Parents of teenage girls

It depends on who else is hanging out at your local mall! Thirty years ago when i was 13 it was mostly junior high school kids. But now adays our mall is literally packed with teens ages 13-19...some even older. I dont know if its the change in driver liscense requirements or the high unemployment rate but most dont have cars or money so they loiter for hours at the mall on friday and saturday nights. Our mall is the only one in the three surrounding counties and theres been alot of trouble there. Kids are kicked out on nightly basis and they've had to hire additional security..not to mention that the police are there frequently. Your daughter may be mature enough to handle herself but you never know about who she may be with. And cell phones dont always get good signals inside large shopping malls so if you do let her go you might want to do some test calls to make sure there wont be an issue.

I have a teenage daughter (19) plus three sons (24,15 and 3) so i know what it is like. When it comes to new experiences always base your decision on the responsibilty level your child displays at school and at home. Does she do her chores and take care of other duties when asked? Does she have good self esteem and the ability to make smart decisions regardless of friends pressures? Does she show repect for adults and authority figures who she may have to deal with in public? All of these things dictate whether a teen has earned the right to that additional independence.

Good luck and i hope things go well....

Former 13-year old (Sorry, I know you asked for parents but I'm offering my mom's answer): She took me to the mall, and I got to hang out with whatever friend (or SO which it seems you're asking about), and she would do some shopping herself

Yep this is exactly what my mom did. And if i wanted to go with my friends to a movie she would bring us, see her own movie that started at about the same time, and then meet us after our respective movies ended.

I just moved to a new town 2 years ago. We live across the street from a park. I see children as young as 7 playing over there, by themselves, with no adult in sight. I know their parents live "in the neighborhood," but I know where most of those parents live, and there's only one other family who can see the park from their house. The rest are all at least a block away. I think it's absolutely crazy, especially seeing what the kids get up to when their friends show up. They bust the padlock off the access panel in the picnic shelter, so they can open it and climb up inside the ceiling where all the electrical wiring is. They say AWFUL things to each other -- things that would have made me blush in my vulgar college days. They have pushing contests to try to knock each other off the curb and into the street, and they try to push each other off the top of the tall slide. Everybody thinks this town is so safe because it's a small town, and they tell me I'm over-protective because I won't let my 6-year-old go to the park with a friend and no adults. But with what I've seen, there's no way I'm doing that for many, MANY years. Especially since my children are the smallest in town for their ages, and my daughter is already being teased for her size. Why would I send her out on her own, when she's still not equipped to stand up to bullies that are twice her size? And if these things are happening with children as young as 7 and 8, what do you think teenagers are doing?

So to the OP: No, I don't think you're crazy. You're a parent. You do what makes you feel the safest. Keeping an eye on her isn't going to damage her, and it might end up saving her life or keeping her out of trouble. Go with your gut.

My daughter is 14. Plenty of her friends have their parents drop them off and they're alone for hours. Mine has asked a couple of times pulling the "all the other mother's let their kids go to the mall alone".... which doesn't sway me a bit. Have no problem letting her go her own way with a friend in the mall and checking in with her from time to time, but going it alone at 14 not happening.

Good for you that this works for you and your daughter. I use my judgement on what I think my daughter can handle. And at 14 years old I don't think she could have handled being alone in Woodbridge Center Mall during the recent shooting (5 miles from my home). I give my daughter enough space so she can grow into womanhood while still allowing her to be a KID. She's not damaged. She doesn't sit in the basement on her computer feeding her face with doritos. She's happy, has lots of friends and IS ALIVE!

I was such a mall rat growing up and Woodbridge Center was our hang out of choice.

I have 4 boys, and NONE of them like mall rats.

They like those who have strong parents, very in tune with their lives. Those are the girls that grow up to be great women (and wives).

My friends and I were mall rats and grew up just fine, one thing has nothing to do with the other.

I love how parents who don't let their children go to the mall alone are suddenly labeled as the parents who keep their kids locked in the basement playing Xbox and eating Doritos.

You CAN be an involved parent without creating lazy children who don't know how to navigate the world. Involved is not the same thing as controlling. You can also send your kids out into the world before they're ready, and end up with a dependent child who can't function appropriately without guidance. It's not about this one decision. It's about all the child's experiences taken together as a whole.

Children can learn from experience, yes. But most often, they learn by example. It's a common fact in the education world that they will learn more from the people around them and from watching other people's behavior than they will learn from all your lectures and hopes for them. So if your child has awesome friends who always do the right thing, they're more likely to learn that behavior. But if they're hanging out with kids who don't do the right thing, or if they're at the mall watching older kids behave inappropriately, they're more likely to learn those behaviors instead. Is it foolproof? No, sometimes kids behave the "right" way just because it's part of who they are, and sometimes kids with all the best influences grow up to be criminals. But the simple act of letting them go to the mall without adults doesn't mean they'll be better equipped to handle the world than a child who is chaperoned. It doesn't make them more independent. It just gives them a different experience. Not better.

As an educator I would say that actually people learn most from doing rather than watching or listening. I understand about being protective but I wonder about parents who won't let their kids go anywhere without direct supervison. What happens when these kids turn 18 and go to college in another city? What happens if you're out somewhere and unexpected things happen like getting lost or car trouble etc. Kids need to learn how to mange situations, like who can I trust and approach if things happen? Activities like going to the mall at an earlier age can be used as a stepping stone to being an adult.

I love how parents who don't let their children go to the mall alone are suddenly labeled as the parents who keep their kids locked in the basement playing Xbox and eating Doritos.

You CAN be an involved parent without creating lazy children who don't know how to navigate the world. Involved is not the same thing as controlling. You can also send your kids out into the world before they're ready, and end up with a dependent child who can't function appropriately without guidance. It's not about this one decision. It's about all the child's experiences taken together as a whole.

Children can learn from experience, yes. But most often, they learn by example. It's a common fact in the education world that they will learn more from the people around them and from watching other people's behavior than they will learn from all your lectures and hopes for them. So if your child has awesome friends who always do the right thing, they're more likely to learn that behavior. But if they're hanging out with kids who don't do the right thing, or if they're at the mall watching older kids behave inappropriately, they're more likely to learn those behaviors instead. Is it foolproof? No, sometimes kids behave the "right" way just because it's part of who they are, and sometimes kids with all the best influences grow up to be criminals. But the simple act of letting them go to the mall without adults doesn't mean they'll be better equipped to handle the world than a child who is chaperoned. It doesn't make them more independent. It just gives them a different experience. Not better.

As an educator I would say that actually people learn most from doing rather than watching or listening. I understand about being protective but I wonder about parents who won't let their kids go anywhere without direct supervison. What happens when these kids turn 18 and go to college in another city? What happens if you're out somewhere and unexpected things happen like getting lost or car trouble etc. Kids need to learn how to mange situations, like who can I trust and approach if things happen? Activities like going to the mall at an earlier age can be used as a stepping stone to being an adult.

I wasn't allowed to go anywhere except school events without my parents until I was 17 and had my driver's license. I learned to navigate the world just fine. Because they still gave me the experience of going out with my friends, so I got the experience of "doing" with them there to guide me into making good choices. And I went to college far from home, and I didn't go home every weekend, and I did just fine on my own. I got a job, I knew what to do when I had a car accident, I knew who I could talk to when I had difficulties in my major program, and I even knew how to find a counselor when the depression that had plagued me for my whole life finally caught up with me. I knew how to find a doctor that was local to me, I knew how to find affordable birth control, I knew how to get my car repaired when it needed it, and I did all these things without having to ask my mommy, even though I hadn't had to do them when I lived at home. You don't have to toss the baby bird out of the nest before she's able to fly -- she'll still learn to fly if you teach her yourself, and let her try it with you there by her side.

I have a 13 year old daughter who is very mature for her age. That being said, going to the mall alone is not allowed. I don't even let her go off without me. And as a side note, as a mall shopper, nothing pi$$es me off more than a group of unsupervised twits running around. I'm sure their parents think they are well-behaved as well.

I started walking to the local grocery store that was in the local mall when I was about 8. Hah. My parents were fine with that.