Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
Replies
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Ok, I am just gonna gab for a bit if that is alright. This is mostly about crappy health stuff, so if you are not interested just skip on by, but I felt that I have some friendships here that might be the best support I have for this particular issue.
Yesterday I went and saw my chronic disease nurse practitioner, whom I see every eight weeks. She gives me my shot, and I get an hour block to discuss any problems that might crop up etc.
In January when she weighed me, I was at 395lbs, my all time heaviest. I take three medications that cause weight gain, and while she has never seemed concerned before, she was worried about me hitting, and surpassing, the 400lbs mark. She told me that she got a note from my GP saying that she would like me to lose about 50lbs, so that I was at least out of the 'danger zone', so to speak.
The thing is, I have a LOT of heath issues, mostly cause by long term diabetes. I only have one kidney, obviously I am insulin dependent, I have uterine tumors that the shots I get barely control, I have some nerve damage in my left foot, I have degenerative arthritis in my right hip that is really painful, plus I have had carpel tunnel for 18+ years, tennis elbow and trigger thumb in both arms/hands. I have chronic disease anemia, which not only causes me to have low hemoglobin all the time, causing fatigue and shortness of breath, but for some reason unknown right now, I do not produce enough red blood cells. I also have to take medications that may lead to other problems down the road...like I am on three medications right now that my NP said yesterday she is worried may lead to osteoporosis, even though I am on a crap load of vitamins etc.
On top of all this, I have a pretty bad case of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Now, I know a lot of people say they have OCD about this or that, but I mean I have actual OCD that causes me to require a LOT more down time than the average person or I will not sleep at all....I have to have enough time to have done all my rituals AND have some down time to relax, so several hours. For example, if I have to work at 7am, I literally need to be home by about 5pm for the night, or there is no way I am making it. And if I skimp on sleep, I get dizzy spells because of the low red blood cells.
I literally meticulously plan everything, because of the time contrasts I live with. One last thing on that, I get a full blood panel done every three months like clockwork, and other than the low red blood cells, I am on target for everything.
Ok, I may have gotten a little off topic, back to the first thing.......
I have never really tried to lose weight much before, like I would have a random DR mention it or something, but never really bothered. I always stay active, I have had my Y membership for over 20 years, not just recently since being told that or anything, because at my size you HAVE to stay active or you are done for. So, I batted down and lost 20lbs, and then my SO came home from being away, and he feeds me like I am a small nation....like literally if he packs my lunch for work I am scared to open it in front of people cuz it looks like I am staying for the weekend. And then my daughter came home from school after her first year away, and she is a night hawk, so I spent several weeks staying up late gabbing with her, eating junk food and sleeping through my gym time.
I am right back to where I started, and I have adjusted my scale thing here to show.
On my way to my appt yesterday I was nervous that my NP was gonna weigh me and see that I made NO progress in six months.....but something weird happened....she was talking to me about my hip and brought up losing 50lbs again, like she never remembered she had told me that before. I played along because I did not know what to do. I know her pretty well, I have been seeing her every 6-8 weeks for years, so I am 100% positive she had no idea she brought it up before.
The problem is I am having a really really hard time getting back on track. I bought myself a professional grade food scale, I have a good scale to weigh myself, a membership at the Y, all the tools I need, EXCEPT the ability to not over eat when I am stressed, and just having OCD makes me stressed most of the time. One doctor explained it like this: most people have a stress meter that is about half full at most times. So if you picture it like a glass of water, half full, and when stressful things happen, a bit of water is added each time,, and taken back away when resolved......but because of my OCD, my glass is always full to the brim, so anything extra over loads me right away.
I find I do not use the food scale much, because I am always in a rush to eat or leave so I throw things in a bag and out the door. I do go to the gym a couple times a week, but do miss days because I have too many other things to do. I am at a loss.
I feel that I really want to be able to show the NP that I made the effort. I do not see her again until the end of August, unless I need something. And I would like to make SOME progress by then. She did say that she understands how difficult it is to even just not gain while taking the three meds that cause it, but I know it is what I am eating, I am not stupid.
It is not my activity level either, because I am on my feet all day at work, and am very active on my days off. Even yesterday, I was off work, and did not make it to the gym, but still made my 10K steps without extra effort just doing all the things I need to get done that day.
Now that I am at the end of this post I am just sitting here staring at my screen because I do not know how to end this, lol, I do not really have a specific question or anything, I more feel like I just wanted to get this off my chest and feel you guys would listen/understand more then most of my people IRL.
SORRY IT WAS SO LONG!
ETA - I only have OCD, sometimes it is coupled with depression or even social anxiety, so I didn't know if anyone would think that, but I am generally a very happy person and have no issue being in public, or even public speaking etc.0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »kelly_c_77 wrote: »So, I failed at the grocery store...I'm way over goal already and haven't had dinner yet. Oh well, whatever.
But anyway, after I ordered our half pound of cheese at the deli, my son politely asked the woman working, "Can I get 3 pounds of kittens, please"??? OMG, everyone in line busted out laughing, including me! Where does he come up with this stuff?
OMG that is SO sweet......or gruesome, depending on what he meant
That was my first reaction.... was he planning on eating kittens?
Haha! He is just obsessed with kittens and cats. And he's just silly. But he knows that we're vegetarian and we "don't eat animals".... so, no. 0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »So Monday I went to the urgent care after my physical therapy and I have a tooth/gum infection. I'm on antibiotics and she also gave me some pain pills. I felt so terrible yesterday that I called in from work. My tonsils and lymph nodes were so swollen. I'm already feeling better thanks to the antibiotics. I didn't get home until 8:30 on Monday. It was a long exhausting day. I'm very afraid of doctors so you know it's serious if I actually go. At least I should be okay by my birthday (Saturday).
Things are still bad on the relationship front. I'm very frustrated. I'm finally at the point where I think we are going to end things which sucks.
I have a bunch of responses to posts coming up so I apologize in advance. I finally got caught up.
Sorry you not feeling well and I think ending things is the right move (so speaks the woman who has never met either of you so take that with a grain of salt). Feel better and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
This!riderfangal wrote: »@nonoelmo Big big congratulations. That is really a big deal. Doing a happy dance with you!
And this!
ETA: Hi @Susieq_1994! Thanks for checking in and wishing me luck tomorrow. I blame my bad day on the weather..and tomorrow is supposed to be beautiful..so I should be back to "normal".0 -
HI @Susieq_1994 Glad to see you today! Sorry you are feeling so sad! Your hubby is so sweet! I am glad he takes such good care of you! Good job Mr. Susie!
@FroggyBug I am sorry things could not work out for you and your SO, if you are sure that is what you want, make sure you stick to your guns! It takes a LONG time to get over a relationship that was that long.....try not to back step during a moment of weakness and each day it will get a little bit easier! We are all here when you need to talk it out....you deserve someone that will treat you better than that, and he is out there, you just gotta find him!0 -
Italian_Buju wrote: »Ok, I am just gonna gab for a bit if that is alright. This is mostly about crappy health stuff, so if you are not interested just skip on by, but I felt that I have some friendships here that might be the best support I have for this particular issue.
Yesterday I went and saw my chronic disease nurse practitioner, whom I see every eight weeks. She gives me my shot, and I get an hour block to discuss any problems that might crop up etc.
In January when she weighed me, I was at 395lbs, my all time heaviest. I take three medications that cause weight gain, and while she has never seemed concerned before, she was worried about me hitting, and surpassing, the 400lbs mark. She told me that she got a note from my GP saying that she would like me to lose about 50lbs, so that I was at least out of the 'danger zone', so to speak.
The thing is, I have a LOT of heath issues, mostly cause by long term diabetes. I only have one kidney, obviously I am insulin dependent, I have uterine tumors that the shots I get barely control, I have some nerve damage in my left foot, I have degenerative arthritis in my right hip that is really painful, plus I have had carpel tunnel for 18+ years, tennis elbow and trigger thumb in both arms/hands. I have chronic disease anemia, which not only causes me to have low hemoglobin all the time, causing fatigue and shortness of breath, but for some reason unknown right now, I do not produce enough red blood cells. I also have to take medications that may lead to other problems down the road...like I am on three medications right now that my NP said yesterday she is worried may lead to osteoporosis, even though I am on a crap load of vitamins etc.
On top of all this, I have a pretty bad case of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Now, I know a lot of people say they have OCD about this or that, but I mean I have actual OCD that causes me to require a LOT more down time than the average person or I will not sleep at all....I have to have enough time to have done all my rituals AND have some down time to relax, so several hours. For example, if I have to work at 7am, I literally need to be home by about 5pm for the night, or there is no way I am making it. And if I skimp on sleep, I get dizzy spells because of the low red blood cells.
I literally meticulously plan everything, because of the time contrasts I live with. One last thing on that, I get a full blood panel done every three months like clockwork, and other than the low red blood cells, I am on target for everything.
Ok, I may have gotten a little off topic, back to the first thing.......
I have never really tried to lose weight much before, like I would have a random DR mention it or something, but never really bothered. I always stay active, I have had my Y membership for over 20 years, not just recently since being told that or anything, because at my size you HAVE to stay active or you are done for. So, I batted down and lost 20lbs, and then my SO came home from being away, and he feeds me like I am a small nation....like literally if he packs my lunch for work I am scared to open it in front of people cuz it looks like I am staying for the weekend. And then my daughter came home from school after her first year away, and she is a night hawk, so I spent several weeks staying up late gabbing with her, eating junk food and sleeping through my gym time.
I am right back to where I started, and I have adjusted my scale thing here to show.
On my way to my appt yesterday I was nervous that my NP was gonna weigh me and see that I made NO progress in six months.....but something weird happened....she was talking to me about my hip and brought up losing 50lbs again, like she never remembered she had told me that before. I played along because I did not know what to do. I know her pretty well, I have been seeing her every 6-8 weeks for years, so I am 100% positive she had no idea she brought it up before.
The problem is I am having a really really hard time getting back on track. I bought myself a professional grade food scale, I have a good scale to weigh myself, a membership at the Y, all the tools I need, EXCEPT the ability to not over eat when I am stressed, and just having OCD makes me stressed most of the time. One doctor explained it like this: most people have a stress meter that is about half full at most times. So if you picture it like a glass of water, half full, and when stressful things happen, a bit of water is added each time,, and taken back away when resolved......but because of my OCD, my glass is always full to the brim, so anything extra over loads me right away.
I find I do not use the food scale much, because I am always in a rush to eat or leave so I throw things in a bag and out the door. I do go to the gym a couple times a week, but do miss days because I have too many other things to do. I am at a loss.
I feel that I really want to be able to show the NP that I made the effort. I do not see her again until the end of August, unless I need something. And I would like to make SOME progress by then. She did say that she understands how difficult it is to even just not gain while taking the three meds that cause it, but I know it is what I am eating, I am not stupid.
It is not my activity level either, because I am on my feet all day at work, and am very active on my days off. Even yesterday, I was off work, and did not make it to the gym, but still made my 10K steps without extra effort just doing all the things I need to get done that day.
Now that I am at the end of this post I am just sitting here staring at my screen because I do not know how to end this, lol, I do not really have a specific question or anything, I more feel like I just wanted to get this off my chest and feel you guys would listen/understand more then most of my people IRL.
SORRY IT WAS SO LONG!
ETA - I only have OCD, sometimes it is coupled with depression or even social anxiety, so I didn't know if anyone would think that, but I am generally a very happy person and have no issue being in public, or even public speaking etc.
I don't really have any words for all this. I can't imagine how you get through every day and yet you do. On top of that you are here with us supporting and offering wishes and sympathies to others! It is a true testament to what a wonderful person you are. Please know that we all have your back and will support you anyway we can even if its only to read and try to empathize with how full your plate truly is,0 -
@Italian_Buju, I'm so sorry for all of your struggles. Weight loss is tough for everyone...so taking medication(s) that cause a gain is definitely not going to make it any easier. That's tough! Have you gone to or considered therapy for your OCD? The way your Dr. described it makes it much easier to understand. Most people think being a germophobe and needing things clean means you're OCD...nope. Again, sorry! Sleep is so important to weight loss and just general well being (I struggle with sleep too) so it stinks that you can't get that part taken care of. I know for me, like today, I make very poor food choices when I'm low on sleep. I know you have a ton of other stuff keeping you busy...but is there any way to squeeze in a little time for food prep/using your scale? Like, dedicate one of your days off to just prepping a crap-ton of food for the week? I really don't know...just grabbing at straws(that's an expression, right?).
Good luck with your upcoming appointment...hopefully things can start looking up by then (no more bikes being stolen, problems with your SO, etc..) and you can show your Dr. that you have made some progress! Hang in there. We're all here...even just to listen when you need to vent.
Sorry that I'm horrible with advice and using my words.
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@Susieq_1994 hoping things in your world brighten up quickly. Your husband seems like such a "man" in every sense of thevword. I am glad you have him!0
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@nonoelmo yay!! For the loan! Hope the sword makes its way where it belongs.
@Susieq_1994 Glad to see you checking in. Your husband is definitely a good one.
Hope you feel better tomorrow.
@Italian_Buju Oof. Sorry you are dealing with all of that. One day at a time. I wish there was something I could do to help from all the way out here in the Internet.0 -
Italian_Buju wrote: »WestCoastJo82 wrote: »So not sure if I should put this here or in the batcave - so maybe I'll do both since this page gets crazy fast - but here's my fitbit charging tip: Leave your charging cable in the bathroom! I have the ChargeHR, and just plug it in when I get in the shower. I've never run out of battery and you aren't supposed to wear it in the shower anyways.
Thank you for listening to my Public Service Announce, now back to your regularly scheduled confessions.
Good tip. I hate the charger for the Fitbit Flex (I have to rubber band the piece into the charger or it won't charge). Did they improve it for the ChargeHR? I asked for one for my birthday but now I may have to buy it myself. I think this is a clever idea though!
I don't understand how it charges enough to last just during a shower? Also, doesn't that ruin the battery? I always wait until my Flex tells me it is low and then I charge it a few hours until it is full......
I'm not sure if it hurts the battery, but I figure I plug my cell phone in before it's totally dead, why would I wait for my Fitbit to be dead? I've had it since the ChargeHR just came out - so about 6 months - and haven't had a problem. It's usually about 75% full when I plug it in for my 15 min shower, and close to 90-95% by the time I'm done.pofoster21 wrote: »WestCoastJo82 wrote: »So not sure if I should put this here or in the batcave - so maybe I'll do both since this page gets crazy fast - but here's my fitbit charging tip: Leave your charging cable in the bathroom! I have the ChargeHR, and just plug it in when I get in the shower. I've never run out of battery and you aren't supposed to wear it in the shower anyways.
Thank you for listening to my Public Service Announce, now back to your regularly scheduled confessions.
Did yours come with a plug? I only got the USB piece?
I just used the plug from an old cell phone charger. I'm Andriod which uses the same USB port. If you don't have a spare, you can buy one online for pretty cheap (i.e.: http://www.amazon.com/Charger-FreedomTech-Universal-Adapter-Samsung/dp/B00XLS9SL0/ref=sr_1_11?s=electronics&ie=UTF8&qid=1435793201&sr=1-11&keywords=USB+wall+plug&pebp=1435793233627&perid=0E5SVYSYQJT7FCA4RY8G)
@Susieq_1994 I'm glad you were able to get out of bed and get to the market. It wasn't the goal you planned, but I still thinks it sounds like the best goal you could get today.
@Italian_Buju I'm glad you felt like you could vent here. Let us know how we can support you and vent away!0 -
Thanks everyone. Totally agreed--my husband is the awesomest and the super greatest. He doesn't agree, but I know it and that's what's important.
@Italian_Buju I really have no words, but I wanted to acknowledge your post. So sorry that you have to go through that every single day! I hope things get better for you, at least the things that can get better. 0 -
@Italian_Buju I hope that you feel a little better for getting it all out. I find when I'm trying to get myself on track a bit more packaged stuff that I don't have to worry so much about weighing is helpful.0
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xLoveLikeWinterx wrote: »I ended up eating a bit more than usual last night (just about 150 cals-ish higher, so NBD) and had a 2 lb woosh this morning... what the whah?? IDK but I'll take it.
So now @tubbs I think we're almost identical in stats... I have 8 lb to go to goal, about 5 after that. I desperately need new work clothes because they're hanging in weird places and un-tailored work clothes bother me lol... I may hit up cheap clothes to get me through the next few months until my spree at goal lol...
And I may have found a dog from the local rescue group near me... He's 5 yrs old, housetrained/shots/neutered, Beagle and he seems adorable.
Awesome job, whoosh's for the win! Where do you want to shop or what is your goal outfit once you hit goal weight?
Did you end up getting the doggie?0 -
Italian_Buju wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »Ok, I give up!
Seriously, I GIVE UP!
I had an important appointment today that I thought was at 3pm, turns out it was at 2pm. I am not even sure how that happened because that is very unlike me.
Then, just now, my son texts me, to tell me that HIS NEW BIKE THAT HE JUST BOUGHT LAST FRIDAY JUST GOT STOLEN FROM HIS PLACE OF WORK. Are you kidding me?? Not only is that two bikes in seven days, but he just spent nearly $300 FIVE DAYS AGO, and it is gone! He is a 17 year old kid, that is a lot of money to him.....sadly, it is a lot of money to me too, so I am not even sure how much I can help him out.
And he needs a bike to get to work, it is not like he is riding it for fun. He literally uses it for transportation to and from work! Now, he is gonna have to walk the 35 minute walk again for who knows how long until he gets another bike.
I feel terrible for him, I am truly gutted.
does his workplace have cameras??
did he report it? that's so crappy
He talked to the owner of the restaurant, he is a sous chef at a very high end restaurant in town, and the owner seemed irritated that happened to him. He said there is a camera in the back, but the owner of the building has the access. They share a plaza with a top line clothing store and and fancy bar or something. So he said he would talk to him and get back to my son, but really, even if they see the thief, unless someone knows who took it, what can they do?
I am gonna give him money towards a new bike this time, and also gonna talk to the people at the bike shop and find out what the best lock he can buy is. The boss also told him he could lock in on a gas pole or something that is in clearer view. But it still doesn't make the situation suck any less.
I am still so mad, this kept me up half the night, and I had such a hard time getting out of bed this morning and now have to head to work. I had some other stuff I wanted to chat about yesterday, but this took over my thought and will have to get back to that tonight.....
I hope they can ID the perp who took the bike or at least post it somewhere that someone who knows them could turn them in.0 -
riderfangal wrote: »kellienw335 wrote: »raelynnsmama52512 wrote: ».....and we seemed to have jumped ship from Frozen to Doc McStuffins in our home. Instead of "Let it Go", now it's "Time For Your Checkup", and I'm not exactly sure which one is more annoying lol!
We love Doc at our house! Those songs are so catchy and she is way less annoying than Dora!
Confession: About once a week we tell the two year old that "Dora is broken" so we don't have to watch it that day. She gets really excited the next day and says "Dora fixed now?" I may have to pay ALOT of money for a therapist in the near future!
Lol I am so tbankful Kypton doesnt like Dora!
Still better than my cousin wanting to watch Barney over & over. I told her I was going to throw it in the toilet since she watched it so much.0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »Okay, it arrived. I admit I ordered the small thinking that was appropriate for women...its a tad bit tiny (only in 2nd hole) but thinking that is a good reminder to keep weight off! Losing weight in my wrists was definitely a plus. I love seeing my wrist bones.
Charging now.
Ooh love the color!0 -
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raelynnsmama52512 wrote: »Thinking about buying a new outfit for the concert tomorrow night (eep!), but I'm clueless on what to get. I've gotta go buy chairs for MIL and FIL in a little bit, and I have to go to Greenville since that's where the nearest Academy is, so I figured I'd poke around Old Navy and maybe venture up to Plato's Closet hehe
So jealous you have a Plato's Closet.
I wish I lived near a Saver's too.0 -
Aw, I like Brian the brain.kelly_c_77 wrote: »kelly_c_77 wrote: »berlynnwall wrote: »@berlynnwall don't feel left out! We all get behind sometimes but just jump back in we don't want to lose you! (Or anyone else for that matter!)
Thanks. I will jump in when I can!
Ha! Awesome!!
ETA: Love the new picture, @CountessKitteh !
I think that Bender is my favorite character from that movie!
Definitely!!!
My favorites are Bender & Allison
I love when they're eating lunch & Allison takes her bologna off & throws it at the statue so she can make a Cap'n Crunch/Pixie Stix sandwich.
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Thanks about the loan. I'm delighted. Ex is super passive aggressive so the less i have to deal with him the better.rungirl1973 wrote: »@nonoelmo yay!! For the loan! Hope the sword makes its way where it belongs.
@Susieq_1994 Glad to see you checking in. Your husband is definitely a good one.
Hope you feel better tomorrow.
@Italian_Buju Oof. Sorry you are dealing with all of that. One day at a time. I wish there was something I could do to help from all the way out here in the Internet.
The sword was probably $5. I think it's funny and SO has plenty of time to order another one.
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@Italian_Buju I wish I had a magic wand. Take baby steps and we will cheer you on.0
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