Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
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Since many of you are more up to speed on wedding etiquette stuff than I am... a question regarding how divorced parents are supposed to be arranged.
My SO and his ex-wife have been divorced for many years and their daughter is getting married soon. The SO obviously has a partner, the ex-w does not.
I have a nasty feeling that daughter is planning on seating the SO with his ex (based on a random remark she made recently)... is that the way it's supposed to be done? In other words, am I breaking some sacred law of wedding propriety if I protest this?
Background: historically, daughter has cut me out of a few events which her mother would be attending, throwing her dad and his ex together. Her excuse is that having both her mother and me present would be "awkward".
I read a lot of wedding etiquette this year thanks to my own, and it's my understanding that it's now seen as antiquated to separate couples during the reception (although still necessary for the bridal party dates during the ceremony for obvious standing-up-front reasons). So "head tables" in that weird medieval fashion aren't being done so much because people have finally figured out that everyone has a better time if they get to sit at a table with the person they came with, both in the case of wedding party members and divorced parents. Prevailing trends are thankfully that you do whatever will make your guests most comfortable, and that is NOT splitting up your dad and his SO and making her sit with a bunch of people she might not know well at all.
Etiquette isn't about following rules for the sake of it, it should always be to do whatever will make the people you're entertaining the most comfortable, and a lot of bridal couples seem to forget that completely. It stops being "your day" the second you invite people and you become 100% percent responsible for hosting them graciously and appropriately because it's your party. I think it's incredibly rude to put your own wants ahead of your guests' comfort, and I hope this girl gets that through her head too.
I'm memorizing this too. I had no idea weddings had become so sensible, I really thought it was "all about the bride".
Since I will still be responsible for dog care, it has always been my intention to unobtrusively duck out while they're doing the photo thing and go feed/exercise the dogs, returning for the reception.
But knowing how long and drawn-out wedding dinners can be with the interminable speeches, I do NOT want to be sitting there for hours without my SO's company. After all, I'm really only there because of him.0 -
Italian_Buju wrote: »I went to PetSmart yesterday after about five weeks. So I bought quite a few cans of food, couple months worth. The cashier asked me how many cats I had.....when I said one, he replied, "Um, is it a mountain lion?"
Hahaha this made me laugh out loud!0 -
rungirl1973 wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »Every wedding I've been to with divorced parents that's what I've seen done. Little girl needs to get over the fact her parents aren't together and never will be again. I know that's harsh but seriously c'mon.
Yea, I was kind thinking this. Danny's dad has already made it clear he won't be attending Danny or his sisters wedding to avoid their mum. I don't mind, but I feel sorry for Danny's sister as her dad has pretty much said he won't walk her down the isle.
Aw that is sad
I understand not being near each other but for the sake of your kids you should at least be able to avoid each other for one night at the same function.
Yeah, that was what I thought when I first read it too. What could make you miss your own child's wedding?
Yeah well. I don't know if we will ever go to any of my step kids' stuff in the future. The mother has made it her job to turn them both against us/me. We haven't seen step daughter since May (mother won't let us see her), and step son since we got married, March 2014.
Any time there is a conversation with the mother, it turns into her yelling and throwing a fit about something or other. I just don't see us being around her on purpose ever again.
We've spent $15k on a lawyer / court so far since we've been married, but his ex still refuses to follow the court orders. We're done spending the money chasing after a relationship that it doesn't seem the kids want at this point either. It's sad, but I don't think we're alone. Hopefully, things will improve when they get out from under her thumb.
I know I've said it before but I work in child support and I see this pretty much every day all day (well rather I hear about it from my clients- I'm sometimes a therapist they don't have to pay for because they just need to vent a bit) it makes
me so sad for all parties involved 0 -
Italian_Buju wrote: »I went to PetSmart yesterday after about five weeks. So I bought quite a few cans of food, couple months worth. The cashier asked me how many cats I had.....when I said one, he replied, "Um, is it a mountain lion?"rungirl1973 wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »I went to PetSmart yesterday after about five weeks. So I bought quite a few cans of food, couple months worth. The cashier asked me how many cats I had.....when I said one, he replied, "Um, is it a mountain lion?"
We have 5 cats now. We went to the store and bought 24 cans of cat food, and the cashier asked if we were cat people. Nah, we just like having cat food on hand. Lol
Hahaha!! Both of these are awesome!!0 -
Since many of you are more up to speed on wedding etiquette stuff than I am... a question regarding how divorced parents are supposed to be arranged.
My SO and his ex-wife have been divorced for many years and their daughter is getting married soon. The SO obviously has a partner, the ex-w does not.
I have a nasty feeling that daughter is planning on seating the SO with his ex (based on a random remark she made recently)... is that the way it's supposed to be done? In other words, am I breaking some sacred law of wedding propriety if I protest this?
Background: historically, daughter has cut me out of a few events which her mother would be attending, throwing her dad and his ex together. Her excuse is that having both her mother and me present would be "awkward".
Etiquette isn't about following rules for the sake of it, it should always be to do whatever will make the people you're entertaining the most comfortable, and a lot of bridal couples seem to forget that completely. It stops being "your day" the second you invite people and you become 100% percent responsible for hosting them graciously and appropriately because it's your party. I think it's incredibly rude to put your own wants ahead of your guests' comfort, and I hope this girl gets that through her head too.
This is perfect!0 -
rungirl1973 wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »Every wedding I've been to with divorced parents that's what I've seen done. Little girl needs to get over the fact her parents aren't together and never will be again. I know that's harsh but seriously c'mon.
Yea, I was kind thinking this. Danny's dad has already made it clear he won't be attending Danny or his sisters wedding to avoid their mum. I don't mind, but I feel sorry for Danny's sister as her dad has pretty much said he won't walk her down the isle.
Aw that is sad I understand not being near each other but for the sake of your kids you should at least be able to avoid each other for one night at the same function.
Yeah, that was what I thought when I first read it too. What could make you miss your own child's wedding?
Yeah well. I don't know if we will ever go to any of my step kids' stuff in the future. The mother has made it her job to turn them both against us/me. We haven't seen step daughter since May (mother won't let us see her), and step son since we got married, March 2014.
Any time there is a conversation with the mother, it turns into her yelling and throwing a fit about something or other. I just don't see us being around her on purpose ever again.
We've spent $15k on a lawyer / court so far since we've been married, but his ex still refuses to follow the court orders. We're done spending the money chasing after a relationship that it doesn't seem the kids want at this point either. It's sad, but I don't think we're alone. Hopefully, things will improve when they get out from under her thumb.
I know I've said it before but I work in child support and I see this pretty much every day all day (well rather I hear about it from my clients- I'm sometimes a therapist they don't have to pay for because they just need to vent a bit) it makes
me so sad for all parties involved
I bet! And I'm sorry, @rungirl1973 ! That just stinks! 0 -
rungirl1973 wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »I went to PetSmart yesterday after about five weeks. So I bought quite a few cans of food, couple months worth. The cashier asked me how many cats I had.....when I said one, he replied, "Um, is it a mountain lion?"
We have 5 cats now. We went to the store and bought 24 cans of cat food, and the cashier asked if we were cat people. Nah, we just like having cat food on hand. Lol
I tell them its to feed my other half when he upsets me*
*original phrase changed
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My parents separated when I was pretty young and I remember not being too upset about it. My father had MS and my mother had to help lift him into bed, get him dressed, help him to the toilet, etc. Finally it became too much for her to handle and he moved out into his own apartment where a nurse could look after him. I saw him pretty much the same because he was always in hospitals and I was able to sympathize with my mom who seemed very stressed.
I knew they would never get back together and I thought that was for the best.... I saw my dad on the weekends and eventually moved in with him to help take care of him (also I was going through a rough patch with my mom). But I never held their separation against mom or thought less of her for it.
Before my dad died he told me that my mom's new husband seemed like a really nice and lovely person. When I told my stepdad this he cried and said my dad was an honorable and strong man. Sniffle...0 -
Italian_Buju wrote: »I went to PetSmart yesterday after about five weeks. So I bought quite a few cans of food, couple months worth. The cashier asked me how many cats I had.....when I said one, he replied, "Um, is it a mountain lion?"
HA HA HA!0 -
Italian_Buju wrote: »Every wedding I've been to with divorced parents that's what I've seen done. Little girl needs to get over the fact her parents aren't together and never will be again. I know that's harsh but seriously c'mon.
Yea, I was kind thinking this. Danny's dad has already made it clear he won't be attending Danny or his sisters wedding to avoid their mum. I don't mind, but I feel sorry for Danny's sister as her dad has pretty much said he won't walk her down the isle.
Aw that is sad I understand not being near each other but for the sake of your kids you should at least be able to avoid each other for one night at the same function.
Yeah, that was what I thought when I first read it too. What could make you miss your own child's wedding?
Meh, this is the same guy that said he is going to spend all his pension on himself, because it's his money, his children shouldn't be GIVEN it. It seems to be a family attitude. Fortunately I haven't witnessed it in Danny so it hopefully the selfishness dies with Danny's dad.0 -
rungirl1973 wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »Every wedding I've been to with divorced parents that's what I've seen done. Little girl needs to get over the fact her parents aren't together and never will be again. I know that's harsh but seriously c'mon.
Yea, I was kind thinking this. Danny's dad has already made it clear he won't be attending Danny or his sisters wedding to avoid their mum. I don't mind, but I feel sorry for Danny's sister as her dad has pretty much said he won't walk her down the isle.
Aw that is sad I understand not being near each other but for the sake of your kids you should at least be able to avoid each other for one night at the same function.
Yeah, that was what I thought when I first read it too. What could make you miss your own child's wedding?
Yeah well. I don't know if we will ever go to any of my step kids' stuff in the future. The mother has made it her job to turn them both against us/me. We haven't seen step daughter since May (mother won't let us see her), and step son since we got married, March 2014.
Any time there is a conversation with the mother, it turns into her yelling and throwing a fit about something or other. I just don't see us being around her on purpose ever again.
We've spent $15k on a lawyer / court so far since we've been married, but his ex still refuses to follow the court orders. We're done spending the money chasing after a relationship that it doesn't seem the kids want at this point either. It's sad, but I don't think we're alone. Hopefully, things will improve when they get out from under her thumb.
It's not this, he is just happy to walk away from a difficult situation. When him and Danny's mum split up he just walked out with his stuff. D's mum got the house, the car, everything. He has said when his parents pass his brother can have everything, he doesn't want to get involved. He is just not confrontational.0 -
Today I was ridiculously over my calorie goal, but somehow STILL couldn't stop myself from finishing the calorie laden belgian chocolate flapjack in my fridge. (Even though I was 400 calories in the red.) So, instead of making today's logging look even more horrific, I logged 1/2 of the calories in tomorrow's section and 1/2 in Tuesday's so I can make up for it over the course of the week. WHY??0
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FluffySandwich wrote: »My parents separated when I was pretty young and I remember not being too upset about it. My father had MS and my mother had to help lift him into bed, get him dressed, help him to the toilet, etc. Finally it became too much for her to handle and he moved out into his own apartment where a nurse could look after him. I saw him pretty much the same because he was always in hospitals and I was able to sympathize with my mom who seemed very stressed.
I knew they would never get back together and I thought that was for the best.... I saw my dad on the weekends and eventually moved in with him to help take care of him (also I was going through a rough patch with my mom). But I never held their separation against mom or thought less of her for it.
Before my dad died he told me that my mom's new husband seemed like a really nice and lovely person. When I told my stepdad this he cried and said my dad was an honorable and strong man. Sniffle...
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@FluffySandwich Your dad sounds like he was a wonderful person. I'm so sorry for your loss. 0
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Susieq_1994 wrote: »@FluffySandwich Your dad sounds like he was a wonderful person. I'm so sorry for your loss.
This. Your stepdad expressed it perfectly.ellarishee wrote: »Today I was ridiculously over my calorie goal, but somehow STILL couldn't stop myself from finishing the calorie laden belgian chocolate flapjack in my fridge. (Even though I was 400 calories in the red.) So, instead of making today's logging look even more horrific, I logged 1/2 of the calories in tomorrow's section and 1/2 in Tuesday's so I can make up for it over the course of the week. WHY??
That sounds delish... not sure I'd have been able to resist such a treat either.
I think it's pretty common to spread excess calories over the next day or so when logging. Definitely not the first time I've head this!0 -
FluffySandwich wrote: »My parents separated when I was pretty young and I remember not being too upset about it. My father had MS and my mother had to help lift him into bed, get him dressed, help him to the toilet, etc. Finally it became too much for her to handle and he moved out into his own apartment where a nurse could look after him. I saw him pretty much the same because he was always in hospitals and I was able to sympathize with my mom who seemed very stressed.
I knew they would never get back together and I thought that was for the best.... I saw my dad on the weekends and eventually moved in with him to help take care of him (also I was going through a rough patch with my mom). But I never held their separation against mom or thought less of her for it.
Before my dad died he told me that my mom's new husband seemed like a really nice and lovely person. When I told my stepdad this he cried and said my dad was an honorable and strong man. Sniffle...
Aw wow what an amazing man! This really hits
home for me as my sister in law has MS. I remember my dad talking to my brother about marrying her just wanting my brother to realize when you say for better or for worse, you mean it 100% and she has MS. My brother said I know dad I love her more than anything and I'm willing to take care of her the rest of her life
I have the best big brother in the world 0 -
Italian_Buju wrote: »I went to PetSmart yesterday after about five weeks. So I bought quite a few cans of food, couple months worth. The cashier asked me how many cats I had.....when I said one, he replied, "Um, is it a mountain lion?"
No, a bob cat.
That's pretty funny.0 -
@lilaclovebird If it were me I would not bring it up again. Just let it sit for now. It has been said and an explanation given. Give it time (a month or two or three or more) and see. If this is love and this is mutual love then there is no hurry and waiting *can* make it better if either side has any issues. When I realized I loved SO I almost said it so many times but I held myself back and really examined my motives. When I realized and was sure that I wanted to say it no matter what the response or result, well that was when I said it. I told SO that I have really enjoyed my time with him, how fun and warm and caring he is. I told him that I wanted him to know that I have realized for awhile that I love him and that I felt he should know it. I told him I was not saying it to hear it back, that I didn't need to hear it back. I also at the same time told him that if he realized at some point that he could "never" say it back that he needed to let me know so that I could move on because I deserve to have a man who loves me in my life. It was probably 6 weeks later that when I told him goodnight and I love you that he said, I love you too. I know others here have shared similar stories. For me personally in this relationship it was important to wait. For SO, too, he pondered and thought about it for a long time before he said it. He was thinking about it before I said anything.
Hugs to you. Follow your heart. Take the advice that makes sense to you or take non at all. 0 -
Italian_Buju wrote: »I went to PetSmart yesterday after about five weeks. So I bought quite a few cans of food, couple months worth. The cashier asked me how many cats I had.....when I said one, he replied, "Um, is it a mountain lion?"
Haha that's hilarious.0 -
rungirl1973 wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »I went to PetSmart yesterday after about five weeks. So I bought quite a few cans of food, couple months worth. The cashier asked me how many cats I had.....when I said one, he replied, "Um, is it a mountain lion?"
We have 5 cats now. We went to the store and bought 24 cans of cat food, and the cashier asked if we were cat people. Nah, we just like having cat food on hand. Lol
LOL! You should've said nope stocking up for the winter months
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