Parents of teenage girls
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I don't know if I am comfortable just dropping her off there, but I would have no problem with her walking around with her friends while I did my own shopping. My plan is to start it off gradually, as I see that she is mature enough enough to handle being there by herself, she gets more freedom.0
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What are you talking about lol you obviously haven't seen the statistics on human trafficking. i wouldnt let my child go anywhere by themselves until they got older! This world is a dangerous place its unreal how unsafe it has become.
AMEN to that!!!!!!!!!0 -
i love how every one says 'when i was that age i .....'
how long ago was that? how different was the world then?
how many crazed gunmen and child molesters were roaming the streets??
i have no problem with my kids going places with friends... as long as they have their phone on them and there is an adult in the area- either me or one of the friends parents...
i'm sorry but when you get notices sent home from school saying there is a car that's been reported in the area trying to pick kids up on their walk home from school-
or that your kids school was on lock-down cause there was a domestic in the neighborhood and some guy ran off on foot with a knife-
or that a little boy was molested in a restaurant men's room cause his mom let him go in by himself and some weirdo was in there waiting-
or that the middle school is on lock down because a 14 year old brought a shotgun to school and shot his face off in the cafeteria...
or all the missing kids you see everywhere, and the ones that are found and tell their story of being held up in a basement for years or in the woods, or the ones that are just bodies found.....
my kids are too precious to me to let them be thrown in an unnecessary dangerous situation with a bunch of strangers that could be the next mass murderer! how easy would it be for someone to grab your precious mature trusted responsible kids in your utopian mall and molest or rape them or kidnap them or worse???...
if an adult was in the area they could keep an eye out- and if there was someone suspicious you could step in and protect them- or even after you all left the mall you could point out things they did or didn't do for their safety to make them more aware of everything....
its a crazy world... and as long as i am breathing i will always teach my kids to protect themselves no matter how old they get or what the situation is or how far from home they move-
and my 13 year old- at this point in time i do it by her side not from my couch!!!!0 -
Well at 13 I do let my daughter walk around the mall with friends on her own and check in with the adult accompanying them on a regular basis. Time for some independence. Not I trust my daughter and I live in a safe area. At 13 kids need some independence and freedom and not to be watched over every minute IMHO
Cell phones add a sense of security for parent and child too.....0 -
i love how every one says 'when i was that age i .....'
how long ago was that? how different was the world then?
how many crazed gunmen and child molesters were roaming the streets??
i have no problem with my kids going places with friends... as long as they have their phone on them and there is an adult in the area- either me or one of the friends parents...
i'm sorry but when you get notices sent home from school saying there is a car that's been reported in the area trying to pick kids up on their walk home from school-
or that your kids school was on lock-down cause there was a domestic in the neighborhood and some guy ran off on foot with a knife-
or that a little boy was molested in a restaurant men's room cause his mom let him go in by himself and some weirdo was in there waiting-
or that the middle school is on lock down because a 14 year old brought a shotgun to school and shot his face off in the cafeteria...
or all the missing kids you see everywhere, and the ones that are found and tell their story of being held up in a basement for years or in the woods, or the ones that are just bodies found.....
my kids are too precious to me to let them be thrown in an unnecessary dangerous situation with a bunch of strangers that could be the next mass murderer! how easy would it be for someone to grab your precious mature trusted responsible kids in your utopian mall and molest or rape them or kidnap them or worse???...
if an adult was in the area they could keep an eye out- and if there was someone suspicious you could step in and protect them- or even after you all left the mall you could point out things they did or didn't do for their safety to make them more aware of everything....
its a crazy world... and as long as i am breathing i will always teach my kids to protect themselves no matter how old they get or what the situation is or how far from home they move-
and my 13 year old- at this point in time i do it by her side not from my couch!!!!
Lets see... oh 2000-2002 era... Which really wasn't that long ago if you think about it... and there were still crazed gun men and child molesters out there.. you just didn't hear about it like you do now. My parents also had some trust in me and knew that I wouldn't just go gallivanting off without telling them first.
When I went to college, we had 12(yes 12) bomb threats before the guy was caught by the FBI.
When I was in High School, We had a bomb threat and had to go on a lock down
The high school where my mom works had a kid try to bring a gun to school.. and the only reason why they found it is because it fell off on the bus
My mom also found a butcher knife in a kids backpack when she was cleaning out his locker... and his mom didn't even know it was missing!
Crazy stuff can happen at anytime and all this worrying isn't going to get you anywhere. Even with a parent there, kids are smart and if they really want to do something, they will find a way to ditch the parent and do what they want(and I work with high schoolers, so trust me when I say that).0 -
i love how every one says 'when i was that age i .....'
how long ago was that? how different was the world then?
how many crazed gunmen and child molesters were roaming the streets??
i have no problem with my kids going places with friends... as long as they have their phone on them and there is an adult in the area- either me or one of the friends parents...
i'm sorry but when you get notices sent home from school saying there is a car that's been reported in the area trying to pick kids up on their walk home from school-
or that your kids school was on lock-down cause there was a domestic in the neighborhood and some guy ran off on foot with a knife-
or that a little boy was molested in a restaurant men's room cause his mom let him go in by himself and some weirdo was in there waiting-
or that the middle school is on lock down because a 14 year old brought a shotgun to school and shot his face off in the cafeteria...
or all the missing kids you see everywhere, and the ones that are found and tell their story of being held up in a basement for years or in the woods, or the ones that are just bodies found.....
my kids are too precious to me to let them be thrown in an unnecessary dangerous situation with a bunch of strangers that could be the next mass murderer! how easy would it be for someone to grab your precious mature trusted responsible kids in your utopian mall and molest or rape them or kidnap them or worse???...
if an adult was in the area they could keep an eye out- and if there was someone suspicious you could step in and protect them- or even after you all left the mall you could point out things they did or didn't do for their safety to make them more aware of everything....
its a crazy world... and as long as i am breathing i will always teach my kids to protect themselves no matter how old they get or what the situation is or how far from home they move-
and my 13 year old- at this point in time i do it by her side not from my couch!!!!
Well I am only 19 now so it wasn't very long ago actually.
Even when we moved to the city (I was 16) and my parents let me go places on my own and go on dates with guys - I always have my phone on me.0 -
I have 5 kids - all boys.
At age 13 they do NOT go to the mall unsupervised.
They go nowhere public without an adult unless it's in my neighborhood.
And they cry "Don't you trust me?"
And I reply "No! I do NOT".
End of discussion.0 -
Well, I am a 16 year-old girl. The mall is honestly a harmless place. My parents are very attentive, very protective, yet very understanding. I have been going to the mall alone with my friends since I was 12. However, to ease my mother's early worries, we worked out a deal where she would be in the same mall doing her returns and such while we were there. Just in case something happened.
I guess it all depends on the amount of trust you have in your child.0 -
I don't have a daughter, but I did have a very protective mother. And I was allowed to go downtown and to the mall with my friend when I was that age, but we were given a ride and picked up by our parents.
Yep, it was 20-some years ago. Things have changed... but in some ways, for the better. We didn't have cell phones and gps. We did have crazed gunmen, even in the rinky-dink little town were I live. Bad things have always happened. My mom was assaulted as a little girl in the 1940s.0 -
In a pigs eye! Our girls want to do things on their own out in public and whine when they don't get to. Their dad asks them, "Did you help out around the house without being asked? Without complaining? Without expecting or asking for a monetory payment? Then NO. I don't think so, but thanks for asking!"
Not with all the wierdos in the mall these days.0 -
at 13!? OH HELLZ NO
I was a good kid at 13 and my parents knew it but they wouldnt even let me out completely unattended at that age.
I could walk to corner store by myself where I'd be expected to return back in 15-20 minutes, i could catch a bus alone and take the 20 minute ride to an aunt's house, but spending hours unsupervised all the way at the mall? :noway:0 -
It depends on who else is hanging out at your local mall! Thirty years ago when i was 13 it was mostly junior high school kids. But now adays our mall is literally packed with teens ages 13-19...some even older. I dont know if its the change in driver liscense requirements or the high unemployment rate but most dont have cars or money so they loiter for hours at the mall on friday and saturday nights. Our mall is the only one in the three surrounding counties and theres been alot of trouble there. Kids are kicked out on nightly basis and they've had to hire additional security..not to mention that the police are there frequently. Your daughter may be mature enough to handle herself but you never know about who she may be with. And cell phones dont always get good signals inside large shopping malls so if you do let her go you might want to do some test calls to make sure there wont be an issue.
I have a teenage daughter (19) plus three sons (24,15 and 3) so i know what it is like. When it comes to new experiences always base your decision on the responsibilty level your child displays at school and at home. Does she do her chores and take care of other duties when asked? Does she have good self esteem and the ability to make smart decisions regardless of friends pressures? Does she show repect for adults and authority figures who she may have to deal with in public? All of these things dictate whether a teen has earned the right to that additional independence.
Good luck and i hope things go well....
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When I was 13, my then-best friend was arrested for shoplifting. My dad got to the mall before her parents and my dad, her and I had to sit with the store employee and the police until her dad came for her. It wasn't one of my better moments.0
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Former 13-year old (Sorry, I know you asked for parents but I'm offering my mom's answer): She took me to the mall, and I got to hang out with whatever friend (or SO which it seems you're asking about), and she would do some shopping herself
Yep this is exactly what my mom did. And if i wanted to go with my friends to a movie she would bring us, see her own movie that started at about the same time, and then meet us after our respective movies ended.0 -
It's too bad that 24hour cable news has given people the idea that the world is just teeming with child molesters, kidnappers and perverts. Crime rates for all types of crimes are much lower than they were 30 years ago. Yes, we teach our kids to be aware of their surroundings and take precautions in public, but really, I don't think my local Macy's is a dangerous place.
well how about the local movie theater??
Would that kind of extreme situation have been any safer for teens there with their parents, vs teens there without?0 -
I just moved to a new town 2 years ago. We live across the street from a park. I see children as young as 7 playing over there, by themselves, with no adult in sight. I know their parents live "in the neighborhood," but I know where most of those parents live, and there's only one other family who can see the park from their house. The rest are all at least a block away. I think it's absolutely crazy, especially seeing what the kids get up to when their friends show up. They bust the padlock off the access panel in the picnic shelter, so they can open it and climb up inside the ceiling where all the electrical wiring is. They say AWFUL things to each other -- things that would have made me blush in my vulgar college days. They have pushing contests to try to knock each other off the curb and into the street, and they try to push each other off the top of the tall slide. Everybody thinks this town is so safe because it's a small town, and they tell me I'm over-protective because I won't let my 6-year-old go to the park with a friend and no adults. But with what I've seen, there's no way I'm doing that for many, MANY years. Especially since my children are the smallest in town for their ages, and my daughter is already being teased for her size. Why would I send her out on her own, when she's still not equipped to stand up to bullies that are twice her size? And if these things are happening with children as young as 7 and 8, what do you think teenagers are doing?
So to the OP: No, I don't think you're crazy. You're a parent. You do what makes you feel the safest. Keeping an eye on her isn't going to damage her, and it might end up saving her life or keeping her out of trouble. Go with your gut.0 -
I read this thread and just sit here and shake my head. All those damaged kids sitting in the basements playing on the PC interacting with other via an emotionless and sterile controlled and safe environment. Getting fat and lonely. I now know it is not their fault. If it is anyone’s fault I’d blame their parents for watching too much TV news.
How do kids learn to be safe? They practice!
How do kids learn judgement? They practice it!
How do kids learn about life? They experience it.
I was walking to my primary school aged 7 on my own
I was allowed to cycle the 12 miles to go fishing with my friends aged 11
I was allowed to catch public transport to my local town aged 12.
My daughter was allowed out of my sight for an hour or so aged 7
She was allowed to light camp fires and use a sharp knife aged 9.
She is allowed to go hang with her friends in town, or the local shopping centre, are their weird people there? Yes. Does she get scared? Occasionally. Does she have enough life experience, enough to cope with it, YES and YES.
Like adulthood there is no magic figure where the minute before they are kids and the next second they are adults, they have to learn bit by bit, experience by experience and mistake by mistake.
Let them learn, or they will never fit in, let them experience the freedom, that most of you had as kids. Or make them scared of life itself.
And before anyone dare to say that, it’s ok to say that until something bad happens. I’ve had my share of tragedy and loss. Friends killed, siblings killed. And I still feel the same way.
Life is to be experienced firsthand with all the sharp corners intact not wrapped in baby cotton and tied to mummy’s apron.0 -
My daughter is 14. Plenty of her friends have their parents drop them off and they're alone for hours. Mine has asked a couple of times pulling the "all the other mother's let their kids go to the mall alone".... which doesn't sway me a bit. Have no problem letting her go her own way with a friend in the mall and checking in with her from time to time, but going it alone at 14 not happening.0
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I read this thread and just sit here and shake my head. All those damaged kids sitting in the basements playing on the PC interacting with other via an emotionless and sterile controlled and safe environment. Getting fat and lonely. I now know it is not their fault. If it is anyone’s fault I’d blame their parents for watching too much TV news.
How do kids learn to be safe? They practice!
How do kids learn judgement? They practice it!
How do kids learn about life? They experience it.
I was walking to my primary school aged 7 on my own
I was allowed to cycle the 12 miles to go fishing with my friends aged 11
I was allowed to catch public transport to my local town aged 12.
My daughter was allowed out of my sight for an hour or so aged 7
She was allowed to light camp fires and use a sharp knife aged 9.
She is allowed to go hang with her friends in town, or the local shopping centre, are their weird people there? Yes. Does she get scared? Occasionally. Does she have enough life experience, enough to cope with it, YES and YES.
Like adulthood there is no magic figure where the minute before they are kids and the next second they are adults, they have to learn bit by bit, experience by experience and mistake by mistake.
Let them learn, or they will never fit in, let them experience the freedom, that most of you had as kids. Or make them scared of life itself.
And before anyone dare to say that, it’s ok to say that until something bad happens. I’ve had my share of tragedy and loss. Friends killed, siblings killed. And I still feel the same way.
Life is to be experienced firsthand with all the sharp corners intact not wrapped in baby cotton and tied to mummy’s apron.
Good for you that this works for you and your daughter. I use my judgement on what I think my daughter can handle. And at 14 years old I don't think she could have handled being alone in Woodbridge Center Mall during the recent shooting (5 miles from my home). I give my daughter enough space so she can grow into womanhood while still allowing her to be a KID. She's not damaged. She doesn't sit in the basement on her computer feeding her face with doritos. She's happy, has lots of friends and IS ALIVE!0 -
Good for you that this works for you and your daughter. I use my judgement on what I think my daughter can handle. And at 14 years old I don't think she could have handled being alone in Woodbridge Center Mall during the recent shooting (5 miles from my home). I give my daughter enough space so she can grow into womanhood while still allowing her to be a KID. She's not damaged. She doesn't sit in the basement on her computer feeding her face with doritos. She's happy, has lots of friends and IS ALIVE!
I was such a mall rat growing up and Woodbridge Center was our hang out of choice.0
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