Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
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@Susieq_1994 I'm glad you got up and did some stuff. Sometimes I do what you did about adding calories from the next day if I'm down and not feeling the eating thing. Don't want mfp to scold me.0
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@froggybug I hope that whatever decision you make brings you peace and happiness.0
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@nonoelmo glad the sword showed up!!0
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riderfangal wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »Ok, I am just gonna gab for a bit if that is alright. This is mostly about crappy health stuff, so if you are not interested just skip on by, but I felt that I have some friendships here that might be the best support I have for this particular issue.
Yesterday I went and saw my chronic disease nurse practitioner, whom I see every eight weeks. She gives me my shot, and I get an hour block to discuss any problems that might crop up etc.
In January when she weighed me, I was at 395lbs, my all time heaviest. I take three medications that cause weight gain, and while she has never seemed concerned before, she was worried about me hitting, and surpassing, the 400lbs mark. She told me that she got a note from my GP saying that she would like me to lose about 50lbs, so that I was at least out of the 'danger zone', so to speak.
The thing is, I have a LOT of heath issues, mostly cause by long term diabetes. I only have one kidney, obviously I am insulin dependent, I have uterine tumors that the shots I get barely control, I have some nerve damage in my left foot, I have degenerative arthritis in my right hip that is really painful, plus I have had carpel tunnel for 18+ years, tennis elbow and trigger thumb in both arms/hands. I have chronic disease anemia, which not only causes me to have low hemoglobin all the time, causing fatigue and shortness of breath, but for some reason unknown right now, I do not produce enough red blood cells. I also have to take medications that may lead to other problems down the road...like I am on three medications right now that my NP said yesterday she is worried may lead to osteoporosis, even though I am on a crap load of vitamins etc.
On top of all this, I have a pretty bad case of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Now, I know a lot of people say they have OCD about this or that, but I mean I have actual OCD that causes me to require a LOT more down time than the average person or I will not sleep at all....I have to have enough time to have done all my rituals AND have some down time to relax, so several hours. For example, if I have to work at 7am, I literally need to be home by about 5pm for the night, or there is no way I am making it. And if I skimp on sleep, I get dizzy spells because of the low red blood cells.
I literally meticulously plan everything, because of the time contrasts I live with. One last thing on that, I get a full blood panel done every three months like clockwork, and other than the low red blood cells, I am on target for everything.
Ok, I may have gotten a little off topic, back to the first thing.......
I have never really tried to lose weight much before, like I would have a random DR mention it or something, but never really bothered. I always stay active, I have had my Y membership for over 20 years, not just recently since being told that or anything, because at my size you HAVE to stay active or you are done for. So, I batted down and lost 20lbs, and then my SO came home from being away, and he feeds me like I am a small nation....like literally if he packs my lunch for work I am scared to open it in front of people cuz it looks like I am staying for the weekend. And then my daughter came home from school after her first year away, and she is a night hawk, so I spent several weeks staying up late gabbing with her, eating junk food and sleeping through my gym time.
I am right back to where I started, and I have adjusted my scale thing here to show.
On my way to my appt yesterday I was nervous that my NP was gonna weigh me and see that I made NO progress in six months.....but something weird happened....she was talking to me about my hip and brought up losing 50lbs again, like she never remembered she had told me that before. I played along because I did not know what to do. I know her pretty well, I have been seeing her every 6-8 weeks for years, so I am 100% positive she had no idea she brought it up before.
The problem is I am having a really really hard time getting back on track. I bought myself a professional grade food scale, I have a good scale to weigh myself, a membership at the Y, all the tools I need, EXCEPT the ability to not over eat when I am stressed, and just having OCD makes me stressed most of the time. One doctor explained it like this: most people have a stress meter that is about half full at most times. So if you picture it like a glass of water, half full, and when stressful things happen, a bit of water is added each time,, and taken back away when resolved......but because of my OCD, my glass is always full to the brim, so anything extra over loads me right away.
I find I do not use the food scale much, because I am always in a rush to eat or leave so I throw things in a bag and out the door. I do go to the gym a couple times a week, but do miss days because I have too many other things to do. I am at a loss.
I feel that I really want to be able to show the NP that I made the effort. I do not see her again until the end of August, unless I need something. And I would like to make SOME progress by then. She did say that she understands how difficult it is to even just not gain while taking the three meds that cause it, but I know it is what I am eating, I am not stupid.
It is not my activity level either, because I am on my feet all day at work, and am very active on my days off. Even yesterday, I was off work, and did not make it to the gym, but still made my 10K steps without extra effort just doing all the things I need to get done that day.
Now that I am at the end of this post I am just sitting here staring at my screen because I do not know how to end this, lol, I do not really have a specific question or anything, I more feel like I just wanted to get this off my chest and feel you guys would listen/understand more then most of my people IRL.
SORRY IT WAS SO LONG!
ETA - I only have OCD, sometimes it is coupled with depression or even social anxiety, so I didn't know if anyone would think that, but I am generally a very happy person and have no issue being in public, or even public speaking etc.
I don't really have any words for all this. I can't imagine how you get through every day and yet you do. On top of that you are here with us supporting and offering wishes and sympathies to others! It is a true testament to what a wonderful person you are. Please know that we all have your back and will support you anyway we can even if its only to read and try to empathize with how full your plate truly is,
This.
And it sounds like your stress glass has been overflowing recently, that was heartbreaking to read about the thefts of your son's bikes.
I can empathize with the sleep issues. Although I don't have OCD, if I don't wind down and follow my set nighttime routine, there's no way I'm falling asleep... for hours.0 -
My legs are amazingly not really sore today. Those were the most steps I've taken since I got my Fitbit (like 12,000 more).
I remember when I first started walking that if I did a mile they were sore and a mile felt like a long ways. So that's progress.0 -
We're having a heat wave in the UK. Not only is it over 30C which is pretty rare for us, but it's super humid and I can't cope. Crap sleep, sticking to the sofa, can't get comfy. And now I have super sexy heat rash spots all over my fingers (always happens when I get too hot for too long) which itch like crazy so I have to cover them with plasters.
I've eaten a lot of ice cream. It was medicinal. So there...0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »For those in the US and the Brits celebrating the 4th along with us what are your weekend plans?
I am going to my mom's in Long Island and getting 2 long rides in to Montauk on my bike and at least one swim. My sister and her husband are visiting from Seattle too. I may cook Saturday if I can fit it in. Back at barn to work Sunday. Anyone have any fun things planned?
Those sound like great plans. If it ever warms up here I'm going to add some swimming into my routine. But right now the river is still too cold.0 -
We're having a heat wave in the UK. Not only is it over 30C which is pretty rare for us, but it's super humid and I can't cope. Crap sleep, sticking to the sofa, can't get comfy. And now I have super sexy heat rash spots all over my fingers (always happens when I get too hot for too long) which itch like crazy so I have to cover them with plasters.
I've eaten a lot of ice cream. It was medicinal. So there...
Ice cream makes everything better!0 -
I added extra water to my protein shake to make it last longer. It's gross. I won't be doing that again.0
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Italian_Buju wrote: »
Here is a perfect example, when I was 11 years old I choked on pizza and it lodged into my lung and I spent a couple of weeks on life support, and several months in the hospital. My sister was a couple hours away at school, and my mother never called and told her. She just happened to call home one day to check in and that is how she found out. Even though she rushed up to see me, I still have those weird doubts in my mind.
That is crazy! From the sibling's point of view, I would be furious at my mother if something like that happened to one of my brothers and she didn't bother telling me. I'm also a couple of hours away from the family, it's no excuse. I hope you have a good relationship with your sister despite your mother's actions. Enjoy your family time!
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Last day at work until next Tuesday! Bad news: my eating has caused the scale to go from 137 to 145 this morning
Ah can't change the past can only go forward. Which is what I'm going to try to do!
As for the 4th, here in Columbus they have an event every year called Red, White, and Boom so I'll go to that tomorrow (after sleeping in and a hard workout) with the family! Then Saturday and Sunday I'll probably head home to Dayton to see my other siblings and relax. Family dinner on Sunday then I'll head back to Cbus so I can enjoy my day off from work on Monday ahhh can't wait!! Hope everyone else has a great Fourth, yayyy for being an American!
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kelly_c_77 wrote: »@Italian_Buju, I'm so sorry for all of your struggles. Weight loss is tough for everyone...so taking medication(s) that cause a gain is definitely not going to make it any easier. That's tough! Have you gone to or considered therapy for your OCD? The way your Dr. described it makes it much easier to understand. Most people think being a germophobe and needing things clean means you're OCD...nope. Again, sorry! Sleep is so important to weight loss and just general well being (I struggle with sleep too) so it stinks that you can't get that part taken care of. I know for me, like today, I make very poor food choices when I'm low on sleep. I know you have a ton of other stuff keeping you busy...but is there any way to squeeze in a little time for food prep/using your scale? Like, dedicate one of your days off to just prepping a crap-ton of food for the week? I really don't know...just grabbing at straws(that's an expression, right?).
Good luck with your upcoming appointment...hopefully things can start looking up by then (no more bikes being stolen, problems with your SO, etc..) and you can show your Dr. that you have made some progress! Hang in there. We're all here...even just to listen when you need to vent.
Sorry that I'm horrible with advice and using my words.
I was thinking the same thing. There was that girl who posted about all the food prep she does back at the beginning like weighing our her cereal and stuff for the week. If I had the space I would completely do this.
Also I think words are needed with the SO about the food portions. He needs to understand you can't eat that much. If that's not a possibility (it took mine a significant amount of time to understand this) I know it is a waste of food and money, but throw or give it away. Or just be like "Phew I can't eat anymore, you have it" After you have eaten the correct portion size.
and also this@Italian_Buju I wish I had a magic wand. Take baby steps and we will cheer you on.
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annette_15 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Okay, it arrived. I admit I ordered the small thinking that was appropriate for women...its a tad bit tiny (only in 2nd hole) but thinking that is a good reminder to keep weight off! Losing weight in my wrists was definitely a plus. I love seeing my wrist bones.
Charging now.
Lol I saw this, and literally ordered one 5 minutes later.. I've been wanting one forever, cant wait!
Yay for another Fitbit user:D.
I was going to do some Zombies Run today & again wasn't feeling it so quit after a few minutes. My sister is coming up & I'm sure I'll get a ton of steps chasing all her kids around.0 -
(((HAPPY DANCE))) My home loan/assumption is approved as of today. Paperwork still ongoing but I'm approved all by my lonesome self all on my own to take over the loan that my ex and I took out. Now my little fixer-upper is allllll MINE! (soon).
ETA: Snoopy dancing happy!
Yay, congratulations!0 -
Italian_Buju wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »Ok, I give up!
Seriously, I GIVE UP!
I had an important appointment today that I thought was at 3pm, turns out it was at 2pm. I am not even sure how that happened because that is very unlike me.
Then, just now, my son texts me, to tell me that HIS NEW BIKE THAT HE JUST BOUGHT LAST FRIDAY JUST GOT STOLEN FROM HIS PLACE OF WORK. Are you kidding me?? Not only is that two bikes in seven days, but he just spent nearly $300 FIVE DAYS AGO, and it is gone! He is a 17 year old kid, that is a lot of money to him.....sadly, it is a lot of money to me too, so I am not even sure how much I can help him out.
And he needs a bike to get to work, it is not like he is riding it for fun. He literally uses it for transportation to and from work! Now, he is gonna have to walk the 35 minute walk again for who knows how long until he gets another bike.
I feel terrible for him, I am truly gutted.
does his workplace have cameras??
did he report it? that's so crappy
I am gonna give him money towards a new bike this time, and also gonna talk to the people at the bike shop and find out what the best lock he can buy is. The boss also told him he could lock in on a gas pole or something that is in clearer view. But it still doesn't make the situation suck any less.
I don't know about in America but in England you can get GPS trackers that fit under the seat. You register it online and if it gets stolen the code is given to the police or something. I briefly looked into it when I thought about getting a bike, but then decided it's too dangerous cycling in London and abandoned the idea. I think it would be worth looking into some sort of tracker device.0 -
Italian_Buju wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »Ok, I give up!
Seriously, I GIVE UP!
I had an important appointment today that I thought was at 3pm, turns out it was at 2pm. I am not even sure how that happened because that is very unlike me.
Then, just now, my son texts me, to tell me that HIS NEW BIKE THAT HE JUST BOUGHT LAST FRIDAY JUST GOT STOLEN FROM HIS PLACE OF WORK. Are you kidding me?? Not only is that two bikes in seven days, but he just spent nearly $300 FIVE DAYS AGO, and it is gone! He is a 17 year old kid, that is a lot of money to him.....sadly, it is a lot of money to me too, so I am not even sure how much I can help him out.
And he needs a bike to get to work, it is not like he is riding it for fun. He literally uses it for transportation to and from work! Now, he is gonna have to walk the 35 minute walk again for who knows how long until he gets another bike.
I feel terrible for him, I am truly gutted.
does his workplace have cameras??
did he report it? that's so crappy
I am gonna give him money towards a new bike this time, and also gonna talk to the people at the bike shop and find out what the best lock he can buy is. The boss also told him he could lock in on a gas pole or something that is in clearer view. But it still doesn't make the situation suck any less.
I don't know about in America but in England you can get GPS trackers that fit under the seat. You register it online and if it gets stolen the code is given to the police or something. I briefly looked into it when I thought about getting a bike, but then decided it's too dangerous cycling in London and abandoned the idea. I think it would be worth looking into some sort of tracker device.
That is an awesome idea! I have no idea if we do this over here but if not we definitely should!0 -
Susieq_1994 wrote: »Hi everyone. I haven't really responded to any posts today because I've been really depressed and spent my entire day in bed, only getting up to pray and then going right back. My app wouldn't let me access the forums either, so I couldn't even catch up until I dragged my sorry carcass out of that bed (with coaxing from the ever-supportive Mr. Susie, who bribed me with a trip to the supermarket. I *really* love the supermarket.)
Anyhow, my thoughts are with all who are going through bad times, and big YAY to those who are having great times, and a big "HAVE A SUPER GREAT TIME" to all who are going on vacation. Patricia, that Fitbit looks awesome! My husband considered all of your posts and asked me if I want him to really buy it now; after some thought, I told him not to, because the earning of the Fitbit by my birthday has given me some motivation and drive to "earn" it, and I don't want to lose that so soon, since I've been struggling SO MUCH lately. A few posts that stuck out in my mind today:
@kelly_c_77 Sorry that you couldn't resist the grocery store munchies. Tomorrow is another day, don't lose hope!
@Italian_Buju You're really having a terrible run of luck. So sorry about the bike and everything else that's going on right now.
@nonoelmo Too bad about the sword, and I hope you feel better soon; but a big YAY about the loan.
@FroggyBug Glad to see you checking in, and it stinks that your relationship isn't working out. I hope you feel better by your birthday so you can celebrate. I agree that life seems to have gone downhill since February for a lot of people... Not a very good year for me, either. As for your question about soreness--my legs aren't sore at all. Weirdly, I never seem to get DOMS in my legs, ever, no matter what I've done to them. Walking, exercise bike, 30DS, five million stairs... They never seem to get any worse than just a little stiff. A blessing, I think.
To all who have spoken of assault, it horrifies me that it seems to be so common and so few speak of it. Glad that many of you have gotten the help you needed and didn't let it rule your lives. I admit that I'm still terrified to death of strange men due to my own experience, and I can't stand to let any male (except my husband) stand behind me, no matter how far away he's standing.
The transformation pictures were amazing. Great job to both of you who shared them, and AWESOME on the three years of logging, Ceci (can't remember your exact username. Oops.)
@Glinda1971 Super great job on your steps; you can totally hit the 25k mark.
... I know this post is super long, but to update everyone on my progress today: Despite being horribly depressed, after being dragged out of my bed I went grocery shopping, did some food prep, cleaned up the kitchen, and did my exercise. I came nowhere near my calorie goal, because eating felt like a chore today--I helped it out with a bit of ice cream, but I admit that the oatmeal I logged in there is totally a lie. That's just the next day's pre-fast meal. Didn't do any stairs today; but hey, I got out of bed, right?
I am hoping you're feeling better today.
I think it's wonderful that you set up a goal to earn your Fitbit, because that will make it all the more special.0 -
(((HAPPY DANCE))) My home loan/assumption is approved as of today. Paperwork still ongoing but I'm approved all by my lonesome self all on my own to take over the loan that my ex and I took out. Now my little fixer-upper is allllll MINE! (soon).
ETA: Snoopy dancing happy!
That's awesome news! Sorry about the sword!0 -
kelly_c_77 wrote: »@Italian_Buju, I'm so sorry for all of your struggles. Weight loss is tough for everyone...so taking medication(s) that cause a gain is definitely not going to make it any easier. That's tough! Have you gone to or considered therapy for your OCD? The way your Dr. described it makes it much easier to understand. Most people think being a germophobe and needing things clean means you're OCD...nope. Again, sorry! Sleep is so important to weight loss and just general well being (I struggle with sleep too) so it stinks that you can't get that part taken care of. I know for me, like today, I make very poor food choices when I'm low on sleep. I know you have a ton of other stuff keeping you busy...but is there any way to squeeze in a little time for food prep/using your scale? Like, dedicate one of your days off to just prepping a crap-ton of food for the week? I really don't know...just grabbing at straws(that's an expression, right?).
Good luck with your upcoming appointment...hopefully things can start looking up by then (no more bikes being stolen, problems with your SO, etc..) and you can show your Dr. that you have made some progress! Hang in there. We're all here...even just to listen when you need to vent.
Sorry that I'm horrible with advice and using my words.
I second this! Don't know what to say except we are here for you!0 -
@Susieq_1994 - I hope today is a better day! You are very lucky that you don't get DOMS!0
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