Do guys ever turn it down?
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Everyones 'sex' balances are different. They can switch on and off at different times. If you have stressors in your life, they can distract you, if he has stressors then the same thing. They can affect us mentally and physically. If its been going on for quite some time, then there could be many reasons. Different sex drive levels, different outside contributing factors. If you can balance the levels of physical contact with touch and hugging as well as the other times as sex, then the connections physically can balance and even out. He could have concerns on his mind that are distracting him so much so he doesn't have that drive at the moment.
Just DONT jump to conclusions. You have to talk to him about it. He may be concerned about a physical health issues, he may not. Just dont think up answers yourself, you need to get them from him. Not from us on MFP, other than ideas to help you to discuss them together matey. You could have 100 reasons why this is going on. Talking about it is the first step. Us women can over think things and end up with the wrong answers, truly! We seek answers to reasons of concern, but the best way is to ask him. If he doesn't know, maybe is stress, maybe its depression, maybe he needs to talk to someone else to figure this out. Counselling can help both of you for this time. If he doesn't know how to talk about it, you can write down both your concerns as well. We all communicate in different ways depending on what we have learnt from our parents and our own life experiences. Some people dont know how to express how they feel, so writing things down can be a way to read others thoughts, take a few hours to think things over and then respond. Never respond immediately as this first response can be a defensive/protective reaction rather than one from the heart and mind combined. You dont want to respond in hurt or anger, but with well thought out ones only.
If you are asking this here, then you are geniuinely concerned for this man and love the relationship you are in. Do this together. Figure it out together. If he doesn't want to talk about, he may not know how to talk about it. If he says there isn't a problem, then maybe the difference in sex drive levels is truly all it is. Dont over analyse it, if you love him and want to be with him at the level of connection you currently have, then thats how you accept each other. If you are concerned there is something else there that is causing this distraction, then genuinely investigate it together.
Best of luck matey. Having this much care for another person is wonderful and should be treasured. I hope you both find your answers together. Take care hey0 -
Married for 13 yrs and parents of 3 young active boys, when opportunities arrive you take them. To many things can happen in a minute to not take the opportunity.
Really! ya cant stop for a quicky to make you and her feel good. If I am in the middle of a chore, mowing lawn, yard work etc., and my wife comes up and says lets go. she knows it going to be fast and hard, cause at that moment for what ever reason she just wants that attention from me. Makes me feel wanted and gives her what she needs. Oh HORRIBLE ME!Yes. If I'm really tired and have to wake up really early (by early I mean in 4 hours or less) or sometimes if I'm in the middle of homework or repairing something etc - I mean sorry, but I got s**t to do. It can wait. Sex isn't even the top 5 of priorities. I hate how some people are like "well duhh, drop everything for it." If I have a lot of stuff to do, it needs to get done first. Also, if a girl is being moody and obnoxious, then I lose all desire right there.
Why can't you finish the lawn first, then do it? If it's just for a house, it'll take 5 more mintues. It seems so inefficient to stop halfway, put the lawn mower in the backyard so it isn't stolen, go inside, shower off cuz you're all stank and sweaty, sex her, then go back out, mow, and get sweaty again.... but regardless, I'm fine with a simple chore. But say I'm studying for a final, I've got homework out my *kitten*, I just got off work, and my test is in 12 hours. I rather have sex AFTER the test. Is that so crazy?
Well, then maybe our differing opinions are just products of our different situations?0 -
Really! ya cant stop for a quicky to make you and her feel good. If I am in the middle of a chore, mowing lawn, yard work etc., and my wife comes up and says lets go. she knows it going to be fast and hard, cause at that moment for what ever reason she just wants that attention from me. Makes me feel wanted and gives her what she needs. Oh HORRIBLE ME!Yes. If I'm really tired and have to wake up really early (by early I mean in 4 hours or less) or sometimes if I'm in the middle of homework or repairing something etc - I mean sorry, but I got s**t to do. It can wait. Sex isn't even the top 5 of priorities. I hate how some people are like "well duhh, drop everything for it." If I have a lot of stuff to do, it needs to get done first. Also, if a girl is being moody and obnoxious, then I lose all desire right there.
Why can't you finish the lawn first, then do it? If it's just for a house, it'll take 5 more mintues. It seems so inefficient to stop halfway, put the lawn mower in the backyard so it isn't stolen, go inside, shower off cuz you're all stank and sweaty, sex her, then go back out, mow, and get sweaty again.... but regardless, I'm fine with a simple chore. But say I'm studying for a final, I've got homework out my *kitten*, I just got off work, and my test is in 12 hours. I rather have sex AFTER the test. Is that so crazy?
Well the lawnmower can be put into the garage very easily, no showe need cause well maybe she likes him hot and sweaty and thats what turned her on in the first place.. just a thought... but i do agree.. why stop if your almost done mowing the lawn... oh wait there was another lawn that need immediate care and attention.. LOL jk..
That's just so inefficient. lol.
I'm programmed for finishing things the right way the first time, so I can move onto the next and not backtrack.0 -
Never. Need to ask a couple of questions (of your man). Not a doom sayer but if it's been healthy and enjoyable..Gotta ask him what's changed? Are you feeling ok (physically)?....etc. It just doesn't stop for no reason....0
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Only if TOM is around. Then i wouldn't. Wait, who am i kidding, yeah, I'd hit that.0
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My ex husband never turned me down no matter what. That was not a good thing by the way. He seemed to have no feelings about anything else going around him and just wanted to do it. If I didn't do it he wouldn't talk to me for a few days and give me the could shoulder. At one time we had a child in a coma in NICU, and he wanted to have sex in the hospital, in the room where they let us stay. I will never forget that. It was a horrible experience.
I've been divorced from him every since that child passed away in 1997. I've dated quite a bit since then, but only once a guy turned me down because he was extremely tired and had finals coming up the next day for nursing school.0 -
DIG THIS GUY!!:drinker:Only if TOM is around. Then i wouldn't. Wait, who am i kidding, yeah, I'd hit that.0 -
I think no one should pass judgement on anyones abilities to "perform" or not to "perform"~ Male of female. There are other things to occupy ones brain/body within a 24 hr. time span. I think when the "feeling" is there it is there, if it's not, it isn't the end of the world. it just means it is put on hold until a better time perhaps. Physical communication is wonderful but a creative mind is amazing!!! For me, I need to be stimualted mentally before I can even think about physical. Don't get me wrong, I love sex, but don't feel I want or need it all the time.... Those of you who do want and need it all the time..ROCK ON! :flowerforyou:0
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Really! ya cant stop for a quicky to make you and her feel good. If I am in the middle of a chore, mowing lawn, yard work etc., and my wife comes up and says lets go. she knows it going to be fast and hard, cause at that moment for what ever reason she just wants that attention from me. Makes me feel wanted and gives her what she needs. Oh HORRIBLE ME!Yes. If I'm really tired and have to wake up really early (by early I mean in 4 hours or less) or sometimes if I'm in the middle of homework or repairing something etc - I mean sorry, but I got s**t to do. It can wait. Sex isn't even the top 5 of priorities. I hate how some people are like "well duhh, drop everything for it." If I have a lot of stuff to do, it needs to get done first. Also, if a girl is being moody and obnoxious, then I lose all desire right there.
Why can't you finish the lawn first, then do it? If it's just for a house, it'll take 5 more mintues. It seems so inefficient to stop halfway, put the lawn mower in the backyard so it isn't stolen, go inside, shower off cuz you're all stank and sweaty, sex her, then go back out, mow, and get sweaty again.... but regardless, I'm fine with a simple chore. But say I'm studying for a final, I've got homework out my *kitten*, I just got off work, and my test is in 12 hours. I rather have sex AFTER the test. Is that so crazy?
Well the lawnmower can be put into the garage very easily, no showe need cause well maybe she likes him hot and sweaty and thats what turned her on in the first place.. just a thought... but i do agree.. why stop if your almost done mowing the lawn... oh wait there was another lawn that need immediate care and attention.. LOL jk..
That's just so inefficient. lol.
I'm programmed for finishing things the right way the first time, so I can move onto the next and not backtrack.
Hahahaha.. i can understand that.. I used to be like that as well.. been married for 20yrs and having 3 kids (now all teenagers) in the house constantly has changed that.. Have to take advantage of those requests.. or it'll probably be another week or two before anotherone comes up.. so for myself, taking her up on that offer is efficient.. LOL0 -
WTF, definitly has a problem. Sorry for the lossMy ex husband never turned me down no matter what. That was not a good thing by the way. He seemed to have no feelings about anything else going around him and just wanted to do it. If I didn't do it he wouldn't talk to me for a few days and give me the could shoulder. At one time we had a child in a coma in NICU, and he wanted to have sex in the hospital, in the room where they let us stay. I will never forget that. It was a horrible experience.
I've been divorced from him every since that child passed away in 1997. I've dated quite a bit since then, but only once a guy turned me down because he was extremely tired and had finals coming up the next day for nursing school.0 -
Personally I have only been turned down once. And I totally understand what a bummer it is. But I agree with a lot of these people. Many men may think sex is the end all of everything. But not all men are alike. Just like I know women who are horny little buggers and never stop talking about it or wanting it. But seriously. Men don't often talk about things that bother them, things that might be dragging down his libido. Asking once or twice about it isn't a bad idea. DON'T nag him though. Nothing turns a man off faster than nagging.
Hope he's just stressed or tired, because the other options aren't looking good for your relationship. But hey, I'm just a stranger who doesn't know him, or you. So it's best to discuss it with him.
Best of luck!:drinker:0 -
I agre
Really! ya cant stop for a quicky to make you and her feel good. If I am in the middle of a chore, mowing lawn, yard work etc., and my wife comes up and says lets go. she knows it going to be fast and hard, cause at that moment for what ever reason she just wants that attention from me. Makes me feel wanted and gives her what she needs. Oh HORRIBLE ME!Yes. If I'm really tired and have to wake up really early (by early I mean in 4 hours or less) or sometimes if I'm in the middle of homework or repairing something etc - I mean sorry, but I got s**t to do. It can wait. Sex isn't even the top 5 of priorities. I hate how some people are like "well duhh, drop everything for it." If I have a lot of stuff to do, it needs to get done first. Also, if a girl is being moody and obnoxious, then I lose all desire right there.
Why can't you finish the lawn first, then do it? If it's just for a house, it'll take 5 more mintues. It seems so inefficient to stop halfway, put the lawn mower in the backyard so it isn't stolen, go inside, shower off cuz you're all stank and sweaty, sex her, then go back out, mow, and get sweaty again.... but regardless, I'm fine with a simple chore. But say I'm studying for a final, I've got homework out my *kitten*, I just got off work, and my test is in 12 hours. I rather have sex AFTER the test. Is that so crazy?
Well the lawnmower can be put into the garage very easily, no showe need cause well maybe she likes him hot and sweaty and thats what turned her on in the first place.. just a thought... but i do agree.. why stop if your almost done mowing the lawn... oh wait there was another lawn that need immediate care and attention.. LOL jk..
That's just so inefficient. lol.
I'm programmed for finishing things the right way the first time, so I can move onto the next and not backtrack.
Hahahaha.. i can understand that.. I used to be like that as well.. been married for 20yrs and having 3 kids (now all teenagers) in the house constantly has changed that.. Have to take advantage of those requests.. or it'll probably be another week or two before anotherone comes up.. so for myself, taking her up on that offer is efficient.. LOL0 -
Just because he isn't sneezing doesn't mean he isn't sick. My sex life took a nose dive all of a sudden, and I thought it was my fault or that he'd lost interest in me. Then he was diagnosed with cancer.
Sex isn't everything. I'd happily live the rest of my life in celibacy if I could just have my husband back.
So sorry for your loss.0 -
I might catch some flak for this, but if you want an honest answer.
Yes, I have turned sex down many times. Sometimes it was just normal reasons: Long day, anxiety over work, sore from the gym, but...
About 3 years ago I was in a very serious relationship. We lived together, had a dog, the whole deal. I fell in love with her. She was motivated, happy, independent, beautiful. About 2 years into the relationship she developed this sense of apathy that I had never seen before. She quit her job, stopped wanting to do things together, just wanted to laze around the house, dropped out of college 2 credits short of her degree. She gained a lot of weight, became needy and jealous. She lost all of the qualities that I was attracted too. I still loved her, but I wasn't sexually attracted to her anymore. We discussed medication, her going back to school, finding a new job, taking a trip with her friends, therapy, couples therapy, everything. A lot of promises and no follow through, and we went months without having sex. When it got to the point that I was dreading coming home every night, I had to end it.
Sex CAN, not always, be an indicator of how well things are going in your relationship. It is an intimate act, that requires extreme trust and closeness on physical and emotional levels. If I don't feel close to you anymore, I'm not going to just be having sex with you because you're there and willing. I'm not a teenager anymore.
Chris.
Flames to PM please.0 -
Never turn it down , EVER, NO EXCUSES !0
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Yes, but he'd just come home from working a 12 hour shift, rushed off his feet.
Well, he didn't turn it down, he just fell asleep... Bless him. :flowerforyou:0 -
*clap clap* for honesty! :flowerforyou:I might catch some flak for this, but if you want an honest answer.
Yes, I have turned sex down many times. Sometimes it was just normal reasons: Long day, anxiety over work, sore from the gym, but...
About 3 years ago I was in a very serious relationship. We lived together, had a dog, the whole deal. I fell in love with her. She was motivated, happy, independent, beautiful. About 2 years into the relationship she developed this sense of apathy that I had never seen before. She quit her job, stopped wanting to do things together, just wanted to laze around the house, dropped out of college 2 credits short of her degree. She gained a lot of weight, became needy and jealous. She lost all of the qualities that I was attracted too. I still loved her, but I wasn't sexually attracted to her anymore. We discussed medication, her going back to school, finding a new job, taking a trip with her friends, therapy, couples therapy, everything. A lot of promises and no follow through, and we went months without having sex. When it got to the point that I was dreading coming home every night, I had to end it.
Sex CAN, not always, be an indicator of how well things are going in your relationship. It is an intimate act, that requires extreme trust and closeness on physical and emotional levels. If I don't feel close to you anymore, I'm not going to just be having sex with you because you're there and willing. I'm not a teenager anymore.
Chris.
Flames to PM please.0 -
I agree. Sex can also just be a primal thing. There is a time and place for Love and a time and place for sex, sometimes those times intersect.I might catch some flak for this, but if you want an honest answer.
Yes, I have turned sex down many times. Sometimes it was just normal reasons: Long day, anxiety over work, sore from the gym, but...
About 3 years ago I was in a very serious relationship. We lived together, had a dog, the whole deal. I fell in love with her. She was motivated, happy, independent, beautiful. About 2 years into the relationship she developed this sense of apathy that I had never seen before. She quit her job, stopped wanting to do things together, just wanted to laze around the house, dropped out of college 2 credits short of her degree. She gained a lot of weight, became needy and jealous. She lost all of the qualities that I was attracted too. I still loved her, but I wasn't sexually attracted to her anymore. We discussed medication, her going back to school, finding a new job, taking a trip with her friends, therapy, couples therapy, everything. A lot of promises and no follow through, and we went months without having sex. When it got to the point that I was dreading coming home every night, I had to end it.
Sex CAN, not always, be an indicator of how well things are going in your relationship. It is an intimate act, that requires extreme trust and closeness on physical and emotional levels. If I don't feel close to you anymore, I'm not going to just be having sex with you because you're there and willing. I'm not a teenager anymore.
Chris.
Flames to PM please.0 -
A lot of people in here are carrying on the horrible stereotype that guys only want and/or care about sex. Anyone that would never turn down sex under any circumstance (minus being really sick, etc.) seems like they need to have their priorities checked.
I've turned down sex with drunk women, I've turned down sex with my girlfriend.
Believe it or not, men are also human beings, and some of us even consider the emotional process of the woman on the other side of the proposition.
In a previous relationship my girlfriend would try to use sex as a way to make up for something she had done to upset me. And I don't mean makeup sex, I mean, "I'll have sex with you so you're not mad at me anymore and I can continue what I was doing to piss you off in the first place."
If I give in to that, it just enables her to go ahead and continue upsetting me after the deed is done. Many women use sex as a weapon (Yes, I know men do as well). I don't blame them, especially after reading a lot of the responses in this thread.
And my final point, not to be crude, but I think most guys know how to please themselves if they're really that desperate for the satisfaction.0 -
Why Knock one out by yourself when you have a women to share it with. Regardless if you are mad at eachother, be mad, but have sex. Wow really coming off as a sex feind here. HEHEA lot of people in here are carrying on the horrible stereotype that guys only want and/or care about sex. Anyone that would never turn down sex under any circumstance (minus being really sick, etc.) seems like they need to have their priorities checked.
I've turned down sex with drunk women, I've turned down sex with my girlfriend.
Believe it or not, men are also human beings, and some of us even consider the emotional process of the woman on the other side of the proposition.
In a previous relationship my girlfriend would try to use sex as a way to make up for something she had done to upset me. And I don't mean makeup sex, I mean, "I'll have sex with you so you're not mad at me anymore and I can continue what I was doing to piss you off in the first place."
If I give in to that, it just enables her to go ahead and continue upsetting me after the deed is done. Many women use sex as a weapon (Yes, I know men do as well). I don't blame them, especially after reading a lot of the responses in this thread.
And my final point, not to be crude, but I think most guys know how to please themselves if they're really that desperate for the satisfaction.0
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