Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
Replies
-
Ok I am just stopping by to say that I am judging harshly the woman at the barn wearing a spaghetti strap tank top to ride in. As I am sure most of you can imagine riding is bouncy. She is not small chested. This would not look good on a 20 year old. She is 60+.0
-
rungirl1973 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »Well, I managed to break the quote by accidentally deleting more than I meant to. But anyhow, these were yesterday's goals:
- 30+ minutes of exercise. (Done! 70 minutes.
)
- Climb at least 6 flights of stairs. (3 up, 3 down) (Not done. Not a single stair was climbed.)
- Meet my calorie goal as closely as I can. (Done! With the help of a pizza base slathered in peanut butter...)
- Drink a minimum of 8 cups of water. (I cut it really close, having only 6 cups around midnight, but with some quick glugging... Done!)
- Finish up the laundry, which I didn't touch yesterday. (About half done. I washed and hung a bunch of socks, but didn't touch the ironing as usual.
)
I skipped the stairs on purpose, for two reasons:
1) I'm a brat who wants a good weigh-in on Monday. My ankles were kind of sore and swollenish, so I wanted to give the water retention some time to go down by resting the stairs for a bit.
2) My health is iffy at the best of times, and pushing it too hard is a surefire FND trigger. I don't want to be bedridden for the next few days, and doing my exercise + long walk + stairs for two days in a row has left my body threatening to flare up. I could feel it coming on, so I took it easy (which I had better do today as well, to be on the safe side.)
So, today's goals!
- Exercise for 30+ minutes.
- Drink tons of water--I'm aiming for 2.5 liters/10 cups today.
- Eat as close to my calorie goal as possible--my weekly net resets tomorrow and I don't want to leave any behind.
- Don't do anything stupid that will make me sick. <--- I have a bad habit of doing this when I feel myself declining.
- Do some more laundry (Looking at you, ironing... *sigh*)
- Try to stay active by moving around the house and doing household tasks.
Baby goals for today, but better than no goals!
May I ask like what? Like are we talking over doing it, or doing something purposely harmful?
Well, with FND, it very much depends on how I'm feeling. If I'm on a decline, just walking around too much can push me over the edge into a flare-up. I basically just meant overdoing it, because my problem when I can feel my body declining is that I feel like if I pretend everything is normal then it'll be fine and dandy--which generally isn't true.
An update: I don't think I'll be doing any exercise today. I'm going downhill quickly and into the beginning stages of a flare-up, and I'm trying to be as careful as possible. I don't know at this point if I'm going to get a full-on flare up (that would leave me bedridden) or if it'll just go away with a bit of rest, so prayers and good thoughts are appreciated!
Sending you the best thoughts. I hope you're able to keep from a full-on flare up.
Do whatever you need to do to stay healthy! Hugs to you. And sending good thoughts.
0 -
Please be careful! I am glad you decided to rest today!Susieq_1994 wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »Well, I managed to break the quote by accidentally deleting more than I meant to. But anyhow, these were yesterday's goals:
- 30+ minutes of exercise. (Done! 70 minutes.)
- Climb at least 6 flights of stairs. (3 up, 3 down) (Not done. Not a single stair was climbed.)
- Meet my calorie goal as closely as I can. (Done! With the help of a pizza base slathered in peanut butter...)
- Drink a minimum of 8 cups of water. (I cut it really close, having only 6 cups around midnight, but with some quick glugging... Done!)
- Finish up the laundry, which I didn't touch yesterday. (About half done. I washed and hung a bunch of socks, but didn't touch the ironing as usual.)
I skipped the stairs on purpose, for two reasons:
1) I'm a brat who wants a good weigh-in on Monday. My ankles were kind of sore and swollenish, so I wanted to give the water retention some time to go down by resting the stairs for a bit.
2) My health is iffy at the best of times, and pushing it too hard is a surefire FND trigger. I don't want to be bedridden for the next few days, and doing my exercise + long walk + stairs for two days in a row has left my body threatening to flare up. I could feel it coming on, so I took it easy (which I had better do today as well, to be on the safe side.)
So, today's goals!
- Exercise for 30+ minutes.
- Drink tons of water--I'm aiming for 2.5 liters/10 cups today.
- Eat as close to my calorie goal as possible--my weekly net resets tomorrow and I don't want to leave any behind.
- Don't do anything stupid that will make me sick. <--- I have a bad habit of doing this when I feel myself declining.
- Do some more laundry (Looking at you, ironing... *sigh*)
- Try to stay active by moving around the house and doing household tasks.
Baby goals for today, but better than no goals!
May I ask like what? Like are we talking over doing it, or doing something purposely harmful?
Well, with FND, it very much depends on how I'm feeling. If I'm on a decline, just walking around too much can push me over the edge into a flare-up. I basically just meant overdoing it, because my problem when I can feel my body declining is that I feel like if I pretend everything is normal then it'll be fine and dandy--which generally isn't true.
An update: I don't think I'll be doing any exercise today. I'm going downhill quickly and into the beginning stages of a flare-up, and I'm trying to be as careful as possible. I don't know at this point if I'm going to get a full-on flare up (that would leave me bedridden) or if it'll just go away with a bit of rest, so prayers and good thoughts are appreciated!
0 -
Susieq_1994 wrote: »@orangesmartie Take all the lecturing I've done on your profile page and pretend I posted it all here, as well; I think I've gone on and on long enough today and doing it some more would probably just annoy you. But please be kind to yourself--I can just feel that you're beating yourself up right now, just as I would be doing if it was me in your place. But you really and truly shouldn't. Hugs.
Susie you and I think alike. I was going to say the same thing. @orangesmartie I hope you heard me loud and clear on this point. I am going for the tough love on this one. XOXOXOXO0 -
Susieq_1994 wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »Hey guys, I have a suggestion.....
How would you guys feel about a thread in the batcave for daily goals instead of posting them within this discussion? I was just gonna post some for today, but was thinking as fast as the thread moves during the week it might be hard to even find it again to see how it went.
What do you guys think?
I was thinking that just today! I'd welcome a thread like that--I did think the Fitbit thread was going to be more like that rather than exclusively steps.
Well why don't we just repurpose it? I can't keep up with too many of these. I'll get confused.0 -
Glinda1971 wrote: »@Susieq_1994 sending you hope and best wishes it doesn't turn into a full blown flare up.
+10 -
Susieq_1994 wrote: »Glinda1971 wrote: »
I learned something today! How to post a picture.
That is me in my wedding dress - and yes, I do have shiny butterfly wallpaper in my living room. Sorry if it is a little big.
It's a lovely dress! Simple and not overly intricate--my kind of style. I see that I'm not the only one who feels the need to cover my face, though.
Speaking of that, I forgot to address @pofoster21's comment about not being able to see me now. I don't actually have anything against any of the ladies in this thread seeing me--I just don't want to post my pictures openly in a public forum that anyone can access. I don't like having my pictures online for all to see.
Oh! I always assumed you couldn't for religious reasons. I totally get that. I don't want my face online either. However because of Facebook and appearing in others pictures and race photos I am all over the place.0 -
kelly_c_77 wrote: »Thank you @Glinda1971, @Tubbs216, @kellyjellybellyjelly, and @Italian_Buju! I just posted my results over in the Batcave. Final steps were 46,241 and mileage was 24.03. My hips are kind of sore from it so today I will take it easy.
Oh and I also got some extra sleep which I have been trying to do... almost 8 hours last night!!!! That's crazy for me!
Wow, good for you on the steps! You are my fitbit Hero!!
@pofoster21 sorry about your knee. Haven't seen a pic yet if you posted one, but I'm only on 1173.
Nope you'll see it tonight when I upload to my computer! It ended up not bad but it sure looked nasty when it happened.0 -
Glinda1971 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Glinda1971 wrote: »@pofoster21 how did dinner go?
Thank for asking! It went well...the pasta was great and the cesear salad wasn't quite as good as in the past (not enough garlic on croutons) but they had never had it before so didn't know.
I did stay up too late and had more wine than planned but we had a good time and I may not see them again for a few years so oh well. But getting up at 3 am drive 3 hours to ride at 7 was hard!
Glad it went well. Also glad you made it home safely!
Thanks!0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »Ok I am just stopping by to say that I am judging harshly the woman at the barn wearing a spaghetti strap tank top to ride in. As I am sure most of you can imagine riding is bouncy. She is not small chested. This would not look good on a 20 year old. She is 60+.
Hahaha I cracked up- and would totally judge too!0 -
Positive thoughts your way today @Susieq_19940
-
kelly_c_77 wrote: »Sorry for all the posting right now, I should have combined them..
Anyhow, so I ran my 13.1 miles this morning on the treadmill....but after going for my two walks with my son and being outside walking around most of the day for our neighborhood block party, I'm now up to 23.78 miles for the day! I've beaten my previous highest step count which was last year on May 31st by 6000ish...giving me a total as of right now of 45,675 steps. I've had a pretty good day. And I ate tons of "junk" food and don't even care! Happy 4th!
Wow! You deserved all that food!0 -
@orangesmartie you put your heart and soul into that climb- you're still super great (and my hero) in my book! ❤️0
-
Susieq_1994 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Fourth of July BBQ - I am taking steaks, watermelon, corn on the cob, vinegar cucumbers (my son's favorite), and cherry cheesecake. Mostly healthy, right? I'm blaming the cheesecake on you guys!!!
Can I have some cheesecake!!!???
Sure, come on over!!! Idaho isn't far, right?!?
ETA: it's just the Jello kind, which I confess is my favorite. Unsophisticated palate right here! LOL
I confess that I refuse to call that kind of cheesecake a real cheesecake, because I'm a complete and utter cheesecake snob; my husband and I call it "fake cheesecake". That said, I'd totally still eat the fake cheesecake and think it was yummy, but it still wouldn't be "real". 
... Speaking of cheesecake. While eating my cookie-butter-with-caramel flavored ice cream yesterday, a new cheesecake to try baking came to mind. Speculoos cookies as the base, with cookie butter to bind the crumbs instead of butter (or maybe a 50-50 mix of the two), then a regular cheesecake batter, then top it with oodles of homemade caramel. Now I just need an occasion to bake that for...
I still don't know what Speculoos are. I really need to google this.
They basically taste like the cinnamon-sugar graham crackers, but they're more crumbly and less cracker-like. In my opinon, they also have a "deeper" flavor than graham crackers. Cookie butter is made using crushed Speculoos (also called Lotus) cookies, and it tastes like a really, really good cheesecake crust in a jar. I think using Speculoos cookies and cookie butter for a cheesecake crust would result in a much more flavorful crust. Of course, it's still all in my head and I haven't tried to do it yet, so... Who knows for sure.
Confession: I had 700 calories left over and I wasn't sure what to do with them, since I already had some ice cream (and logged it into yesterday, since I had a bunch left over there as well)... Soooo I took one of those pre-made pizza bases, slathered it with peanut butter, and then sprinkled it with chocolate chips and microwaved it. No regrets... But it could have used more peanut butter.
Thanks for the explanation. And that treat sounds amazing!0 -
Susieq_1994 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »Since I got so much love on my "SUPER GREAT" sticky note, I figured I'd take a picture and show it to everyone. My husband actually liked it and kept it by taking it off the middle of his screen and sticking it to the edges:
this is so cute!
Yesterday when I was all depressed I stole the note and added a "NOT" between the "SUPER" and the "GREAT" and then put it back. He was upset about it and scribbled with a pen over the word "NOT" and said he "fixed it"... So I made him a new one today to make up for "ruining" his note.
... Gee whiz, that paragraph contains a LOT of quotation marks.
Good for him! And I always notice how many exclamation points I use... a ton. 0 -
Susieq_1994 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Its so funny when I see myself reply after reply.
Update on fitbit. I went to the site and looked up 'issues with ChargeHR' in the forum. One woman had an issue (not quite mine) and it advised rebooting it (and explained how to do that). Now the 2 are tracking together...so we are good...
That's good! I was beginning to worry about the accuracy of my own (non-existent so far) Fitbit after reading your updates about your new one.
You've also gotten me to consider getting the ChargeHR instead of just the Fitbit One like I was originally planning, so there's that, too...
Well I think it's off again. What I need to do is put both on and walked a measured distance and see which one is more accurate. It was pretty dead on for running.0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »Glinda1971 wrote: »
I learned something today! How to post a picture.
That is me in my wedding dress - and yes, I do have shiny butterfly wallpaper in my living room. Sorry if it is a little big.
It's a lovely dress! Simple and not overly intricate--my kind of style. I see that I'm not the only one who feels the need to cover my face, though.
Speaking of that, I forgot to address @pofoster21's comment about not being able to see me now. I don't actually have anything against any of the ladies in this thread seeing me--I just don't want to post my pictures openly in a public forum that anyone can access. I don't like having my pictures online for all to see.
Oh! I always assumed you couldn't for religious reasons. I totally get that. I don't want my face online either. However because of Facebook and appearing in others pictures and race photos I am all over the place.
Well, it depends. For religious reasons, I can't and won't post an uncovered picture in an online location where it can be seen; but I don't cover my face, so this only applies to covering my body appropriately as well as my hair. For my sister, however, she wouldn't show a picture that shows her face for religious reasons.
Also, it's discouraged in Islam to post even covered pictures online if it isn't needed, because you don't know what harm or good may come from that picture--just as one example, if someone who disliked you found it online and photoshopped it onto an uncovered body, it could completely ruin your reputation. In Islamic and Arab societies, a girl with a ruined reputation won't usually be able to find a husband--a religious husband wants a religious wife, and if he hears that she's posting her own bikini-clad (for example) pictures online, then he would mentally cross her off as a desirable spouse. So, because more harm can come from it than good, it's a discouraged practice. It's perfectly fine to take pictures for legal documents and such, however.
In the case of having a female friend who you trust to delete the picture or to keep others from seeing it, you are perfectly free to send pictures, even with your hair uncovered, so long as you know that she can be trusted. Women don't have to cover in front of other women in Islam, although certain parts of the body should be covered even in front of other women--sharing pictures with friends would fall under this ruling. 0 -
Thanks for the positive thoughts, everyone. Unfortunately, I'm still going downhill--my leg function is now impaired and I can't walk or stand too well at the moment, but luckily I'm still able to (somewhat) get around so far.
I was thinking earlier of how I could possibly explain the definition of an FND flare-up to you guys, and while any full description would be pretty lengthy, right now I'm at the point where I look like a sober person trying to walk on a drunk person's legs. 0 -
So you have to keep doing it again and again so everyone realises it's your chair and not you..?Susieq_1994 wrote: »I confess that since I've lost the last ten pounds or so my chair makes horrible fart noises if I'm not careful. I am not talking little squeakers either. We're talking loud fog horn, butt cheeks clapping in the wind that never ends fart noises. It is so embarrassing and I don't really know what is causing it.
How embarrassing THAT must be! O.o Is it your work chair you're referring to?
You are evil. This is exactly something I'd do, but I don't think I could manage it without cracking up.
I've been thinking about it and now believe I should definitely do this. If I do it while laughing and shouting, "Wee!" they'll either realize it is the chair or think I'm completely bonkers. If they get it they'll smile and if they think I'm bonkers they'll avoid me. Complete win win situation right there!
OR they might think you have gas that's SO BAD that each fart is propelling you right out of your chair... 0 -
@Susieq_1994 I hope the flare up doesn't last too long. ❤️0
-
Susieq_1994 wrote: »
So you have to keep doing it again and again so everyone realises it's your chair and not you..?Susieq_1994 wrote: »I confess that since I've lost the last ten pounds or so my chair makes horrible fart noises if I'm not careful. I am not talking little squeakers either. We're talking loud fog horn, butt cheeks clapping in the wind that never ends fart noises. It is so embarrassing and I don't really know what is causing it.
How embarrassing THAT must be! O.o Is it your work chair you're referring to?
You are evil. This is exactly something I'd do, but I don't think I could manage it without cracking up.
I've been thinking about it and now believe I should definitely do this. If I do it while laughing and shouting, "Wee!" they'll either realize it is the chair or think I'm completely bonkers. If they get it they'll smile and if they think I'm bonkers they'll avoid me. Complete win win situation right there!
OR they might think you have gas that's SO BAD that each fart is propelling you right out of your chair...
True, but they would still probably stay away from me in that case.
0 -
Glinda1971 wrote: »@Susieq_1994 I hope the flare up doesn't last too long. ❤️
Thank you. I hope so too! 0 -
Just super-skimmed through the last few days.
@Susieq_1994 I'm sending you lots of hugs. I'm so sorry you're struggling right now, both with depression and a flare up and I hope you do what you need to do to take care of yourself.
@orangesmartie you are a rock star! Three miles up (so six miles total) in those conditions is something that you should be proud of. Keep training and next year you can make it further, but you really shouldn't be down on yourself. You wouldn't be disappointed of anyone else for doing what you did, so why are you being harder on yourself than you would be on any other person?
I love all the toddler pictures - everyone was/is so cute!
I know I'm forgetting things I wanted to say...I feel like maybe something to @Tubbs216 but I'm too lazy to go back hundreds of posts. So, wonderful ladies and gents of the confessions page, know I'm thinking happy thoughts about you 0 -
Italian_Buju wrote: »kellyjellybellyjelly wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »kellyjellybellyjelly wrote: »
I believe it is. Is it in your family?kellyjellybellyjelly wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »Thanks to everyone for the kind words.
This is why when people that were not around when my mother was alive (as in people I met afterwards), are sometimes shocked when I tell them the years she has been dead have been the most peaceful years of my life. When I tell them a few stories they kind of understand, those that knew her, have always understood.
I am glad she was never able to poison my son the way she did me. Because believe me when I say that is not the only terrible thing she did to me, it was just the last, as she died several months after that.
Sometimes I tell my DR that I get frustrated with myself because of how much my OCD tends to limit me, and she always tells me to be thankful I am as good as I am, because I could just be a drug addict or something, given what I have been through. She always says she is amazed I actually do not suffer from some sort of depression.
My sister and I get on well, and I am excited to see her. She truly understands how I feel. She is a very big business woman, a strong leader etc, and my BIL told me once years ago, that even a phone call from my mother would disturb her sleep for several nights.
I made sure that I did not follow in my mother's footsteps, and when I had children of my own, I could not understand how she behaved the way she did. I would kill someone if they did to my children some of the things my own mother did to me, like literally murder them.
Ok, enough of this downer crap.
@Susieq_1994 - you are rocking it today! Good Stuff!!
@rungirl1973 - yeah I do not understand why parents want to divide their children. My daughter is adopted (as I have mentioned), and because I could not have more than one bio child, I have explained to her how important it is to me that they continue to be close,, even after I am gone. Also, glad your test went good!
@crosbylee - hope you have a great sunny weekend! I can't wait to go swimming! Pools opened last week but I have not had time yet!
@ythannah - I remember you saying you had a crappy home life too, I totally understand.....thankfully you were able to get out when you did!
@xLoveLikeWinterx - I ask myself that question all the time....I told my sister our mother could have just eaten us when we were young like an animal and saved us a lot of grief!
@quiksylver296 - I was wondering where you were...glad to see you on today! Good Stuff on the lifting!
I am feeling much better today than yesterday and the last few days.....I did not make it to the gym because I slept like crap and had a few too many things to do today before my sister gets here tomorrow, but I am gonna make it a bigger priority. I got a call this morning that my kitchen floor is finally being replaced on Monday, and while it causes me stress in the moment, it really needs replacing so I am thrilled.
I reworked my budget for this month so that I am able to give my son a good chunk of money towards another bike. While the whole situation just burns my *kitten* and I could use the money for other things, I really want to help him out so I am glad I was able to do that. Hopefully going to pick one up this weekend so he doesn't have to walk much longer......he is walking to work right now and it is so hot outside and it makes me feel sad for him, esp having just bought that bike last week.
Next week my boss is off work, so I am gonna be working extra again, but told her yesterday to be careful not to over load me because I am on edge.
Hopefully I do not get too far behind in the next week or so.....cuz I do not think I could skip and jump back in....I am WAY too bother by things like that.....I will not watch a TV series if I miss a single episode, or even a movie if I miss the first few minutes.....everything I do has to be in order....call it OCD
But even if I get behind and it takes me a few days to catch up I will just read along as I go, as long as you guys don't mind me adding my two cents on situations well after they are posted about!
I will be back on and off today, and tomorrow before my sister comes, but if that puts me behind, after the busy weekend and work week I have coming up, it might take me until this time next week to be back on track here, esp if I am gonna make sure I get my gym time in!!
I love you guys! A lot of you have truly touch my heart!
P.S. - Shrimp is delicious!!!!
I am so glad for you for many of the items in this post and for how well you've emerged on the other end. And trust me I get the OCD I couldn't skip either no matter how long it took me to catch up.
I'll confess that I have OCD. I wonder if OCD is hereditary?
In some form or another.
My mom told me my Grandfather every time he would go down this particular hallway he would have to rub his foot on a certain spot.
My one uncle & my mom are very particular about their stuff & have said they'll know if anything is out of place. My uncle's cooler for Christmas the one year was so organized that he had everything in neat piles. Usually coolers are so disorganized you have to dig for whatever you want.
Mine is mostly in my head for the most part & revolves around counting stuff.
That is an easy way to suck up hours of your time without realizing it! OCD comes in a lot of different forms, and it is really hard to treat. The five types are: (in order from most to least common)
Washers & Cleaners
Checkers
Orderers
Hoarders
Obsessionals
I suffer from the last one mostly, but also have hoarder and checker tendencies.
Anyone that knows me, knows I am a hoarder. However, not the kind you see on TV, my place is relatively clean and I do not have garbage. I have to have a certain level of things in my house to feel comfortable. I stock pile all kinds of things, mostly groceries and personal cleaning products such as shampoo and body wash etc…..I also have MASS amounts of medication in the house, in fact, it was not too long ago, that I kept a large storage box of insulin in the fridge, I mean, like a years supply. I have an irrational fear of running out of something important.
Now, as I sit here and type this, I can tell you that if I do run out of say, insulin, or shampoo, or crackers, I can go to the store and get some. But when I am shopping, or looking in my cupboards, I always think, I need more. And if I don’t get more, that is the only thing I can focus on. Along with that, I also have a hard time throwing things away, and don’t really care for new things. In fact, I remember when I had my baby shower, Sarah and Kim (I think I am remembering who correctly)two of my friends, came upstairs after it was over, and opened all the packages of everything I got. Because they knew if they did not, then most of the things would go unused.
I will buy something, say a new package of socks…..they might sit in my closet, unused, for years even, until every single pair I have now is full of holes and have no choice but to use the new ones. Even though I have two dressers and a closet full of clothes, I prefer to wear the same few pieces over and over again, and when I HAVE to wear something different, I am aware of it, all day…..
As genetics would have it, I believe both of my parents had forms of OCD, I think they were both hoarders as well. Anyone that knew me when I was young can attest to all the things my mother hoarded. There was an entire room in the basement full of things she bought and never used. There were things in boxes, never used, that literally, were older than me when she died. But she would never get rid of any of it, cuz she ‘might need it’.
And my father, that was a totally different case……like I said in a previous post. At the time of the finding, I had no idea why he would do that, or what it meant….I doubt I had ever even heard of OCD before.
I have some checking tendencies too, but thankfully with a low count, like three or four. Some checkers can spend hours checking the same thing literally hundreds of times a day. For example, when I am out, and say have to pay for something, of course, like everyone else, when I am done, I put my wallet back in my bag and close it. Before I walk away, I open my bag and make sure my wallet is there. Before I leave the building, I will open my bag again and make sure my wallet is still there, and once more once I get outside, and finally when I am home.
People with OCD are remarkably successful in concealing their obsessive-compulsive symptoms from friends, family and co-workers. An unfortunate consequence of this secrecy is that people with OCD generally do not receive professional help until years after the onset of their disease. By that time, the obsessive-compulsive rituals may be deeply ingrained and very difficult to change. OCD usually starts at an early age, often before adolescence.
OCD tends to worsen as the person grows older. 20% of sufferers don’t respond to treatment of any kind. Mine started around 16 with the hoarding, but there were signs before that I am sure…..it got worse as time went on, and during my pregnancy really started showing…and that is when the Obsessional part started…just slow, but again grew over time. ..Until I was pregnant with my son, I hide it very well, I am not even sure if people I lived with knew about it, let alone anyone else.
This part is really hard to talk about, for the most part. Obsessionals have distressing intrusive thoughts and constantly worry that something they do will harm someone or even themselves, either directly or not. One thing that I think falls under this category is my fear of personal paperwork. I even know how odd that sounds as I type it. I have an irrational fear that I am going to make a mistake while filling out something, causing my entire life to fall apart. I don’t do any kind of paperwork (filling out forms, banking, writing checks, signing things etc….) until absolutely that last minute and then it can take me hours to do the simplest of tasks. I will be ultra focused on this task for hours at a time, and will sometimes sweat or even feel ill to my stomach. Just typing about it now, as silly as it sounds, has my heart rate speeding up. And as ridiculous as I feel admitting that, I can not get it to stop. Ironically, paperwork that is not related to my personal life, paperwork at work, for example, causes me no stress at all, and is done quickly without problems. Doing someone else’s paperwork is fine as well.
I don’t know exactly how to explain it so someone without it could understand, but here is my best attempt. I fear that a mistake such as writing in a wrong amount or spelling a name wrong, could cause everything to come crashing down as it reeks havoc on my life. So writing that wrong amount on my check for a book sale would cause my bank account to be overdrawn, my rent would bounce, thus having me lose my apartment, in turn, then lose my kids, and forever ruining their lives. So, I am trying to write that check for the book sale but over and over in my head, I hear, “Don’t mess up the check, or your kids will suffer.” As I write that, I can see how crazy it sounds. But when it is happening I have no control to stop those thoughts. Banking takes me FOREVER for the same reason....I have everything I can just taken directly out so I do not have to deal with it, because paying a single bill can take hours out of my life.
The intrusive thoughts of an Obsessional person can be very disturbing…..they are always unwanted and never an actual threat. This consumes quite a bit of my day. It does not affect me as much when I am at home, mostly when I am out. It mostly (although not exclusively) occurs with strangers. And its worse when I am in a place where only few people are, like walking down the street, as opposed to being in a crowded area with lots of strangers…… albeit, sometimes, especially if I am under a lot of stress, it can happen almost anywhere. Sometimes, if I am walking down the sidewalk, and someone is about to pass me, I get VERY disturbed in my head worried that I might suddenly attack them. I have never actually attacked anyone randomly, and my DR tells me all the time that it is only an OCD thought and I am NEVER going to actually attack someone, but at the time it is happening I have no control over the thoughts, and I become very stressed out. When I am highly stressed is when this is most likely to occur.
This is also why I cannot drive anymore. As soon as I get behind the wheel of a car I start freaking out inside, that I might lose control of myself and just hit someone, and not by accident. While I have no reason to think I might do that, and of course, no desire to actually do it, I cannot stop the thoughts when I am trying to drive. And I also fear that either I am going to rear end someone, or someone is going to rear end me, constantly.
There is a great book called: Tormenting Thoughts and Secret Rituals: The Hidden Epidemic of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:
by Ian Osborn
I read that book years and years ago and still there were many things I remember in that book (and others), about people having horrible, painful thoughts. I read about a woman who felt she could not be alone with her baby, cuz she had a constant fear that she was going to put her into the microwave or hold her head up to the ceiling fan. I read about a man that could not allow his teenaged daughter to have friends over because he was scared that he would lose control of himself and sexually assault one of them (even though he never did, thought it was appalling, and never would in reality).
Some people with these thoughts, feel the need to confess. They will tell a priest, or a cop, or maybe a friend……the thing is though, they are never sure if anything actually happened or not, OCD is literally a disease about doubt. Sometimes the symptoms of OCD can mimic those of Schizophrenia with the main difference being that a schizophrenic is SURE something has happened, someone with OCD is never sure about anything. And, of course, there is that constant thought that you did something wrong, even though in your rational mind you know that you did it right. Also many people with OCD have trouble making decisions, even small ones.
Sorry for the novel, this seems to be my norm lately
Wow, I never actually thought about this, but I do hoard groceries as well. I'll have enough groceries to last me for awhile yet I'll still buy more. I'm the worst at buying snacks/cereals. I have around 13 ice creams, 8 boxes of cereal, a lot of snack bars, & around 5-6 bottles of conditioner. I also remember what you posted about watching TV, movies, playing games & not wanting to watch if you miss something. I swear it takes me forever to watch a movie on Netflix since I always rewind it in case I missed something important.
I know I've had the obsessional thoughts/intrusive thoughts & felt if I didn't do something perfectly or count in my head when doing something that something bad would happen. It used to be really bad when I was younger/teenager.
My mom with her OCD used to always ask us if her purse was in the car & sometimes she wouldn't trust us & she would stop the car & get out to make sure. I think one time she had it on the roof of her car & she drove off & it flew on the road & with her OCD tendencies it made it worse.
Yeah, that all sounds like OCD to me! Sometimes you do not realize why you are doing what you are doing until it is pointed out or you watch it on something.
I know what you are saying about the movies too, because I am like that with books! It can take me about 6 months to read a book, because I am always re-reading pages because I think I missed something.....and also sometimes will 'read' several pages on autopilot while my mind is elsewhere and then I realize I have no idea what I just read and have to go back and read it again!
I don't even wanna say how bad my cereal/snacks or shampoo/personal hygiene products are, lol.
Let's just say my family could go a year or more with only buying fridge stuff and meat and be fine, fed, and clean. My friends always joke that if the zombies come they are all coming up here! I have a walk in pantry......
Driving to work today I was thinking about OCD & I remembered all the times I would ask my mom if something bad was going to happen or an obsessive/intrusive thought I had. I can't remember how old I was probably around 8-12 when that would happen.
Luckily I've stopped some of the OCD things I used to do at work.0 -
kelly_c_77 wrote: »Thanks @Susieq_1994!
Well, thank you! And I DEFINITELY treated myself!!kellyjellybellyjelly wrote: »kelly_c_77 wrote: »Thank you @Glinda1971, @Tubbs216, @kellyjellybellyjelly, and @Italian_Buju! I just posted my results over in the Batcave. Final steps were 46,241 and mileage was 24.03. My hips are kind of sore from it so today I will take it easy.
Oh and I also got some extra sleep which I have been trying to do... almost 8 hours last night!!!! That's crazy for me!
That is so awesome! You definitely earned your July 4th foods yesterday:D.
I also wanted to tell you that my Walmart FINALLY had Sam's Choice Coffee & Donuts ice cream that wasn't expired...and all I have to say is YUM!!
Kelly I forgot to tell you that I bought Coffee & Donuts from my Wal-Mart a few weeks ago in June & it was expired in April. I didn't even think to check the expiration date until I bought some from the Grocery Outlet on Thursday & remembered you saying about your store. I still ate it & if I see anymore expired when I go back to that particular Wal-Mart I'll let someone know.0 -
My goals today:
Stay within calories
Play Zumba Class on the Wii (45 minutes)
Read more of the NROLFW (on the nutrition part)
0 -
@orangesmartie you gave it your all which is better than not trying. Just think of how much progress you have made in your journey.0
-
Ok, I'm weekend pages behind, but I'll catch up tomorrow! Promise!
But right now I just need to say a few things! Love you all so much!
Ok, crazy dude created a new account on okc and was like hey! Let's go hang out again! For maybe the first time ever I stood up for myself and said no, he went all crazy and I don't need that shiz. And he pretended that I was totally crazy, and nine of that other stuff happened! Grrr. I shut it down. Which is rare for me. Because normally I'd be like, oh, it's not your fault, I over reacted! But no more, then he got all agro because I wouldn't see him again. Dude. Seriously? Yeah, done there
Met up with another dude on Thursday night, and he'd been texting me for a couple weeks, and finally we meet up, and he's so....Meh. just nothing I'm looking towards.and he didn't really seem interested either.
How many frogs are there?! Lol.
So here we go again in the new week.
On the awesome side, i found a convienent mart that seeks my Hershey cotton candy ice cream bars! $9 for 6, i can handle that!
AND I made my first talenti purchase today!
Omg, in drunk and making the next weeks worth of salads! Yey! Love you all!
0 -
kellyjellybellyjelly wrote: »kelly_c_77 wrote: »Thanks @Susieq_1994!
Well, thank you! And I DEFINITELY treated myself!!kellyjellybellyjelly wrote: »kelly_c_77 wrote: »Thank you @Glinda1971, @Tubbs216, @kellyjellybellyjelly, and @Italian_Buju! I just posted my results over in the Batcave. Final steps were 46,241 and mileage was 24.03. My hips are kind of sore from it so today I will take it easy.
Oh and I also got some extra sleep which I have been trying to do... almost 8 hours last night!!!! That's crazy for me!
That is so awesome! You definitely earned your July 4th foods yesterday:D.
I also wanted to tell you that my Walmart FINALLY had Sam's Choice Coffee & Donuts ice cream that wasn't expired...and all I have to say is YUM!!
Kelly I forgot to tell you that I bought Coffee & Donuts from my Wal-Mart a few weeks ago in June & it was expired in April. I didn't even think to check the expiration date until I bought some from the Grocery Outlet on Thursday & remembered you saying about your store. I still ate it & if I see anymore expired when I go back to that particular Wal-Mart I'll let someone know.
That's so weird...I wonder if it's a regular thing for their ice cream...like, they don't sell as much of their brand or just don't keep up with checking the dates and removing them?0 -
Way to go you!!! Take care of yourself and if someone doesn't treat you right, they don't need to be in your life. I have the same issues (''It's ok!'' ''Don't worry about it!'') and after a while it can really start to weigh down your shoulders and add SO much stress. Good job shutting that downOk, crazy dude created a new account on okc and was like hey! Let's go hang out again! For maybe the first time ever I stood up for myself and said no, he went all crazy and I don't need that shiz. And he pretended that I was totally crazy, and nine of that other stuff happened! Grrr. I shut it down. Which is rare for me. Because normally I'd be like, oh, it's not your fault, I over reacted! But no more, then he got all agro because I wouldn't see him again. Dude. Seriously? Yeah, done there
ENJOY THAT TALENTI! And the ice cream bars.... never had those. Maybe I should try seeking them out.
0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.9K Introduce Yourself
- 43.9K Getting Started
- 260.3K Health and Weight Loss
- 176K Food and Nutrition
- 47.5K Recipes
- 232.6K Fitness and Exercise
- 430 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.6K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153.1K Motivation and Support
- 8.1K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.4K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.8K MyFitnessPal Information
- 15 News and Announcements
- 1.2K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.7K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions