Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
Replies
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@orangesmartie Sorry to hear about your relationships, but thanks for sharing with us. I'm a few pages late, but I wanted to let you know that I'll keep thinking about you and hoping for the best outcome for you.
@Susieq_1994 Glad you checked in. Keep resting, and hopefully you'll be back soon. Glad to hear about the wheelchair that will help. Thinking about you, too.0 -
I have been relocated to my second location of the day! Which is to say that I'm now stuck on the couch instead of in my bed, but hey, I've got my laptop now!
Here's a blurryish picture of the sample sport wheelchair that I might be getting:
...I love that shade of blue.
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AngryViking1970 wrote: »kellyjellybellyjelly wrote: »Anyone read about the new skinny Oreos? Thoughts? Joy? Outrage?
(Warning: It's Jezebel, so swearage)
http://jezebel.com/oreo-thins-promote-unrealistic-standards-for-oreos-1716047232
Eww! Less filling? The filling is the best part! I would buy a jar of that stuff.
Sounds like the next million dollar idea. Let's get on that.
They used to have a squeeze bottle of Oreo filling at a frozen yogurt place around here. It has since closed down.
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This is a picture I found yesterday that really hit home for me. I thought many others who are struggling here with all kinds of things might appreciate it as well:
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quiksylver296 wrote: »kellienw335 wrote: »lilaclovebird wrote: »kelly_c_77 wrote: »spacequiztime wrote: »I've never been a fan of pickles. I can't imagine them fried.
Blasphemy! However, to be helpful I will have all your dill pickles. The sweet pickles can go die in a fire though.
Uhhhh....NO! Dill pickles are fine...and I love fried pickles. But I seriously LOVE sweet pickles!!! I put 3 in my salad every day for lunch and again for dinner. For my salad dressing, I also use the sweet pickle juice instead of vinegar when I'm at the end of the jar (I usually use vinegar, Mrs. Dash Garlic and Herb seasoning, and a bit of hot sauce). I have also just recently started putting sweet pickle relish over my salads as a yummy topping! Sweet pickles all day long, forever.
Okay! I amend my previous statement to sweet pickles can go die in the acid bath of your tummy.
You can have all of them.
Every single one. Because I don't like the sweet one's either. And sweet relish can be thrown in a volcano and sacrificed to the dill relish god!
What do you put in tuna and egg salad? You can NOT make those without sweet pickles!
Oh, yes, I can!!! I actually like pepperoncinis in my tuna. Mmmmm, that's super yum.
I like to use banana peppers!0 -
girldownsouth wrote: »
Develop your passive aggressive detection radar. (Speaking from experience)kellienw335 wrote: »
ETA: I "learned" to date in my 40's. I never "dated" like that before, I didn't know how to do it. It was so fun and cool (and scary) to discover so much about myself. I was always 100% myself and clear that I was looking for a good relationship. I did work hard on keeping good boundaries and only dating men who didn't raise red flags.
What are some red flags for people?
The one's I really looked for:
Very angry/resentful toward someone (i.e., ex, mother, sibling, etc.) even if deserved it should not come out in date #1 or #2.
Pushing for "cuddles" or anything else very quickly.
Not understanding what an appropriate level of activity for a first or second date would be (i.e. writing a song for me after one email exchange, planning a weekend away in another state for a second date.)
Not having an appropriate job for his age (i.e. I am in the middle age dating pool, I want to date someone not support him financially.)
What other red flags come to mind?
Not letting me do things for myself e.g. insisting on ordering something for me instead of letting me order what I want and other weird signs of dominance.
Talking about their ex repeatedly in anyway. Glowing terms can be just as bad as negative ones. My ex girlfriend was so good to me she'd drop everything to make me my favorite dinner and then she'd clean up the entire kitchen.
Treating staff where ever you go badly. I think you can tell a lot about a person by how they treat people who're waiting on them.
Calling too much (I had one guy literally calling me over 30 times in one day) or too little (if you haven't heard from them in a month they're not really interested).
I agree with these and the others listed earlier. Good stuff
I would also add
If you are a mom the guy wanting to be insta-dad. I vaguely mentioned my kids in my profile and more than one man in the first email offered to help raise them. No thank you.
The player who is almost seems like relationship material but fails. He comes so close and is charming and good looking and rich. And them you realize he's flakey as heck. And his almost commitments are insincere and then he tells you he's been divorced twice not just once and was with wife #2 while still with wife #1. And then you let him know no more. You will not be going out with him again.
No projects. He is not there to fix or improve you. You are not there to fix or improve him.
You have to like each other as people and be interested in who that person is. That means no projecting. One man kept trying to put words into my mouth about what I liked and what I did for fun.
Where was this advice when I was dating? You should teach a class! All the single ladies, looking for someone, in this thread should start taking notes!!
I really agree with how does he treat people who are in the service industry. Kindness and human decency are priorities to me.
How does he treat animals?
BIG red flag - is he always the victim and life is not fair and it is always someone else's fault. RUN!!!
I probably shouldn't say this, but this is one of my biggest struggles with my bf, maybe not to that extent, but there's always someone to blame (often me) and things never just happen and are unfortunate, which tends to be more my outlook. I always say as an example, if I left something out and he tripped, would be my fault for leaving it there. Vice versa would be my fault for not looking where I was going.
Edited because I didn't think it was clear.
I will think about my answer. I'm not sure how to say or even what I want to say. I will say that this was my ex husband to a tee. It took me a very long time to catch on and realize the extent of it. By the last few years of our marriage it was intolerable but he would not change. 16 years, three jobs, three states and somehow the exact same unhappiness at work. It finally clicked that he was making / perceiving the situation because it was EXACTLY the same weird problem. If he bumped into me (standing still doing dishes) he'd tell me I should have watched out. I won't go into it more now but it just got worse and worse and worse.
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kellienw335 wrote: »rungirl1973 wrote: »My 20 year old boy got his "proposed treatment plan" from the dentist. I don't think there's a tooth that doesn't need something. We're talking about $15k worth of dental work. I don't have any words. I want to throttle him.
Wow! I was sharing with my 7 year old that I knew some people with kids who didn't brush their teeth when they were his age and now their teeth are ruined. He was mortified and brushed extra well last night and this morning!
Yay! I'm glad my boy's ignorance could scare your boy into submission! LOL
I'm going to cancel his 21st birthday trip, I think. And, make him pay for at least half. I mean, the boy is almost 21, not in school, lives with me and doesn't even pay rent. Either that, or he can have them all pulled and get dentures.0 -
kellienw335 wrote: »
ETA: I "learned" to date in my 40's. I never "dated" like that before, I didn't know how to do it. It was so fun and cool (and scary) to discover so much about myself. I was always 100% myself and clear that I was looking for a good relationship. I did work hard on keeping good boundaries and only dating men who didn't raise red flags.
What are some red flags for people?
The one's I really looked for:
Very angry/resentful toward someone (i.e., ex, mother, sibling, etc.) even if deserved it should not come out in date #1 or #2.
Pushing for "cuddles" or anything else very quickly.
Not understanding what an appropriate level of activity for a first or second date would be (i.e. writing a song for me after one email exchange, planning a weekend away in another state for a second date.)
Not having an appropriate job for his age (i.e. I am in the middle age dating pool, I want to date someone not support him financially.)
What other red flags come to mind?
Not letting me do things for myself e.g. insisting on ordering something for me instead of letting me order what I want and other weird signs of dominance.
Talking about their ex repeatedly in anyway. Glowing terms can be just as bad as negative ones. My ex girlfriend was so good to me she'd drop everything to make me my favorite dinner and then she'd clean up the entire kitchen.
Treating staff where ever you go badly. I think you can tell a lot about a person by how they treat people who're waiting on them.
Calling too much (I had one guy literally calling me over 30 times in one day) or too little (if you haven't heard from them in a month they're not really interested).
I agree with these and the others listed earlier. Good stuff
I would also add
If you are a mom the guy wanting to be insta-dad. I vaguely mentioned my kids in my profile and more than one man in the first email offered to help raise them. No thank you.
The player who is almost seems like relationship material but fails. He comes so close and is charming and good looking and rich. And them you realize he's flakey as heck. And his almost commitments are insincere and then he tells you he's been divorced twice not just once and was with wife #2 while still with wife #1. And then you let him know no more. You will not be going out with him again.
No projects. He is not there to fix or improve you. You are not there to fix or improve him.
You have to like each other as people and be interested in who that person is. That means no projecting. One man kept trying to put words into my mouth about what I liked and what I did for fun.
Where was this advice when I was dating? You should teach a class! All the single ladies, looking for someone, in this thread should start taking notes!!
Oh, I am!! 0 -
Susieq_1994 wrote: »... what is the batcave? Pretty much the only threads I ever go to are this one and the monthly cycling thread.
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/group/106593-confession-is-good-for-the-soul
Our beloved batcave.kellienw335 wrote: »
So 2 confessions threads? I HAS CONFUSION.0 -
Talking of 'girly' things, I'm right there with you. I really need a new sewing machine and I want this one with the fire of a thousand suns. It's stupid expensive, and doesn't have all the features I need, but it's sooooo pretty....
I still need to learn how to run the one I own!!! My mother sewed a lot and I never learned from her before she passed. That is something truly missed out on.
I know the feeling. My Grandma was a seamstress extraordinaire. She had 6 grandkids and I was the only girl so I had loads of amazing handmade dresses (pity I was such a tomboy). I taught myself to sew a few years after she passed. I wish I'd started sooner when she was still around. I haven't tried clothing (although I can do basic alterations) but I'm a dab hand at patchwork and quilting. It can be done, just be prepared to think your first few projects are amazing then a couple of months later to realise they were rubbish! It's fun to learn (and to improve).
I've never been good at sewing or anything but I want to learn.
The one thing I've wanted to learn how to do lately is crotchet. I've tried watching videos and using books but I think I need someone to show me and watch to make sure I'm doing it right. I always get stuck once I start trying to do the second line. I know if I had someone show me, I could do it. 0 -
kellienw335 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »kellienw335 wrote: »@pofoster21 - Love the shoes, although not sure how you walk in those! I can't wait until I drop some more weight so I can wear cute shoes again. I wear tennis shoes to work at the moment. It helps me to get in more steps. Also, we have a program that awards leave time every quarter if you get a certain number of minutes of exercise every month. Totally worth it!
Platforms. I keep telling you ladies this. Seriously. Try them.
That's what I wore when I was thinner, but seriously I wear a size 12 and it's hard to find shoes! And I can't buy them online because I have to make sure they don't hurt my feet and I am terrible about returns! There are only two stores near me that sell dress shoes in my size, Payless and Shoe Carnival. I always have to buy tennis shoes in men's sizes because I need good shoes to workout. Anyone else with big feet?
Size 11 here. Some brands, I can get by with 10 1/2.
Running shoes are generally 11.5
I always tell my husband that I need to shop for shoes in the drag queen store.
I'm also terrible about returns, and I HAVE to try on shoes before buying. I've gotten bitten by that too many times.0 -
Susieq_1994 wrote: »... what is the batcave? Pretty much the only threads I ever go to are this one and the monthly cycling thread.
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/group/106593-confession-is-good-for-the-soul
Our beloved batcave.kellienw335 wrote: »
So 2 confessions threads? I HAS CONFUSION.
We don't really use that thread much, except when this one is getting attacked by trolls. We use the Fitbit thread, the picture threads, the recipe thread, and apparently the weird show thread (Big Brother?). It doesn't really need to be kept up with--Those are all extras and the main action happens here.0 -
rungirl1973 wrote: »kellienw335 wrote: »rungirl1973 wrote: »My 20 year old boy got his "proposed treatment plan" from the dentist. I don't think there's a tooth that doesn't need something. We're talking about $15k worth of dental work. I don't have any words. I want to throttle him.
Wow! I was sharing with my 7 year old that I knew some people with kids who didn't brush their teeth when they were his age and now their teeth are ruined. He was mortified and brushed extra well last night and this morning!
Yay! I'm glad my boy's ignorance could scare your boy into submission! LOL
I'm going to cancel his 21st birthday trip, I think. And, make him pay for at least half. I mean, the boy is almost 21, not in school, lives with me and doesn't even pay rent. Either that, or he can have them all pulled and get dentures.
Yeah, I was gonna say that as well. He's an adult and should take on the brunt of the cost.0 -
rungirl1973 wrote: »kellienw335 wrote: »rungirl1973 wrote: »My 20 year old boy got his "proposed treatment plan" from the dentist. I don't think there's a tooth that doesn't need something. We're talking about $15k worth of dental work. I don't have any words. I want to throttle him.
Wow! I was sharing with my 7 year old that I knew some people with kids who didn't brush their teeth when they were his age and now their teeth are ruined. He was mortified and brushed extra well last night and this morning!
Yay! I'm glad my boy's ignorance could scare your boy into submission! LOL
I'm going to cancel his 21st birthday trip, I think. And, make him pay for at least half. I mean, the boy is almost 21, not in school, lives with me and doesn't even pay rent. Either that, or he can have them all pulled and get dentures.
I agree. If he has a source of income, he should be at least partially responsible for the damage that HE DID to his OWN TEETH. And that's coming from a twenty year old... 0 -
kellienw335 wrote: »lilaclovebird wrote: »kelly_c_77 wrote: »spacequiztime wrote: »I've never been a fan of pickles. I can't imagine them fried.
Blasphemy! However, to be helpful I will have all your dill pickles. The sweet pickles can go die in a fire though.
Uhhhh....NO! Dill pickles are fine...and I love fried pickles. But I seriously LOVE sweet pickles!!! I put 3 in my salad every day for lunch and again for dinner. For my salad dressing, I also use the sweet pickle juice instead of vinegar when I'm at the end of the jar (I usually use vinegar, Mrs. Dash Garlic and Herb seasoning, and a bit of hot sauce). I have also just recently started putting sweet pickle relish over my salads as a yummy topping! Sweet pickles all day long, forever.
Okay! I amend my previous statement to sweet pickles can go die in the acid bath of your tummy.You can have all of them.
Every single one. Because I don't like the sweet one's either. And sweet relish can be thrown in a volcano and sacrificed to the dill relish god!
What do you put in tuna and egg salad? You can NOT make those without sweet pickles!
I'm a sweet pickle hater, too.
I don't like crunchy stuff in my tuna or egg salad. I put nothing crunchy in it.
My parents put sweet pickle relish in tuna salad, yuck!0 -
kellienw335 wrote: »@m1xm0d3 If I recall correctly (b/c I don't always make a mental note of such things) I think I'm heading toward your neck of the woods tomorrow. SO is doing Triple Bypass. I am not. I am visiting friends and cousins and chilling in a cabin. We are headed to Evergreen - Road trip time!!
ETA for those who don't know, Triple Bypass is a bike ride for people who like climbing. It is 120 miles, three mountains, 10,000 (or so) feet of climbing.
I am in Virginia but I looked in to that ride and it sounds amazingly brutal! Best wishes to his ride!
So then I had to look up the race, @nonoelmo, you were thinking of @xMrBunglex. He's the bike rider from Colorado. Although haven't seen him around here in awhile.
Oh yes, you are right. Sorry @m1xm0d3, I missed your reply so I'm glad I saw it here. I did combine details in my head of you and @xMrBunglex. Thanks for the good wishes. SO loves the punishment. He loves the achievement of mind over body. His profile (we met online) had a picture of him on mile 23 of a marathon (Chicago?) smiling. SMILING! I liked his smile and his can do attitude.
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Cool pillows!
WOW. Talent!
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I also like sweet pickles. And dill. Pretty well all pickled vegetables, actually. I'm obsessed with the pickled turnip you get at Lebanese restaurants here.
On the tangled hair, it's probably because she still has very fine hair, which is normal for kids (especially straight-haired ones.) Mine was like that as a child, I had a lot of it eventually but the individual strands super thin and soft so they tangled like mad. As she ages and her hair gets damaged from styling and stuff it'll likely get a little coarser. Mine is still pretty fine but doesn't tangle nearly as much as it did when I was a child.
My disappointment for today: I finally got my new passport in the mail today but it's too late to book the Peru trip we've been planning for like a year because all the government trail permits are sold out now for September/October. We knew it might be an issue but but I was still hoping, so it's sad.
I called my husband to discuss our options though and I think we're going to book one for next May tonight, as it's the next option that works for our schedules and with the weather. Still, I'm super bummed because I really wanted to go this fall. But I think we'll just book a cheap Cuba package in November so we can at least go away for a bit...and so he can see Cuba before too much more change happens.0 -
rungirl1973 wrote: »kellienw335 wrote: »lilaclovebird wrote: »kelly_c_77 wrote: »spacequiztime wrote: »I've never been a fan of pickles. I can't imagine them fried.
Blasphemy! However, to be helpful I will have all your dill pickles. The sweet pickles can go die in a fire though.
Uhhhh....NO! Dill pickles are fine...and I love fried pickles. But I seriously LOVE sweet pickles!!! I put 3 in my salad every day for lunch and again for dinner. For my salad dressing, I also use the sweet pickle juice instead of vinegar when I'm at the end of the jar (I usually use vinegar, Mrs. Dash Garlic and Herb seasoning, and a bit of hot sauce). I have also just recently started putting sweet pickle relish over my salads as a yummy topping! Sweet pickles all day long, forever.
Okay! I amend my previous statement to sweet pickles can go die in the acid bath of your tummy.You can have all of them.
Every single one. Because I don't like the sweet one's either. And sweet relish can be thrown in a volcano and sacrificed to the dill relish god!
What do you put in tuna and egg salad? You can NOT make those without sweet pickles!
I'm a sweet pickle hater, too.
I don't like crunchy stuff in my tuna or egg salad. I put nothing crunchy in it.
My parents put sweet pickle relish in tuna salad, yuck!
I have to have some crunchiness because I just don't do mushy textures very well--they tend to make me gag. I add finely chopped bell pepper to both for a crunch. 0 -
Ha! too funny.lilaclovebird wrote: »Thanks, everyone! It really is the most gorgeous piece of jewelry I own, that's for sure. I was bummed because it was supposed to come in a couple days before we left, but they never called...or so I thought.
I told Mr. Mo I was disappointed because I was hoping to have my ring before we left so I could show it to my brother (who we were lucky enough to get to see while down there). He said he was bummed too, but at least I'd have something to look forward to when we got home.
Unbeknownst to me, that little turd picked it up the Wednesday before we left, and snuck it in his carryon. On our anniversary, we decided to go to breakfast, then do some shopping on another key, then go seashell, and shark tooth hunting. While on the beach hunting, he got a little ahead of me lower on the beach looking for shells while I'm still working my way down the hill. He turns around and asks me, "So, what do you think of this little one?" In the palm of his hand was my ring. It was so cute and romantic. He told me every time I mentioned being bummed about not having my ring ahead of time, he laughed to himself. He's such a brat sometimes.
Gosh darn it! Where do @KylerJaye and I find one of these kinds of guys?!
LOL! seriously!!!
Ashland, VA.
*snicker*
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@Suzieq_1994 That post about self-care is wonderful!0
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kelly_c_77 wrote: »spacequiztime wrote: »I've never been a fan of pickles. I can't imagine them fried.
Blasphemy! However, to be helpful I will have all your dill pickles. The sweet pickles can go die in a fire though.
Uhhhh....NO! Dill pickles are fine...and I love fried pickles. But I seriously LOVE sweet pickles!!! I put 3 in my salad every day for lunch and again for dinner. For my salad dressing, I also use the sweet pickle juice instead of vinegar when I'm at the end of the jar (I usually use vinegar, Mrs. Dash Garlic and Herb seasoning, and a bit of hot sauce). I have also just recently started putting sweet pickle relish over my salads as a yummy topping! Sweet pickles all day long, forever.
ETA: Yes, I realize the amount of sodium...
I got to page 1204 and then had to go back to find this post because I don't want you to be alone. I kept seeing everyone saying they don't like sweet pickles. I like sweet pickles too. I like both kinds of pickles. 0 -
Develop your passive aggressive detection radar. (Speaking from experience)kellienw335 wrote: »
ETA: I "learned" to date in my 40's. I never "dated" like that before, I didn't know how to do it. It was so fun and cool (and scary) to discover so much about myself. I was always 100% myself and clear that I was looking for a good relationship. I did work hard on keeping good boundaries and only dating men who didn't raise red flags.
What are some red flags for people?
The one's I really looked for:
Very angry/resentful toward someone (i.e., ex, mother, sibling, etc.) even if deserved it should not come out in date #1 or #2.
Pushing for "cuddles" or anything else very quickly.
Not understanding what an appropriate level of activity for a first or second date would be (i.e. writing a song for me after one email exchange, planning a weekend away in another state for a second date.)
Not having an appropriate job for his age (i.e. I am in the middle age dating pool, I want to date someone not support him financially.)
What other red flags come to mind?
Not letting me do things for myself e.g. insisting on ordering something for me instead of letting me order what I want and other weird signs of dominance.
Talking about their ex repeatedly in anyway. Glowing terms can be just as bad as negative ones. My ex girlfriend was so good to me she'd drop everything to make me my favorite dinner and then she'd clean up the entire kitchen.
Treating staff where ever you go badly. I think you can tell a lot about a person by how they treat people who're waiting on them.
Calling too much (I had one guy literally calling me over 30 times in one day) or too little (if you haven't heard from them in a month they're not really interested).
I agree with these and the others listed earlier. Good stuff
I would also add
If you are a mom the guy wanting to be insta-dad. I vaguely mentioned my kids in my profile and more than one man in the first email offered to help raise them. No thank you.
The player who is almost seems like relationship material but fails. He comes so close and is charming and good looking and rich. And them you realize he's flakey as heck. And his almost commitments are insincere and then he tells you he's been divorced twice not just once and was with wife #2 while still with wife #1. And then you let him know no more. You will not be going out with him again.
No projects. He is not there to fix or improve you. You are not there to fix or improve him.
You have to like each other as people and be interested in who that person is. That means no projecting. One man kept trying to put words into my mouth about what I liked and what I did for fun.
Where was this advice when I was dating? You should teach a class! All the single ladies, looking for someone, in this thread should start taking notes!!
I really agree with how does he treat people who are in the service industry. Kindness and human decency are priorities to me.
How does he treat animals?
BIG red flag - is he always the victim and life is not fair and it is always someone else's fault. RUN!!!
So much good dating advice here. I can DEFINITELY attest to the bolded.
In my single days (almost 20 adult years of it), I dated too many men who claimed their mother/ex/friend was "crazy". Guess who the common culprit was? Yeah. If you think every single person you have a relationship with "turns crazy", perhaps it's you.
When things didn't go well, these guys could somehow start to convince me that I was crazy. That was my cue to get out.0 -
Susieq_1994 wrote: »... what is the batcave? Pretty much the only threads I ever go to are this one and the monthly cycling thread.
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/group/106593-confession-is-good-for-the-soul
Our beloved batcave.kellienw335 wrote: »
So 2 confessions threads? I HAS CONFUSION.
It is a place to that will continue if for some reason this thread has to end. Also, there are sub threads of special interest so that one topic can be delved into more deeply.
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SusieQ I'm glad you are feeling better and I hope you are all better VERY soon. OrangeSmartie and Froggybug -- loads of hugs to each of you.0
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CountessKitteh wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »kellienw335 wrote: »lilaclovebird wrote: »kelly_c_77 wrote: »spacequiztime wrote: »I've never been a fan of pickles. I can't imagine them fried.
Blasphemy! However, to be helpful I will have all your dill pickles. The sweet pickles can go die in a fire though.
Uhhhh....NO! Dill pickles are fine...and I love fried pickles. But I seriously LOVE sweet pickles!!! I put 3 in my salad every day for lunch and again for dinner. For my salad dressing, I also use the sweet pickle juice instead of vinegar when I'm at the end of the jar (I usually use vinegar, Mrs. Dash Garlic and Herb seasoning, and a bit of hot sauce). I have also just recently started putting sweet pickle relish over my salads as a yummy topping! Sweet pickles all day long, forever.
Okay! I amend my previous statement to sweet pickles can go die in the acid bath of your tummy.You can have all of them.
Every single one. Because I don't like the sweet one's either. And sweet relish can be thrown in a volcano and sacrificed to the dill relish god!
What do you put in tuna and egg salad? You can NOT make those without sweet pickles!
Oh, yes, I can!!! I actually like pepperoncinis in my tuna. Mmmmm, that's super yum.
I like to use banana peppers!
I think that's pretty much the same thing, right?0 -
rungirl1973 wrote: »
Develop your passive aggressive detection radar. (Speaking from experience)kellienw335 wrote: »
ETA: I "learned" to date in my 40's. I never "dated" like that before, I didn't know how to do it. It was so fun and cool (and scary) to discover so much about myself. I was always 100% myself and clear that I was looking for a good relationship. I did work hard on keeping good boundaries and only dating men who didn't raise red flags.
What are some red flags for people?
The one's I really looked for:
Very angry/resentful toward someone (i.e., ex, mother, sibling, etc.) even if deserved it should not come out in date #1 or #2.
Pushing for "cuddles" or anything else very quickly.
Not understanding what an appropriate level of activity for a first or second date would be (i.e. writing a song for me after one email exchange, planning a weekend away in another state for a second date.)
Not having an appropriate job for his age (i.e. I am in the middle age dating pool, I want to date someone not support him financially.)
What other red flags come to mind?
Not letting me do things for myself e.g. insisting on ordering something for me instead of letting me order what I want and other weird signs of dominance.
Talking about their ex repeatedly in anyway. Glowing terms can be just as bad as negative ones. My ex girlfriend was so good to me she'd drop everything to make me my favorite dinner and then she'd clean up the entire kitchen.
Treating staff where ever you go badly. I think you can tell a lot about a person by how they treat people who're waiting on them.
Calling too much (I had one guy literally calling me over 30 times in one day) or too little (if you haven't heard from them in a month they're not really interested).
I agree with these and the others listed earlier. Good stuff
I would also add
If you are a mom the guy wanting to be insta-dad. I vaguely mentioned my kids in my profile and more than one man in the first email offered to help raise them. No thank you.
The player who is almost seems like relationship material but fails. He comes so close and is charming and good looking and rich. And them you realize he's flakey as heck. And his almost commitments are insincere and then he tells you he's been divorced twice not just once and was with wife #2 while still with wife #1. And then you let him know no more. You will not be going out with him again.
No projects. He is not there to fix or improve you. You are not there to fix or improve him.
You have to like each other as people and be interested in who that person is. That means no projecting. One man kept trying to put words into my mouth about what I liked and what I did for fun.
Where was this advice when I was dating? You should teach a class! All the single ladies, looking for someone, in this thread should start taking notes!!
I really agree with how does he treat people who are in the service industry. Kindness and human decency are priorities to me.
How does he treat animals?
BIG red flag - is he always the victim and life is not fair and it is always someone else's fault. RUN!!!
So much good dating advice here. I can DEFINITELY attest to the bolded.
In my single days (almost 20 adult years of it), I dated too many men who claimed their mother/ex/friend was "crazy". Guess who the common culprit was? Yeah. If you think every single person you have a relationship with "turns crazy", perhaps it's you.
When things didn't go well, these guys could somehow start to convince me that I was crazy. That was my cue to get out.
Ya, looking back at a relationship I was in last year, I should've seen this red flag.0 -
CountessKitteh wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »kellienw335 wrote: »lilaclovebird wrote: »kelly_c_77 wrote: »spacequiztime wrote: »I've never been a fan of pickles. I can't imagine them fried.
Blasphemy! However, to be helpful I will have all your dill pickles. The sweet pickles can go die in a fire though.
Uhhhh....NO! Dill pickles are fine...and I love fried pickles. But I seriously LOVE sweet pickles!!! I put 3 in my salad every day for lunch and again for dinner. For my salad dressing, I also use the sweet pickle juice instead of vinegar when I'm at the end of the jar (I usually use vinegar, Mrs. Dash Garlic and Herb seasoning, and a bit of hot sauce). I have also just recently started putting sweet pickle relish over my salads as a yummy topping! Sweet pickles all day long, forever.
Okay! I amend my previous statement to sweet pickles can go die in the acid bath of your tummy.You can have all of them.
Every single one. Because I don't like the sweet one's either. And sweet relish can be thrown in a volcano and sacrificed to the dill relish god!
What do you put in tuna and egg salad? You can NOT make those without sweet pickles!
Oh, yes, I can!!! I actually like pepperoncinis in my tuna. Mmmmm, that's super yum.
I like to use banana peppers!
Me too!! I LOVE banana peppers in lots of things! Chicken and tuna salad with BP's are delish!0 -
@FroggyBug I'm sorry you are still struggling and your boyfriend can't get his stuff together. It is so.difficult when they won't communicate.0
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orangesmartie wrote: »Beware, this is long - and remember you did ask!
To be honest, I am struggling with where I go from here. I love both of them very much, but he has totally devastated me with these things, after 3 years together.
Obviously this is a condensed version, but I don’t know what else to say.
Our situations are very different obviously but I can sympathize with him withdrawing from you. That is so hard to deal with and it does hurt a lot.
That is what my boyfriend said to me as well. He told me every time we get in an argument he withdraws more from me and our relationship because he doesn't know how to handle things. He doesn't seem to understand that you can't just withdraw and run away when things are bad. He needs a lot of work on communicating. The last time we talked on Sunday he told me that he needs to find his heart again. We have a lot of issues to work on but I really want to make things work. I love him so much as well. I am not going to contact him back though. I figured if he wants to be with me, he will work on himself and know what he has lost.
I am SO sorry that you are going through these hard times. I wish that I could help you and get him to see how important you are to him and the whole relationship. I really hope that you all can figure out how to fix everything. (HUGS)
@orangesmartie This is what I really want to say to you (((hugs))) & (((hugs))) to @froggybug too. I hope both of you get exactly what you want and need because you deserve it!
I am hoping the same for both of you.0
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