Bad advice thread

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Replies

  • kjm3579
    kjm3579 Posts: 3,974 Member
    You never have to count calories as long as you avoid eating 20 minutes before bedtime.
  • strozman
    strozman Posts: 2,622 Member
    edited May 2015
    If you don't like your mom and dad bossing you around, then join the Marines
  • TheLegendaryBrandonHarris
    TheLegendaryBrandonHarris Posts: 502 Member
    Get a second mortgage on your home to buy stock in Enron.
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  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    You should totally call your ex! They'd love to hear from you, and won't care at all that it's 2am!
  • skaffle
    skaffle Posts: 29 Member
    If you're feeling ill you should look up your symptoms using WebMD and Wikipedia to diagnose yourself.

    Once you're fairly certain what your illness is write it down, but DO NOT visit a doctor to confirm your diagnosis, as that would just be a waste of time and money.
    Instead, look into using homeopathic herbal remedies in conjunction with accupuncture and low frequency binaural audio tracks, which can be found on Youtube for free.

    Trust me on this. I'm a certified Nutritionist, Dietitian, and licensed Gynecologist in 32 states with a BS/MD in Health and Wellness Studies from one of the top Universities in the country. I know what I'm talking about.
  • kjm3579
    kjm3579 Posts: 3,974 Member
    When driving, don't worry about turning on those pesky lights at night -- leaving them off saves on light bulbs
  • DedRepublic
    DedRepublic Posts: 348 Member
    No Carbs After 6 ;)

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  • vypressme
    vypressme Posts: 228 Member
    Change title to "great advice thread"
  • blondeinnj
    blondeinnj Posts: 3,215 Member
    edited May 2015
    If a cop pulls you over and asks " you drinking?" Respond with "are you buying?"
  • vypressme
    vypressme Posts: 228 Member
    If a cop pulls you over and asks for your license, give them a pocket mirror and then drive away. They'll think you're a cop too.
  • blondeinnj
    blondeinnj Posts: 3,215 Member
    It's only illegal if you get caught
  • oneunfitdad
    oneunfitdad Posts: 911 Member
    Eat yellow snow tastes of sherbert
  • nehushtan
    nehushtan Posts: 566 Member
    Wife complaining about her parents? Join in!
  • TheSunshineQueen
    TheSunshineQueen Posts: 276 Member
    edited May 2015
    Got mold? Mix bleach and vinegar! It's a super-cleaner!

    (someone actually told me to do this, once. said they read online that it was "twice as effective". i really hope they never actually tried it.)
  • SojournerThirteen
    SojournerThirteen Posts: 28,204 Member
    tat2cookie wrote: »
    Always talk about your dream wedding and the name of your imaginary kids on your first date. Dudes love that stuff. Then be sure to call and text him nonstop for 3 days. Because He obviously must be in trouble, make sure you find out where he lives and peak though all his windows. After realizing that he's not home, knowing that he must be on another date with some *kitten*, break in and wait for him. Go through all of his stuff while you wait. Around 4am when he's still not home, and you have properly written your name with his last name all over his walls, you start his bed on fire because it's obvious that you were meant to be and he is just confused. As you are being hauled off by the cops, now this is important, you need to scream your undying love for him and tell him and you won't stop until you are together. Guys really REALLY love that!!

    LMAO
  • tonybalony01
    tonybalony01 Posts: 613 Member
    Constantly remind your significant other of their shortcomings. It motivates them to improve themselves so you can love them even more.
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,834 Member
    Use butter on all your food. It help lubricate it, which helps it pass through the body quicker and not be absorbed so less calories.
  • yourradimradletshug
    yourradimradletshug Posts: 964 Member
    You should TOTALLY tell your boss how you really feel about them and all he "colorful" terms you use to describe them to your family and friends.
  • ErynColeMerz19
    ErynColeMerz19 Posts: 372 Member
    yes cleaning products are drinkable!! that "do not consume" sticker? oh that's just a recommendation.
  • mygnsac
    mygnsac Posts: 13,413 Member
    You may feel a little "pressure." - Dr. speak for bear down, it's going to hurt.
  • baby_firefly_666
    baby_firefly_666 Posts: 192 Member
    Eating an apple a day will make your hair grow 5 inches a week
  • tat2cookie
    tat2cookie Posts: 1,899 Member
    A DIY Brazilian wax job at home is always a good idea. Be sure to use both the wax strips and nair just for good measure!
  • yourradimradletshug
    yourradimradletshug Posts: 964 Member
    tat2cookie wrote: »
    A DIY Brazilian wax job at home is always a good idea. Be sure to use both the wax strips and nair just for good measure!

    Also, don't foget to drink plently of wine beforehand too!
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  • kjm3579
    kjm3579 Posts: 3,974 Member
    Don't lift heavy weights and watch your diet, go to a place like Planet Fitness where you can get free pizza and eat it while watching cable TV while walking on a treadmill -- that is all the fitness the average person really needs.
  • skaffle
    skaffle Posts: 29 Member
    edited May 2015
    When you're backing out of your driveway don't bother looking behind you or going slowly. Just gun it and try to get a good tire squeel blasted out before you hit the street.
    The danger is minimal and your neighbors will think you're a man of action, which will dramatically increase their respect for you. There really is no downside to this advice, so don't think about it just do it.
  • VyseN
    VyseN Posts: 32 Member
    If you don't open your bills, they don't exist! Free money!
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  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,834 Member
    I will tell ya, nothing is as soothing as Icey Hot on your junk. It is just a cool and warm sensation that is enjoyable.
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