My husband cheated on me...
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Look, @Pu_239, has it occurred to you that regardless whether she is broken or not, you definitely are if you go into this kind of dynamics in a relationship? If you're afraid to approach a woman directly, and then you try to get closer to her as a friend, practically push her into being half-intimate with you (judging from your long description above), keep pressing her until she finally says it feels weird and uncomfortable and then you storm away?
I had a guy do that to me once, I still give him the benefit of the doubt that he wasn't one of the sleazy jerks who do this to women habitually but was just broken, confused and insecure, like you sound in this story. I hope he went on to know himself better, get more confident in himself which is a prerequisite for true friendship and generosity, let alone love. I hope you resolve your issues too. There is a reason you go after this vulnerable girl, and that is probably that you're vulnerable and confused yourself ( I am doing you the credit of assuming you're not being just a predator instead). Sort it out. Get on with life. She is not your crutch and you cannot be hers.
As long as you convince yourself that the FZ exists and women like jerks and you are oh so nice, you will get the kind of reaction you got here earlier.
Sorry for getting on the hi-jacked train...0 -
Since a few people replied to my comment. I'll address them all here...
No woman owes you (or any other person) a romantic and/or sexual relationship because you've treated her with decency and kindness. If she's truly your friend, that should be a given. You don't get a cookie because you're nice to her.
There may be plenty of reasons why she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you personally; not the least of which could be that she senses you're only supporting her in the hope that she'll eventually be your girlfriend, not because you actually care about her as a human being. Honestly there are passive-aggressive red flags all over your two posts, the kind that I warn my teenage daughter about constantly when it comes to boys.
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Often times women get "confidence" and "domineering" confused. This is where a lot of issues arise i believe.
Well that's not really for you to say, is it? And the point is, it doesn't matter. If she's not interested, playing pushover and doing nice things for her is not going to make her come around. Women are not like vending machines, where you do nice things for her and she gives you sex in return. In a lot of "nice guy" cases, 'niceness' tends to go along with insecurity, lack of assertiveness, and manipulative behavior.
You know what women do appreciate? SELF-confidence. And in your case, the self-confidence to walk away from her. Because being a pushover puppy dog hoping for any scrap of attention is definitely not attractive.
Sorry... didn't mean to derail the original topic.
I should have read this response first, it lays things out much better than mine did.
And yes, apologies for derailing the original topic. The whole "nice guy" thing is a huge sore point for me.
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I just don't get where "sleazy" and "habitually" comes from.
From the fact that there are guys who do this habitually and that makes them seem super-sleazy. I tried to make it very clear that I am not applying that label to you, I apologize if it came across that way.
Edited to keep it to the minimum and not perpetuate the high-jacking.0 -
Wow. What a complete jerk. I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I know the pain of being cheated on, but an ORGY WITH PROSTITUTES? I can't imagine.0
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Hopefully, OP has read this thread and gotten the following messages:
1) Wow, some guys are just DOUCHES, and there is nothing anyone can do to change that.
2) Some people are empathetic and cool and I can spend ALL OF MY TIME with them if I so choose.
3) I've been partnered with a #1 person. I can move on and be with #2 type (by this list, not the joke #2!) and live a happy, healthy life.
Seriously, OP. It's not you, it's him. You are well shot of that jerk. Go forth and find friends worthy of you. Maybe someday, if you so choose (and totally cool if you don't choose), a new partner good enough for you.
Let current loser's *kitten* fry.0 -
A few months go by i got over it. We became friends again, closer then ever. They broke up(NO SURPRISE THERE), a few months go by we where drinking i brought up the relationship thing again,she said "idk why i didn't give you a chance" i said "what about now?" she's like, "idk what i want." i said, "only one way to find out, let me kiss you", she said "if i kiss you it's because i want to, not right now, i don't feel it now.", but the dynamics of our relationship changed we where flirting and it looked like things where going. I was to happen. One day we wher flirtign i was caressing her face and hair. She said, "i am not used to this, it's flattering. It's nice" (she never been with a guy who truly appreciated her.)
Wow.
This is the creepiest paragraph I've ever read on MFP.
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She said so herself... i am just telling the op, not to hold gruges against men, and next time try to get to know the person more...PrizePopple wrote: »
I know she doesn't like me like that, because I wasn't INTERESTED IN SEX with her. I liked her as a person. SO i fell in to the "Friends zone" maybe if i was a bit more sexual at first, things would have been different. I actually take the time to KNOW someone, before jumping in to relationships. I mean that's a big problem in our society... Isn't that the problem the OP had??? And a few other people who have posted. Maybe if I had a lamborgini, it would be different. Like in the video i posted early, the girl wasn't interested, but the first sign of money... She gets interested.furioushummingbird wrote: »Sad thing is... you probably saw this coming from a mile away and did nothing about it. I bet you felt something wasn't right before you guys even got married.
You can't just close up and say "how can i trust any man again?" truth is for me... there was this girl i liked a lot, i treated her well, her ex cheated on her coutnless times, treated her bad, verbally and mentally abusive. This girl and i got along great, i looked for more than a friendship. She would give me excuses, "I am not ready, idk what i want" then a month later she got with some other guy. Really upset me. Guess what? they got in to a fight and they broke up, she was upset about it. She's different, she has ADHD and not many people understand her. I honestly can't see any other guy putting up with her and being able to handle her. I tried again, things, but she still wasn't interested, she lead me on a bit this time.
She tells me things like what you said, "how can i trust guys now?" I told her many times, you have to open up and trust, if you don't you're just going to shrivel up and die alone. Sure maybe a guy might come, may not work out, then another may not work out. But if you trust, there will be a guy who appreciates it and gives you what you want.
I also told her many times, "a guy has a tendency to bs, and make himself greater than what he really is at first." It's kind of understandable, you're trying to win someone over. But the guys who are real, who are genuine. Don't do that, then they don't fit the womens ideal, "the knight in shining armor" and she fells for someone who is lying and bsing her.
I haven't read other posts after this one, so forgive me if this was already said: WOMEN ARE NOT DEVICES TO PUT FRIENDSHIP COINS IN UNTIL SEX FALLS OUT. WOMEN DO NOT OWE YOU *kitten*. THE GIRL DOESN'T LIKE YOU THAT WAY, TOUGH T*TS. STOP TAKING OUT YOUR SEXUAL FRUSTRATION ON WOMEN SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU CAN'T GET ONE.
Good god, please let this guy be a troll. Otherwise I smell fedoras and neck beard a mile away.
My original post in my first post is that it takes time for people to get to know one another
Holy crap man, you are presumptuous as f***. How do you know how long she dated her husband for? Do you know this woman's life inside and out? NO! You sound like a bitter man who doesn't like the fact that people are rallying around this woman. Do us all a favor and GTFO.
No matter how much you think you know a person, you never truly do. It's naive of you to think so.0 -
PrizePopple wrote: »PrizePopple wrote: »
I did cut it off. I just feel kind of bad for her because i know the potential we could have had, but she missed out because of shallow views. she will always have problems, but it's karma. That's what it always is. but i do agree with you, let intentions be known up front, and get to know them differently. You're right. There are many more videos like the the one i shown.ogmomma2012 wrote: »
I know she doesn't like me like that, because I wasn't INTERESTED IN SEX with her. I liked her as a person. SO i fell in to the "Friends zone" maybe if i was a bit more sexual at first, things would have been different. I actually take the time to KNOW someone, before jumping in to relationships. I mean that's a big problem in our society... Isn't that the problem the OP had??? And a few other people who have posted. Maybe if I had a lamborgini, it would be different. Like in the video i posted early, the girl wasn't interested, but the first sign of money... She gets interested.furioushummingbird wrote: »Sad thing is... you probably saw this coming from a mile away and did nothing about it. I bet you felt something wasn't right before you guys even got married.
You can't just close up and say "how can i trust any man again?" truth is for me... there was this girl i liked a lot, i treated her well, her ex cheated on her coutnless times, treated her bad, verbally and mentally abusive. This girl and i got along great, i looked for more than a friendship. She would give me excuses, "I am not ready, idk what i want" then a month later she got with some other guy. Really upset me. Guess what? they got in to a fight and they broke up, she was upset about it. She's different, she has ADHD and not many people understand her. I honestly can't see any other guy putting up with her and being able to handle her. I tried again, things, but she still wasn't interested, she lead me on a bit this time.
She tells me things like what you said, "how can i trust guys now?" I told her many times, you have to open up and trust, if you don't you're just going to shrivel up and die alone. Sure maybe a guy might come, may not work out, then another may not work out. But if you trust, there will be a guy who appreciates it and gives you what you want.
I also told her many times, "a guy has a tendency to bs, and make himself greater than what he really is at first." It's kind of understandable, you're trying to win someone over. But the guys who are real, who are genuine. Don't do that, then they don't fit the womens ideal, "the knight in shining armor" and she fells for someone who is lying and bsing her.
I haven't read other posts after this one, so forgive me if this was already said: WOMEN ARE NOT DEVICES TO PUT FRIENDSHIP COINS IN UNTIL SEX FALLS OUT. WOMEN DO NOT OWE YOU *kitten*. THE GIRL DOESN'T LIKE YOU THAT WAY, TOUGH T*TS. STOP TAKING OUT YOUR SEXUAL FRUSTRATION ON WOMEN SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU CAN'T GET ONE.
Good god, please let this guy be a troll. Otherwise I smell fedoras and neck beard a mile away.
My original post in my first post is that it takes time for people to get to know one another
Getting to know someone in the context of dating is NOT the same thing as getting to know someone as a platonic friend outside the context of dating. Make your intentions known -beforehand- so your delusions of the "friendzone" and "nice guys finish last" won't happen.
They don't want to date you? Deal with it. If you can't stand being friends with a chick without expecting something in return, cut that friendship off. Don't keep doing nice things expecting them to change their mind and see you as this awesome dude.
You show one video demonstrating one or two chicks being materialistic. Is that what you think of ALL women?
Let's be honest here. You did that girl a favor by bailing. You're bad news, like ex-husband material type bad news.
*screen caps your remarks*
It's so I can show my daughters later in their life the kind of boys they should avoid.
yup you know me... okay if you don't want your daughter to find a guy like me, tell her to never find a guy who accepted her fully, despite people always got mad at her because no one understood her. one who was there through anything. a guy who always helps her with her school work. Take her out to have fun, and have a good time. As i said she was my bestfriend. I did her a favor by bailing that's why she said, "you're the only person who understands me." you got me there...we all know none of that stuff is important.
if you don't want your daughter to be with someone who cares for her regardless. Then my point is proven.. thank you
Quite the opposite actually, you're not exhibiting signs of caring and compassion. You're showing signs of being childish, egotistical, and frankly I'm going to bet you're also a bit controlling and manipulative - because your posts are giving me the "I am never wrong" vibe. You have managed to turn yourself into a victim in your own mind, and subsequently hijacked a thread of a woman who needs support, because you have issues bigger than the Grand Canyon. Seriously just stop. For the OP, and for everyone else who is having to read your drivel, SHUT UP.I honestly can't see any other guy putting up with her and being able to handle her.
This is the bit that proves that you don't deserve to be able to handle her.0 -
Sorry to hear this OP. It will take time, I'm sure, but one day you'll get up and be able to get past this.
On the other stuff...well. Nice guys be all "chicks are shallow and awful; they only like dbags!"
And chicks be like "If that was true girls would like you "0 -
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A few months go by i got over it. We became friends again, closer then ever. They broke up(NO SURPRISE THERE), a few months go by we where drinking i brought up the relationship thing again,she said "idk why i didn't give you a chance" i said "what about now?" she's like, "idk what i want." i said, "only one way to find out, let me kiss you", she said "if i kiss you it's because i want to, not right now, i don't feel it now.", but the dynamics of our relationship changed we where flirting and it looked like things where going. I was to happen. One day we wher flirtign i was caressing her face and hair. She said, "i am not used to this, it's flattering. It's nice" (she never been with a guy who truly appreciated her.)
Wow.
This is the creepiest paragraph I've ever read on MFP.
creepy: causing an unpleasant feeling of fear or unease.
False...
And just to inform you, the dynamics of courtship have changed in this day in age.
So, you feel you can judge what others are feeling?
That is a major part of your problem.
Feelings are personal and subjective to the person. You don't get to tell them what they're feeling.
I also found your post and described actions creepy and that's from your own viewpoint. I dread to think how the girl is feeling.0 -
A few months go by i got over it. We became friends again, closer then ever. They broke up(NO SURPRISE THERE), a few months go by we where drinking i brought up the relationship thing again,she said "idk why i didn't give you a chance" i said "what about now?" she's like, "idk what i want." i said, "only one way to find out, let me kiss you", she said "if i kiss you it's because i want to, not right now, i don't feel it now.", but the dynamics of our relationship changed we where flirting and it looked like things where going. I was to happen. One day we wher flirtign i was caressing her face and hair. She said, "i am not used to this, it's flattering. It's nice" (she never been with a guy who truly appreciated her.)
Wow.
This is the creepiest paragraph I've ever read on MFP.
creepy: causing an unpleasant feeling of fear or unease.
False...
And just to inform you, the dynamics of courtship have changed in this day in age.
What you're doing isn't courtship from any age.
It's just creepy.
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Too personal for me...Not to be blunt (really...)
But why come to strangers in cyber space to spill your personal drama? Don't get it... must be my age
Wondering why, if this topic is too personal and inappropriate, that you would click on and read a topic titled "My husband cheated on me." Sounds like you want to read the gossip but don't care about the person posting it.
Do we need all of the included details? Probably not. But people get to where they are in their health and eating habits for various reasons and we need to be supportive of that.
I guess my main point is, if someone's story is going to be too personal for you, perhaps you shouldn't click on the post with a personal title. If you are gonna snoop anyway, try keeping your opinion to yourself.0 -
But i guess i should just have used her like other guys have...
You *did* use her.
The fact that you don't have any conception of that is a big part of what makes the story creepy.ETA: i know how she was feeling,
No, you don't.
If you did you wouldn't be doing the things you're doing and saying the things you're saying.
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myfelinepal wrote: »A few months go by i got over it. We became friends again, closer then ever. They broke up(NO SURPRISE THERE), a few months go by we where drinking i brought up the relationship thing again,she said "idk why i didn't give you a chance" i said "what about now?" she's like, "idk what i want." i said, "only one way to find out, let me kiss you", she said "if i kiss you it's because i want to, not right now, i don't feel it now.", but the dynamics of our relationship changed we where flirting and it looked like things where going. I was to happen. One day we wher flirtign i was caressing her face and hair. She said, "i am not used to this, it's flattering. It's nice" (she never been with a guy who truly appreciated her.)
Wow.
This is the creepiest paragraph I've ever read on MFP.
creepy: causing an unpleasant feeling of fear or unease.
False...
And just to inform you, the dynamics of courtship have changed in this day in age.
So, you feel you can judge what others are feeling?
That is a major part of your problem.
Feelings are personal and subjective to the person. You don't get to tell them what they're feeling.
I also found your post and described actions creepy and that's from your own viewpoint. I dread to think how the girl is feeling.
Because of the kiss? All that stuff happened the same day. As I said, if it was such a problem, She wouldn't have woken me up to an invite to the city... Should i have just grabbed her and kissed her and possibly violated her? That would have been better? And honestly, i told her later, "i don't really care if i kiss you, i was just flirting with you." I honestly don't care if i did. It was more to test the water if anything.
But i guess i should just have used her like other guys have, mentally abuse her and emotionally. Cheated on her like 4x like her ex did, and start arguing with her like the other guy she dated. Is that what you're recommending?
Yet i been there for her through thick and thin, When you really care for someone they can do no wrong in your eyes. That's how she was to me, she did no wrong in my eyes. The whole world would be mad at her, because of how misunderstood she is, not me. But women don't want that obviously. But according to everyone, that's all wrong. Thanks for the advice.
ETA: i know how she was feeling, I could see it on her face, when she would blush, smile, laugh...
Creepy.
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myfelinepal wrote: »A few months go by i got over it. We became friends again, closer then ever. They broke up(NO SURPRISE THERE), a few months go by we where drinking i brought up the relationship thing again,she said "idk why i didn't give you a chance" i said "what about now?" she's like, "idk what i want." i said, "only one way to find out, let me kiss you", she said "if i kiss you it's because i want to, not right now, i don't feel it now.", but the dynamics of our relationship changed we where flirting and it looked like things where going. I was to happen. One day we wher flirtign i was caressing her face and hair. She said, "i am not used to this, it's flattering. It's nice" (she never been with a guy who truly appreciated her.)
Wow.
This is the creepiest paragraph I've ever read on MFP.
creepy: causing an unpleasant feeling of fear or unease.
False...
And just to inform you, the dynamics of courtship have changed in this day in age.
So, you feel you can judge what others are feeling?
That is a major part of your problem.
Feelings are personal and subjective to the person. You don't get to tell them what they're feeling.
I also found your post and described actions creepy and that's from your own viewpoint. I dread to think how the girl is feeling.
Because of the kiss? All that stuff happened the same day. As I said, if it was such a problem, She wouldn't have woken me up to an invite to the city... Should i have just grabbed her and kissed her and possibly violated her? That would have been better? And honestly, i told her later, "i don't really care if i kiss you, i was just flirting with you." I honestly don't care if i did. It was more to test the water if anything.
But i guess i should just have used her like other guys have, mentally abuse her and emotionally. Cheated on her like 4x like her ex did, and start arguing with her like the other guy she dated. Is that what you're recommending?
Yet i been there for her through thick and thin, When you really care for someone they can do no wrong in your eyes. That's how she was to me, she did no wrong in my eyes. The whole world would be mad at her, because of how misunderstood she is, not me. But women don't want that obviously. But according to everyone, that's all wrong. Thanks for the advice.
ETA: i know how she was feeling, I could see it on her face, when she would blush, smile, laugh...
Creepy.
That right there (the bolded and the entire sentence) reminds me of something from Criminal Minds.0 -
I like this article about "nice guys."
http://www.heartless-*kitten*.com/rants/niceguys/niceguys.shtml
(oh for god's sake you can't type BrITCHES - without the R - whatever)
Anyway - "Another mistake Nice Guys make is to go after "hard luck" cases. They deliberately pick women with neuroses, problems, and personality disorders, because Nice Guys are "helpers". A Nice Guy thinks that by "helping" this woman, it will make him a better, more lovable person. He thinks it will give him a sense of accomplishment, and that she will appreciate and love him more, for all his efforts and sacrifice. He is usually disappointed by the results."
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PikaKnight wrote: »myfelinepal wrote: »A few months go by i got over it. We became friends again, closer then ever. They broke up(NO SURPRISE THERE), a few months go by we where drinking i brought up the relationship thing again,she said "idk why i didn't give you a chance" i said "what about now?" she's like, "idk what i want." i said, "only one way to find out, let me kiss you", she said "if i kiss you it's because i want to, not right now, i don't feel it now.", but the dynamics of our relationship changed we where flirting and it looked like things where going. I was to happen. One day we wher flirtign i was caressing her face and hair. She said, "i am not used to this, it's flattering. It's nice" (she never been with a guy who truly appreciated her.)
Wow.
This is the creepiest paragraph I've ever read on MFP.
creepy: causing an unpleasant feeling of fear or unease.
False...
And just to inform you, the dynamics of courtship have changed in this day in age.
So, you feel you can judge what others are feeling?
That is a major part of your problem.
Feelings are personal and subjective to the person. You don't get to tell them what they're feeling.
I also found your post and described actions creepy and that's from your own viewpoint. I dread to think how the girl is feeling.
Because of the kiss? All that stuff happened the same day. As I said, if it was such a problem, She wouldn't have woken me up to an invite to the city... Should i have just grabbed her and kissed her and possibly violated her? That would have been better? And honestly, i told her later, "i don't really care if i kiss you, i was just flirting with you." I honestly don't care if i did. It was more to test the water if anything.
But i guess i should just have used her like other guys have, mentally abuse her and emotionally. Cheated on her like 4x like her ex did, and start arguing with her like the other guy she dated. Is that what you're recommending?
Yet i been there for her through thick and thin, When you really care for someone they can do no wrong in your eyes. That's how she was to me, she did no wrong in my eyes. The whole world would be mad at her, because of how misunderstood she is, not me. But women don't want that obviously. But according to everyone, that's all wrong. Thanks for the advice.
ETA: i know how she was feeling, I could see it on her face, when she would blush, smile, laugh...
Creepy.
That right there (the bolded and the entire sentence) reminds me of something from Criminal Minds.
But... but... he's the only person who can handle her.0 -
PikaKnight wrote: »myfelinepal wrote: »A few months go by i got over it. We became friends again, closer then ever. They broke up(NO SURPRISE THERE), a few months go by we where drinking i brought up the relationship thing again,she said "idk why i didn't give you a chance" i said "what about now?" she's like, "idk what i want." i said, "only one way to find out, let me kiss you", she said "if i kiss you it's because i want to, not right now, i don't feel it now.", but the dynamics of our relationship changed we where flirting and it looked like things where going. I was to happen. One day we wher flirtign i was caressing her face and hair. She said, "i am not used to this, it's flattering. It's nice" (she never been with a guy who truly appreciated her.)
Wow.
This is the creepiest paragraph I've ever read on MFP.
creepy: causing an unpleasant feeling of fear or unease.
False...
And just to inform you, the dynamics of courtship have changed in this day in age.
So, you feel you can judge what others are feeling?
That is a major part of your problem.
Feelings are personal and subjective to the person. You don't get to tell them what they're feeling.
I also found your post and described actions creepy and that's from your own viewpoint. I dread to think how the girl is feeling.
Because of the kiss? All that stuff happened the same day. As I said, if it was such a problem, She wouldn't have woken me up to an invite to the city... Should i have just grabbed her and kissed her and possibly violated her? That would have been better? And honestly, i told her later, "i don't really care if i kiss you, i was just flirting with you." I honestly don't care if i did. It was more to test the water if anything.
But i guess i should just have used her like other guys have, mentally abuse her and emotionally. Cheated on her like 4x like her ex did, and start arguing with her like the other guy she dated. Is that what you're recommending?
Yet i been there for her through thick and thin, When you really care for someone they can do no wrong in your eyes. That's how she was to me, she did no wrong in my eyes. The whole world would be mad at her, because of how misunderstood she is, not me. But women don't want that obviously. But according to everyone, that's all wrong. Thanks for the advice.
ETA: i know how she was feeling, I could see it on her face, when she would blush, smile, laugh...
Creepy.
That right there (the bolded and the entire sentence) reminds me of something from Criminal Minds.
But... but... he's the only person who can handle her.
I love her so much! If only that stupid flaky btch would realize it!!!!
So. Very. Creepy.0
This discussion has been closed.
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