can you date your brothers ex wife

I get the impression that your brother and his ex and his son don't see each other, nor does he pay child support. That makes him a sperm donor, not a father.I also get the impression that you don't see your brother often and don't seem to have a brotherly relationship. He cheated on the girl, so obviously he had no respect for her or their relationship. If you decide to go forward with this girl, I'd say, at least just tell your brother that this is what you intend to do. I don't think you need to ask his permission.

Then, I'd talk to your parents about it and ask for their opinion and feelings about it.. It doesn't seem that your parents see her or their grandson often either. I didn't get the impression from the info that you gave that your parents have any problem with her. I don't think the rest of the family should have any say in the matter. And if your parents are aware that their son treated her badly and doesn't bother with his son, I'd think they probably would be ok with it.

Then, my next question would be: How old is your nephew? How does he feel about his father? Do you and he get along?
If he's old enough to understand, I would say that you and her should talk to him and ask him how he would feel if the two of you started spending more time together and eventually started dating or even some day ended up getting married if things go well.
It's possible that he doesn't even consider your brother to be his father and doesn't even really know him. If your nephew is bothered by it in any way, I'd say to stop right there.

And, if it were to get to the point where you'd consider getting married, in my opinion you'd still remain "uncle" as that is the blood relationship. Kids see so much and know so much today. There are tons of "non-traditional" families out there. I don't think it really matters whether he'd call you uncle or Dad. I'd leave that up to him. I really don't think that many kids today would be phased by the fact that their friends step-dad is his uncle or his uncle is his step-dad. And, if your nephew has no problem with it, he probably wouldn't have a problem telling his friends that his father was never around and his mom ended up marrying his uncle.

It seems that this family hasn't been close to the ex and your brothers son and it's not like she did something horrible to him and he divorced her for indiscretion. I'd say, once you see how your parents would feel, and then talk to your nephew, if all those parties are ok with it....go right ahead and I wish you luck.

I sent you a nice message, I'd still say no lol

Your brother is a douche and your family thinks it's cool. I don't see a problem here...just take it slow and don't try to force the relationship. If it happens, it happens...if not, then at least you can provide your nephew with a positive male role model.

This is a definite no fly zone IMO.

No. No no no no no. It's just gross to go where your brother has already been, man. Socially, it's just waaaaaay too taboo, and if it goes wrong you're just screwing over the ties between the rest of your family and your nephew even more. Don't make the kid's life any more complicated than it already is; his dad is already a deadbeat; he doesn't need his mother shtupping his deadbeat dad's brother, and then potentially having fallout from that if it doesn't work out.

To me, this is similar to situations like getting involved with a first cousin, or long lost siblings having a romantic relationship (because both of these things have been known to happen). I mean, look at those two examples with these circumstances: first cousins having kids doesn't carry much of an increased risk of genetic defects, and what if the two long lost siblings are permanently sterilized and unable to reproduce? Does it make either situation okay? I don't think so. It makes things really awkward between the participating parties' extended family, not to mention the incredible stigma from the general public.

Your feelings for your ex-SIL will pass, in time, especially if you get her off your mind by meeting some new women who aren't/weren't related to you by blood or marriage.

Everything happens for a reason. Looking to sleep together... not a good reason! Finding a loving, committed relationship with friendship and stability... there's a good reason. Try to figure out which motives you have for considering checking out a relationship with you ex sister in law and then you will know if you should be heading into relationship potential together. Another words~ only for the right reasons like; if it's truly meant to be. Stability will be good for your nephew but a rocky relationship between his uncle and mom wouldn't be. Figure this part out first. My best advice without knowing any of you.

Yes!

I find it interesting that so many people are focused mainly on the fact that your relationship to the child wouldn't fit a certain label.

This!

Uncle Step Daddy? Maybe not.

"This is my uncle... Wait, no, my step-dad... wait, no, my uncle..."

EXACTLY! The focus needs to be on the kid! he's the one that has to deal with the consequences of your and his mother's choice... forget about everything else. Could you imagine yourself in his shoes?

she hot? i'd probably do it.