A Letter, Add Yours!

<<I pretty much put people like this in the category of 'fanciful myths'. You know, like Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and Christopher Walken. Wow, well you got my attention. (Haha, imagine that, huh?)>>

Christopher Walken!!!! Too funny.

Dear Booty Call,

I initiated this little endeavour, and unless you get with the program, we are going to have to terminate our arrangement. Please don't make me do that. Seriously buddy, the sex is the best I've ever had! Can't you tell? I'm pretty vocal and appreciative in bed. I'm your biggest fan under the sheets and under the stars. We've got a good thing going here -- let's just ride the wave as long as we can.

And, while we are at it, thank you for coming along at exactly the right time after a breakup to help me transition from sad to sultry sex kitten. You have done wonders for my self-esteem, my skin is glowing, and the aerobic sex is great for my exercise diary.

So here's the thing. Despite what most guys think, it's not easy for a girl to walk out the door and find someone to have great sex with, and I'm not about to audition a bunch of people to find someone as good as you. I promised you I wouldn't sleep with anyone else, and I won't! But I want to reserve the right to date other people and I don't want to have to lie about this. Can't we initiate a don't ask/ don't tell policy?

Every time I have plans, you ask me who they are with. And then you get mad and jealous. I've been nothing but up front with you since Day 1! I don't want a boyfriend, I want to have nice, dirty, safe-sex fun...I want to have dinner with other guys but my orgasms with you. Seriously, there is not a chance in Victoria's Secret Hell that you will find another deal as good as this one, so STOP messing it up!

Your Skittish Sex Kitten

This post reminds me of a question I had. Why doesn't the exercise calories burned have information for
SEX. And could we break it down in quarters of a minute....um for the other people.

Mine has the sex calories. I added it a few weeks ago... But...

http://www.rd.com/advice-and-know-how/activity-and-exercise-calorie-calculator/article12680.html
(Pick the sexual activity one on the scrtoll list)

or...

http://www.healthstatus.com/calculate/cbc

:happy:

Thanks I added to my calories now. I need all the calories I can get today.

Not a problem Fatsis. That's why I added it. Figured with all the work I was doing I could at least get a cookie out of it! (Or the cals. to eat one!)

There is a great new topic what food = the calories burned during your romantic interlude.

We MFPers could come up with our own new term for sex (ie cookie):blushing:

Not a problem Fatsis. That's why I added it. Figured with all the work I was doing I could at least get a cookie out of it! (Or the cals. to eat one!)

There is a great new topic what food = the calories burned during your romantic interlude.

We MFPers could come up with our own new term for sex (ie cookie):blushing:

One problem. It might equal a Fudge Frosted Caramel Swirled Cheesecake Brownie for some and a TicTac for others.

Not a problem Fatsis. That's why I added it. Figured with all the work I was doing I could at least get a cookie out of it! (Or the cals. to eat one!)

There is a great new topic what food = the calories burned during your romantic interlude.

We MFPers could come up with our own new term for sex (ie cookie):blushing:

One problem. It might equal a Fudge Frosted Caramel Swirled Cheesecake Brownie for some and a TicTac for others.

Freaking Hilarious.:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :blushing:

I think my beatiful wife deserves the Fudge Frosted Caramel Swirled Cheesecake Brownie...um ...treatment/experience, but I think I am going to have to do some research.

Tictac wow they have DRs to help that .....so I hear.

rotflmao!!! :laugh: omg you guys are killing me!!!!!!!!!!!!

dear murphy's law,
I don't know why you like me so much, especially when every time I get in the car to go anywhere these days. These times are stressful enough for me without you tagging along making all the lights turn red and making sure I get behind all the slow cars when my 2 year old is screaming in the backseat. I am tempted to blame you for all the extra calories I consume in the afternoon when I've had it with my fighting screaming kids. Please please please go bother some skinny, carefree 19 year old with perfect skin somewhere!!!
sincerely,
murphy hater.
to my 13 year old know it all
guess what! I have been around a few more years than you and have lots more life experience than you, so if I were you I'd LISTEN UP! If I say something there is a reason for it. I am not your maid and not a moneytree. if you want your stinkin' socks washed put them in your hamper or in the laundry room. I will not go around the house trying to locate them. And don't expect new jeans when you won't wear the ones that you have that fit you perfectly fine. If you'd stop spending every dollar the moment you get it you'd have enough to get them yourself, but if you expect me to buy them: two words: NOT HAPPENING!
And another thing: AIM!!! DO I HAVE TO PUT CHEERIOS IN THE LOO FOR YOU TO IMPROVE YOUR AIM? The floor in front of it has yellowed due to your laziness-and don't try to blame anyone else, you are the only one who uses that bathroom. It is DISGUSTING! I don't see how someone who insists on a shower every morning and every evening can not mind their bathroom looking like a pig lives in it. You don't realize how good you have it sonny-boy-and I better not hear the words "who cares" in that sarcastic voice anytime soon again. aaarrrggghh
-your exasperated mom
ps: your playstation and computer and TV are privileges that can easily be taken away indefinately...

Dear Husband,
Is it too much to ask for you to come home from your day on the road for work and eat the dinner I made you? Why do you feel is necessary to come home and tell me that a cab is on the way to get you and take you to your drunken friends house to drink? I kind of thought maybe we could spend some time together after I spent all day taking care of your daughter and cleaning our house. A little sex woulda been nice! Now, I know that tomorrow you'll be hungover and you won't feel like spending time with me or Taylor. You're going to sleep all day and then when you do wake up, you'll pretty much not want to be talked to because you're gonna feel so awful. To this I say HAHA! You're gonna deserve every ounce of misery you'll feel. I Love you dearly, but COME ON! Why can't you go off drinking on a night when I had already seen you all day? It doesn't seem fair to wait anxiously for you all day because I love and miss you and then you just say, "Well bye bye honey, I gotta go drink with the boys". Well enjoy your hangover honey
Love Your Devoted Wife :flowerforyou:

I go for a one-to-one nookie to cookie ratio.

I bet you do! :laugh:

Dear Husband,
Is it too much to ask for you to come home from your day on the road for work and eat the dinner I made you? Why do you feel is necessary to come home and tell me that a cab is on the way to get you and take you to your drunken friends house to drink? I kind of thought maybe we could spend some time together after I spent all day taking care of your daughter and cleaning our house. A little sex woulda been nice! Now, I know that tomorrow you'll be hungover and you won't feel like spending time with me or Taylor. You're going to sleep all day and then when you do wake up, you'll pretty much not want to be talked to because you're gonna feel so awful. To this I say HAHA! You're gonna deserve every ounce of misery you'll feel. I Love you dearly, but COME ON! Why can't you go off drinking on a night when I had already seen you all day? It doesn't seem fair to wait anxiously for you all day because I love and miss you and then you just say, "Well bye bye honey, I gotta go drink with the boys". Well enjoy your hangover honey
Love Your Devoted Wife :flowerforyou:

o-m-g....are we married to the same man?! lol....
I'll come and take you out girl!!!! we'll thelma and louise it!:drinker:
only difference will be the zillion calls we'll get from them...asking where is this....how do I do this...what should I do....gotta love them....cuz if not us then who!? LOL

hugs!
Ali

lol Ali, nice to know i'm not alone!

Dear Manboobs,
( . ) ( . )

What in the hell are you doing on my male body. I swear I have never taken estrogen.
And for gods sake make up your mind when I am jogging up or down not both ways constantly.

Thank you for protruding outwardly for all my coworkers to notice. Thank you for earning me the nickname "boobs." The freaking least you could do is help me bench press more weight.

Thank you manboobs for forcing me to wear a shirt when brushing my teeth. I swear if I brushed my teeth shirtless one time I was going to have to tuck dollar bills in my shorts.

Manboobs, the only good thing I can say good about you is, with out you I would be shaped like a freaking bowling pin.

I am not even go start with you "Big Butt," because if I did it would never....END. ( I )

"HE" was a Brick...House

Dear Kids,
Mothers day is coming and there are a few things i would like best....
pick up your own dirty underware off the bathroom floor,
get your stinky *kitten* feet off my couch,
put your freakin cup in the sink when your done with it,
dont walk on my clean floors with your dirty shoes,
eat your flipping dinner that i took 2 hours cooking, and dont tell me you dont like it,
stop saying "im not touching him, im not touching him" when you clearly have your finger in his face,
pick up your damn toys,
stop saying "mom mom mom ............." with no statement or question to follow,
quit farting/burping at the dinner table,
please stop slamming doors and stomping feet when you dont get your way,
dont ask me questions that i couldnt possibly have the answer too like dad said he would be here at 7 its 7:15 where is he???? HOW WOULD I KNOW WHERE HE IS?????
stop asking me for money to go hang out with your friends, or i will start asking you for money so i can hang with MY friends,
clean your freaking room it stinks like laundry!!!!!!!

Lots of love
your favorite (only) MOM

Dear MY kids (which includes daughter and husband)

Read the letter above, takes notes, read again, memorize, and follow according to instructions.

thanks.

Your one and only beautiful awesome one of a kind mother!

I LOVE THIS!!!!
Ditto to all the above! Except 2 boys and husband.

Dear daddy,
we have our ups and downs but what father daughter team doesnt? After all everytime I hear that george strait song I think thats the song I wanna dance with you at my eventual wedding(if it ever happens), thank you for dealing with me for almost 25 years now. I Love yo, even though I dont always show it. I owe you everything I learned. From building a fire to cooking the dinner I causght you mr mountain man have shown me the way!!!

Dear friends(I mean my close ones)
Thanks for sticking by me thru thick and thin and every goofy and ackward stage in my life, that shows you are all for real I love you all and always will. I cant wait till we are old folks slobberin on ourselves yellin that we want food we can gum!!! Heres to life guys!!!

Dear *kitten*(everyone who feels it necessary to harrass me past present or future)
Thanks so much for taking time out of your already pointless existence to call me fat ugly or whatever else feeds your pathetic ego. I hope that you get fat and lose all your hair or get so many wrinkles that a steam roller cant fix. I can lose wt but you will still be *kitten*.

Dear puppies(my three boys)
Thanks for being there for me you love me when I have bad good and just plain ugly days. I love coming home to a wet tounge on my face and your wagging talis. I can live without the barking and occassional destruction of the house cause I left you to go to work. I AM COMING BACK KIDS!!!! I will not abandon you(this is for my two rescues mainly) or hurt you because I love you so much

Dear lover(my boyfriend I mean at this time)
Thank you for not being a liar a superficial *kitten* a player or in any way abusive I would never tolerate that. I think somethimes that you are way out of my league and want someone better than I can ever be and I hate feeling that way but given my track record with the boys I think u may understand. Thank you for always being patient and caring. I hope this sticks for a while...

PS these are in no particular order just a random order I put it in and who comes in a second but no letter is my coworkers and my fave football team(come on ppl I am sure you may guess who they are) and any other random person place or thing(hahahahahaha noun) I forgot THANKS!!!

Dear Lecturer

I'm sorry I haven't revised more for this exam but the more I read, the less I care about Argentina's debt crisis, Brazil's impeached Presidents OR Latin America's movement to the left. I only did the Latin American module so I could have a nice holiday in Cuba.

Much love,
your devoted student.