My husband cheated on me...
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Alatariel75 wrote: »furioushummingbird wrote: »Sad thing is... you probably saw this coming from a mile away and did nothing about it. I bet you felt something wasn't right before you guys even got married.
You can't just close up and say "how can i trust any man again?" truth is for me... there was this girl i liked a lot, i treated her well, her ex cheated on her coutnless times, treated her bad, verbally and mentally abusive. This girl and i got along great, i looked for more than a friendship. She would give me excuses, "I am not ready, idk what i want" then a month later she got with some other guy. Really upset me. Guess what? they got in to a fight and they broke up, she was upset about it. She's different, she has ADHD and not many people understand her. I honestly can't see any other guy putting up with her and being able to handle her. I tried again, things, but she still wasn't interested, she lead me on a bit this time.
She tells me things like what you said, "how can i trust guys now?" I told her many times, you have to open up and trust, if you don't you're just going to shrivel up and die alone. Sure maybe a guy might come, may not work out, then another may not work out. But if you trust, there will be a guy who appreciates it and gives you what you want.
I also told her many times, "a guy has a tendency to bs, and make himself greater than what he really is at first." It's kind of understandable, you're trying to win someone over. But the guys who are real, who are genuine. Don't do that, then they don't fit the womens ideal, "the knight in shining armor" and she fells for someone who is lying and bsing her.
I haven't read other posts after this one, so forgive me if this was already said: WOMEN ARE NOT DEVICES TO PUT FRIENDSHIP COINS IN UNTIL SEX FALLS OUT. WOMEN DO NOT OWE YOU *kitten*. THE GIRL DOESN'T LIKE YOU THAT WAY, TOUGH T*TS. STOP TAKING OUT YOUR SEXUAL FRUSTRATION ON WOMEN SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU CAN'T GET ONE.
Good god, please let this guy be a troll. Otherwise I smell fedoras and neck beard a mile away.
You. I like you.
You know, I've never seen a guy use the 'women don't like nice guys' line and actually be a nice guy.
Bingo.0 -
While I definitely have issues with some of the things a poster has said on this board, I think the main issue is, well, the OPs concerns. I have been cheated on as well, and it's a crushing feeling. It destroys your trust, truly. In regards to keeping fit, the best thing you can do is channel your feelings from this in as positive of a way as is possible for you. Stay far away from this man as much as you are able; focus on you. You are what is important. It's a shame he couldn't muster enough respect for others in order to show you healthy devotion, but that's on him. It's true that there are many others like him in the world, men and women alike, but that won't doom you from romantic connections for the rest of your life. Of course, such connections are not necessary to live and thrive, so it's really just up to you to find out where you stand and take this experience as you will. I feel for you, truly. No one who expects a monogamous relationship should have to experience this, ever.0
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myfelinepal wrote: »A few months go by i got over it. We became friends again, closer then ever. They broke up(NO SURPRISE THERE), a few months go by we where drinking i brought up the relationship thing again,she said "idk why i didn't give you a chance" i said "what about now?" she's like, "idk what i want." i said, "only one way to find out, let me kiss you", she said "if i kiss you it's because i want to, not right now, i don't feel it now.", but the dynamics of our relationship changed we where flirting and it looked like things where going. I was to happen. One day we wher flirtign i was caressing her face and hair. She said, "i am not used to this, it's flattering. It's nice" (she never been with a guy who truly appreciated her.)
Wow.
This is the creepiest paragraph I've ever read on MFP.
creepy: causing an unpleasant feeling of fear or unease.
False...
And just to inform you, the dynamics of courtship have changed in this day in age.
So, you feel you can judge what others are feeling?
That is a major part of your problem.
Feelings are personal and subjective to the person. You don't get to tell them what they're feeling.
I also found your post and described actions creepy and that's from your own viewpoint. I dread to think how the girl is feeling.
Because of the kiss? All that stuff happened the same day. As I said, if it was such a problem, She wouldn't have woken me up to an invite to the city... Should i have just grabbed her and kissed her and possibly violated her? That would have been better? And honestly, i told her later, "i don't really care if i kiss you, i was just flirting with you." I honestly don't care if i did. It was more to test the water if anything.
But i guess i should just have used her like other guys have, mentally abuse her and emotionally. Cheated on her like 4x like her ex did, and start arguing with her like the other guy she dated. Is that what you're recommending?
Yet i been there for her through thick and thin, When you really care for someone they can do no wrong in your eyes. That's how she was to me, she did no wrong in my eyes. The whole world would be mad at her, because of how misunderstood she is, not me. But women don't want that obviously. But according to everyone, that's all wrong. Thanks for the advice.
ETA: i know how she was feeling, I could see it on her face, when she would blush, smile, laugh...
Creepy.
Actually, from a physiological and biochemical perspective.. We accept stimuli from our 5 senses. Our mind processes the world around us. This triggers a biochemical process. Like baking a cake, there is a recipe. There is a biochemical order in which things are triggered which produce happiness/fear/anger/anxiety and all of our emotions. Our physiology reacts to our internal/mental processes. This is why people smile when they're happy, they can't control it. There is an output with our physiology based on our mental processes. Someone can say "I am mad" even if they're happy, someone can say "I am happy" when they're mad...
If someone is going through a full blown rage, are you going to say "they are happy?" according to some people on the forum, to say someone is happy when they're in this rage, is "creepy"! and we never know how someone feels. makes sense....
And yet for all that you claim to know her, to the point that you disregard what she's telling you she's feeling in favor of what you think you see, you couldn't seem to get the hint that she didn't care for you that way and are still bemoaning how she shallowly did this and that.
I do understand what you're saying. The problem is she never told me anything. The most she has ever told me is 'i don't know what i wan't right now." That's not a no, and it's not a yes. But her flirting with me, wanting to hang around me all the time, coming over all the time, agreeing to a v-day date with me, asking question about our relationship if we got in to one etc... oh the v-day date she accepted 2x. Something happened, and we called it off, then things where okay then i asked again and she agreed again...
Bottom line is a meaningful relationship is mostly based on how you feel. If someone makes you happy, and you make them happy. Someone you can be happy with and have fun with as you both grow together. She made me happy, and I made her happy, she always had a great time with me. But what was the problem?? The guy she "Jumped" in to a relationship had a 6 pack, yet he was verbally and mentally abusive towards her. Tell me that's now shallow. That's what women want, and money as evident in the video i posted(there are many videos like that as well). It's a very common theme, we all know this.
I always felt best friends are what can make the best relationships, and she was my best friend...
I'll say it too, "creepy" i need to say it to follow the crowd to fit in..
It's not shallow.
It IS however very telling that you think the only reason she choose that other guy is because he had a six pack and not any number of potentially awesome traits. It seems to me you're picking this one thing, deciding that must be it, and thus she is shallow.
Don't forget he also treated her badly.
Frankly, judging by your attitude towards her, you were definitely not the better choice.0 -
myfelinepal wrote: »A few months go by i got over it. We became friends again, closer then ever. They broke up(NO SURPRISE THERE), a few months go by we where drinking i brought up the relationship thing again,she said "idk why i didn't give you a chance" i said "what about now?" she's like, "idk what i want." i said, "only one way to find out, let me kiss you", she said "if i kiss you it's because i want to, not right now, i don't feel it now.", but the dynamics of our relationship changed we where flirting and it looked like things where going. I was to happen. One day we wher flirtign i was caressing her face and hair. She said, "i am not used to this, it's flattering. It's nice" (she never been with a guy who truly appreciated her.)
Wow.
This is the creepiest paragraph I've ever read on MFP.
creepy: causing an unpleasant feeling of fear or unease.
False...
And just to inform you, the dynamics of courtship have changed in this day in age.
So, you feel you can judge what others are feeling?
That is a major part of your problem.
Feelings are personal and subjective to the person. You don't get to tell them what they're feeling.
I also found your post and described actions creepy and that's from your own viewpoint. I dread to think how the girl is feeling.
Because of the kiss? All that stuff happened the same day. As I said, if it was such a problem, She wouldn't have woken me up to an invite to the city... Should i have just grabbed her and kissed her and possibly violated her? That would have been better? And honestly, i told her later, "i don't really care if i kiss you, i was just flirting with you." I honestly don't care if i did. It was more to test the water if anything.
But i guess i should just have used her like other guys have, mentally abuse her and emotionally. Cheated on her like 4x like her ex did, and start arguing with her like the other guy she dated. Is that what you're recommending?
Yet i been there for her through thick and thin, When you really care for someone they can do no wrong in your eyes. That's how she was to me, she did no wrong in my eyes. The whole world would be mad at her, because of how misunderstood she is, not me. But women don't want that obviously. But according to everyone, that's all wrong. Thanks for the advice.
ETA: i know how she was feeling, I could see it on her face, when she would blush, smile, laugh...
Creepy.
Actually, from a physiological and biochemical perspective.. We accept stimuli from our 5 senses. Our mind processes the world around us. This triggers a biochemical process. Like baking a cake, there is a recipe. There is a biochemical order in which things are triggered which produce happiness/fear/anger/anxiety and all of our emotions. Our physiology reacts to our internal/mental processes. This is why people smile when they're happy, they can't control it. There is an output with our physiology based on our mental processes. Someone can say "I am mad" even if they're happy, someone can say "I am happy" when they're mad...
If someone is going through a full blown rage, are you going to say "they are happy?" according to some people on the forum, to say someone is happy when they're in this rage, is "creepy"! and we never know how someone feels. makes sense....
And yet for all that you claim to know her, to the point that you disregard what she's telling you she's feeling in favor of what you think you see, you couldn't seem to get the hint that she didn't care for you that way and are still bemoaning how she shallowly did this and that.
I do understand what you're saying. The problem is she never told me anything. The most she has ever told me is 'i don't know what i wan't right now." That's not a no, and it's not a yes. But her flirting with me, wanting to hang around me all the time, coming over all the time, agreeing to a v-day date with me, asking question about our relationship if we got in to one etc... oh the v-day date she accepted 2x. Something happened, and we called it off, then things where okay then i asked again and she agreed again...
Bottom line is a meaningful relationship is mostly based on how you feel. If someone makes you happy, and you make them happy. Someone you can be happy with and have fun with as you both grow together. She made me happy, and I made her happy, she always had a great time with me. But what was the problem?? The guy she "Jumped" in to a relationship had a 6 pack, yet he was verbally and mentally abusive towards her. Tell me that's now shallow. That's what women want, and money as evident in the video i posted(there are many videos like that as well). It's a very common theme, we all know this.
I always felt best friends are what can make the best relationships, and she was my best friend...
I'll say it too, "creepy" i need to say it to follow the crowd to fit in..
It's not shallow.
It IS however very telling that you think the only reason she choose that other guy is because he had a six pack and not any number of potentially awesome traits. It seems to me you're picking this one thing, deciding that must be it, and thus she is shallow.
Don't forget he also treated her badly.
But you would still date her as a FAVOUR to her, after all you are the only person who would ever put up with her (right?).
You know that's manipulation right there.0 -
@RedArizona5 Your reference to God is a healthy one! Like it!!0
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myfelinepal wrote: »A few months go by i got over it. We became friends again, closer then ever. They broke up(NO SURPRISE THERE), a few months go by we where drinking i brought up the relationship thing again,she said "idk why i didn't give you a chance" i said "what about now?" she's like, "idk what i want." i said, "only one way to find out, let me kiss you", she said "if i kiss you it's because i want to, not right now, i don't feel it now.", but the dynamics of our relationship changed we where flirting and it looked like things where going. I was to happen. One day we wher flirtign i was caressing her face and hair. She said, "i am not used to this, it's flattering. It's nice" (she never been with a guy who truly appreciated her.)
Wow.
This is the creepiest paragraph I've ever read on MFP.
creepy: causing an unpleasant feeling of fear or unease.
False...
And just to inform you, the dynamics of courtship have changed in this day in age.
So, you feel you can judge what others are feeling?
That is a major part of your problem.
Feelings are personal and subjective to the person. You don't get to tell them what they're feeling.
I also found your post and described actions creepy and that's from your own viewpoint. I dread to think how the girl is feeling.
Because of the kiss? All that stuff happened the same day. As I said, if it was such a problem, She wouldn't have woken me up to an invite to the city... Should i have just grabbed her and kissed her and possibly violated her? That would have been better? And honestly, i told her later, "i don't really care if i kiss you, i was just flirting with you." I honestly don't care if i did. It was more to test the water if anything.
But i guess i should just have used her like other guys have, mentally abuse her and emotionally. Cheated on her like 4x like her ex did, and start arguing with her like the other guy she dated. Is that what you're recommending?
Yet i been there for her through thick and thin, When you really care for someone they can do no wrong in your eyes. That's how she was to me, she did no wrong in my eyes. The whole world would be mad at her, because of how misunderstood she is, not me. But women don't want that obviously. But according to everyone, that's all wrong. Thanks for the advice.
ETA: i know how she was feeling, I could see it on her face, when she would blush, smile, laugh...
Creepy.
Actually, from a physiological and biochemical perspective.. We accept stimuli from our 5 senses. Our mind processes the world around us. This triggers a biochemical process. Like baking a cake, there is a recipe. There is a biochemical order in which things are triggered which produce happiness/fear/anger/anxiety and all of our emotions. Our physiology reacts to our internal/mental processes. This is why people smile when they're happy, they can't control it. There is an output with our physiology based on our mental processes. Someone can say "I am mad" even if they're happy, someone can say "I am happy" when they're mad...
If someone is going through a full blown rage, are you going to say "they are happy?" according to some people on the forum, to say someone is happy when they're in this rage, is "creepy"! and we never know how someone feels. makes sense....
And yet for all that you claim to know her, to the point that you disregard what she's telling you she's feeling in favor of what you think you see, you couldn't seem to get the hint that she didn't care for you that way and are still bemoaning how she shallowly did this and that.
I do understand what you're saying. The problem is she never told me anything. The most she has ever told me is 'i don't know what i wan't right now." That's not a no, and it's not a yes. But her flirting with me, wanting to hang around me all the time, coming over all the time, agreeing to a v-day date with me, asking question about our relationship if we got in to one etc... oh the v-day date she accepted 2x. Something happened, and we called it off, then things where okay then i asked again and she agreed again...
Bottom line is a meaningful relationship is mostly based on how you feel. If someone makes you happy, and you make them happy. Someone you can be happy with and have fun with as you both grow together. She made me happy, and I made her happy, she always had a great time with me. But what was the problem?? The guy she "Jumped" in to a relationship had a 6 pack, yet he was verbally and mentally abusive towards her. Tell me that's now shallow. That's what women want, and money as evident in the video i posted(there are many videos like that as well). It's a very common theme, we all know this.
I always felt best friends are what can make the best relationships, and she was my best friend...
I'll say it too, "creepy" i need to say it to follow the crowd to fit in..
It's not shallow.
It IS however very telling that you think the only reason she choose that other guy is because he had a six pack and not any number of potentially awesome traits. It seems to me you're picking this one thing, deciding that must be it, and thus she is shallow.
Don't forget he also treated her badly.
It's not like she knew he was a jerk when she started dating him sooo...0 -
Why do you dwell on this to the point of writing lengthy paragraphs to strangers on the internet? Your main complaint is that (through "false signals") she doesn't care about you the way she "should," so why not just let it go as well? Especially when the OP has issues of their own that we're supposed to be supporting her with? I mean, really.0
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jimrichardson00 wrote: »
also, Pu_239 has a naked woman in a bath as one of his profile pics?
I wouldn't be surprised to find she's wearing manacles attached to the pipes.
I'll be waiting for my warning mods0 -
DO I? LOOK CLOSER... those aren't breast, those are elbowssssssss.jimrichardson00 wrote: »
also, Pu_239 has a naked woman in a bath as one of his profile pics?
What? So you think she's got jeans and a tee-shirt on?0 -
Everyone keeps playing ping pong with Pu_239.
Can't we get back to discussing the married Roman who's a wannabe singer who's never worked a day in his life yet has the cash to pay 4 prostitutes to get tag teamed by him and his little friends?
How often do we get a chance like this?
I mean...I watch a lot of Maury. So.0 -
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Everyone keeps playing ping pong with Pu_239.
Can't we get back to discussing the married Roman who's a wannabe singer who's never worked a day in his life yet has the cash to pay 4 prostitutes to get tag teamed by him and his little friends?
How often do we get a chance like this?
Nah Pu_239 wanting to have sex with a woman that is his friend is way worse. Guys wanting to have sex with their female friends NEVER happens.
I mean come on it was only 4 hookers, its hard to get mad at anything under a full on 10 hooker orgy. You know in Europe that's just how men cope when a wife's family member gets sick. That is why their health care over there is so good, with no jobs and having to throw crazy sex parties all the time, all the guys would be flat broke if people didn't stay healthy. I mean this is just normal every day stuff and very common.
Now a single guy wanting to hook up with one of his female friends. Come on that is crazy and it is sick!
Don't worry Pu_239 there is still hope for you, just quit your job right now! We will get you some singing lessons and fly you out to Italy.0 -
Wow. How mean. Why even bother to respond to her post, if you aren't being supportive? I think it makes perfect sense. She's looking for someone who has been through something similar so that she can figure out how to get through this. It's a smart thing to do and understandable that she may not know a ton of people that this has happened to.
Pick yourself up girl! You're on the right track! Keep seeking happiness, and you WILL find it.0 -
CrusaderSam wrote: »Everyone keeps playing ping pong with Pu_239.
Can't we get back to discussing the married Roman who's a wannabe singer who's never worked a day in his life yet has the cash to pay 4 prostitutes to get tag teamed by him and his little friends?
How often do we get a chance like this?
Nah Pu_239 wanting to have sex with a woman that is his friend is way worse. Guys wanting to have sex with their female friends NEVER happens.
I mean come on it was only 4 hookers, its hard to get mad at anything under a full on 10 hooker orgy. You know in Europe that's just how men cope when a wife's family member gets sick. That is why their health care over there is so good, with no jobs and having to throw crazy sex parties all the time, all the guys would be flat broke if people didn't stay healthy. I mean this is just normal every day stuff and very common.
Now a single guy wanting to hook up with one of his female friends. Come on that is crazy and it is sick!
Don't worry Pu_239 there is still hope for you, just quit your job right now! We will get you some singing lessons and fly you out to Italy.
I like to think I can multitask well enough to express sympathy for the OP, *kitten* creepiness where I see it, and raid heal.
I do understand not everyone is so gifted.0 -
CrusaderSam wrote: »Everyone keeps playing ping pong with Pu_239.
Can't we get back to discussing the married Roman who's a wannabe singer who's never worked a day in his life yet has the cash to pay 4 prostitutes to get tag teamed by him and his little friends?
How often do we get a chance like this?
Nah Pu_239 wanting to have sex with a woman that is his friend is way worse. Guys wanting to have sex with their female friends NEVER happens.
I mean come on it was only 4 hookers, its hard to get mad at anything under a full on 10 hooker orgy. You know in Europe that's just how men cope when a wife's family member gets sick. That is why their health care over there is so good, with no jobs and having to throw crazy sex parties all the time, all the guys would be flat broke if people didn't stay healthy. I mean this is just normal every day stuff and very common.
Now a single guy wanting to hook up with one of his female friends. Come on that is crazy and it is sick!
Don't worry Pu_239 there is still hope for you, just quit your job right now! We will get you some singing lessons and fly you out to Italy.
I like to think I can multitask well enough to express sympathy for the OP, *kitten* creepiness where I see it, and raid heal.
I do understand not everyone is so gifted.
I like to think a lot of things too, but it doesn't make any of them true just because I think them. Myself and a lot of others are not as gifted as you, that is true.0 -
CrusaderSam wrote: »CrusaderSam wrote: »Everyone keeps playing ping pong with Pu_239.
Can't we get back to discussing the married Roman who's a wannabe singer who's never worked a day in his life yet has the cash to pay 4 prostitutes to get tag teamed by him and his little friends?
How often do we get a chance like this?
Nah Pu_239 wanting to have sex with a woman that is his friend is way worse. Guys wanting to have sex with their female friends NEVER happens.
I mean come on it was only 4 hookers, its hard to get mad at anything under a full on 10 hooker orgy. You know in Europe that's just how men cope when a wife's family member gets sick. That is why their health care over there is so good, with no jobs and having to throw crazy sex parties all the time, all the guys would be flat broke if people didn't stay healthy. I mean this is just normal every day stuff and very common.
Now a single guy wanting to hook up with one of his female friends. Come on that is crazy and it is sick!
Don't worry Pu_239 there is still hope for you, just quit your job right now! We will get you some singing lessons and fly you out to Italy.
I like to think I can multitask well enough to express sympathy for the OP, *kitten* creepiness where I see it, and raid heal.
I do understand not everyone is so gifted.
I like to think a lot of things too, but it doesn't make any of them true just because I think them. Myself and a lot of others are not as gifted as you, that is true.
Thankfully all the things I think I can do are true. I expressed my sympathy for the OP, identified creepiness, and raid healed all at the same time. Wasn't even hard.0 -
Everyone keeps playing ping pong with Pu_239.
Can't we get back to discussing the married Roman who's a wannabe singer who's never worked a day in his life yet has the cash to pay 4 prostitutes to get tag teamed by him and his little friends?
How often do we get a chance like this?
Old money, huh? So the OP's got a payday coming, then? She better not have signed a "I can get away with schtupping four hookers when you're out of the country" prenup...
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This discussion has been closed.
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