Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
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Susieq_1994 wrote: »Glinda1971 wrote: »Since I'm tying to own this page I'll confess something.
I've started calorie counting numerous times and always gave it up after a couple months. Even trying to lose weight for my wedding last year wasn't enough motivation. So I was thinking about what has changed this time - I'm still going strong after 4 months. My motivations and reasons this time are:
1. Trying to look good as the MOH for my sister's wedding in September.
2. I'm actually happy for the first time in my life. Well, content maybe is more the word.
3. My husband loves me for me, but I want to be the best me I can be for him.
4. I care about me for a change.
And the 5th and final reason that makes this a confession:
Between the ages of 15 and 21, I had a very emotionally abusive boyfriend. I was "stupid, fat and ugly" and he liked to call me bozo the clown. He was physically abusive once and even that didn't make me leave. (Self-esteem issues much?) The final thing that broke us up for good was when he went hunting with my dad and my brother, said some pretty disgusting things about me apparently and got into a fist fight with my brother.
I ran into him about a month and a half into my journey and I could see him thinking I was fat. The next time I see him, I won't be. I'm a little ashamed that that is motivating me.
My low self esteem issues were indirectly caused by my big brother as well - nobody was allowed to date me. When everyone else is dating (I lived in a very small rural community) and nobody wants to date you, you think there must be something wrong with you. I didn't find out about my brother's edict until I was well into my 20's.
Sorry that was so long.
I'm glad that you found your reasons! I do understand the ex one--while I don't have an ex to want to lose weight before ever seeing again, one of my "reasons" for wanting so badly to get back on the wagon while struggling lately was that I'd be so embarrassed to face family and aquaintances back home if I gained the weight back. It would be so mortifying for me, like a public declaration of failure. :-/ Especially considering that it's very common for people to say "OH MY GOD, YOU GOT SO FAT!" in Arab culture and isn't considered to be something rude or unacceptable.
I am sorry that you put up with so much--I really feel for people who have been in abusive relationships, because although I was lucky enough to end up with a wonderful husband, my anxiety and extreme self-esteem issues make me know for sure that if I were in that kind of relationship, I'd never be able to get out.
My SO's culture is the same, it can even be a compliment! I remember one time I went to go and meet him with a friend of mine and there were a few guys there, and one of them said to my friend "Look at you all nice and fat" and she lost her mind.....he was trying to flirt with her, lol.0 -
Me too! I do think I would have wandered off a long time ago if it hadn't been for this thread. I don't have the best track record.Italian_Buju wrote: »Glinda1971 wrote: »I forgot one other reason this attempt is being more successful:
I have this super great community of supportive friends cheering me on.
Yes you do! I am hoping this will also help me this time around!
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orangesmartie wrote: »Hi all, I am very sorry to report that I did not achieve my mountain climb. I was turned back by the event team at 800 metres/3 miles up on medical/safety grounds.
Essentially, I did not have the mental/emotional reserves I needed to make it through the toughest part of the terrain, and physical exertion meant that I randomly kept falling over. Even while standing still.
The climb/terrain in itself was horrendous. Huge big uneven boulders to be climbed over the entire way meant that no stride or rhythm could be set or achieved. However. I made it through the first check Point ahead of schedule, but faltered on the way to the second.
I could make some more excuses. Such as the strain of being in the dark and having to keep head down so I could light my next step, or the difficulty in doing some bits alone, or that I did not enjoy a single step I took on that mountain, but I won't. It was a challenge that is beyond my current capabilities.
In my heart of hearts, I can honestly say that I did everything I could in training and preparing for this challenge, until this last week, where personal events took over.
The thought of all of you here, and letting you down kept me going for a long way and I apologise for letting you down.
If you made a donation, you can apply for a refund via the justgiving website.
I bet you did better than most of us could do! I call making it as far as you did a WIN! I think you did amazing from what you have posted!0 -
Hey guys, I have a suggestion.....
How would you guys feel about a thread in the batcave for daily goals instead of posting them within this discussion? I was just gonna post some for today, but was thinking as fast as the thread moves during the week it might be hard to even find it again to see how it went.
What do you guys think?0 -
@orangesmartie Don't beat yourself up!! You did awesome even if you didn't climb the entire mountain!! We're still proud of you!
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Absolutely! Congratulations for getting as far as you did. Please don't be hard on yourself.orangesmartie wrote: »Hi all, I am very sorry to report that I did not achieve my mountain climb. I was turned back by the event team at 800 metres/3 miles up on medical/safety grounds.
Essentially, I did not have the mental/emotional reserves I needed to make it through the toughest part of the terrain, and physical exertion meant that I randomly kept falling over. Even while standing still.
The climb/terrain in itself was horrendous. Huge big uneven boulders to be climbed over the entire way meant that no stride or rhythm could be set or achieved. However. I made it through the first check Point ahead of schedule, but faltered on the way to the second.
I could make some more excuses. Such as the strain of being in the dark and having to keep head down so I could light my next step, or the difficulty in doing some bits alone, or that I did not enjoy a single step I took on that mountain, but I won't. It was a challenge that is beyond my current capabilities.
In my heart of hearts, I can honestly say that I did everything I could in training and preparing for this challenge, until this last week, where personal events took over.
The thought of all of you here, and letting you down kept me going for a long way and I apologise for letting you down.
If you made a donation, you can apply for a refund via the justgiving website.
You didn't let anyone down. No one can do every thing right this second, we have to work for it. You did work for it and you did wonderful being able to do the amount that you did. Next time you'll get a little further. I think you should be celebrating the distance you went on a rough, nasty terrain instead of down on yourself for not being able to complete the entirety right this second. I'm proud of you in any case.
Exactly! A lot of people won't walk even one mile on a pancake-flat road or treadmill. You did three miles up a mountain...that is something to be proud of! I think you did a great job and you didn't quit, you were pulled by the medical team for safety reasons...that is nothing to be ashamed of...it was out of your hands.0 -
Italian_Buju wrote: »Hey guys, I have a suggestion.....
How would you guys feel about a thread in the batcave for daily goals instead of posting them within this discussion? I was just gonna post some for today, but was thinking as fast as the thread moves during the week it might be hard to even find it again to see how it went.
What do you guys think?
I'm okay with that. It might be a better idea to do that since the conversation in this thread changes so quickly.0 -
I confess that since I've lost the last ten pounds or so my chair makes horrible fart noises if I'm not careful. I am not talking little squeakers either. We're talking loud fog horn, butt cheeks clapping in the wind that never ends fart noises. It is so embarrassing and I don't really know what is causing it.
How embarrassing THAT must be! O.o Is it your work chair you're referring to?0 -
Italian_Buju wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »Well, I managed to break the quote by accidentally deleting more than I meant to. But anyhow, these were yesterday's goals:
- 30+ minutes of exercise. (Done! 70 minutes.)
- Climb at least 6 flights of stairs. (3 up, 3 down) (Not done. Not a single stair was climbed.)
- Meet my calorie goal as closely as I can. (Done! With the help of a pizza base slathered in peanut butter...)
- Drink a minimum of 8 cups of water. (I cut it really close, having only 6 cups around midnight, but with some quick glugging... Done!)
- Finish up the laundry, which I didn't touch yesterday. (About half done. I washed and hung a bunch of socks, but didn't touch the ironing as usual.
)
I skipped the stairs on purpose, for two reasons:
1) I'm a brat who wants a good weigh-in on Monday. My ankles were kind of sore and swollenish, so I wanted to give the water retention some time to go down by resting the stairs for a bit.
2) My health is iffy at the best of times, and pushing it too hard is a surefire FND trigger. I don't want to be bedridden for the next few days, and doing my exercise + long walk + stairs for two days in a row has left my body threatening to flare up. I could feel it coming on, so I took it easy (which I had better do today as well, to be on the safe side.)
So, today's goals!
- Exercise for 30+ minutes.
- Drink tons of water--I'm aiming for 2.5 liters/10 cups today.
- Eat as close to my calorie goal as possible--my weekly net resets tomorrow and I don't want to leave any behind.
- Don't do anything stupid that will make me sick. <--- I have a bad habit of doing this when I feel myself declining.
- Do some more laundry (Looking at you, ironing... *sigh*)
- Try to stay active by moving around the house and doing household tasks.
Baby goals for today, but better than no goals!
May I ask like what? Like are we talking over doing it, or doing something purposely harmful?
Well, with FND, it very much depends on how I'm feeling. If I'm on a decline, just walking around too much can push me over the edge into a flare-up. I basically just meant overdoing it, because my problem when I can feel my body declining is that I feel like if I pretend everything is normal then it'll be fine and dandy--which generally isn't true.
An update: I don't think I'll be doing any exercise today. I'm going downhill quickly and into the beginning stages of a flare-up, and I'm trying to be as careful as possible. I don't know at this point if I'm going to get a full-on flare up (that would leave me bedridden) or if it'll just go away with a bit of rest, so prayers and good thoughts are appreciated!0 -
Italian_Buju wrote: »Hey guys, I have a suggestion.....
How would you guys feel about a thread in the batcave for daily goals instead of posting them within this discussion? I was just gonna post some for today, but was thinking as fast as the thread moves during the week it might be hard to even find it again to see how it went.
What do you guys think?
I was thinking that just today! I'd welcome a thread like that--I did think the Fitbit thread was going to be more like that rather than exclusively steps. 0 -
@orangesmartie Take all the lecturing I've done on your profile page and pretend I posted it all here, as well; I think I've gone on and on long enough today and doing it some more would probably just annoy you. But please be kind to yourself--I can just feel that you're beating yourself up right now, just as I would be doing if it was me in your place. But you really and truly shouldn't. Hugs.
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Susieq_1994 wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »Well, I managed to break the quote by accidentally deleting more than I meant to. But anyhow, these were yesterday's goals:
- 30+ minutes of exercise. (Done! 70 minutes.)
- Climb at least 6 flights of stairs. (3 up, 3 down) (Not done. Not a single stair was climbed.)
- Meet my calorie goal as closely as I can. (Done! With the help of a pizza base slathered in peanut butter...)
- Drink a minimum of 8 cups of water. (I cut it really close, having only 6 cups around midnight, but with some quick glugging... Done!)
- Finish up the laundry, which I didn't touch yesterday. (About half done. I washed and hung a bunch of socks, but didn't touch the ironing as usual.)
I skipped the stairs on purpose, for two reasons:
1) I'm a brat who wants a good weigh-in on Monday. My ankles were kind of sore and swollenish, so I wanted to give the water retention some time to go down by resting the stairs for a bit.
2) My health is iffy at the best of times, and pushing it too hard is a surefire FND trigger. I don't want to be bedridden for the next few days, and doing my exercise + long walk + stairs for two days in a row has left my body threatening to flare up. I could feel it coming on, so I took it easy (which I had better do today as well, to be on the safe side.)
So, today's goals!
- Exercise for 30+ minutes.
- Drink tons of water--I'm aiming for 2.5 liters/10 cups today.
- Eat as close to my calorie goal as possible--my weekly net resets tomorrow and I don't want to leave any behind.
- Don't do anything stupid that will make me sick. <--- I have a bad habit of doing this when I feel myself declining.
- Do some more laundry (Looking at you, ironing... *sigh*)
- Try to stay active by moving around the house and doing household tasks.
Baby goals for today, but better than no goals!
May I ask like what? Like are we talking over doing it, or doing something purposely harmful?
Well, with FND, it very much depends on how I'm feeling. If I'm on a decline, just walking around too much can push me over the edge into a flare-up. I basically just meant overdoing it, because my problem when I can feel my body declining is that I feel like if I pretend everything is normal then it'll be fine and dandy--which generally isn't true.
An update: I don't think I'll be doing any exercise today. I'm going downhill quickly and into the beginning stages of a flare-up, and I'm trying to be as careful as possible. I don't know at this point if I'm going to get a full-on flare up (that would leave me bedridden) or if it'll just go away with a bit of rest, so prayers and good thoughts are appreciated!
Hoping and praying you're feeling better soon!!!! ❤️❤️
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Susieq_1994 wrote: »I confess that since I've lost the last ten pounds or so my chair makes horrible fart noises if I'm not careful. I am not talking little squeakers either. We're talking loud fog horn, butt cheeks clapping in the wind that never ends fart noises. It is so embarrassing and I don't really know what is causing it.
How embarrassing THAT must be! O.o Is it your work chair you're referring to?
Yes! I have to press my thighs together like I'm trying to squeeze someone to death and sit quite slowly and carefully to make it not happen.
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So you have to keep doing it again and again so everyone realises it's your chair and not you..?Susieq_1994 wrote: »I confess that since I've lost the last ten pounds or so my chair makes horrible fart noises if I'm not careful. I am not talking little squeakers either. We're talking loud fog horn, butt cheeks clapping in the wind that never ends fart noises. It is so embarrassing and I don't really know what is causing it.
How embarrassing THAT must be! O.o Is it your work chair you're referring to?
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So you have to keep doing it again and again so everyone realises it's your chair and not you..?Susieq_1994 wrote: »I confess that since I've lost the last ten pounds or so my chair makes horrible fart noises if I'm not careful. I am not talking little squeakers either. We're talking loud fog horn, butt cheeks clapping in the wind that never ends fart noises. It is so embarrassing and I don't really know what is causing it.
How embarrassing THAT must be! O.o Is it your work chair you're referring to?
You are evil. This is exactly something I'd do, but I don't think I could manage it without cracking up.
I've been thinking about it and now believe I should definitely do this. If I do it while laughing and shouting, "Wee!" they'll either realize it is the chair or think I'm completely bonkers. If they get it they'll smile and if they think I'm bonkers they'll avoid me. Complete win win situation right there!
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Italian_Buju wrote: »Hey guys, I have a suggestion.....
How would you guys feel about a thread in the batcave for daily goals instead of posting them within this discussion? I was just gonna post some for today, but was thinking as fast as the thread moves during the week it might be hard to even find it again to see how it went.
What do you guys think?
Sounds like a good idea to me. I always struggle trying to find what I posted.0 -
raelynnsmama52512 wrote: »@orangesmartie Don't beat yourself up!! You did awesome even if you didn't climb the entire mountain!! We're still proud of you!
This!! You did the training. You did everything you could on that day. I count that a success, whether you finished the whole thing or not.
I know, you will still beat yourself up, it's human nature. But, don't for one minute feel like you let any of us down.0 -
Susieq_1994 wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »Well, I managed to break the quote by accidentally deleting more than I meant to. But anyhow, these were yesterday's goals:
- 30+ minutes of exercise. (Done! 70 minutes.)
- Climb at least 6 flights of stairs. (3 up, 3 down) (Not done. Not a single stair was climbed.)
- Meet my calorie goal as closely as I can. (Done! With the help of a pizza base slathered in peanut butter...)
- Drink a minimum of 8 cups of water. (I cut it really close, having only 6 cups around midnight, but with some quick glugging... Done!)
- Finish up the laundry, which I didn't touch yesterday. (About half done. I washed and hung a bunch of socks, but didn't touch the ironing as usual.)
I skipped the stairs on purpose, for two reasons:
1) I'm a brat who wants a good weigh-in on Monday. My ankles were kind of sore and swollenish, so I wanted to give the water retention some time to go down by resting the stairs for a bit.
2) My health is iffy at the best of times, and pushing it too hard is a surefire FND trigger. I don't want to be bedridden for the next few days, and doing my exercise + long walk + stairs for two days in a row has left my body threatening to flare up. I could feel it coming on, so I took it easy (which I had better do today as well, to be on the safe side.)
So, today's goals!
- Exercise for 30+ minutes.
- Drink tons of water--I'm aiming for 2.5 liters/10 cups today.
- Eat as close to my calorie goal as possible--my weekly net resets tomorrow and I don't want to leave any behind.
- Don't do anything stupid that will make me sick. <--- I have a bad habit of doing this when I feel myself declining.
- Do some more laundry (Looking at you, ironing... *sigh*)
- Try to stay active by moving around the house and doing household tasks.
Baby goals for today, but better than no goals!
May I ask like what? Like are we talking over doing it, or doing something purposely harmful?
Well, with FND, it very much depends on how I'm feeling. If I'm on a decline, just walking around too much can push me over the edge into a flare-up. I basically just meant overdoing it, because my problem when I can feel my body declining is that I feel like if I pretend everything is normal then it'll be fine and dandy--which generally isn't true.
An update: I don't think I'll be doing any exercise today. I'm going downhill quickly and into the beginning stages of a flare-up, and I'm trying to be as careful as possible. I don't know at this point if I'm going to get a full-on flare up (that would leave me bedridden) or if it'll just go away with a bit of rest, so prayers and good thoughts are appreciated!
Sending you the best thoughts. I hope you're able to keep from a full-on flare up.0 -
@Susieq_1994 sending you hope and best wishes it doesn't turn into a full blown flare up.0
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