Absence Before Marriage

ldrosophila

I think my point was missed. Let me rephrase. I have a friend who is an awesome guy! Love him dearly! He started dating a mutual friend he had been crushing on for years. In the heat of the moment and due to his emotions and nervousness, he misfired. That was the end of the relationship and friendship. She wasn't committed in any way to try again.

Jeeze if I got rid of every guy that misfired I'd be one lonely woman. I think they all do that quick draw mcgraws. I usually give them 10 minutes to recoup and impress me. Most dont disappoint on the 2nd time and by the 3rd you know youre in for all night.

If you can hold out on your sexual desires then I think abstinence is a beautiful thing! I know couples that have been able to go up until the wedding night, and they were always satisfied and happy they waited. Unfortunately, it's usually one bite to the neck and ears for me and all my virtues goes out the door.

Timshel_

You mean the God who hates gays, thinks it's ok that priests diddle boys, the God who will smote people just for fun or because they were "bad"?

Man hate's, not God. Preist diddle, not God. Judging and depraivity are considered sins.

God also doesn't smite anyone, or (I believe) cause them ill. That is all part of free will, natural process, and the life cycle.

Thread will end up being locked soon anyway.

yuliyax

I don't understand abstinence at all, your virginity isn't a gift to give someone, it was treasured before because back then there was no DNA tests and wealthy men wanted to insure that the son that will inherit his wealth is ACTUALLY his.
Sex isn't a gift to give to man either, since both parties should be able to enjoy it equally if it is done right.
To all the men and women saying that they would date someone with "too many miles on them", shame on you. How does respecting someone correlates with how many ****s you had in you?!
Also abstinence is the most ridiculous form of contraception, use condoms
Educate yourselves and stop slut-shaming.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CCw2MzKjpoo

bio01979

I don't think that sex is morally wrong, and I feel sorry for people who do. I don't think that the meaning of life, if any, is that the person who denies themselves the most pleasure wins at the end.

I don't think sex before marriage is wrong either, but I also don't think there is anything sad for someone who does. Fact is, much of the drama and issues we have in the world is because people DON'T have enough self-control and won't deny themselves every pleasure they can get. Often times at the expense of of others or their own character.

But to each their own.

maybe the person who said that may have been referencing people who actually believe that sex is morally wrong. they might not have been saying that those that believe in waiting also believe it is morally wrong.

There are actually people that believe it is morally wrong and is only for procreation and should not be enjoyed married or not

nolachick

I don't think that sex is morally wrong, and I feel sorry for people who do. I don't think that the meaning of life, if any, is that the person who denies themselves the most pleasure wins at the end.

I don't think sex before marriage is wrong either, but I also don't think there is anything sad for someone who does. Fact is, much of the drama and issues we have in the world is because people DON'T have enough self-control and won't deny themselves every pleasure they can get. Often times at the expense of of others or their own character.

But to each their own.

maybe the person who said that may have been referencing people who actually believe that sex is morally wrong. they might not have been saying that those that believe in waiting also believe it is morally wrong.

There are actually people that believe it is morally wrong and is only for procreation and should not be enjoyed married or not

I think people are getting off track here. the question was:

"What people's thoughts were about abstinence from sex BEFORE marriage? "

ETA: no offense, just trying to bring people back to the original point of the thread. some people need to calm down. we are here to express our opinions not bash on other people for what they think.

LBNOakland

YaYY for you!! I think abstinence is a treasure for your spouse! I agree that sex is special. Those who want to try out their potential mate for compatibility don't have it quite right, IMO. Many things can happen physically to hamper a sexual experience. Yeast infections can cause numbness. Surgeries or other illnesses will causes changes in sensations or performance issues. As in every other area of your married life, sexual intimacy and maintaing that relationship takes work.

What if you think a guy is perfect then you sleep with him? he doesn't perform up to your standard. he could have had 1 too many drinks. He could have had a stressful day at work and been very tired. You break up because you aren't compatible. He could have been a stud but for that one night and you lost Mr. Perfect.

This may be reaching but my point is that 1 sexual experience cannot and should not define your whole relationship. Nothing worth having comes easy and that includes a good sex life. After 23 years of marriage, I can promise you, even there, it is for better or worse. Most of the time, it is wonderful. Sometimes, one of us is off our game. Work in progress!!

I agree that sex is special. But I don't think anyone here is saying that they would dump a person because the sex was bad once. I think assuming most people here are adults, no one would just toss someone to the side because the first time was not up to their standards. My fiance and I have sex. The first time was very sweet...but very awful. Neither of us knew what the hell we were doing. Obviously, practice makes perfect, so as we learned each others' bodies better, our sexual compatibility seemed a lot better. I think given that most people know these things, the idea of finding out if you are sexually compatible with someone is extremely important. As someone who has been married for 26 years, you should know that sex is important in a serious relationship.

That's my point. Sexual compatibility improves with TIME! It also ebbs and flows, just like passion and love and friendship. After 23 years of marriage, I passionately love my husband at times. i passionately hate him at times. I desire him at times. I hate the thought of him touching me at times. He is my best friend and a few days later, my worst enemy. Then, a few days after that, he is my best friend and lover again. Marriage, and everything that comes with it, is a commitment. If you are committed to one another, you are compatible in every way because you shoose to be in the relationship and with one another for the long haul, no matter what. You can't test drive committment. If you don't choose to committ to someone 100%, you won't be compatible anywhere. You will keep looking for the next better thing.

LBNOakland

I don't understand abstinence at all, your virginity isn't a gift to give someone, it was treasured before because back then there was no DNA tests and wealthy men wanted to insure that the son that will inherit his wealth is ACTUALLY his.
Sex isn't a gift to give to man either, since both parties should be able to enjoy it equally if it is done right.
To all the men and women saying that they would date someone with "too many miles on them", shame on you. How does respecting someone correlates with how many ****s you had in you?!
Also abstinence is the most ridiculous form of contraception, use condoms
Educate yourselves and stop slut-shaming.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CCw2MzKjpoo

100% fool proof is ridiculous?

CorvusCorax77

To clarify, I was more referring to those who chose to have sex with no real desire for commitment and marriage.
In essence, they're just using the other person to gratify a physical need rather than wanting to develop a true relationship which takes time, patience and mutual respect.

And what is wrong with satisfying our physical needs? If two peple have consensual sex for mere pleasure....what is wrong with that?

^this

Just because this is not how I personally go about it doesn't mean I see anything wrong with other people functioning that way. I don't get the judgy judginess. I do right by me, you do right by you. I hope we all find someone (or many someones) that we can share our lives with and be happy.

bio01979

To clarify, I was more referring to those who chose to have sex with no real desire for commitment and marriage.
In essence, they're just using the other person to gratify a physical need rather than wanting to develop a true relationship which takes time, patience and mutual respect.

And what is wrong with satisfying our physical needs? If two peple have consensual sex for mere pleasure....what is wrong with that?

^this

Just because this is not how I personally go about it doesn't mean I see anything wrong with other people functioning that way. I don't get the judgy judginess. I do right by me, you do right by you. I hope we all find someone (or many someones) that we can share our lives with and be happy.

this^

to each their own

something I tend to live my life by that has done me very well is "it's not better, it's not worse, it is just different"

bearkisses

why buy a car before you try it?

My partner and I have not led that life. However, we plan on being abstinent for a few days before the wedding!

SteelySunshine

I think that both the state and religions should stay out of people's sex lives, for the most part. We still need to protect children and animals from predators.

nope31

I think its certainly nice to not spoil an already spoiled existence of relationships.
If I could go back and do it over again I would.
It would be nice to share that experience w/another, teaching and learning.
Instead we are a society that lives on Instant Gratification and the Horse before the Cart sorta thing.

alehundrah

My thoughts? What you want to do with your body is your business
If you can't find someone that understands and appreciates your choices it's time to find someone else.

This!!! Everyone thinks differently and has different beliefs, ideas, etc, etc. If you feel that waiting is the right thing for you, then do it. And if your partner doensn't want to wait, then he's probably not the right guy for you. It's very important that you never do something that you are against and that you always stick to what you believe in.

alehundrah

I don't understand abstinence at all, your virginity isn't a gift to give someone, it was treasured before because back then there was no DNA tests and wealthy men wanted to insure that the son that will inherit his wealth is ACTUALLY his.
Sex isn't a gift to give to man either, since both parties should be able to enjoy it equally if it is done right.
To all the men and women saying that they would date someone with "too many miles on them", shame on you. How does respecting someone correlates with how many ****s you had in you?!
Also abstinence is the most ridiculous form of contraception, use condoms
Educate yourselves and stop slut-shaming.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CCw2MzKjpoo

You need to undestand that not everyone shares the same beliefs as you. Your way of thinking is great if it works for you but you shouldn't be belittling other people's opinions. If the OP feels that she wants to gift her husband her virginity, then that's her belief and her problem. Plus, just because there are DNA tests out there, that should not mean that a girl's virginity is not important. I know a lot of people that believe their virginity is a big thing. And just because she's a virgin doesn't mean she won't enjoy sex just as much as her partner will.And speaking of abstinence, most girls that refrain from sexual intercourse don't do it as a means of contraception. Most do it because they believe their virginity is IMPORTANT to them

Newfitme100

True. Got to be creative!

MelsAuntie

What really saddens me is that out of all these comments, I haven't seen but 1 or 2 that mention God and what He says about sex before marriage. God says that sex before marriage is fornication and fornication is an abomination.. I think if people would just get back to God's word and what He says about things like this then the world wouldn't be in the shape its in now. Not only when it comes to premarital sex but everything else too. If you really love someone and they really love you then both of you should be willing to wait for each other.

You mean the God who hates gays, thinks it's ok that priests diddle boys, the God who will smote people just for fun or because they were "bad"?

Yeah, that's a guy I want to listen to.

To the OP: If you choose to abstain from sex before you get married then that's your choice and the more power to you.

I personally would not (and did not).
[/quote



Agreed. And the supposed orders of some mythical god have no bearing at all on how I live my life.

walleyclan1

I think it is crazy to think that if you are not immediately sexually compatible, that all is lost. Throughout a relationship your individual sexual desires and drives will change. In a secure relationship based on love and trust, you should feel free to voice your needs and wants, including sexually. If you partner loves you and places importance on your pleasure, you should be able to grow into a happy, healthy, fulfilling sexual relationship, even if things don't start off wonderful. Communication, trust, and desire to please your partner should ultimately be able to overcome sexual incompatibility issues...even a small penis.

iulia_maddie

To each their own.
I personally wouldn't buy a vehicle without test driving it first, ifyaknowwhatimean.

SakuraRose13

Well for myself no, I have two daughters oldest was 10 months when my husband and I married and a few weeks later found out I was pregnant with our youngest daughter, of course Id know him for 7 yrs previously we had dated in highschool too I was 18 when we met Im 29 now ,hes my bestfriend always has been, but our story in an exception Id say, its not for everyone in a "perfect ideological world everyone would wait but reality is no. My mother told me what if you find out your not sexually compatible, my father said the same thing oddly, I kept that in mind , you can't go back after you are married and yes sex matters unless you enjoy being frustrated all the time.

Ill be married 2 yrs, June 25th very happily married I might add, I'm very lucky

wineplease

Also abstinence is the most ridiculous form of contraception, use condoms

Please educate me. One can get pregnant when abstaining from sex?