Talk about a slap in the face. Motivation depleted.
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Haven't read through all the comments, but am sure someone has already said what I'm about to say: OP, I know you're pulling a silly face in your picture, but it's so obvious you're gorgeous!
I hope you move on from him. What he said... wow. That's not someone I would want to be with. Can't help but wonder if you *looked* like his idea of a perfect woman what else he'd find to knock you down with, you know?0 -
I'm sure this has been said multiple times, but this guy is an *kitten*. Instead of applauding your efforts, he makes sure to tell you he's not attracted to you because of your weight. Yep, an *kitten*.0
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He was just being honest.
Most guys would never do that. Use this as a way to set goals and strive for your own ideal.
Optimal body fat for a lady is around 20%, and as for weight, just fit yourself in the BMI range.
When we are fat, and our SO says we are beautiful, they're lying.
Sometimes the truth hurts, but pain makes us stronger.
The echo chamber will tell you to ditch him but guess what?
Every other guy will feel the same way. They just lie better.
Good Luck :flowerforyou:
Your answer sounds very shallow and all men do NOT lie. So if your wife gains weight are you gonna come out and say "honey you're fat and I am not attracted to you right now but when you lose weight I will be again."
I am the one who was getting the walking papers.
I wouldn't want to be with a woman who enabled me to be overweight and unhealthy. LOL at the people saying to dump him....I applaud him for being honest. If it weren't for my wife being honest with me, I wouldn't have gotten the kick in the pants that I needed to start getting healthy.
The truth hurts but sometimes that's what you need...:bigsmile:
I value straight talk but not mean, controlling head games.0 -
He sounds like a jerk. You can drop a few pounds by getting rid of a sandbag like him.
^^ This.
I am all for honesty. "Honey, I'm worried that your health is suffering for how much weight you've gained." or "Oh you're going to get back into shape? That's great. I remember those pictures of you back when you were younger. Yikes, if you get there again I'd be so proud."
^^ Something like that, is fine. But this! No way. This means that he will screw around if you don't stay a certain weight and a certain level of hotness. Just sayin. Drop him fast and find someone more worthy of you.0 -
I had NO idea this would go for so many pages, but I would like to thank each and every one of you for your replies, whether they were calling him an idiot, or supporting his honesty. I hung up rather quickly after he said that because I don't feel like fighting right now. It's friday evening and I don't want to stress right now. I'd rather talk to him tomorrow.
Thanks again everyone.0 -
@ Kenneth. Are you reading my posts correctly?
I have not once said I do not like my boyfriend, I don't like the way he choses to negatively "motivate" me and I don't like that he sees pictures of 17 year old me. I am 23. I didn't have hips until I was 20! My figure and body-type have changed just from age alone, and while I may one day WEIGH the same, chances are I won't LOOK the same.
I have loved him and supported his choice to lose weight and he is 180 @ 5'11 and looks great in my eyes. He looked great in my eyes when he was 195-200 so please don't say I don't "like" him. I don't like the things he says some times, but I do love him.OK, I've read some of your follow-up posts in this thread. You don't seem to like your boyfriend very much. *THAT'S* a good reason to end the relationship.
I'm sorry if I've completely missed your point. I don't have the right to judge your relationship. I was going by what you posted, including a follow-up comment that included this:and honestly, I knew my BF was shallow when we met
Your original post sounded like you were frustrated with your own progress and wanted to paint your boyfriend as an insensitive jerk, and get other MFP users to rally around you disparaging him. If that was your intent, it certainly worked.
If your boyfriend were to read your posts in this thread would he feel like you like him very much?0 -
I say dump the jerk and enjoy life without him while you wait for a guy who'll treat you like a princess.0
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I can tell you were this is going....to abuse (both mentally and verbally). My soon to be ex-husband did the same thing except I was bigger than I am now. When I started losing weight, it was never good enough. We are now in the process of a divorce. Oh, he was abusive as well - never physcially hit me but his words cut deep. Have major scars from it, but I am slowly getting my self-esteem back. Do it for you and no one else. Dump the loser!!!!0
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Dump him for sure...I think you look great but I'm a little old for you...0
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Drop em like he's hot..0
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i would have ended it right there.0
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WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO STAY WITH A DOUCH BAG? JUST WONDERING.... he gots to go.0
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I love how everyone is so negative on your BF.
Here's something to think about...maybe he knows what your goals are and is not the best communicator. With that in mind, could it be that you are misinterpreting his attempt at support? Remember, that not everyone conveys what they mean in perfection, and no matter what your mindset is at the time, you will have influence upon how you read what is said.
This isn't the first time he comments on my weight. We had a HUGE argument around christmas time when I was the heaviest I have ever been (155), and I wasn't happy with myself. I started putting together a plan to lose weight. The way he thought was best to "motivate" me was by being negative and I confronted him about it.
He changed significantly and was very supportive WHICH IS WHY THIS HURTS SO MUCH. Out of the blue, after 2 months of hard work (and him being supportive) he tells me this. I'm starting to think a lot of things he has said has been utter bullcrap. He is telling me now again he is not attracted to me despite the discussions we have had previously regarding this subject and how I think he should have handled things back then.
What's interesting is you miss the greatest point...he's not into your looks, meaning he sees the real you and is with you because of it0 -
PLEASE BREAK UP WITH HIM.0
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He was just being honest.
Most guys would never do that. Use this as a way to set goals and strive for your own ideal.
Optimal body fat for a lady is around 20%, and as for weight, just fit yourself in the BMI range.
When we are fat, and our SO says we are beautiful, they're lying.
Sometimes the truth hurts, but pain makes us stronger.
The echo chamber will tell you to ditch him but guess what?
Every other guy will feel the same way. They just lie better.
Good Luck :flowerforyou:
THIS IS THE BIGGEST BUNCH OF CRAP I HAVE EVER HEARD! YOU ARE THE PROBABLY THE DOUCHE WHO SAID THAT TO THAT POOR GIRL!! IF YOU DON'T THINK YOUR WIFE IS BEAUTIFUL EVERY SINGLE DAY OF HER LIFE THEN I HOPE SHE DROPS YOU LIKE A HOT COAL AND FINDS HERSELF A REAL MAN!
Fanaticism is the brother of doubt.
I think you are so angry, because you know I hit a truth so hard to accept.
As usual......
So did you go to her profile and look at her pictures? Can you say she is overweight and unattractive/unhealthy?
I think she is beautiful and she looks great and everybody, including the SO, KNOWS she is trying hard to tone.
Your comments are insignificant to this conversation and situation. This boy is obviously never going to stay satisfied.
This isn't about being honest or whatever. This is about body image and the sick idea that 145 pounds is unhealthy and unattractive. It's not like she is even fat or anything. She ISN'T. She looks healthy and good. And she's trying to tone. Anybody who loves or cares for her would never put her down like that, like how he told her. Ever. Period. The end.
My comparison of situations may not apply.
Still, use this incident to strive for your ideal - whatever that is for you.
Love him, leave him, but just keep punching and working to reach potential.0 -
Is back home Nola? If so, last I checked, we have plenty of hot fish in the lake that would love to treat you with a LOT more respect! Chin up cher, you're a lovely woman and should have a guy that loves you for you. :-)0
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so just to make sure i am not shallow how many pounds overweight does a woman have to be before before refusing to date her makes me shallow?
20? 50? 100? what if she is 200?
im asking the people in the thread saying its shallow to refuse to date an overweight person.
so if you get married and your SO gains 100 pounds you are shallow if you have a problem with it? thats not the person you married.
i believe you said its shallow to not date someone if they are overweight. so it does apply for the discussion if not for the OP specifically.
people want what they want. it does not make them shallow. we all value some things over others. so either no one is shallow or we all are shallow.0 -
Well the BF was here at the beginning of July for 10 days. We were just on the phone and he goes "You have great features, and while I don't find myself attracted to you because of your weight, I do see potential in you and when I see old pictures of you and where you have been, I see that you can be smaller than you are"
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Well, simply tell him that HE has great features, and while I dont find myself attracted to you because of your less then average 'manhood and lack of skill in the bedroom' I do remember the potential you had back when we first started dating. When I remember where you 'have been' I know that just because you are smaller then average doesnt mean you can NEVER LEARN how to satisfiy a woman.......0 -
My 2 cents?
He could have had a little more tact BUT he was being honest and you told him to say it so shame on you for being mad when you said you wouldn't be.
HOWEVER, first- he's not your husband there's a different level of commitment so lets not compare apples to oranges. 2nd- depending on your level of love there are two sides to his comment. IF he loves you then his LOVE should not change regardless of weight. END OF POINT. However, love and attraction are two different beasts. Initially the relationship is based on physical because it hasn't had the time to develop deeper.
For instance, my boyfriend and I have known each other 6yrs, dating 2.5. I have a medical condition, PCOS, that made me gain 60lbs in a rapid amount of time (5mnths) it is now an UPHILL struggle but he supports me EVERY step of the way. He NEVER says I know what you used to look like and I'm not really attracted to you anymore. He has gained 30lbs and I support him. I don't see his weight as an unattractive thing because when I look at him its not JUST about the surface anymore its about SO much more!
NOW, ALL THAT BEING SAID- I do encourage him to lose weight because its unhealthy and I want him around for the long time and likewise. Do I worry he doesn't find me attractive? NO because at the end of the day LOVE IS NOT BASED SOLELY ON PHYSICAL APPEARANCE, LUST IS. Figure out where your relationship is and go from there. If your in the lust stage then hey he said what he said accept it and either keep doing what you are doing and ask him to help you and be your support system or dump him. If your in the LOVE can't live without you stage well then... maybe he's not.0 -
@ Kenneth. Are you reading my posts correctly?
I have not once said I do not like my boyfriend, I don't like the way he choses to negatively "motivate" me and I don't like that he sees pictures of 17 year old me. I am 23. I didn't have hips until I was 20! My figure and body-type have changed just from age alone, and while I may one day WEIGH the same, chances are I won't LOOK the same.
I have loved him and supported his choice to lose weight and he is 180 @ 5'11 and looks great in my eyes. He looked great in my eyes when he was 195-200 so please don't say I don't "like" him. I don't like the things he says some times, but I do love him.OK, I've read some of your follow-up posts in this thread. You don't seem to like your boyfriend very much. *THAT'S* a good reason to end the relationship.
I'm sorry if I've completely missed your point. I don't have the right to judge your relationship. I was going by what you posted, including a follow-up comment that included this:and honestly, I knew my BF was shallow when we met
Your original post sounded like you were frustrated with your own progress and wanted to paint your boyfriend as an insensitive jerk, and get other MFP users to rally around you disparaging him. If that was your intent, it certainly worked.
If your boyfriend were to read your posts in this thread would he feel like you like him very much?
Based on previous conversations between my BF and I, he KNOWS how it makes me feel when he says such things, so I doubt he would be surprised by anything I wrote in any of my posts. Both he and I are both honest to one another0
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