Cussing at/to Children

wineplease

"Cussing" as opposed to "cursing" or "swearing" is just as horrible a word as most swear words.

I don't understand your point.

Cait_Sidhe

My parents, especially my mother were always cursing around us. I think I turned out okay.

SanteMulberry

My parents, especially my mother were always cursing around us. I think I turned out okay.

There's a difference between "cussing at the air" and cursing at one's child. My kind and loving father was known to turn the air blue on occasion, but he NEVER ever cursed us.

Queen_JessieA

Talking in any negative way is verbal abuse. Cursing or no.

My 13.5 year old daughter just told answered the question that was origionally posted and she said she thinks it is verbal abuse. I agree. Curse words are not positive words. There are too many other words I can use. Really, the only thing I really say is Piss. Like someone pissed me off. And I try my hardest NOT to say it around my children. They are 7, 10 and 13.5. I try to model that I am raising a lady and gentlemen and we do not say ugly words.

Jerrypeoples

Sometimes the little *kitten* deserve it

jimmmer

I read an article that suggest cussing at your child is a form of verbal abuse. I also work at a school that does not tolerate teachers and coaches who cuss in the classroom, on the playing fields or courts, or to our students.

What are your thoughts? Is it a form of verbal abuse? Is it ever okay? Are coaches okay to do this, but not teachers?

My history teacher often said things like "don't be a f&*ing idiot, boy" and was by far and away the best teacher I ever had at school. People get their knickers in a twist over everything (and nothing) nowadays.

I fear for the next generation who are shielded from all potential harm, all potentially negative experiences, any expectations..... I employ young people and am often amazed at the things they don't know/can't do/think are beneath them. There are exceptions, but a lot of the youth coming through seems to lack sand/grit. We made them this way, so we've got no one to blame but ourselves....

MrsBobaFett

My mum used to swear all the time.

I personally could never at my son.

My next door neighbour on the other hand swears at her 3yo son like there is no tomorrow and when I hear it, it makes me feel sick, the names she calls him are disgraceful..

jimmmer

See, I think there's a difference between a parent swearing at their children as a matter of course, which is a sad indictment of the parental bond with their child and makes for a barometer of the rest of the relationship. I would personally say something to someone giving their own child stick like that in public.

However, people they will come into contact with in the course of their daily lives will swear. It's gonna happen, they're going to hear it. As an adult, they're going to have to deal with a lot more **** than a few simple swear words from all the non-parents in their lives. This they should be able to suck up and learn to deal with

But, I do agree a parent who swears constantly at their child (not in their hearing, but AT them) is a different matter - it indicates something is off in that relationship.

kitticus15

You get what you give, you treat children the way you want to be treated. If you swear at another person (regardless of age or category) then you better expect them to swear back at you.

I just had a run in with my daughter this morning... I have gone without to give her what she wants... now she expects everything and to come first, has no respect whatsoever for me and talks to me like I am dirt... so yes this morning I cussed at her cos I am sick of being verbally abused by her...

ziggiezambi

It’s a thin line. One thing’s for certain you should never call a kid a swear word.
And it’s probably a good idea never to swear in front of someone else’s kids unless the parent is okay with it.
Never swear at a kid that is not your own.
And as far as teachers go I think elementary school teachers defiantly shouldn’t but after that it doesn’t really matter as long as there not bashing the kids or calling them names, because by middle school the kids are already using the words anyway.

SanteMulberry

I think it sounds stupid for anyone to curse too much. Calling people names is bad in general but calling a kid a name is twice as bad. Just be nice people, use some manners, and get some tolerance

You are right. Recent studies show that cursing (and bad language in general) makes people withdraw from you.

craigmandu

I personally don't believe the "word" is the culprit.

If someone is going to verbally attack someone else, I don't think it matters if the word is a swear word or not, the tone and message are what matters. You can be just as mean using "approved" words as these "unapproved" words....the word isn't the problem.

wineplease

I fear for the next generation who are shielded from all potential harm, all potentially negative experiences, any expectations..... I employ young people and am often amazed at the things they don't know/can't do/think are beneath them. There are exceptions, but a lot of the youth coming through seems to lack sand/grit. We made them this way, so we've got no one to blame but ourselves....

So, cussing at our kids will toughen them up and make them better employees in the future?

Jerrypeoples

So, cussing at our kids will toughen them up and make them better employees in the future?

not completely but i do think kids are coddled way to much. kids get trophys for finishing last or just showing up. these kids i bet are going to feel a much bigger sense of entitlement than previous generations because they are always being rewarded for average effort.

same with bad words. far better for kids to hear "rough" language (though not directly pointed at them) so that when they are in the workforce they aren't shocked by the word, wheres that god damn report.

sure its easy for me to say this as a single childless guy, but if somehow i slipped or will slip one past the goalie i will mix raising him/her with a sense they can do anything if they put forth the effort and that the general population will be filled with people you may or may not get along with and you need to learn to deal with it.

wineplease

not completely but i do think kids are coddled way to much. kids get trophys for finishing last or just showing up. these kids i bet are going to feel a much bigger sense of entitlement than previous generations because they are always being rewarded for average effort.

Totally different topic.

same with bad words. far better for kids to hear "rough" language (though not directly pointed at them) so that when they are in the workforce they aren't shocked by the word, wheres that god damn report.

I am 45, from New York, and all my grandparents and parents cussed. Never at each other nor ever at children. And *I* am offended by anyone using GD. If you said that to me in the workplace, I would tell you it's offensive.

LilMissDB

I personally don't think anyone should cuss to or at children.

That said, interestingly enough, I don't cuss at all because my parents did it A LOT and I always thought it was a really unattractive quality. So maybe it is good, who knows? haha!

supertracylynn

[more likely than not abut to get ripped a new one on the forums]

I have been out of control before, lost my temper before, and said/done things as a parent that I am super not proud of.

A lot of things changed when my divorce started a couple years ago... And one of them that I knew was necessary was cutting as many curse words from my vocab as possible.
Now it's "Fudge Brownies!!!"
Because, you know, that' bad.

One time in particular that I am really not proud of is when I made my 8y/o cry. She had spent hours laying in to my 5y/o, nit picking, ordering her around, saying mean things, etc, when she herself was refusing to get in to a much needed shower. I had to call her out for being mean, ask her if that's how she wants to be known, tell her she is bullying her sister and that's not okay, tell her she smells bad (which was true) and needs to wash the dirt off of her, and how she is being ridiculous. Cue the tears.
No curse words were used. And I felt like a terrible mom
But! Since that day a month and a half ago, I've only had to remind her to stop bullying her sister a handful of times.

AlexThreeClaw

I personally don't believe the "word" is the culprit.

If someone is going to verbally attack someone else, I don't think it matters if the word is a swear word or not, the tone and message are what matters. You can be just as mean using "approved" words as these "unapproved" words....the word isn't the problem.

This, exactly.
My favourite aunt would swear like a trooper.

It was a little bit confusing. We all knew we'd in so much trouble if we repeated the things she said and we never really understood how she could get away with being so rude to people, even the most uptight people would let it slide. I guess it's because everyone knew there was no malice behind her words.

Just to give a bit of detail. Sometimes it seemed almost every other word out of her mouth was a naughty one. She'd offer us prunes with the warning, "They'll make you ****." We had a teacher with a habit of closing her eyes when she talked and my aunt asked her, "Are you f-ing falling asleep?"

She also had lots of off colour phrases. Where other members of the family might answer the question "What's for tea?" with a cheeky "If it's." (Meaning, if it's food, be thankful.) My aunt would answer "Fanny on a plate." o_o Not sure I want that to be honest. Other people might say, "find a penny, pick it up. All day long you'll have good luck"? Nope. "Rub it on your cunny, it'll bring you more money."

jimmmer

I fear for the next generation who are shielded from all potential harm, all potentially negative experiences, any expectations..... I employ young people and am often amazed at the things they don't know/can't do/think are beneath them. There are exceptions, but a lot of the youth coming through seems to lack sand/grit. We made them this way, so we've got no one to blame but ourselves....

So, cussing at our kids will toughen them up and make them better employees in the future?

No, but this mamby-pamby, rolling-in-cotton-wool attitude is not doing the next generation any favours. I was broadening out the debate somewhat, since it seems to me that the impulse behind calling anything mildly-offensive "abuse" in modern life is part of a larger whole.

wineplease

No, but this mamby-pamby, rolling-in-cotton-wool attitude is not doing the next generation any favours..

I don't consider refraining from cussing at my children as raising them mamby-pamby, rolling-in-cotton-wool attitude.