Skip to content
  • Register

    • My husband cheated on me...

    135678

    Replies

    • Posts: 730 Member
      Look, @Pu_239‌, has it occurred to you that regardless whether she is broken or not, you definitely are if you go into this kind of dynamics in a relationship? If you're afraid to approach a woman directly, and then you try to get closer to her as a friend, practically push her into being half-intimate with you (judging from your long description above), keep pressing her until she finally says it feels weird and uncomfortable and then you storm away?

      I had a guy do that to me once, I still give him the benefit of the doubt that he wasn't one of the sleazy jerks who do this to women habitually but was just broken, confused and insecure, like you sound in this story. I hope he went on to know himself better, get more confident in himself which is a prerequisite for true friendship and generosity, let alone love. I hope you resolve your issues too. There is a reason you go after this vulnerable girl, and that is probably that you're vulnerable and confused yourself ( I am doing you the credit of assuming you're not being just a predator instead). Sort it out. Get on with life. She is not your crutch and you cannot be hers.

      As long as you convince yourself that the FZ exists and women like jerks and you are oh so nice, you will get the kind of reaction you got here earlier.

      Sorry for getting on the hi-jacked train...
    • Posts: 204 Member
      Pu_239 wrote: »
      Since a few people replied to my comment. I'll address them all here...

      No woman owes you (or any other person) a romantic and/or sexual relationship because you've treated her with decency and kindness. If she's truly your friend, that should be a given. You don't get a cookie because you're nice to her.

      There may be plenty of reasons why she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you personally; not the least of which could be that she senses you're only supporting her in the hope that she'll eventually be your girlfriend, not because you actually care about her as a human being. Honestly there are passive-aggressive red flags all over your two posts, the kind that I warn my teenage daughter about constantly when it comes to boys.
    • Posts: 204 Member
      emdeesea wrote: »
      show previous quotes

      Well that's not really for you to say, is it? And the point is, it doesn't matter. If she's not interested, playing pushover and doing nice things for her is not going to make her come around. Women are not like vending machines, where you do nice things for her and she gives you sex in return. In a lot of "nice guy" cases, 'niceness' tends to go along with insecurity, lack of assertiveness, and manipulative behavior.

      You know what women do appreciate? SELF-confidence. And in your case, the self-confidence to walk away from her. Because being a pushover puppy dog hoping for any scrap of attention is definitely not attractive.

      Sorry... didn't mean to derail the original topic.

      I should have read this response first, it lays things out much better than mine did.

      And yes, apologies for derailing the original topic. The whole "nice guy" thing is a huge sore point for me.

    • Posts: 730 Member
      edited March 2015
      Pu_239 wrote: »
      I just don't get where "sleazy" and "habitually" comes from.

      From the fact that there are guys who do this habitually and that makes them seem super-sleazy. I tried to make it very clear that I am not applying that label to you, I apologize if it came across that way.

      Edited to keep it to the minimum and not perpetuate the high-jacking.
    • Posts: 281 Member
      Wow. What a complete jerk. I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I know the pain of being cheated on, but an ORGY WITH PROSTITUTES? I can't imagine.
    • Posts: 1,938 Member
      Hopefully, OP has read this thread and gotten the following messages:

      1) Wow, some guys are just DOUCHES, and there is nothing anyone can do to change that.
      2) Some people are empathetic and cool and I can spend ALL OF MY TIME with them if I so choose.
      3) I've been partnered with a #1 person. I can move on and be with #2 type (by this list, not the joke #2!) and live a happy, healthy life.

      Seriously, OP. It's not you, it's him. You are well shot of that jerk. Go forth and find friends worthy of you. Maybe someday, if you so choose (and totally cool if you don't choose), a new partner good enough for you.


      Let current loser's *kitten* fry.
    • Posts: 9,532 Member
      Pu_239 wrote: »
      A few months go by i got over it. We became friends again, closer then ever. They broke up(NO SURPRISE THERE), a few months go by we where drinking i brought up the relationship thing again,she said "idk why i didn't give you a chance" i said "what about now?" she's like, "idk what i want." i said, "only one way to find out, let me kiss you", she said "if i kiss you it's because i want to, not right now, i don't feel it now.", but the dynamics of our relationship changed we where flirting and it looked like things where going. I was to happen. One day we wher flirtign i was caressing her face and hair. She said, "i am not used to this, it's flattering. It's nice" (she never been with a guy who truly appreciated her.)

      Wow.

      This is the creepiest paragraph I've ever read on MFP.

    • Posts: 4,252 Member
      Pu_239 wrote: »
      show previous quotes
      She said so herself... i am just telling the op, not to hold gruges against men, and next time try to get to know the person more...

      No matter how much you think you know a person, you never truly do. It's naive of you to think so.
    • Posts: 12,209 Member
      PrizePopple wrote: »
      show previous quotes

      Quite the opposite actually, you're not exhibiting signs of caring and compassion. You're showing signs of being childish, egotistical, and frankly I'm going to bet you're also a bit controlling and manipulative - because your posts are giving me the "I am never wrong" vibe. You have managed to turn yourself into a victim in your own mind, and subsequently hijacked a thread of a woman who needs support, because you have issues bigger than the Grand Canyon. Seriously just stop. For the OP, and for everyone else who is having to read your drivel, SHUT UP.

      I honestly can't see any other guy putting up with her and being able to handle her.

      This is the bit that proves that you don't deserve to be able to handle her.
    • Posts: 12,545 Member
      Sorry to hear this OP. It will take time, I'm sure, but one day you'll get up and be able to get past this.



      On the other stuff...well. Nice guys be all "chicks are shallow and awful; they only like dbags!"

      And chicks be like "If that was true girls would like you "
    • Posts: 34,971 Member
      Daiako wrote: »
      Sorry to hear this OP. It will take time, I'm sure, but one day you'll get up and be able to get past this.



      On the other stuff...well. Nice guys be all "chicks are shallow and awful; they only like dbags!"

      And chicks be like "If that was true girls would like you "

      giphy.gif
    • Posts: 13,000 Member
      Pu_239 wrote: »
      show previous quotes

      creepy: causing an unpleasant feeling of fear or unease.

      False...

      And just to inform you, the dynamics of courtship have changed in this day in age.

      So, you feel you can judge what others are feeling?

      That is a major part of your problem.

      Feelings are personal and subjective to the person. You don't get to tell them what they're feeling.

      I also found your post and described actions creepy and that's from your own viewpoint. I dread to think how the girl is feeling.
    • Posts: 9,532 Member
      Pu_239 wrote: »
      show previous quotes

      creepy: causing an unpleasant feeling of fear or unease.

      False...

      And just to inform you, the dynamics of courtship have changed in this day in age.

      What you're doing isn't courtship from any age.

      It's just creepy.
    • Posts: 174 Member
      gia07 wrote: »
      Too personal for me...Not to be blunt (really...)

      But why come to strangers in cyber space to spill your personal drama? Don't get it... must be my age

      Wondering why, if this topic is too personal and inappropriate, that you would click on and read a topic titled "My husband cheated on me." Sounds like you want to read the gossip but don't care about the person posting it.

      Do we need all of the included details? Probably not. But people get to where they are in their health and eating habits for various reasons and we need to be supportive of that.

      I guess my main point is, if someone's story is going to be too personal for you, perhaps you shouldn't click on the post with a personal title. If you are gonna snoop anyway, try keeping your opinion to yourself.
    • Posts: 9,532 Member
      edited March 2015
      Pu_239 wrote: »
      But i guess i should just have used her like other guys have...

      You *did* use her.

      The fact that you don't have any conception of that is a big part of what makes the story creepy.

      ETA: i know how she was feeling,

      No, you don't.

      If you did you wouldn't be doing the things you're doing and saying the things you're saying.

    • Posts: 12,545 Member
      Pu_239 wrote: »
      show previous quotes


      Because of the kiss? All that stuff happened the same day. As I said, if it was such a problem, She wouldn't have woken me up to an invite to the city... Should i have just grabbed her and kissed her and possibly violated her? That would have been better? And honestly, i told her later, "i don't really care if i kiss you, i was just flirting with you." I honestly don't care if i did. It was more to test the water if anything.

      But i guess i should just have used her like other guys have, mentally abuse her and emotionally. Cheated on her like 4x like her ex did, and start arguing with her like the other guy she dated. Is that what you're recommending?

      Yet i been there for her through thick and thin, When you really care for someone they can do no wrong in your eyes. That's how she was to me, she did no wrong in my eyes. The whole world would be mad at her, because of how misunderstood she is, not me. But women don't want that obviously. But according to everyone, that's all wrong. Thanks for the advice.

      ETA: i know how she was feeling, I could see it on her face, when she would blush, smile, laugh...

      Creepy.
    • Posts: 34,971 Member
      Daiako wrote: »
      show previous quotes

      Creepy.

      That right there (the bolded and the entire sentence) reminds me of something from Criminal Minds.
    • Posts: 1,823 Member
      edited March 2015
      I like this article about "nice guys."

      http://www.heartless-*kitten*.com/rants/niceguys/niceguys.shtml

      (oh for god's sake you can't type BrITCHES - without the R - whatever)

      Anyway - "Another mistake Nice Guys make is to go after "hard luck" cases. They deliberately pick women with neuroses, problems, and personality disorders, because Nice Guys are "helpers". A Nice Guy thinks that by "helping" this woman, it will make him a better, more lovable person. He thinks it will give him a sense of accomplishment, and that she will appreciate and love him more, for all his efforts and sacrifice. He is usually disappointed by the results."



    • Posts: 12,209 Member
      PikaKnight wrote: »
      show previous quotes

      That right there (the bolded and the entire sentence) reminds me of something from Criminal Minds.

      But... but... he's the only person who can handle her.
    • Posts: 22,511 Member
      nz_deevaa wrote: »
      show previous quotes

      But... but... he's the only person who can handle her.

      I love her so much! If only that stupid flaky btch would realize it!!!!


      So. Very. Creepy.
    • Posts: 27,167 Member
      1583648_orig.gif
    • Posts: 27,167 Member
      3dogsrunning wrote: »
      1583648_orig.gif

      And for the record, while the gif may be "so 2010", I don't get creeped out easily.
    • Posts: 22,511 Member
      Pu_239 wrote: »
      show previous quotes

      Actually, from a physiological and biochemical perspective.. We accept stimuli from our 5 senses. Our mind processes the world around us. This triggers a biochemical process. Like baking a cake, there is a recipe. There is a biochemical order in which things are triggered which produce happiness/fear/anger/anxiety and all of our emotions. Our physiology reacts to our internal/mental processes. This is why people smile when they're happy, they can't control it. There is an output with our physiology based on our mental processes. Someone can say "I am mad" even if they're happy, someone can say "I am happy" when they're mad...

      If someone is going through a full blown rage, are you going to say "they are happy?" according to some people on the forum, to say someone is happy when they're in this rage, is "creepy"! and we never know how someone feels. makes sense....

      That's a lot of words to say "I'm being creepy"
    • Posts: 3,133 Member
      Pu_239 wrote: »
      show previous quotes

      I don't get it...how did I use her?

      Well the remainder of us get it. The fact that you are unaware of what is wrong is very telling. It's also creepy as hell.
    • Posts: 34,415 Member
      But i won't be replying to this thread anymore for respect out of the OP.
    • Posts: 16,356 Member
      edited March 2015
      Pu_239 wrote: »
      show previous quotes

      Actually, from a physiological and biochemical perspective.. We accept stimuli from our 5 senses. Our mind processes the world around us. This triggers a biochemical process. Like baking a cake, there is a recipe. There is a biochemical order in which things are triggered which produce happiness/fear/anger/anxiety and all of our emotions. Our physiology reacts to our internal/mental processes. This is why people smile when they're happy, they can't control it. There is an output with our physiology based on our mental processes. Someone can say "I am mad" even if they're happy, someone can say "I am happy" when they're mad...

      If someone is going through a full blown rage, are you going to say "they are happy?" according to some people on the forum, to say someone is happy when they're in this rage, is "creepy"! and we never know how someone feels. makes sense....

      So how many restraining orders are active against you right now? Lemme guess, they just couldn't see how good you were for them and they just couldnt overcome their shallowness in order to see it.
    • Posts: 12,545 Member
      Pu_239 wrote: »
      show previous quotes

      Actually, from a physiological and biochemical perspective.. We accept stimuli from our 5 senses. Our mind processes the world around us. This triggers a biochemical process. Like baking a cake, there is a recipe. There is a biochemical order in which things are triggered which produce happiness/fear/anger/anxiety and all of our emotions. Our physiology reacts to our internal/mental processes. This is why people smile when they're happy, they can't control it. There is an output with our physiology based on our mental processes. Someone can say "I am mad" even if they're happy, someone can say "I am happy" when they're mad...

      If someone is going through a full blown rage, are you going to say "they are happy?" according to some people on the forum, to say someone is happy when they're in this rage, is "creepy"! and we never know how someone feels. makes sense....

      And yet for all that you claim to know her, to the point that you disregard what she's telling you she's feeling in favor of what you think you see, you couldn't seem to get the hint that she didn't care for you that way and are still bemoaning how she shallowly did this and that.
    • Posts: 9,083 Member
      edited March 2015
      Pu_239 wrote: »
      show previous quotes

      Actually, from a physiological and biochemical perspective.. We accept stimuli from our 5 senses. Our mind processes the world around us. This triggers a biochemical process. Like baking a cake, there is a recipe. There is a biochemical order in which things are triggered which produce happiness/fear/anger/anxiety and all of our emotions. Our physiology reacts to our internal/mental processes. This is why people smile when they're happy, they can't control it. There is an output with our physiology based on our mental processes. Someone can say "I am mad" even if they're happy, someone can say "I am happy" when they're mad...

      If someone is going through a full blown rage, are you going to say "they are happy?" according to some people on the forum, to say someone is happy when they're in this rage, is "creepy"! and we never know how someone feels. makes sense....

      Whelp, and that's a wrap.

      I had always gotten a bit of a weird creeper vibe from you, just bits and pieces. There were hints of delusional thoughts. This thread here, it's made everything pretty clear. So, now we know.

    • Posts: 4,535 Member
      Pu_239 wrote: »
      I'd also like to add, anyone can say anything. I can sit here and say "you're weird and make no sense" just how people can say "it's creepy" with out any explanation, it means nothing..

      I was in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship. You're throwing up many, many red flags and triggers for me. Your behavior, this victim mentality, this inability to let this girl be who she is (instead of who you think she is), this obsession years later - it's really scary behavior.
    • Posts: 13,000 Member
      Pu_239 wrote: »
      show previous quotes

      Actually, from a physiological and biochemical perspective.. We accept stimuli from our 5 senses. Our mind processes the world around us. This triggers a biochemical process. Like baking a cake, there is a recipe. There is a biochemical order in which things are triggered which produce happiness/fear/anger/anxiety and all of our emotions. Our physiology reacts to our internal/mental processes. This is why people smile when they're happy, they can't control it. There is an output with our physiology based on our mental processes. Someone can say "I am mad" even if they're happy, someone can say "I am happy" when they're mad...

      If someone is going through a full blown rage, are you going to say "they are happy?" according to some people on the forum, to say someone is happy when they're in this rage, is "creepy"! and we never know how someone feels. makes sense....

      So said every rapist since the beginning of time.
    This discussion has been closed.

    Welcome!

    It looks like you're new here. Sign in or register to get started.
    Sign In
    Register

    Quick Links

    Categories