Absence Before Marriage
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^^^agree 1000000% kids are gonna do what they want to do regardless (doesnt mean you justify it) so why not at least help them be protected?? My mother put me on BC when I was 17 not because she was giving me permission to have sex but she knew that i was gonna do what i wanted anyway & she knew she didnt want to be a grandmother in her early 40's....
I don't buy in to this mentality. I know my children will probably drink before they're 21, but I"m not going to provide them alcohol in my home just to keep them safe and off the road. Just because we think kids are going to do something anyway, does not mean we should assist in helping them.
it is called harm reduction.
Your analogy is void!
You wouldn't be giving them alcohol, but you would let them drink in your home to prevent them from crashing their car, from making stupid decisions that could get them or someone else killed.
Just like you wouldn't be giving them sex, but giving them the appropriate tools to make their own decisions and to keep them safe.0 -
I'm finding a lot of disrespectful comments to people's beliefs on this thread. All of you who are engaged in attacking should be ashamed. Your beliefs no one has the right to make you defend them. I would refrain from commenting further.
I was about to attack, and then chose not to. There is just something about religion that is hateful...and easy to give people the jitters.0 -
I believe it is admirable to be " pure" going into marriage ....today's world puts a lot of pressure on people to be sexy and condone multiple partners prior to marriage . Honeslty it is a bit awkward to share partners with your soon to be hubby ....so even to save a little face , its beneficial ! It is all your choice , in my opinion it is something to be PROUD of , something you will look back on and most likely NOT regret
I preach this to my teen daughters all the time !! Your body is a temple , treat it as one , people who want to pass you up because your not open to the public ...so be it, your temple is open to VIP ONLY I say kudos to those who have the will to wait !!! I totally RESPECT that in a person ...love yourself enough to not have to put yourself aside for another's benefit , love is never one sided ....it is a PARTNERSHIP , always give one what they give you ....in simple terms ....you offering a purity, to someone who can only offer sex, is like diamonds and Cubi zirconia , they are both really nice but one is WAAAAAY more valuable !!
This! I love this...it's exactly how I feel. I am 25 and have been married for 5 years in September. I was with only one man, my husband...I did not wait...and I'm not telling the OP to wait until they are married. My faith does say you should wait but we are all human and when I had sex with him for the first time I knew we were in love and we were going to be together for a long time...turns out I was right...just make sure it is with someone you love and who loves you in return. 0 -
And isn't abstinence the best form of safety?it is called harm reduction.
False. I wouldn't allow either.You wouldn't be giving them alcohol, but you would let them drink in your home to prevent them from crashing.
Just like I wouldn't do this.Just like you wouldn't be giving them sex, but giving them the appropriate tools to make their own decisions and to keep them safe.0 -
If you know your child is having unprotected sex and you refuse to provide contraceptives because of your own personal religious belief, then yes it kind of does make you the worse parent. You don't have to like or approve of it -- but if your minor child is engaging in irresponsible behavior and you do nothing about it... yeah. Not good.
You're assuming that I am doing nothing but telling them to pray. I can tell them where and how they can get their own contraceptives without handing it to them. I can explain that I can't in good conscience provide it for them. Hopefully by the time this is even an issue, they've come to respect me for my beliefs and know it's because I love them and believe it's my job to raise them in a way I believe is pleasing to God.
You may think less of me as a parent, but my ultimate goal in life is to lead it the way I believe God would want me to. I get that not everyone is a Christian and feels this way, but this doesn't make me a "worse parent".
It does. What is most important to you, your child's well-being or sinning. Would you rather see your daughter, I don't know, give up college, be a burden to your family, raise a child while struggling to educate herself/hold down a job, or, I don't know, buy her a pack of condoms? I am trying to paint the bleakest picture I can.
What is most important to you? Would you deny your kid if they came to you?0 -
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YOU see something about religion that gives you jitters and makes you see hate. Do you not see the "hateful" comments in this thread by non-religious people? The thought of handing my 13 year old son a condom gives me the jitters.I was about to attack, and then chose not to. There is just something about religion that is hateful...and easy to give people the jitters.0 -
^^^agree 1000000% kids are gonna do what they want to do regardless (doesnt mean you justify it) so why not at least help them be protected?? My mother put me on BC when I was 17 not because she was giving me permission to have sex but she knew that i was gonna do what i wanted anyway & she knew she didnt want to be a grandmother in her early 40's....
I don't buy in to this mentality. I know my children will probably drink before they're 21, but I"m not going to provide them alcohol in my home just to keep them safe and off the road. Just because we think kids are going to do something anyway, does not mean we should assist in helping them.
so dont help them...just let them get pregnant right???0 -
And isn't abstinence the best form of safety?it is called harm reduction.
By this logic people should abstain from everything. There are all sorts of crazies on the subway....I should just stop taking it. I shouldn't run cause I MIGHT get arthritis in my knees. I should never say what I feel so that I never engage in diagreement. I should never even get into a relationship because I MIGHT get my heart broken.
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^^^agree 1000000% kids are gonna do what they want to do regardless (doesnt mean you justify it) so why not at least help them be protected?? My mother put me on BC when I was 17 not because she was giving me permission to have sex but she knew that i was gonna do what i wanted anyway & she knew she didnt want to be a grandmother in her early 40's....
I don't buy in to this mentality. I know my children will probably drink before they're 21, but I"m not going to provide them alcohol in my home just to keep them safe and off the road. Just because we think kids are going to do something anyway, does not mean we should assist in helping them.
so dont help them...just let them get pregnant right???
I'm not saying either is right or wrong but there are other ways to get condoms. Planned parenthood in my state gives them out like their candy. Not saying it's right or wrong here, I'm not a parent and until I'm in those shoes I won't know what I'll do...I have a good idea but I won't know0 -
YOU see something about religion that gives you jitters and makes you see hate. Do you not see the "hateful" comments in this thread by non-religious people? The thought of handing my 13 year old son a condom gives me the jitters.I was about to attack, and then chose not to. There is just something about religion that is hateful...and easy to give people the jitters.
How about the thought of holding his hand through birth classes.0 -
I'm finding a lot of disrespectful comments to people's beliefs on this thread. All of you who are engaged in attacking should be ashamed. Your beliefs no one has the right to make you defend them. I would refrain from commenting further.
I was about to attack, and then chose not to. There is just something about religion that is hateful...and easy to give people the jitters.
It may make you feel uncomfortable and thats fine, but I think many people find solace in their beliefs and religion. I just think it's wrong to call someone out on their beliefs or preferences because one does not agree. Although I dont really believe Joseph Smith read the world of God in a hat that doesnt mean I would ever argue with someone from the LDS to make them prove he was a prophet. In fact, the LDS has some beautiful tenants and some questionable, but I still respect them.0 -
I feel like someone setting the rules before marriage is gonna do the same after marriage. While the decision to sleep together should obviously be mutual, to arbitrarily decide what you as a couple will and won't do seems selfish.
How? I make no apologies- I refuse to be in a sexless relationship. I'm not saying it needs to be my way and on my schedule, but I see no reason to be in a relationship that denies a form of intimacy that I love.
I also acknowledge that there are forms of intimacy besides sex, and those are wonderful too.0 -
Maybe the little girl stealing make up in his story was Catholic...also pretty sure that Hitler was Roman Catholic and was also an alter boy so if the shoe fits.
[/quote]
You sure are augmentative.
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And isn't abstinence the best form of safety?it is called harm reduction.
By this logic people should abstain from everything. There are all sorts of crazies on the subway....I should just stop taking it. I shouldn't run cause I MIGHT get arthritis in my knees. I should never say what I feel so that I never engage in diagreement. I should never even get into a relationship because I MIGHT get my heart broken.
That would make sense, if every behavior had the exact same level of consequence. Sex and running lead to very different things.
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so dont help them...just let them get pregnant right???
Again, you believe that because I won't "help them get contraception" that I"d be the cause of the pregnancy. That's false. Their choice to have sex would be the cause. I've had conversations with my grown sons about this. They didn't need me to help them get contraception, and no one got anyone pregnant.0 -
Maybe the little girl stealing make up in his story was Catholic...also pretty sure that Hitler was Roman Catholic and was also an alter boy so if the shoe fits.
You sure are augmentative.
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I'm just saying, they probably made that saying because of the fact that they knew ahead of time that Hitler was raised Catholic. I'm not the one running all over this forum trying to educate people who already know what you're telling them 0 -
The "highest good" is my relationship with God and my eternal life and that of my children. Period.It does. What is most important to you, your child's well-being or sinning.
I would hate to see my daughter get pregnant, drop out of college, and struggle, but those are choices she made. If my greatest goal in life is to have eternal life with God, then every choice I make has to be one I believe will get me there. I would hope that the years I have with my children leading up to their decision to have sex, will give them the "tools" they need to handle the situation well.Would you rather see your daughter, I don't know, give up college, be a burden to your family, raise a child while struggling to educate herself/hold down a job, or, I don't know, buy her a pack of condoms?
Like I said, my children would never come to me for contraception. Three are grown and out of the house, and it was never an issue.Would you deny your kid if they came to you?
"If my greatest goal in life is to have eternal life with God, then every choice I make has to be one I believe will get me there"
regardless of the needs of your daughter. Damn.0 -
I'm finding a lot of disrespectful comments to people's beliefs on this thread. All of you who are engaged in attacking should be ashamed. Your beliefs no one has the right to make you defend them. I would refrain from commenting further.
I was about to attack, and then chose not to. There is just something about religion that is hateful...and easy to give people the jitters.
It may make you feel uncomfortable and thats fine, but I think many people find solace in their beliefs and religion. I just think it's wrong to call someone out on their beliefs or preferences because one does not agree. Although I dont really believe Joseph Smith read the world of God in a hat that doesnt mean I would ever argue with someone from the LDS to make them prove he was a prophet. In fact, the LDS has some beautiful tenants and some questionable, but I still respect them.
I never understood why it is ok to bash people who are religious. I don't think it is acceptable for people who follow a religion to bash/judge or hate others for any reason and I also think it is unnacceptable for those that are not religious to do the same
personally I am not religious, never will be - there are too many religious beliefs that I vehemently disagree with. But I don't think it is ok to ridicule or bash those that have religious beliefs - whatever they may be
so I am with you on this one 0 -
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regardless of the needs of your daughter. Damn.
The "need" for my daughter to have sex before marriage? That's not a need.
Take out that maternity cover, then.0 -
It's equally as bad to bash those who aren't religious. I don't really understand why we need to bash each other at all. I wish more people knew how to debate or discuss their differences without bashing, insulting, or claiming to be better than the other. If we focused more on our similarities, and less on our differences, we'd all be better off.I never understood why it is ok to bash people who are religious.0 -
I feel like someone setting the rules before marriage is gonna do the same after marriage. While the decision to sleep together should obviously be mutual, to arbitrarily decide what you as a couple will and won't do seems selfish.
I don't think OP is setting rules for the relationship, but for herself. I think that if she can do that and feels like her virginity is a special gift for her future husband, the man she eventually marries will most likely have the same thought process and that will be one of many things that would make them compatible. I wouldn't consider wanting to save yourself for marriage to be selfish.0 -
The "need" for my daughter to have sex before marriage? That's not a need.Take out that maternity cover, then.
Right, because every daughter whose parents don't provide her with contraception ends up pregnant.0 -
NVM figured out what was going on again 0
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I feel like someone setting the rules before marriage is gonna do the same after marriage. While the decision to sleep together should obviously be mutual, to arbitrarily decide what you as a couple will and won't do seems selfish.
How? I make no apologies- I refuse to be in a sexless relationship. I'm not saying it needs to be my way and on my schedule, but I see no reason to be in a relationship that denies a form of intimacy that I love.
I also acknowledge that there are forms of intimacy besides sex, and those are wonderful too.
I think we're on the same side here...if a person decides (on his or her own) to wait until marriage, then I wouldn't be surprised if they keep making arbitrary rules, without their partner's considerations, after marriage as well. First it's "no sex until marriage" and then eventually it's "only on Saturdays" or "only with the lights off" or "no kitchen appliances, please"...where does it end?0 -
The "need" for my daughter to have sex before marriage? That's not a need.Take out that maternity cover, then.
Right, because every daughter whose parents don't provide her with contraception ends up pregnant.
If my daughter asks for my signature I am not going to say no. Simples.0 -
I feel like someone setting the rules before marriage is gonna do the same after marriage. While the decision to sleep together should obviously be mutual, to arbitrarily decide what you as a couple will and won't do seems selfish.
I don't think OP is setting rules for the relationship, but for herself. I think that if she can do that and feels like her virginity is a special gift for her future husband, the man she eventually marries will most likely have the same thought process and that will be one of many things that would make them compatible. I wouldn't consider wanting to save yourself for marriage to be selfish.
Good explanation.0 -
And isn't abstinence the best form of safety?it is called harm reduction.
By this logic people should abstain from everything. There are all sorts of crazies on the subway....I should just stop taking it. I shouldn't run cause I MIGHT get arthritis in my knees. I should never say what I feel so that I never engage in diagreement. I should never even get into a relationship because I MIGHT get my heart broken.
That would make sense, if every behavior had the exact same level of consequence. Sex and running lead to very different things.
my point is that abstaining from risky situations doesn't make sense. You would need to isolate yourself for a long time. The best form of harm reduction is knowledge. Offering them the CHOICE of abstinence is totally okay, if they wanna abstain, cool! If they wanna have sex, show them their options!0 -
The "highest good" is my relationship with God and my eternal life and that of my children. Period.It does. What is most important to you, your child's well-being or sinning.
I would hate to see my daughter get pregnant, drop out of college, and struggle, but those are choices she made. If my greatest goal in life is to have eternal life with God, then every choice I make has to be one I believe will get me there. I would hope that the years I have with my children leading up to their decision to have sex, will give them the "tools" they need to handle the situation well.Would you rather see your daughter, I don't know, give up college, be a burden to your family, raise a child while struggling to educate herself/hold down a job, or, I don't know, buy her a pack of condoms?
Like I said, my children would never come to me for contraception. Three are grown and out of the house, and it was never an issue.Would you deny your kid if they came to you?
"If my greatest goal in life is to have eternal life with God, then every choice I make has to be one I believe will get me there"
regardless of the needs of your daughter. Damn.
right...i cringe. Meet my dad, but internet form and I think she is female.0
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