My husband cheated on me...
Replies
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TheVirgoddess wrote: »I'd also like to add, anyone can say anything. I can sit here and say "you're weird and make no sense" just how people can say "it's creepy" with out any explanation, it means nothing..
I was in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship. You're throwing up many, many red flags and triggers for me. Your behavior, this victim mentality, this inability to let this girl be who she is (instead of who you think she is), this obsession years later - it's really scary behavior.
Yep. That's why I said he was on par with my ex-husband, and why I suspected he has some issues with being controlling and manipulative.
Seriously dude, are you actually my ex-husband?0 -
But what was the problem?? The guy she "Jumped" in to a relationship had a 6 pack, yet he was verbally and mentally abusive towards her. Tell me that's now shallow. That's what women want, and money as evident in the video i posted(there are many videos like that as well). It's a very common theme, we all know this.
You don't get to tell women what they/we want. Especially in an attempt to justify why someone would turn you down romantically. I'm sure women like this exist, but this sounds like a salve to your pride and an attempt to again reiterate how "shallow" this woman must have been for not wanting to be with you.
Honestly, it just sounds like she wasn't very good at asserting herself with you and giving you clear signals. If you kept pushing and pressuring her to be something she wasn't, or become involved in a relationship she didn't really want, this could be because she was not comfortable being direct and assertive with you out of fear of your reaction to a flat-out rejection.
ETA: This thread was....not what I was expecting. Poor OP. Also I'm not totally sure I'm following the whole subplot, because most of the stories by the poster I quoted are very rambling and vague and mildly incoherent. Mostly I'm just confused.0 -
TheVirgoddess wrote: »I'd also like to add, anyone can say anything. I can sit here and say "you're weird and make no sense" just how people can say "it's creepy" with out any explanation, it means nothing..
I was in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship. You're throwing up many, many red flags and triggers for me. Your behavior, this victim mentality, this inability to let this girl be who she is (instead of who you think she is), this obsession years later - it's really scary behavior.
That's to bad, how you expect me to act when everyone is running their mouth at me trying to call me a creep? Yet i have said nothing bad about no one... I always let her be who she was, as i said one time she did bother me on time. I told myself "she is how she is, you either accept it, or you don't." I accepted it and never let her actions/behaviors bother me ever again. Many times people would say to me, 'how can you let her do that to you?" I know she didn't mean any harm. People just don't understand her, that's just how she is.
I can see your point about an obsession, some people can get like that, and i guess possessive and creepy. I get that. We did have a problem when she dated this one. I just walked away. I also walked away this time as well. So no worries, it's not what you think it is.
Quiet a few times through different relationships, girls have told me they're jealous of my girlfriend(at the time) so no i never treat them badly if that's what you're thinking. Every girl i have been with (well about 90%) always wanted me back. SO this girl i am talking about right now, it would have also been a favor to her. But i know her and i know she doesn't see it. When she gets older, she will realize what she did.
So... let me get this right, you think you are doing her a favour by letting her date you?
When she's said several times, in various ways, that she's not interested?
Such a catch.
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myfelinepal wrote: »A few months go by i got over it. We became friends again, closer then ever. They broke up(NO SURPRISE THERE), a few months go by we where drinking i brought up the relationship thing again,she said "idk why i didn't give you a chance" i said "what about now?" she's like, "idk what i want." i said, "only one way to find out, let me kiss you", she said "if i kiss you it's because i want to, not right now, i don't feel it now.", but the dynamics of our relationship changed we where flirting and it looked like things where going. I was to happen. One day we wher flirtign i was caressing her face and hair. She said, "i am not used to this, it's flattering. It's nice" (she never been with a guy who truly appreciated her.)
Wow.
This is the creepiest paragraph I've ever read on MFP.
creepy: causing an unpleasant feeling of fear or unease.
False...
And just to inform you, the dynamics of courtship have changed in this day in age.
So, you feel you can judge what others are feeling?
That is a major part of your problem.
Feelings are personal and subjective to the person. You don't get to tell them what they're feeling.
I also found your post and described actions creepy and that's from your own viewpoint. I dread to think how the girl is feeling.
Because of the kiss? All that stuff happened the same day. As I said, if it was such a problem, She wouldn't have woken me up to an invite to the city... Should i have just grabbed her and kissed her and possibly violated her? That would have been better? And honestly, i told her later, "i don't really care if i kiss you, i was just flirting with you." I honestly don't care if i did. It was more to test the water if anything.
But i guess i should just have used her like other guys have, mentally abuse her and emotionally. Cheated on her like 4x like her ex did, and start arguing with her like the other guy she dated. Is that what you're recommending?
Yet i been there for her through thick and thin, When you really care for someone they can do no wrong in your eyes. That's how she was to me, she did no wrong in my eyes. The whole world would be mad at her, because of how misunderstood she is, not me. But women don't want that obviously. But according to everyone, that's all wrong. Thanks for the advice.
ETA: i know how she was feeling, I could see it on her face, when she would blush, smile, laugh...
Creepy.
Actually, from a physiological and biochemical perspective.. We accept stimuli from our 5 senses. Our mind processes the world around us. This triggers a biochemical process. Like baking a cake, there is a recipe. There is a biochemical order in which things are triggered which produce happiness/fear/anger/anxiety and all of our emotions. Our physiology reacts to our internal/mental processes. This is why people smile when they're happy, they can't control it. There is an output with our physiology based on our mental processes. Someone can say "I am mad" even if they're happy, someone can say "I am happy" when they're mad...
If someone is going through a full blown rage, are you going to say "they are happy?" according to some people on the forum, to say someone is happy when they're in this rage, is "creepy"! and we never know how someone feels. makes sense....
And yet for all that you claim to know her, to the point that you disregard what she's telling you she's feeling in favor of what you think you see, you couldn't seem to get the hint that she didn't care for you that way and are still bemoaning how she shallowly did this and that.
I do understand what you're saying. The problem is she never told me anything. The most she has ever told me is 'i don't know what i wan't right now." That's not a no, and it's not a yes. But her flirting with me, wanting to hang around me all the time, coming over all the time, agreeing to a v-day date with me, asking question about our relationship if we got in to one etc... oh the v-day date she accepted 2x. Something happened, and we called it off, then things where okay then i asked again and she agreed again...
Bottom line is a meaningful relationship is mostly based on how you feel. If someone makes you happy, and you make them happy. Someone you can be happy with and have fun with as you both grow together. She made me happy, and I made her happy, she always had a great time with me. But what was the problem?? The guy she "Jumped" in to a relationship had a 6 pack, yet he was verbally and mentally abusive towards her. Tell me that's now shallow. That's what women want, and money as evident in the video i posted(there are many videos like that as well). It's a very common theme, we all know this.
I always felt best friends are what can make the best relationships, and she was my best friend...
I'll say it too, "creepy" i need to say it to follow the crowd to fit in..
Okay, so I'm just going to spell it out for you. Look up there, see the bold? You are generalizing all women into one little group that fits your preconceived notion. FTR - I actually don't like 6packs on guys. I prefer a nice, pasty compie nerd, maybe he even has a bit of a belly. You know, guys like my husband. That's not every woman's ideal. And, really, that's fine, BECAUSE WE AREN'T ALL THE SAME PERSON!! That you believe that we are dehumanizes us and is patronizing as well. That's creepy.
Here is the other thing that your whinefest up there is saying: "she decided against me because she's shallow".
In fact, painful though it may be, you have NO idea why she chose the other man. Maybe she just got tired of you? Maybe you said something that made her question whether she wanted to pursue you? Maybe he is smarter, funnier, and more charming than you are. You don't know. But, in your brain you've got it all worked out. "She's shallow". Then you morph it into "all women are shallow, AMIRITE?!". You are making assumptions about what she is thinking, and what women in general are thinking. Which is dumb. And creepy.
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PrizePopple wrote: »TheVirgoddess wrote: »I'd also like to add, anyone can say anything. I can sit here and say "you're weird and make no sense" just how people can say "it's creepy" with out any explanation, it means nothing..
I was in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship. You're throwing up many, many red flags and triggers for me. Your behavior, this victim mentality, this inability to let this girl be who she is (instead of who you think she is), this obsession years later - it's really scary behavior.
Yep. That's why I said he was on par with my ex-husband, and why I suspected he has some issues with being controlling and manipulative.
Seriously dude, are you actually my ex-husband?
Can i be manipulative yes, i don't deny that. Controlling, no. Would i be manipulative and controlling to someone i care about? no.
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SO this girl i am talking about right now, it would have also been a favor to her. But i know her and i know she doesn't see it. When she gets older, she will realize what she did.
I know I shouldn't be feeding the troll, but just so much no. If you go into a relationship feeling that you are doing someone a favor, that's a pretty clear indicator that there is an imbalance in the relationship dynamic and an expectation of gratitude. And usually consequent resentment if that required gratitude is not forthcoming.0 -
myfelinepal wrote: »A few months go by i got over it. We became friends again, closer then ever. They broke up(NO SURPRISE THERE), a few months go by we where drinking i brought up the relationship thing again,she said "idk why i didn't give you a chance" i said "what about now?" she's like, "idk what i want." i said, "only one way to find out, let me kiss you", she said "if i kiss you it's because i want to, not right now, i don't feel it now.", but the dynamics of our relationship changed we where flirting and it looked like things where going. I was to happen. One day we wher flirtign i was caressing her face and hair. She said, "i am not used to this, it's flattering. It's nice" (she never been with a guy who truly appreciated her.)
Wow.
This is the creepiest paragraph I've ever read on MFP.
creepy: causing an unpleasant feeling of fear or unease.
False...
And just to inform you, the dynamics of courtship have changed in this day in age.
So, you feel you can judge what others are feeling?
That is a major part of your problem.
Feelings are personal and subjective to the person. You don't get to tell them what they're feeling.
I also found your post and described actions creepy and that's from your own viewpoint. I dread to think how the girl is feeling.
Because of the kiss? All that stuff happened the same day. As I said, if it was such a problem, She wouldn't have woken me up to an invite to the city... Should i have just grabbed her and kissed her and possibly violated her? That would have been better? And honestly, i told her later, "i don't really care if i kiss you, i was just flirting with you." I honestly don't care if i did. It was more to test the water if anything.
But i guess i should just have used her like other guys have, mentally abuse her and emotionally. Cheated on her like 4x like her ex did, and start arguing with her like the other guy she dated. Is that what you're recommending?
Yet i been there for her through thick and thin, When you really care for someone they can do no wrong in your eyes. That's how she was to me, she did no wrong in my eyes. The whole world would be mad at her, because of how misunderstood she is, not me. But women don't want that obviously. But according to everyone, that's all wrong. Thanks for the advice.
ETA: i know how she was feeling, I could see it on her face, when she would blush, smile, laugh...
Creepy.
Actually, from a physiological and biochemical perspective.. We accept stimuli from our 5 senses. Our mind processes the world around us. This triggers a biochemical process. Like baking a cake, there is a recipe. There is a biochemical order in which things are triggered which produce happiness/fear/anger/anxiety and all of our emotions. Our physiology reacts to our internal/mental processes. This is why people smile when they're happy, they can't control it. There is an output with our physiology based on our mental processes. Someone can say "I am mad" even if they're happy, someone can say "I am happy" when they're mad...
If someone is going through a full blown rage, are you going to say "they are happy?" according to some people on the forum, to say someone is happy when they're in this rage, is "creepy"! and we never know how someone feels. makes sense....
And yet for all that you claim to know her, to the point that you disregard what she's telling you she's feeling in favor of what you think you see, you couldn't seem to get the hint that she didn't care for you that way and are still bemoaning how she shallowly did this and that.
I do understand what you're saying. The problem is she never told me anything. The most she has ever told me is 'i don't know what i wan't right now." That's not a no, and it's not a yes. But her flirting with me, wanting to hang around me all the time, coming over all the time, agreeing to a v-day date with me, asking question about our relationship if we got in to one etc... oh the v-day date she accepted 2x. Something happened, and we called it off, then things where okay then i asked again and she agreed again...
Bottom line is a meaningful relationship is mostly based on how you feel. If someone makes you happy, and you make them happy. Someone you can be happy with and have fun with as you both grow together. She made me happy, and I made her happy, she always had a great time with me. But what was the problem?? The guy she "Jumped" in to a relationship had a 6 pack, yet he was verbally and mentally abusive towards her. Tell me that's now shallow. That's what women want, and money as evident in the video i posted(there are many videos like that as well). It's a very common theme, we all know this.
I always felt best friends are what can make the best relationships, and she was my best friend...
I'll say it too, "creepy" i need to say it to follow the crowd to fit in..
It's not shallow.
It IS however very telling that you think the only reason she choose that other guy is because he had a six pack and not any number of potentially awesome traits. It seems to me you're picking this one thing, deciding that must be it, and thus she is shallow.0 -
Thanks for explaining about why people smile. I'm sure the "smile" appeared as the prostitutes walked in
Do yourself a favor @Pu_239 ...keep quiet and go Read the book "7 Habits of Highly Effecting People". You seem free to give advice, now be a man and take some. Just do it!
I have not done what you have done, however I have also stuffed up. Be prepared to take the blame 100% my friend.
Pushing your point of view in a public arena like this whether correct or incorrect, is not the way to achieve what you're trying to achieve. (Whatever that may be....you do confuse me)
And to Alicia, don't let this man pressure you into anything. His personality needs to change. He may say, that is impossible. I say it is not! There is living proof that a mans lifelong constitution can be changed, and in doing so his very personality becomes less abrasive. May you meet someone that can really be your soul mate. I'm sure you will.
In the meantime @Pu_239 may want to get to reading and prove his worthiness by being something he currently is not.
Just added this in by editing:
I am willing to purchase and post you the book @Pu_239 Your life is a mess because of your own actions. Be courageous and turn your life around. You have thrown away a most beautiful girl, are you going to do that to your next one?0 -
I am so, so sorry. I can't even imagine what you must be going through and how much that betrayal must hurt.
That being said, at least you now know. You're only 24 and you have your WHOLE life ahead of you! He's a filthy scumbag who deserves the worst kind of karma; and what kind of pathetic jerk needs to pay for sex anyways? That's pretty lame, in my book.
Forget him. Try to move on and do what's good for you. Law school sounds amazing, and it's great that you're building a life here already! I wish you all the best!0 -
Its time to find your self and work on yourself. Im so so so sorry for you and wish i could hug you right now-YOUR SO GORGEOUS and I already know how huge your beautiful heart is because you flew over seas for your sister-not many will do that. I am literally sitting here feeling awful and heart broken just for you.
I think you can find someone better-but don't get back to the dating scene too soon-I mean even if your ready don't. If you find a chivalric gentlemen thats quiet and keeps to himself then you need to take him and let him love on you. You need to love yourself first and find that man that will never let you go. I feel so awful for you this is just lunacy how a guy could break a timeless beauty. Im glad you found out now and not 10 years later. He obviously is willing to sell his soul for fame and fortune and is already in it knee deep. What a jerk. God will judge him and you just take your time and do you.
I think you need to keep going and this is when you can get better- I mean better then ever. Focus on how those lies won't be whispered to your ears each and every night. Please don't stop. Ignorance is bliss and you need a* healthy dose of it STAT. Its hard I bet it is. I remember when something similar but on a way lower level than yours happened to me and I was a hot mess but i quit smoking-got clean-and worked on myself and the 4 years that were stolen from me and did MAJOR I mean MAJOR damage control-I went to church and read and got very close to God and…he opened my eyes. I told him I wouldn't ever want to be with anyone ever again. I literally prayed this out loud kneeling on my bed to God because I never wanted my heart broken again the way it was. Well He said I think I have the most perfect man for you and i almost let him go. I really didn't mind letting him go i was so stuck on being alone and caregiving my mom-I heard he was available and the rest is history. Your in my thoughts and prayers.
*= typos that have been corrected thus far0 -
Alatariel75 wrote: »furioushummingbird wrote: »Sad thing is... you probably saw this coming from a mile away and did nothing about it. I bet you felt something wasn't right before you guys even got married.
You can't just close up and say "how can i trust any man again?" truth is for me... there was this girl i liked a lot, i treated her well, her ex cheated on her coutnless times, treated her bad, verbally and mentally abusive. This girl and i got along great, i looked for more than a friendship. She would give me excuses, "I am not ready, idk what i want" then a month later she got with some other guy. Really upset me. Guess what? they got in to a fight and they broke up, she was upset about it. She's different, she has ADHD and not many people understand her. I honestly can't see any other guy putting up with her and being able to handle her. I tried again, things, but she still wasn't interested, she lead me on a bit this time.
She tells me things like what you said, "how can i trust guys now?" I told her many times, you have to open up and trust, if you don't you're just going to shrivel up and die alone. Sure maybe a guy might come, may not work out, then another may not work out. But if you trust, there will be a guy who appreciates it and gives you what you want.
I also told her many times, "a guy has a tendency to bs, and make himself greater than what he really is at first." It's kind of understandable, you're trying to win someone over. But the guys who are real, who are genuine. Don't do that, then they don't fit the womens ideal, "the knight in shining armor" and she fells for someone who is lying and bsing her.
I haven't read other posts after this one, so forgive me if this was already said: WOMEN ARE NOT DEVICES TO PUT FRIENDSHIP COINS IN UNTIL SEX FALLS OUT. WOMEN DO NOT OWE YOU *kitten*. THE GIRL DOESN'T LIKE YOU THAT WAY, TOUGH T*TS. STOP TAKING OUT YOUR SEXUAL FRUSTRATION ON WOMEN SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU CAN'T GET ONE.
Good god, please let this guy be a troll. Otherwise I smell fedoras and neck beard a mile away.
You. I like you.
You know, I've never seen a guy use the 'women don't like nice guys' line and actually be a nice guy.
Bingo.0 -
While I definitely have issues with some of the things a poster has said on this board, I think the main issue is, well, the OPs concerns. I have been cheated on as well, and it's a crushing feeling. It destroys your trust, truly. In regards to keeping fit, the best thing you can do is channel your feelings from this in as positive of a way as is possible for you. Stay far away from this man as much as you are able; focus on you. You are what is important. It's a shame he couldn't muster enough respect for others in order to show you healthy devotion, but that's on him. It's true that there are many others like him in the world, men and women alike, but that won't doom you from romantic connections for the rest of your life. Of course, such connections are not necessary to live and thrive, so it's really just up to you to find out where you stand and take this experience as you will. I feel for you, truly. No one who expects a monogamous relationship should have to experience this, ever.0
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myfelinepal wrote: »A few months go by i got over it. We became friends again, closer then ever. They broke up(NO SURPRISE THERE), a few months go by we where drinking i brought up the relationship thing again,she said "idk why i didn't give you a chance" i said "what about now?" she's like, "idk what i want." i said, "only one way to find out, let me kiss you", she said "if i kiss you it's because i want to, not right now, i don't feel it now.", but the dynamics of our relationship changed we where flirting and it looked like things where going. I was to happen. One day we wher flirtign i was caressing her face and hair. She said, "i am not used to this, it's flattering. It's nice" (she never been with a guy who truly appreciated her.)
Wow.
This is the creepiest paragraph I've ever read on MFP.
creepy: causing an unpleasant feeling of fear or unease.
False...
And just to inform you, the dynamics of courtship have changed in this day in age.
So, you feel you can judge what others are feeling?
That is a major part of your problem.
Feelings are personal and subjective to the person. You don't get to tell them what they're feeling.
I also found your post and described actions creepy and that's from your own viewpoint. I dread to think how the girl is feeling.
Because of the kiss? All that stuff happened the same day. As I said, if it was such a problem, She wouldn't have woken me up to an invite to the city... Should i have just grabbed her and kissed her and possibly violated her? That would have been better? And honestly, i told her later, "i don't really care if i kiss you, i was just flirting with you." I honestly don't care if i did. It was more to test the water if anything.
But i guess i should just have used her like other guys have, mentally abuse her and emotionally. Cheated on her like 4x like her ex did, and start arguing with her like the other guy she dated. Is that what you're recommending?
Yet i been there for her through thick and thin, When you really care for someone they can do no wrong in your eyes. That's how she was to me, she did no wrong in my eyes. The whole world would be mad at her, because of how misunderstood she is, not me. But women don't want that obviously. But according to everyone, that's all wrong. Thanks for the advice.
ETA: i know how she was feeling, I could see it on her face, when she would blush, smile, laugh...
Creepy.
Actually, from a physiological and biochemical perspective.. We accept stimuli from our 5 senses. Our mind processes the world around us. This triggers a biochemical process. Like baking a cake, there is a recipe. There is a biochemical order in which things are triggered which produce happiness/fear/anger/anxiety and all of our emotions. Our physiology reacts to our internal/mental processes. This is why people smile when they're happy, they can't control it. There is an output with our physiology based on our mental processes. Someone can say "I am mad" even if they're happy, someone can say "I am happy" when they're mad...
If someone is going through a full blown rage, are you going to say "they are happy?" according to some people on the forum, to say someone is happy when they're in this rage, is "creepy"! and we never know how someone feels. makes sense....
And yet for all that you claim to know her, to the point that you disregard what she's telling you she's feeling in favor of what you think you see, you couldn't seem to get the hint that she didn't care for you that way and are still bemoaning how she shallowly did this and that.
I do understand what you're saying. The problem is she never told me anything. The most she has ever told me is 'i don't know what i wan't right now." That's not a no, and it's not a yes. But her flirting with me, wanting to hang around me all the time, coming over all the time, agreeing to a v-day date with me, asking question about our relationship if we got in to one etc... oh the v-day date she accepted 2x. Something happened, and we called it off, then things where okay then i asked again and she agreed again...
Bottom line is a meaningful relationship is mostly based on how you feel. If someone makes you happy, and you make them happy. Someone you can be happy with and have fun with as you both grow together. She made me happy, and I made her happy, she always had a great time with me. But what was the problem?? The guy she "Jumped" in to a relationship had a 6 pack, yet he was verbally and mentally abusive towards her. Tell me that's now shallow. That's what women want, and money as evident in the video i posted(there are many videos like that as well). It's a very common theme, we all know this.
I always felt best friends are what can make the best relationships, and she was my best friend...
I'll say it too, "creepy" i need to say it to follow the crowd to fit in..
It's not shallow.
It IS however very telling that you think the only reason she choose that other guy is because he had a six pack and not any number of potentially awesome traits. It seems to me you're picking this one thing, deciding that must be it, and thus she is shallow.
Don't forget he also treated her badly.
Frankly, judging by your attitude towards her, you were definitely not the better choice.0 -
myfelinepal wrote: »A few months go by i got over it. We became friends again, closer then ever. They broke up(NO SURPRISE THERE), a few months go by we where drinking i brought up the relationship thing again,she said "idk why i didn't give you a chance" i said "what about now?" she's like, "idk what i want." i said, "only one way to find out, let me kiss you", she said "if i kiss you it's because i want to, not right now, i don't feel it now.", but the dynamics of our relationship changed we where flirting and it looked like things where going. I was to happen. One day we wher flirtign i was caressing her face and hair. She said, "i am not used to this, it's flattering. It's nice" (she never been with a guy who truly appreciated her.)
Wow.
This is the creepiest paragraph I've ever read on MFP.
creepy: causing an unpleasant feeling of fear or unease.
False...
And just to inform you, the dynamics of courtship have changed in this day in age.
So, you feel you can judge what others are feeling?
That is a major part of your problem.
Feelings are personal and subjective to the person. You don't get to tell them what they're feeling.
I also found your post and described actions creepy and that's from your own viewpoint. I dread to think how the girl is feeling.
Because of the kiss? All that stuff happened the same day. As I said, if it was such a problem, She wouldn't have woken me up to an invite to the city... Should i have just grabbed her and kissed her and possibly violated her? That would have been better? And honestly, i told her later, "i don't really care if i kiss you, i was just flirting with you." I honestly don't care if i did. It was more to test the water if anything.
But i guess i should just have used her like other guys have, mentally abuse her and emotionally. Cheated on her like 4x like her ex did, and start arguing with her like the other guy she dated. Is that what you're recommending?
Yet i been there for her through thick and thin, When you really care for someone they can do no wrong in your eyes. That's how she was to me, she did no wrong in my eyes. The whole world would be mad at her, because of how misunderstood she is, not me. But women don't want that obviously. But according to everyone, that's all wrong. Thanks for the advice.
ETA: i know how she was feeling, I could see it on her face, when she would blush, smile, laugh...
Creepy.
Actually, from a physiological and biochemical perspective.. We accept stimuli from our 5 senses. Our mind processes the world around us. This triggers a biochemical process. Like baking a cake, there is a recipe. There is a biochemical order in which things are triggered which produce happiness/fear/anger/anxiety and all of our emotions. Our physiology reacts to our internal/mental processes. This is why people smile when they're happy, they can't control it. There is an output with our physiology based on our mental processes. Someone can say "I am mad" even if they're happy, someone can say "I am happy" when they're mad...
If someone is going through a full blown rage, are you going to say "they are happy?" according to some people on the forum, to say someone is happy when they're in this rage, is "creepy"! and we never know how someone feels. makes sense....
And yet for all that you claim to know her, to the point that you disregard what she's telling you she's feeling in favor of what you think you see, you couldn't seem to get the hint that she didn't care for you that way and are still bemoaning how she shallowly did this and that.
I do understand what you're saying. The problem is she never told me anything. The most she has ever told me is 'i don't know what i wan't right now." That's not a no, and it's not a yes. But her flirting with me, wanting to hang around me all the time, coming over all the time, agreeing to a v-day date with me, asking question about our relationship if we got in to one etc... oh the v-day date she accepted 2x. Something happened, and we called it off, then things where okay then i asked again and she agreed again...
Bottom line is a meaningful relationship is mostly based on how you feel. If someone makes you happy, and you make them happy. Someone you can be happy with and have fun with as you both grow together. She made me happy, and I made her happy, she always had a great time with me. But what was the problem?? The guy she "Jumped" in to a relationship had a 6 pack, yet he was verbally and mentally abusive towards her. Tell me that's now shallow. That's what women want, and money as evident in the video i posted(there are many videos like that as well). It's a very common theme, we all know this.
I always felt best friends are what can make the best relationships, and she was my best friend...
I'll say it too, "creepy" i need to say it to follow the crowd to fit in..
It's not shallow.
It IS however very telling that you think the only reason she choose that other guy is because he had a six pack and not any number of potentially awesome traits. It seems to me you're picking this one thing, deciding that must be it, and thus she is shallow.
Don't forget he also treated her badly.
But you would still date her as a FAVOUR to her, after all you are the only person who would ever put up with her (right?).
You know that's manipulation right there.0 -
@RedArizona5 Your reference to God is a healthy one! Like it!!0
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myfelinepal wrote: »A few months go by i got over it. We became friends again, closer then ever. They broke up(NO SURPRISE THERE), a few months go by we where drinking i brought up the relationship thing again,she said "idk why i didn't give you a chance" i said "what about now?" she's like, "idk what i want." i said, "only one way to find out, let me kiss you", she said "if i kiss you it's because i want to, not right now, i don't feel it now.", but the dynamics of our relationship changed we where flirting and it looked like things where going. I was to happen. One day we wher flirtign i was caressing her face and hair. She said, "i am not used to this, it's flattering. It's nice" (she never been with a guy who truly appreciated her.)
Wow.
This is the creepiest paragraph I've ever read on MFP.
creepy: causing an unpleasant feeling of fear or unease.
False...
And just to inform you, the dynamics of courtship have changed in this day in age.
So, you feel you can judge what others are feeling?
That is a major part of your problem.
Feelings are personal and subjective to the person. You don't get to tell them what they're feeling.
I also found your post and described actions creepy and that's from your own viewpoint. I dread to think how the girl is feeling.
Because of the kiss? All that stuff happened the same day. As I said, if it was such a problem, She wouldn't have woken me up to an invite to the city... Should i have just grabbed her and kissed her and possibly violated her? That would have been better? And honestly, i told her later, "i don't really care if i kiss you, i was just flirting with you." I honestly don't care if i did. It was more to test the water if anything.
But i guess i should just have used her like other guys have, mentally abuse her and emotionally. Cheated on her like 4x like her ex did, and start arguing with her like the other guy she dated. Is that what you're recommending?
Yet i been there for her through thick and thin, When you really care for someone they can do no wrong in your eyes. That's how she was to me, she did no wrong in my eyes. The whole world would be mad at her, because of how misunderstood she is, not me. But women don't want that obviously. But according to everyone, that's all wrong. Thanks for the advice.
ETA: i know how she was feeling, I could see it on her face, when she would blush, smile, laugh...
Creepy.
Actually, from a physiological and biochemical perspective.. We accept stimuli from our 5 senses. Our mind processes the world around us. This triggers a biochemical process. Like baking a cake, there is a recipe. There is a biochemical order in which things are triggered which produce happiness/fear/anger/anxiety and all of our emotions. Our physiology reacts to our internal/mental processes. This is why people smile when they're happy, they can't control it. There is an output with our physiology based on our mental processes. Someone can say "I am mad" even if they're happy, someone can say "I am happy" when they're mad...
If someone is going through a full blown rage, are you going to say "they are happy?" according to some people on the forum, to say someone is happy when they're in this rage, is "creepy"! and we never know how someone feels. makes sense....
And yet for all that you claim to know her, to the point that you disregard what she's telling you she's feeling in favor of what you think you see, you couldn't seem to get the hint that she didn't care for you that way and are still bemoaning how she shallowly did this and that.
I do understand what you're saying. The problem is she never told me anything. The most she has ever told me is 'i don't know what i wan't right now." That's not a no, and it's not a yes. But her flirting with me, wanting to hang around me all the time, coming over all the time, agreeing to a v-day date with me, asking question about our relationship if we got in to one etc... oh the v-day date she accepted 2x. Something happened, and we called it off, then things where okay then i asked again and she agreed again...
Bottom line is a meaningful relationship is mostly based on how you feel. If someone makes you happy, and you make them happy. Someone you can be happy with and have fun with as you both grow together. She made me happy, and I made her happy, she always had a great time with me. But what was the problem?? The guy she "Jumped" in to a relationship had a 6 pack, yet he was verbally and mentally abusive towards her. Tell me that's now shallow. That's what women want, and money as evident in the video i posted(there are many videos like that as well). It's a very common theme, we all know this.
I always felt best friends are what can make the best relationships, and she was my best friend...
I'll say it too, "creepy" i need to say it to follow the crowd to fit in..
It's not shallow.
It IS however very telling that you think the only reason she choose that other guy is because he had a six pack and not any number of potentially awesome traits. It seems to me you're picking this one thing, deciding that must be it, and thus she is shallow.
Don't forget he also treated her badly.
It's not like she knew he was a jerk when she started dating him sooo...0 -
Why do you dwell on this to the point of writing lengthy paragraphs to strangers on the internet? Your main complaint is that (through "false signals") she doesn't care about you the way she "should," so why not just let it go as well? Especially when the OP has issues of their own that we're supposed to be supporting her with? I mean, really.0
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jimrichardson00 wrote: »
also, Pu_239 has a naked woman in a bath as one of his profile pics?
I wouldn't be surprised to find she's wearing manacles attached to the pipes.
I'll be waiting for my warning mods0 -
DO I? LOOK CLOSER... those aren't breast, those are elbowssssssss.jimrichardson00 wrote: »
also, Pu_239 has a naked woman in a bath as one of his profile pics?
What? So you think she's got jeans and a tee-shirt on?0 -
Everyone keeps playing ping pong with Pu_239.
Can't we get back to discussing the married Roman who's a wannabe singer who's never worked a day in his life yet has the cash to pay 4 prostitutes to get tag teamed by him and his little friends?
How often do we get a chance like this?
I mean...I watch a lot of Maury. So.0 -
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Everyone keeps playing ping pong with Pu_239.
Can't we get back to discussing the married Roman who's a wannabe singer who's never worked a day in his life yet has the cash to pay 4 prostitutes to get tag teamed by him and his little friends?
How often do we get a chance like this?
Nah Pu_239 wanting to have sex with a woman that is his friend is way worse. Guys wanting to have sex with their female friends NEVER happens.
I mean come on it was only 4 hookers, its hard to get mad at anything under a full on 10 hooker orgy. You know in Europe that's just how men cope when a wife's family member gets sick. That is why their health care over there is so good, with no jobs and having to throw crazy sex parties all the time, all the guys would be flat broke if people didn't stay healthy. I mean this is just normal every day stuff and very common.
Now a single guy wanting to hook up with one of his female friends. Come on that is crazy and it is sick!
Don't worry Pu_239 there is still hope for you, just quit your job right now! We will get you some singing lessons and fly you out to Italy.0 -
Wow. How mean. Why even bother to respond to her post, if you aren't being supportive? I think it makes perfect sense. She's looking for someone who has been through something similar so that she can figure out how to get through this. It's a smart thing to do and understandable that she may not know a ton of people that this has happened to.
Pick yourself up girl! You're on the right track! Keep seeking happiness, and you WILL find it.0 -
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CrusaderSam wrote: »Everyone keeps playing ping pong with Pu_239.
Can't we get back to discussing the married Roman who's a wannabe singer who's never worked a day in his life yet has the cash to pay 4 prostitutes to get tag teamed by him and his little friends?
How often do we get a chance like this?
Nah Pu_239 wanting to have sex with a woman that is his friend is way worse. Guys wanting to have sex with their female friends NEVER happens.
I mean come on it was only 4 hookers, its hard to get mad at anything under a full on 10 hooker orgy. You know in Europe that's just how men cope when a wife's family member gets sick. That is why their health care over there is so good, with no jobs and having to throw crazy sex parties all the time, all the guys would be flat broke if people didn't stay healthy. I mean this is just normal every day stuff and very common.
Now a single guy wanting to hook up with one of his female friends. Come on that is crazy and it is sick!
Don't worry Pu_239 there is still hope for you, just quit your job right now! We will get you some singing lessons and fly you out to Italy.
I like to think I can multitask well enough to express sympathy for the OP, *kitten* creepiness where I see it, and raid heal.
I do understand not everyone is so gifted.0 -
CrusaderSam wrote: »Everyone keeps playing ping pong with Pu_239.
Can't we get back to discussing the married Roman who's a wannabe singer who's never worked a day in his life yet has the cash to pay 4 prostitutes to get tag teamed by him and his little friends?
How often do we get a chance like this?
Nah Pu_239 wanting to have sex with a woman that is his friend is way worse. Guys wanting to have sex with their female friends NEVER happens.
I mean come on it was only 4 hookers, its hard to get mad at anything under a full on 10 hooker orgy. You know in Europe that's just how men cope when a wife's family member gets sick. That is why their health care over there is so good, with no jobs and having to throw crazy sex parties all the time, all the guys would be flat broke if people didn't stay healthy. I mean this is just normal every day stuff and very common.
Now a single guy wanting to hook up with one of his female friends. Come on that is crazy and it is sick!
Don't worry Pu_239 there is still hope for you, just quit your job right now! We will get you some singing lessons and fly you out to Italy.
I like to think I can multitask well enough to express sympathy for the OP, *kitten* creepiness where I see it, and raid heal.
I do understand not everyone is so gifted.
I like to think a lot of things too, but it doesn't make any of them true just because I think them. Myself and a lot of others are not as gifted as you, that is true.0 -
CrusaderSam wrote: »CrusaderSam wrote: »Everyone keeps playing ping pong with Pu_239.
Can't we get back to discussing the married Roman who's a wannabe singer who's never worked a day in his life yet has the cash to pay 4 prostitutes to get tag teamed by him and his little friends?
How often do we get a chance like this?
Nah Pu_239 wanting to have sex with a woman that is his friend is way worse. Guys wanting to have sex with their female friends NEVER happens.
I mean come on it was only 4 hookers, its hard to get mad at anything under a full on 10 hooker orgy. You know in Europe that's just how men cope when a wife's family member gets sick. That is why their health care over there is so good, with no jobs and having to throw crazy sex parties all the time, all the guys would be flat broke if people didn't stay healthy. I mean this is just normal every day stuff and very common.
Now a single guy wanting to hook up with one of his female friends. Come on that is crazy and it is sick!
Don't worry Pu_239 there is still hope for you, just quit your job right now! We will get you some singing lessons and fly you out to Italy.
I like to think I can multitask well enough to express sympathy for the OP, *kitten* creepiness where I see it, and raid heal.
I do understand not everyone is so gifted.
I like to think a lot of things too, but it doesn't make any of them true just because I think them. Myself and a lot of others are not as gifted as you, that is true.
Thankfully all the things I think I can do are true. I expressed my sympathy for the OP, identified creepiness, and raid healed all at the same time. Wasn't even hard.0 -
Everyone keeps playing ping pong with Pu_239.
Can't we get back to discussing the married Roman who's a wannabe singer who's never worked a day in his life yet has the cash to pay 4 prostitutes to get tag teamed by him and his little friends?
How often do we get a chance like this?
Old money, huh? So the OP's got a payday coming, then? She better not have signed a "I can get away with schtupping four hookers when you're out of the country" prenup...
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This discussion has been closed.
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