We broke up because...

RunHardBeStrong

He brought the damn blow up alligator everywhere with us. Insisted it even sit between us.

MzIrish

She ran faster than me

Dyl1789

She could run and i could only crawl

RunHardBeStrong

The only time I could find him was when he was crawling out of yet another bar

LonniJay

She wouldn't go to a dentist. Says everytime she goes her tongue gets depressed

FabulousFantasticFifty

Had a sharp tongue

liftorgohome

Didn't know how to use her tongue!

FabulousFantasticFifty

Always spoke in tongues

TheMrWobbly

Had a fixation about oral sex and mentioned it on every single post

liftorgohome

She always wanted to play behind the monster face

lqqkingatu

He needed role play practice

Muscle_for_Fitness

Always way behind the times

mellecita

He kept trying to deadlift me while I was sleeping

Muscle_for_Fitness

Took an earthquake to wake her up

mellecita

Only slept when the sun was up

Egger29

Smelled like Beef Barley Soup

Muscle_for_Fitness

Dumped me for someone named Robin

mellecita

She wouldn't let me give her a pixie cut

FabulousFantasticFifty

She was never willing to think outside the box

mellecita

she wouldn't let me stuff her in a box

FabulousFantasticFifty

She came home with Pink lipstick on her person

mellecita

She threw me a surprise birthday party yesterday... and my birthday is in August...

Muscle_for_Fitness

Always bothered me about the small details, it's the thought that counts

RunHardBeStrong

He counted everything, including every single cheeto that I ate.

perkymommy

she was just TOO beautiful LOL

mrwineismybf

Her perks were bigger than mine

FabulousFantasticFifty

She was only with me for the perks

Muscle_for_Fitness

Made guacamole with peaches

DWBalboa

She didn't like my peaches.

A_MariposaDream

He ate my ice cream