My husband cheated on me...
Replies
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furioushummingbird wrote: »Sad thing is... you probably saw this coming from a mile away and did nothing about it. I bet you felt something wasn't right before you guys even got married.
You can't just close up and say "how can i trust any man again?" truth is for me... there was this girl i liked a lot, i treated her well, her ex cheated on her coutnless times, treated her bad, verbally and mentally abusive. This girl and i got along great, i looked for more than a friendship. She would give me excuses, "I am not ready, idk what i want" then a month later she got with some other guy. Really upset me. Guess what? they got in to a fight and they broke up, she was upset about it. She's different, she has ADHD and not many people understand her. I honestly can't see any other guy putting up with her and being able to handle her. I tried again, things, but she still wasn't interested, she lead me on a bit this time.
She tells me things like what you said, "how can i trust guys now?" I told her many times, you have to open up and trust, if you don't you're just going to shrivel up and die alone. Sure maybe a guy might come, may not work out, then another may not work out. But if you trust, there will be a guy who appreciates it and gives you what you want.
I also told her many times, "a guy has a tendency to bs, and make himself greater than what he really is at first." It's kind of understandable, you're trying to win someone over. But the guys who are real, who are genuine. Don't do that, then they don't fit the womens ideal, "the knight in shining armor" and she fells for someone who is lying and bsing her.
I haven't read other posts after this one, so forgive me if this was already said: WOMEN ARE NOT DEVICES TO PUT FRIENDSHIP COINS IN UNTIL SEX FALLS OUT. WOMEN DO NOT OWE YOU *kitten*. THE GIRL DOESN'T LIKE YOU THAT WAY, TOUGH T*TS. STOP TAKING OUT YOUR SEXUAL FRUSTRATION ON WOMEN SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU CAN'T GET ONE.
Good god, please let this guy be a troll. Otherwise I smell fedoras and neck beard a mile away.
You. I like you.
You know, I've never seen a guy use the 'women don't like nice guys' line and actually be a nice guy.0 -
Sad thing is... you probably saw this coming from a mile away and did nothing about it. I bet you felt something wasn't right before you guys even got married.
You can't just close up and say "how can i trust any man again?" truth is for me... there was this girl i liked a lot, i treated her well, her ex cheated on her coutnless times, treated her bad, verbally and mentally abusive. This girl and i got along great, i looked for more than a friendship. She would give me excuses, "I am not ready, idk what i want" then a month later she got with some other guy. Really upset me. Guess what? they got in to a fight and they broke up, she was upset about it. She's different, she has ADHD and not many people understand her. I honestly can't see any other guy putting up with her and being able to handle her. I tried again, things, but she still wasn't interested, she lead me on a bit this time.
She tells me things like what you said, "how can i trust guys now?" I told her many times, you have to open up and trust, if you don't you're just going to shrivel up and die alone. Sure maybe a guy might come, may not work out, then another may not work out. But if you trust, there will be a guy who appreciates it and gives you what you want.
I also told her many times, "a guy has a tendency to bs, and make himself greater than what he really is at first." It's kind of understandable, you're trying to win someone over. But the guys who are real, who are genuine. Don't do that, then they don't fit the womens ideal, "the knight in shining armor" and she fells for someone who is lying and bsing her.
It's not her, it's you.
She probably senses your misogynistic streak and wants nothing to do with you. I don't blame her. When a female doesn't like you, that doesn't make her blind, shallow or "confused" - and it doesn't make you a victim. It means she doesn't like you (and in your case, it seems she has good reason).
OP - I'm terribly sorry about what you're going through. It sounds like you're a strong, smart woman - you'll get through this and you'll find happiness again.0 -
Alatariel75 wrote: »furioushummingbird wrote: »Sad thing is... you probably saw this coming from a mile away and did nothing about it. I bet you felt something wasn't right before you guys even got married.
You can't just close up and say "how can i trust any man again?" truth is for me... there was this girl i liked a lot, i treated her well, her ex cheated on her coutnless times, treated her bad, verbally and mentally abusive. This girl and i got along great, i looked for more than a friendship. She would give me excuses, "I am not ready, idk what i want" then a month later she got with some other guy. Really upset me. Guess what? they got in to a fight and they broke up, she was upset about it. She's different, she has ADHD and not many people understand her. I honestly can't see any other guy putting up with her and being able to handle her. I tried again, things, but she still wasn't interested, she lead me on a bit this time.
She tells me things like what you said, "how can i trust guys now?" I told her many times, you have to open up and trust, if you don't you're just going to shrivel up and die alone. Sure maybe a guy might come, may not work out, then another may not work out. But if you trust, there will be a guy who appreciates it and gives you what you want.
I also told her many times, "a guy has a tendency to bs, and make himself greater than what he really is at first." It's kind of understandable, you're trying to win someone over. But the guys who are real, who are genuine. Don't do that, then they don't fit the womens ideal, "the knight in shining armor" and she fells for someone who is lying and bsing her.
I haven't read other posts after this one, so forgive me if this was already said: WOMEN ARE NOT DEVICES TO PUT FRIENDSHIP COINS IN UNTIL SEX FALLS OUT. WOMEN DO NOT OWE YOU *kitten*. THE GIRL DOESN'T LIKE YOU THAT WAY, TOUGH T*TS. STOP TAKING OUT YOUR SEXUAL FRUSTRATION ON WOMEN SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU CAN'T GET ONE.
Good god, please let this guy be a troll. Otherwise I smell fedoras and neck beard a mile away.
You. I like you.
You know, I've never seen a guy use the 'women don't like nice guys' line and actually be a nice guy.
I've met guys like this. Guys you considered platonic friends and dump all their self-pity on you about them never finding love because all women want are a-holes and always overlook the nice guy. That's their big lure trying to fish for you without coming out and asking. Or if they do ask and you say no, they get all wounded or angry and accuse you of leading them on or essentially being a vapid sl*t for not choosing them as a mate. It gets really, really old.
I'm sorry, I never addressed the original post. OP, I can't even imagine your struggle. Always remember that you are not alone. You're a pretty girl with a good head on your shoulders. The world's your oyster now, even if it sucks for a little while or even a long while. Clearly, he wasn't worth you but you are entirely worthy of love and affection from someone deserving. Hang in there.
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Sad thing is... you probably saw this coming from a mile away and did nothing about it. I bet you felt something wasn't right before you guys even got married.
You can't just close up and say "how can i trust any man again?" truth is for me... there was this girl i liked a lot, i treated her well, her ex cheated on her coutnless times, treated her bad, verbally and mentally abusive. This girl and i got along great, i looked for more than a friendship. She would give me excuses, "I am not ready, idk what i want" then a month later she got with some other guy. Really upset me. Guess what? they got in to a fight and they broke up, she was upset about it. She's different, she has ADHD and not many people understand her. I honestly can't see any other guy putting up with her and being able to handle her. I tried again, things, but she still wasn't interested, she lead me on a bit this time.
She tells me things like what you said, "how can i trust guys now?" I told her many times, you have to open up and trust, if you don't you're just going to shrivel up and die alone. Sure maybe a guy might come, may not work out, then another may not work out. But if you trust, there will be a guy who appreciates it and gives you what you want.
I also told her many times, "a guy has a tendency to bs, and make himself greater than what he really is at first." It's kind of understandable, you're trying to win someone over. But the guys who are real, who are genuine. Don't do that, then they don't fit the womens ideal, "the knight in shining armor" and she fells for someone who is lying and bsing her.
Of course, the inevitable "Women only like jerks and never appreciate nice guys" post.
I was thinking the same thing plus no empathy!
Sorry that you're going through this! How is your sister btw? God bless and like one poster said, you are going to get through this!!!0 -
furioushummingbird wrote: »Sad thing is... you probably saw this coming from a mile away and did nothing about it. I bet you felt something wasn't right before you guys even got married.
You can't just close up and say "how can i trust any man again?" truth is for me... there was this girl i liked a lot, i treated her well, her ex cheated on her coutnless times, treated her bad, verbally and mentally abusive. This girl and i got along great, i looked for more than a friendship. She would give me excuses, "I am not ready, idk what i want" then a month later she got with some other guy. Really upset me. Guess what? they got in to a fight and they broke up, she was upset about it. She's different, she has ADHD and not many people understand her. I honestly can't see any other guy putting up with her and being able to handle her. I tried again, things, but she still wasn't interested, she lead me on a bit this time.
She tells me things like what you said, "how can i trust guys now?" I told her many times, you have to open up and trust, if you don't you're just going to shrivel up and die alone. Sure maybe a guy might come, may not work out, then another may not work out. But if you trust, there will be a guy who appreciates it and gives you what you want.
I also told her many times, "a guy has a tendency to bs, and make himself greater than what he really is at first." It's kind of understandable, you're trying to win someone over. But the guys who are real, who are genuine. Don't do that, then they don't fit the womens ideal, "the knight in shining armor" and she fells for someone who is lying and bsing her.
I haven't read other posts after this one, so forgive me if this was already said: WOMEN ARE NOT DEVICES TO PUT FRIENDSHIP COINS IN UNTIL SEX FALLS OUT. WOMEN DO NOT OWE YOU *kitten*. THE GIRL DOESN'T LIKE YOU THAT WAY, TOUGH T*TS. STOP TAKING OUT YOUR SEXUAL FRUSTRATION ON WOMEN SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU CAN'T GET ONE.
Good god, please let this guy be a troll. Otherwise I smell fedoras and neck beard a mile away.
Funny you should say that, it would seem he in fact *does* have a fedora on in one of his pictures. No neck beard, but he is holding what potentially looks like a can of Modelo and a bottle of Smirnoff.0 -
I know she doesn't like me like that, because I wasn't INTERESTED IN SEX with her. I liked her as a person. SO i fell in to the "Friends zone" maybe if i was a bit more sexual at first, things would have been different. I actually take the time to KNOW someone, before jumping in to relationships. I mean that's a big problem in our society... Isn't that the problem the OP had??? And a few other people who have posted. Maybe if I had a lamborgini, it would be different. Like in the video i posted early, the girl wasn't interested, but the first sign of money... She gets interested.furioushummingbird wrote: »Sad thing is... you probably saw this coming from a mile away and did nothing about it. I bet you felt something wasn't right before you guys even got married.
You can't just close up and say "how can i trust any man again?" truth is for me... there was this girl i liked a lot, i treated her well, her ex cheated on her coutnless times, treated her bad, verbally and mentally abusive. This girl and i got along great, i looked for more than a friendship. She would give me excuses, "I am not ready, idk what i want" then a month later she got with some other guy. Really upset me. Guess what? they got in to a fight and they broke up, she was upset about it. She's different, she has ADHD and not many people understand her. I honestly can't see any other guy putting up with her and being able to handle her. I tried again, things, but she still wasn't interested, she lead me on a bit this time.
She tells me things like what you said, "how can i trust guys now?" I told her many times, you have to open up and trust, if you don't you're just going to shrivel up and die alone. Sure maybe a guy might come, may not work out, then another may not work out. But if you trust, there will be a guy who appreciates it and gives you what you want.
I also told her many times, "a guy has a tendency to bs, and make himself greater than what he really is at first." It's kind of understandable, you're trying to win someone over. But the guys who are real, who are genuine. Don't do that, then they don't fit the womens ideal, "the knight in shining armor" and she fells for someone who is lying and bsing her.
I haven't read other posts after this one, so forgive me if this was already said: WOMEN ARE NOT DEVICES TO PUT FRIENDSHIP COINS IN UNTIL SEX FALLS OUT. WOMEN DO NOT OWE YOU *kitten*. THE GIRL DOESN'T LIKE YOU THAT WAY, TOUGH T*TS. STOP TAKING OUT YOUR SEXUAL FRUSTRATION ON WOMEN SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU CAN'T GET ONE.
Good god, please let this guy be a troll. Otherwise I smell fedoras and neck beard a mile away.
My original post in my first post is that it takes time for people to get to know one another
Holy crap man, you are presumptuous as f***. How do you know how long she dated her husband for? Do you know this woman's life inside and out? NO! You sound like a bitter man who doesn't like the fact that people are rallying around this woman. Do us all a favor and GTFO.
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I'm sorry you're going through this. It does get better. And it's totally ok to crowd-source your therapy for a while. It's also ok to talk to a professional about this kind of stuff if you want to, especially if you still feel like you can't trust people after the initial wounds have healed.
I'm glad you found out now, before you spent more time in your marriage or before you had kids (assuming you don't - my apologies if I am wrong).
I wish you much happiness and speedy healing for your sister.0 -
PrizePopple wrote: »
I know she doesn't like me like that, because I wasn't INTERESTED IN SEX with her. I liked her as a person. SO i fell in to the "Friends zone" maybe if i was a bit more sexual at first, things would have been different. I actually take the time to KNOW someone, before jumping in to relationships. I mean that's a big problem in our society... Isn't that the problem the OP had??? And a few other people who have posted. Maybe if I had a lamborgini, it would be different. Like in the video i posted early, the girl wasn't interested, but the first sign of money... She gets interested.furioushummingbird wrote: »Sad thing is... you probably saw this coming from a mile away and did nothing about it. I bet you felt something wasn't right before you guys even got married.
You can't just close up and say "how can i trust any man again?" truth is for me... there was this girl i liked a lot, i treated her well, her ex cheated on her coutnless times, treated her bad, verbally and mentally abusive. This girl and i got along great, i looked for more than a friendship. She would give me excuses, "I am not ready, idk what i want" then a month later she got with some other guy. Really upset me. Guess what? they got in to a fight and they broke up, she was upset about it. She's different, she has ADHD and not many people understand her. I honestly can't see any other guy putting up with her and being able to handle her. I tried again, things, but she still wasn't interested, she lead me on a bit this time.
She tells me things like what you said, "how can i trust guys now?" I told her many times, you have to open up and trust, if you don't you're just going to shrivel up and die alone. Sure maybe a guy might come, may not work out, then another may not work out. But if you trust, there will be a guy who appreciates it and gives you what you want.
I also told her many times, "a guy has a tendency to bs, and make himself greater than what he really is at first." It's kind of understandable, you're trying to win someone over. But the guys who are real, who are genuine. Don't do that, then they don't fit the womens ideal, "the knight in shining armor" and she fells for someone who is lying and bsing her.
I haven't read other posts after this one, so forgive me if this was already said: WOMEN ARE NOT DEVICES TO PUT FRIENDSHIP COINS IN UNTIL SEX FALLS OUT. WOMEN DO NOT OWE YOU *kitten*. THE GIRL DOESN'T LIKE YOU THAT WAY, TOUGH T*TS. STOP TAKING OUT YOUR SEXUAL FRUSTRATION ON WOMEN SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU CAN'T GET ONE.
Good god, please let this guy be a troll. Otherwise I smell fedoras and neck beard a mile away.
My original post in my first post is that it takes time for people to get to know one another
Holy crap man, you are presumptuous as f***. How do you know how long she dated her husband for? Do you know this woman's life inside and out? NO! You sound like a bitter man who doesn't like the fact that people are rallying around this woman. Do us all a favor and GTFO.
And seriously, you're using an example from one online video to equate that all women are gold diggers? Grow up.PrizePopple wrote: »furioushummingbird wrote: »Sad thing is... you probably saw this coming from a mile away and did nothing about it. I bet you felt something wasn't right before you guys even got married.
You can't just close up and say "how can i trust any man again?" truth is for me... there was this girl i liked a lot, i treated her well, her ex cheated on her coutnless times, treated her bad, verbally and mentally abusive. This girl and i got along great, i looked for more than a friendship. She would give me excuses, "I am not ready, idk what i want" then a month later she got with some other guy. Really upset me. Guess what? they got in to a fight and they broke up, she was upset about it. She's different, she has ADHD and not many people understand her. I honestly can't see any other guy putting up with her and being able to handle her. I tried again, things, but she still wasn't interested, she lead me on a bit this time.
She tells me things like what you said, "how can i trust guys now?" I told her many times, you have to open up and trust, if you don't you're just going to shrivel up and die alone. Sure maybe a guy might come, may not work out, then another may not work out. But if you trust, there will be a guy who appreciates it and gives you what you want.
I also told her many times, "a guy has a tendency to bs, and make himself greater than what he really is at first." It's kind of understandable, you're trying to win someone over. But the guys who are real, who are genuine. Don't do that, then they don't fit the womens ideal, "the knight in shining armor" and she fells for someone who is lying and bsing her.
I haven't read other posts after this one, so forgive me if this was already said: WOMEN ARE NOT DEVICES TO PUT FRIENDSHIP COINS IN UNTIL SEX FALLS OUT. WOMEN DO NOT OWE YOU *kitten*. THE GIRL DOESN'T LIKE YOU THAT WAY, TOUGH T*TS. STOP TAKING OUT YOUR SEXUAL FRUSTRATION ON WOMEN SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU CAN'T GET ONE.
Good god, please let this guy be a troll. Otherwise I smell fedoras and neck beard a mile away.
Funny you should say that, it would seem he in fact *does* have a fedora on in one of his pictures. No neck beard, but he is holding what potentially looks like a can of Modelo and a bottle of Smirnoff.
Didn't even notice that, good eye!
Nailed it!0 -
Y'all, go read his status updates, they're hysterical. The guy must obviously be a troll and we're giving him what he wants.0
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Right. And then be placed into the mythological friend zone. Sorry, your first post was to make this thread about yourself.My original post in my first post is that it takes time for people to get to know one another
Can we all agree to stop talking about this now and go back to the OP's topic?
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I know she doesn't like me like that, because I wasn't INTERESTED IN SEX with her. I liked her as a person. SO i fell in to the "Friends zone" maybe if i was a bit more sexual at first, things would have been different. I actually take the time to KNOW someone, before jumping in to relationships. I mean that's a big problem in our society... Isn't that the problem the OP had??? And a few other people who have posted. Maybe if I had a lamborgini, it would be different. Like in the video i posted early, the girl wasn't interested, but the first sign of money... She gets interested.furioushummingbird wrote: »Sad thing is... you probably saw this coming from a mile away and did nothing about it. I bet you felt something wasn't right before you guys even got married.
You can't just close up and say "how can i trust any man again?" truth is for me... there was this girl i liked a lot, i treated her well, her ex cheated on her coutnless times, treated her bad, verbally and mentally abusive. This girl and i got along great, i looked for more than a friendship. She would give me excuses, "I am not ready, idk what i want" then a month later she got with some other guy. Really upset me. Guess what? they got in to a fight and they broke up, she was upset about it. She's different, she has ADHD and not many people understand her. I honestly can't see any other guy putting up with her and being able to handle her. I tried again, things, but she still wasn't interested, she lead me on a bit this time.
She tells me things like what you said, "how can i trust guys now?" I told her many times, you have to open up and trust, if you don't you're just going to shrivel up and die alone. Sure maybe a guy might come, may not work out, then another may not work out. But if you trust, there will be a guy who appreciates it and gives you what you want.
I also told her many times, "a guy has a tendency to bs, and make himself greater than what he really is at first." It's kind of understandable, you're trying to win someone over. But the guys who are real, who are genuine. Don't do that, then they don't fit the womens ideal, "the knight in shining armor" and she fells for someone who is lying and bsing her.
I haven't read other posts after this one, so forgive me if this was already said: WOMEN ARE NOT DEVICES TO PUT FRIENDSHIP COINS IN UNTIL SEX FALLS OUT. WOMEN DO NOT OWE YOU *kitten*. THE GIRL DOESN'T LIKE YOU THAT WAY, TOUGH T*TS. STOP TAKING OUT YOUR SEXUAL FRUSTRATION ON WOMEN SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU CAN'T GET ONE.
Good god, please let this guy be a troll. Otherwise I smell fedoras and neck beard a mile away.
My original post in my first post is that it takes time for people to get to know one another
Getting to know someone in the context of dating is NOT the same thing as getting to know someone as a platonic friend outside the context of dating. Make your intentions known -beforehand- so your delusions of the "friendzone" and "nice guys finish last" won't happen.
They don't want to date you? Deal with it. If you can't stand being friends with a chick without expecting something in return, cut that friendship off. Don't keep doing nice things expecting them to change their mind and see you as this awesome dude.
You show one video demonstrating one or two chicks being materialistic. Is that what you think of ALL women?0 -
OP: STAY STRONG! That guy was a total douche and doesn't deserve you! Work on yourself, focus on what you want out of life, and just BE AWESOME!0
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I did cut it off. I just feel kind of bad for her because i know the potential we could have had, but she missed out because of shallow views. she will always have problems, but it's karma. That's what it always is. but i do agree with you, let intentions be known up front, and get to know them differently. You're right. There are many more videos like the the one i shown.ogmomma2012 wrote: »
I know she doesn't like me like that, because I wasn't INTERESTED IN SEX with her. I liked her as a person. SO i fell in to the "Friends zone" maybe if i was a bit more sexual at first, things would have been different. I actually take the time to KNOW someone, before jumping in to relationships. I mean that's a big problem in our society... Isn't that the problem the OP had??? And a few other people who have posted. Maybe if I had a lamborgini, it would be different. Like in the video i posted early, the girl wasn't interested, but the first sign of money... She gets interested.furioushummingbird wrote: »Sad thing is... you probably saw this coming from a mile away and did nothing about it. I bet you felt something wasn't right before you guys even got married.
You can't just close up and say "how can i trust any man again?" truth is for me... there was this girl i liked a lot, i treated her well, her ex cheated on her coutnless times, treated her bad, verbally and mentally abusive. This girl and i got along great, i looked for more than a friendship. She would give me excuses, "I am not ready, idk what i want" then a month later she got with some other guy. Really upset me. Guess what? they got in to a fight and they broke up, she was upset about it. She's different, she has ADHD and not many people understand her. I honestly can't see any other guy putting up with her and being able to handle her. I tried again, things, but she still wasn't interested, she lead me on a bit this time.
She tells me things like what you said, "how can i trust guys now?" I told her many times, you have to open up and trust, if you don't you're just going to shrivel up and die alone. Sure maybe a guy might come, may not work out, then another may not work out. But if you trust, there will be a guy who appreciates it and gives you what you want.
I also told her many times, "a guy has a tendency to bs, and make himself greater than what he really is at first." It's kind of understandable, you're trying to win someone over. But the guys who are real, who are genuine. Don't do that, then they don't fit the womens ideal, "the knight in shining armor" and she fells for someone who is lying and bsing her.
I haven't read other posts after this one, so forgive me if this was already said: WOMEN ARE NOT DEVICES TO PUT FRIENDSHIP COINS IN UNTIL SEX FALLS OUT. WOMEN DO NOT OWE YOU *kitten*. THE GIRL DOESN'T LIKE YOU THAT WAY, TOUGH T*TS. STOP TAKING OUT YOUR SEXUAL FRUSTRATION ON WOMEN SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU CAN'T GET ONE.
Good god, please let this guy be a troll. Otherwise I smell fedoras and neck beard a mile away.
My original post in my first post is that it takes time for people to get to know one another
Getting to know someone in the context of dating is NOT the same thing as getting to know someone as a platonic friend outside the context of dating. Make your intentions known -beforehand- so your delusions of the "friendzone" and "nice guys finish last" won't happen.
They don't want to date you? Deal with it. If you can't stand being friends with a chick without expecting something in return, cut that friendship off. Don't keep doing nice things expecting them to change their mind and see you as this awesome dude.
You show one video demonstrating one or two chicks being materialistic. Is that what you think of ALL women?
A better thing to say, rather than "you saw this coming" is to encourage someone to work on themselves and search themselves for what they -really- want. Love can be blind to many, many things, including douchebagness. Having compassion for someone having a hard time with relationships is NOT saying they should have expected it.0 -
This thread won't last. I feel for the OP wanting genuine advice and support. Sorry, OP!
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I did cut it off. I just feel kind of bad for her because i know the potential we could have had, but she missed out because of shallow views. she will always have problems, but it's karma. That's what it always is. but i do agree with you, let intentions be known up front, and get to know them differently. You're right. There are many more videos like the the one i shown.ogmomma2012 wrote: »
I know she doesn't like me like that, because I wasn't INTERESTED IN SEX with her. I liked her as a person. SO i fell in to the "Friends zone" maybe if i was a bit more sexual at first, things would have been different. I actually take the time to KNOW someone, before jumping in to relationships. I mean that's a big problem in our society... Isn't that the problem the OP had??? And a few other people who have posted. Maybe if I had a lamborgini, it would be different. Like in the video i posted early, the girl wasn't interested, but the first sign of money... She gets interested.furioushummingbird wrote: »Sad thing is... you probably saw this coming from a mile away and did nothing about it. I bet you felt something wasn't right before you guys even got married.
You can't just close up and say "how can i trust any man again?" truth is for me... there was this girl i liked a lot, i treated her well, her ex cheated on her coutnless times, treated her bad, verbally and mentally abusive. This girl and i got along great, i looked for more than a friendship. She would give me excuses, "I am not ready, idk what i want" then a month later she got with some other guy. Really upset me. Guess what? they got in to a fight and they broke up, she was upset about it. She's different, she has ADHD and not many people understand her. I honestly can't see any other guy putting up with her and being able to handle her. I tried again, things, but she still wasn't interested, she lead me on a bit this time.
She tells me things like what you said, "how can i trust guys now?" I told her many times, you have to open up and trust, if you don't you're just going to shrivel up and die alone. Sure maybe a guy might come, may not work out, then another may not work out. But if you trust, there will be a guy who appreciates it and gives you what you want.
I also told her many times, "a guy has a tendency to bs, and make himself greater than what he really is at first." It's kind of understandable, you're trying to win someone over. But the guys who are real, who are genuine. Don't do that, then they don't fit the womens ideal, "the knight in shining armor" and she fells for someone who is lying and bsing her.
I haven't read other posts after this one, so forgive me if this was already said: WOMEN ARE NOT DEVICES TO PUT FRIENDSHIP COINS IN UNTIL SEX FALLS OUT. WOMEN DO NOT OWE YOU *kitten*. THE GIRL DOESN'T LIKE YOU THAT WAY, TOUGH T*TS. STOP TAKING OUT YOUR SEXUAL FRUSTRATION ON WOMEN SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU CAN'T GET ONE.
Good god, please let this guy be a troll. Otherwise I smell fedoras and neck beard a mile away.
My original post in my first post is that it takes time for people to get to know one another
Getting to know someone in the context of dating is NOT the same thing as getting to know someone as a platonic friend outside the context of dating. Make your intentions known -beforehand- so your delusions of the "friendzone" and "nice guys finish last" won't happen.
They don't want to date you? Deal with it. If you can't stand being friends with a chick without expecting something in return, cut that friendship off. Don't keep doing nice things expecting them to change their mind and see you as this awesome dude.
You show one video demonstrating one or two chicks being materialistic. Is that what you think of ALL women?
Let's be honest here. You did that girl a favor by bailing. You're bad news, like ex-husband material type bad news.
*screen caps your remarks*
It's so I can show my daughters later in their life the kind of boys they should avoid.0 -
ogmomma2012 wrote: »
I did cut it off. I just feel kind of bad for her because i know the potential we could have had, but she missed out because of shallow views. she will always have problems, but it's karma. That's what it always is. but i do agree with you, let intentions be known up front, and get to know them differently. You're right. There are many more videos like the the one i shown.ogmomma2012 wrote: »
I know she doesn't like me like that, because I wasn't INTERESTED IN SEX with her. I liked her as a person. SO i fell in to the "Friends zone" maybe if i was a bit more sexual at first, things would have been different. I actually take the time to KNOW someone, before jumping in to relationships. I mean that's a big problem in our society... Isn't that the problem the OP had??? And a few other people who have posted. Maybe if I had a lamborgini, it would be different. Like in the video i posted early, the girl wasn't interested, but the first sign of money... She gets interested.furioushummingbird wrote: »Sad thing is... you probably saw this coming from a mile away and did nothing about it. I bet you felt something wasn't right before you guys even got married.
You can't just close up and say "how can i trust any man again?" truth is for me... there was this girl i liked a lot, i treated her well, her ex cheated on her coutnless times, treated her bad, verbally and mentally abusive. This girl and i got along great, i looked for more than a friendship. She would give me excuses, "I am not ready, idk what i want" then a month later she got with some other guy. Really upset me. Guess what? they got in to a fight and they broke up, she was upset about it. She's different, she has ADHD and not many people understand her. I honestly can't see any other guy putting up with her and being able to handle her. I tried again, things, but she still wasn't interested, she lead me on a bit this time.
She tells me things like what you said, "how can i trust guys now?" I told her many times, you have to open up and trust, if you don't you're just going to shrivel up and die alone. Sure maybe a guy might come, may not work out, then another may not work out. But if you trust, there will be a guy who appreciates it and gives you what you want.
I also told her many times, "a guy has a tendency to bs, and make himself greater than what he really is at first." It's kind of understandable, you're trying to win someone over. But the guys who are real, who are genuine. Don't do that, then they don't fit the womens ideal, "the knight in shining armor" and she fells for someone who is lying and bsing her.
I haven't read other posts after this one, so forgive me if this was already said: WOMEN ARE NOT DEVICES TO PUT FRIENDSHIP COINS IN UNTIL SEX FALLS OUT. WOMEN DO NOT OWE YOU *kitten*. THE GIRL DOESN'T LIKE YOU THAT WAY, TOUGH T*TS. STOP TAKING OUT YOUR SEXUAL FRUSTRATION ON WOMEN SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU CAN'T GET ONE.
Good god, please let this guy be a troll. Otherwise I smell fedoras and neck beard a mile away.
My original post in my first post is that it takes time for people to get to know one another
Getting to know someone in the context of dating is NOT the same thing as getting to know someone as a platonic friend outside the context of dating. Make your intentions known -beforehand- so your delusions of the "friendzone" and "nice guys finish last" won't happen.
They don't want to date you? Deal with it. If you can't stand being friends with a chick without expecting something in return, cut that friendship off. Don't keep doing nice things expecting them to change their mind and see you as this awesome dude.
You show one video demonstrating one or two chicks being materialistic. Is that what you think of ALL women?
A better thing to say, rather than "you saw this coming" is to encourage someone to work on themselves and search themselves for what they -really- want. Love can be blind to many, many things, including douchebagness. Having compassion for someone having a hard time with relationships is NOT saying they should have expected it.
I reread my original post to see what the big deal is. I studied a lot of sociology between male and female interactions, mostly females. The best advice I ever came across twoards women was, "get rid of your long list of ideals and focus on how the person you're with makes you feel." That's what i was trying to communicate. I am not saying it's HER fault. I am saying next time around just be more aware. That's what i am trying to convey.
and random side note. GIF's on MFP are so 2010...
What made you think she had a long list of ideals? There are a lot of assumptions made on your part. Compatibility is certainly important, but a lot of differences can be put aside with enough love and passion.0 -
OMG, I'm so sorry. I've had a similar experience and all I can say it let this fuel your fire.
Learn the lessons.0 -
How traumatizing!0
-
PrizePopple wrote: »
I did cut it off. I just feel kind of bad for her because i know the potential we could have had, but she missed out because of shallow views. she will always have problems, but it's karma. That's what it always is. but i do agree with you, let intentions be known up front, and get to know them differently. You're right. There are many more videos like the the one i shown.ogmomma2012 wrote: »
I know she doesn't like me like that, because I wasn't INTERESTED IN SEX with her. I liked her as a person. SO i fell in to the "Friends zone" maybe if i was a bit more sexual at first, things would have been different. I actually take the time to KNOW someone, before jumping in to relationships. I mean that's a big problem in our society... Isn't that the problem the OP had??? And a few other people who have posted. Maybe if I had a lamborgini, it would be different. Like in the video i posted early, the girl wasn't interested, but the first sign of money... She gets interested.furioushummingbird wrote: »Sad thing is... you probably saw this coming from a mile away and did nothing about it. I bet you felt something wasn't right before you guys even got married.
You can't just close up and say "how can i trust any man again?" truth is for me... there was this girl i liked a lot, i treated her well, her ex cheated on her coutnless times, treated her bad, verbally and mentally abusive. This girl and i got along great, i looked for more than a friendship. She would give me excuses, "I am not ready, idk what i want" then a month later she got with some other guy. Really upset me. Guess what? they got in to a fight and they broke up, she was upset about it. She's different, she has ADHD and not many people understand her. I honestly can't see any other guy putting up with her and being able to handle her. I tried again, things, but she still wasn't interested, she lead me on a bit this time.
She tells me things like what you said, "how can i trust guys now?" I told her many times, you have to open up and trust, if you don't you're just going to shrivel up and die alone. Sure maybe a guy might come, may not work out, then another may not work out. But if you trust, there will be a guy who appreciates it and gives you what you want.
I also told her many times, "a guy has a tendency to bs, and make himself greater than what he really is at first." It's kind of understandable, you're trying to win someone over. But the guys who are real, who are genuine. Don't do that, then they don't fit the womens ideal, "the knight in shining armor" and she fells for someone who is lying and bsing her.
I haven't read other posts after this one, so forgive me if this was already said: WOMEN ARE NOT DEVICES TO PUT FRIENDSHIP COINS IN UNTIL SEX FALLS OUT. WOMEN DO NOT OWE YOU *kitten*. THE GIRL DOESN'T LIKE YOU THAT WAY, TOUGH T*TS. STOP TAKING OUT YOUR SEXUAL FRUSTRATION ON WOMEN SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU CAN'T GET ONE.
Good god, please let this guy be a troll. Otherwise I smell fedoras and neck beard a mile away.
My original post in my first post is that it takes time for people to get to know one another
Getting to know someone in the context of dating is NOT the same thing as getting to know someone as a platonic friend outside the context of dating. Make your intentions known -beforehand- so your delusions of the "friendzone" and "nice guys finish last" won't happen.
They don't want to date you? Deal with it. If you can't stand being friends with a chick without expecting something in return, cut that friendship off. Don't keep doing nice things expecting them to change their mind and see you as this awesome dude.
You show one video demonstrating one or two chicks being materialistic. Is that what you think of ALL women?
Let's be honest here. You did that girl a favor by bailing. You're bad news, like ex-husband material type bad news.
*screen caps your remarks*
It's so I can show my daughters later in their life the kind of boys they should avoid.
yup you know me... okay if you don't want your daughter to find a guy like me, tell her to never find a guy who accepted her fully, despite people always got mad at her because no one understood her. one who was there through anything. a guy who always helps her with her school work. Take her out to have fun, and have a good time. As i said she was my bestfriend. I did her a favor by bailing that's why she said, "you're the only person who understands me." you got me there...we all know none of that stuff is important.
if you don't want your daughter to be with someone who cares for her regardless. Then my point is proven.. thank you
Quite the opposite actually, you're not exhibiting signs of caring and compassion. You're showing signs of being childish, egotistical, and frankly I'm going to bet you're also a bit controlling and manipulative - because your posts are giving me the "I am never wrong" vibe. You have managed to turn yourself into a victim in your own mind, and subsequently hijacked a thread of a woman who needs support, because you have issues bigger than the Grand Canyon. Seriously just stop. For the OP, and for everyone else who is having to read your drivel, SHUT UP.0 -
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Well, sorry you've been hurt. ~Sorry to be abit controversial..but at least he did not give his heart away..it was physical; gross, but physical only.
Been in the past in a v.bad relationship..and did not want to see the signs..Took me ages to recover..and now met someone really quite great. (hopefully)..but no, I don't trust easily anymore. All the best.0 -
Okay so the gestures and things i have said and done for her weren't compassionate and caring. I am not controlling or manipulative, I am honest and real. THATS THE PROBLEM. I could have played games and manipulated, but i didn't. I didn't hijack a thread, i threw in my 2 cents, and then everyone started to attack me, the people doing the attacking are the ones who did the hijacking. Attacking, insulting, and mockery are against the rules of MFP. I have been here for a while, i know the rules pretty well. Most of you can easily get a strike for your behavior. But i am not the one to go around reporting people. BTW My post could have easily been ignored...
OMG 2 years later and you're STILL playing the victim?
0 -
badgerbadger1 wrote: »
Okay so the gestures and things i have said and done for her weren't compassionate and caring. I am not controlling or manipulative, I am honest and real. THATS THE PROBLEM. I could have played games and manipulated, but i didn't. I didn't hijack a thread, i threw in my 2 cents, and then everyone started to attack me, the people doing the attacking are the ones who did the hijacking. Attacking, insulting, and mockery are against the rules of MFP. I have been here for a while, i know the rules pretty well. Most of you can easily get a strike for your behavior. But i am not the one to go around reporting people. BTW My post could have easily been ignored...
OMG 2 years later and you're STILL playing the victim?
ha, that other girl reminded me of you... i think it has been like 3 now. i do miss you
Creepy
0 -
PrizePopple wrote: »PrizePopple wrote: »
I did cut it off. I just feel kind of bad for her because i know the potential we could have had, but she missed out because of shallow views. she will always have problems, but it's karma. That's what it always is. but i do agree with you, let intentions be known up front, and get to know them differently. You're right. There are many more videos like the the one i shown.ogmomma2012 wrote: »
I know she doesn't like me like that, because I wasn't INTERESTED IN SEX with her. I liked her as a person. SO i fell in to the "Friends zone" maybe if i was a bit more sexual at first, things would have been different. I actually take the time to KNOW someone, before jumping in to relationships. I mean that's a big problem in our society... Isn't that the problem the OP had??? And a few other people who have posted. Maybe if I had a lamborgini, it would be different. Like in the video i posted early, the girl wasn't interested, but the first sign of money... She gets interested.furioushummingbird wrote: »Sad thing is... you probably saw this coming from a mile away and did nothing about it. I bet you felt something wasn't right before you guys even got married.
You can't just close up and say "how can i trust any man again?" truth is for me... there was this girl i liked a lot, i treated her well, her ex cheated on her coutnless times, treated her bad, verbally and mentally abusive. This girl and i got along great, i looked for more than a friendship. She would give me excuses, "I am not ready, idk what i want" then a month later she got with some other guy. Really upset me. Guess what? they got in to a fight and they broke up, she was upset about it. She's different, she has ADHD and not many people understand her. I honestly can't see any other guy putting up with her and being able to handle her. I tried again, things, but she still wasn't interested, she lead me on a bit this time.
She tells me things like what you said, "how can i trust guys now?" I told her many times, you have to open up and trust, if you don't you're just going to shrivel up and die alone. Sure maybe a guy might come, may not work out, then another may not work out. But if you trust, there will be a guy who appreciates it and gives you what you want.
I also told her many times, "a guy has a tendency to bs, and make himself greater than what he really is at first." It's kind of understandable, you're trying to win someone over. But the guys who are real, who are genuine. Don't do that, then they don't fit the womens ideal, "the knight in shining armor" and she fells for someone who is lying and bsing her.
I haven't read other posts after this one, so forgive me if this was already said: WOMEN ARE NOT DEVICES TO PUT FRIENDSHIP COINS IN UNTIL SEX FALLS OUT. WOMEN DO NOT OWE YOU *kitten*. THE GIRL DOESN'T LIKE YOU THAT WAY, TOUGH T*TS. STOP TAKING OUT YOUR SEXUAL FRUSTRATION ON WOMEN SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU CAN'T GET ONE.
Good god, please let this guy be a troll. Otherwise I smell fedoras and neck beard a mile away.
My original post in my first post is that it takes time for people to get to know one another
Getting to know someone in the context of dating is NOT the same thing as getting to know someone as a platonic friend outside the context of dating. Make your intentions known -beforehand- so your delusions of the "friendzone" and "nice guys finish last" won't happen.
They don't want to date you? Deal with it. If you can't stand being friends with a chick without expecting something in return, cut that friendship off. Don't keep doing nice things expecting them to change their mind and see you as this awesome dude.
You show one video demonstrating one or two chicks being materialistic. Is that what you think of ALL women?
Let's be honest here. You did that girl a favor by bailing. You're bad news, like ex-husband material type bad news.
*screen caps your remarks*
It's so I can show my daughters later in their life the kind of boys they should avoid.
yup you know me... okay if you don't want your daughter to find a guy like me, tell her to never find a guy who accepted her fully, despite people always got mad at her because no one understood her. one who was there through anything. a guy who always helps her with her school work. Take her out to have fun, and have a good time. As i said she was my bestfriend. I did her a favor by bailing that's why she said, "you're the only person who understands me." you got me there...we all know none of that stuff is important.
if you don't want your daughter to be with someone who cares for her regardless. Then my point is proven.. thank you
Quite the opposite actually, you're not exhibiting signs of caring and compassion. You're showing signs of being childish, egotistical, and frankly I'm going to bet you're also a bit controlling and manipulative - because your posts are giving me the "I am never wrong" vibe. You have managed to turn yourself into a victim in your own mind, and subsequently hijacked a thread of a woman who needs support, because you have issues bigger than the Grand Canyon. Seriously just stop. For the OP, and for everyone else who is having to read your drivel, SHUT UP.
Okay so the gestures and things i have said and done for her weren't compassionate and caring. I am not controlling or manipulative, I am honest and real. THATS THE PROBLEM. I could have played games and manipulated, but i didn't. I didn't hijack a thread, i threw in my 2 cents, and then everyone started to attack me, the people doing the attacking are the ones who did the hijacking. Attacking, insulting, and mockery are against the rules of MFP. I have been here for a while, i know the rules pretty well. Most of you can easily get a strike for your behavior. But i am not the one to go around reporting people. BTW My post could have easily been ignored...
I had a best friend like you. He loved me and accepted me for what I was, and totally put up with the fact that I was broken, damaged and no one else would want me. I felt awful for not returning his adoration.
Once he took things too far, and I finally realised we couldn't just be friends because he wasn't going to stop pushing for more, I realised I WASN'T broken, or damaged and other men would want me. Good men. Decent men. Men who wouldn't manipulate and guilt me and erode my worth so I'd feel I had no other options. That friendship was toxic and damaging, and the whole time he put himself out there like he was the victim, a "nice guy" who was put in the friendzone. The parallels in your story are truly confronting.
As for the OP -honey, that's godawful. But you're young, strong, independent and it's going to hurt for a good while and take time to build up trust again, but you WILL move on, you will trust again and you'll be stronger. I'm so sorry it happened to you, but glad you found out before kids etc.0 -
To the OP: what your husband did, is unforgivable, it was not even a drunken cheat, but preplanned and deliberate. You are a catch: pretty, smart, kind to others, .... You are way out of his league so don't waste any more of your time on him. Except for perhaps aiding his musical carreer along: Il Castrato used to be very popular in Italy..... (Seriously, That's what I would fantasise about). Things are tough now and you need time to recover from this, but do not let this break you. This is your time now to develop your life independantly, and chase your own Dreams! I hope your sister is getting better.
To the other guy, I am sorry you got hurt by an unanswered love, but really you do not want to be with someone for the rest of your life, knowing that you were someone she settled for. That relationship would not be a happy one. Think of one of your regular female friends falling in love with you, and you not feeling the same about her. No matter what she would do or say, it just would not work, would it?. Don't let your broken heart lead you to bitterness.0 -
I am sorry for the OP
And for every one else "Misanthropy develops when without art one puts complete trust in somebody thinking the man absolutely true and sound and reliable and then a little later discovers him to be bad and unreliable ... and when it happens to someone often ... he ends up ... hating everyone." -Socrates. You are all seeming very bitter and need to chill out with all this hate.0 -
I haven't read all the replies, but as a fellow expat, where are you guys in his Green Card process?
If you are listed as his gaurantor/support on ANYTHING, start seperating yourself from this NOW.
This happened to a friend of mine and she had to support him a year after they were divorced becuase he lost his job.
Do not let his greencard go through on YOUR coat tails. You may need a Divorce Atty AND an Immigration Atty0 -
Learn to forgive the unforgivable! Learn to understand before being understood. The first law of reconciliation.
Finally................love unconditionally.
Try reading 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey...it WILL change your life for the better.0 -
Sorry you're having a *kitten* time OP.0
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OP, it seems to me you are smart, strong and independent and I know you will get through this. I am glad you dropped the jerk off, many people marry the wrong person bit by far not all have the courage to end it.
I hope your sister is feeling better and I know and the toll all that fear takes on you, not to mention the physical exhaustion, when you look after a very sick relative. You are a strong woman, and even though that strength may feel drained by all that has happened, the capacity for strength is still there, probably even greater. You will pull through and have a better life for it.
I am glad the thread got cleaned up before I posted, it was getting ugly. While I totally agree that the "friend zone" is an extremely lame excuse for not walking away with dignity when you're not wanted and for rationalizing feelings of entitlement, the guy who vented out his frustration with it has the same right to rant as anyone else on the forum. It is just as bad to label a guy by a body part or item of clothing in a derogatory way as it is a woman.0
This discussion has been closed.
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