBABLY THE DOUCHE WHO SAID THAT TO THAT POOR GIRL!! IF YOU DON'T THINK YOUR WIFE IS BEAUTIFUL EVERY SINGLE DAY OF HER LIFE THEN I HOPE SHE DROPS YOU LIKE A HOT COAL AND FINDS HERSELF A REAL MAN!

careful.....:laugh:
Fanaticism is the brother of doubt.
I think you are so angry, because you know I hit a truth so hard to accept.
As usual......

So did you go to her profile and look at her pictures? Can you say she is overweight and unattractive/unhealthy?

I think she is beautiful and she looks great and everybody, including the SO, KNOWS she is trying hard to tone.

Your comments are insignificant to this conversation and situation. This boy is obviously never going to stay satisfied.

This isn't about being honest or whatever. This is about body image and the sick idea that 145 pounds is unhealthy and unattractive. It's not like she is even fat or anything. She ISN'T. She looks healthy and good. And she's trying to tone. Anybody who loves or cares for her would never put her down like that, like how he told her. Ever. Period. The end.

I am thinking you are right.
My comparison of situations may not apply.
Still, use this incident to strive for your ideal - whatever that is for you.
Love him, leave him, but just keep punching and working to reach potential.

so just to make sure i am not shallow how many pounds overweight does a woman have to be before before refusing to date her makes me shallow?

20? 50? 100? what if she is 200?

He's not refusing to date her. He's already dating her and f'ing with her head.

im asking the people in the thread saying its shallow to refuse to date an overweight person.

Yes. It's shallow but it's not harming anyone. If you are already in a relationship with a person and you can't be attracted to them how they are then you are committing a fraud. In this case, he fessed up. She should take this new information and send him packing so he can refuse to date 145 pound, healthy woman on his own time.

so if you get married and your SO gains 100 pounds you are shallow if you have a problem with it? thats not the person you married.

That's not applicable here, unless she weighed 45 pounds when they met.

i believe you said its shallow to not date someone if they are overweight. so it does apply for the discussion if not for the OP specifically.

people want what they want. it does not make them shallow. we all value some things over others. so either no one is shallow or we all are shallow.

Well, you believe wrong. I never said any such thing.

My 2 cents?

He could have had a little more tact BUT he was being honest and you told him to say it so shame on you for being mad when you said you wouldn't be.

HOWEVER, first- he's not your husband there's a different level of commitment so lets not compare apples to oranges. 2nd- depending on your level of love there are two sides to his comment. IF he loves you then his LOVE should not change regardless of weight. END OF POINT. However, love and attraction are two different beasts. Initially the relationship is based on physical because it hasn't had the time to develop deeper.

For instance, my boyfriend and I have known each other 6yrs, dating 2.5. I have a medical condition, PCOS, that made me gain 60lbs in a rapid amount of time (5mnths) it is now an UPHILL struggle but he supports me EVERY step of the way. He NEVER says I know what you used to look like and I'm not really attracted to you anymore. He has gained 30lbs and I support him. I don't see his weight as an unattractive thing because when I look at him its not JUST about the surface anymore its about SO much more!

NOW, ALL THAT BEING SAID- I do encourage him to lose weight because its unhealthy and I want him around for the long time and likewise. Do I worry he doesn't find me attractive? NO because at the end of the day LOVE IS NOT BASED SOLELY ON PHYSICAL APPEARANCE, LUST IS. Figure out where your relationship is and go from there. If your in the lust stage then hey he said what he said accept it and either keep doing what you are doing and ask him to help you and be your support system or dump him. If your in the LOVE can't live without you stage well then... maybe he's not.