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How is the MFPer above going to die?
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Halloween 2017 - attends costume party as a speed bump, passes out in the street0
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On holidays driving through the desert her car ran out of petrol. She had no choice but to walk the 30kms back to the last service station ..
So she started walking ..pretty soon she realised with the sun beating down that she should have worn a hat ..45c heat soon started to fry her brain ..she started hallucinating and thought she saw a water fountain...she had a drink of cool water only to realise just as she started to choke that she had swallowed mouthfuls of dirt..
She fainted at this point ..laying on her back her body exposed to the blazing sun she baked ..like a Christmas turkey.
At the moment her soul left her body she actually thought she was at Christmas lunch she could smell the roast meat. She doesn't know she's dead yet ..still enjoying that Christmas feast.0 -
Today was finally the day she had been waiting on. Her guests began to arrive. One after another hot, bearded man entered and were shown to his place. As the night wore on and things got more steamy, she relished in the feeling of all those stubbly beards against her body. The next day she woke, feeling really chafed and realized she had extreme beard rash on some very sensitive areas. It felt wonderful to her, at least until they became infected. She died a few days later, but at least she died happy.0
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She was in the kitchen, happily making cookies in her best 1950s housewife dress. She was using her high powered Cuisinart mixer. She was drinking mimosas and having a grand time. She thought she should taste the batter to see how it was coming along. Being a bit drunk, she got her finger caught in the mixing blades. It quickly bogged down luckily. She escaped with just a scratch! Unfortunately she got salmonella in her scrape from the eggs in the batter and died.0
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She developed a new custard filled donut. She pumped so much custard into it that it resembled a baseball. She was driving to her weekly jazzercise class when she took a big bite. The donut was under so much custard pressure that it erupted, blinding her and causing her to swerve into oncoming traffic
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^ Sounds like something out of Final Destination
He was typing and laughing hysterically. Then, he aspirated and ended up in a coughing fit. He decided to take a cough drop and choked on it...
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She got shot execution style coming out of a Bake Sale. She knew too much.
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Snorting omo...0
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Roo kick to the organs.... you're not supposed to pet them!0
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The spray he used for his abs was lead based ..
Lead poisoning ..
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She was too anxious for her watermelon frosted pop tarts. She crept up on the glowing appliance, peering inside at the shiny orange coils perfectly heating her delicious delicacies. The delicious scent hit her nose and she edged ever closer...until her metallic hair clip came into contact with the coils.0
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She was obsessed with catching every last Smurf. So much so, she took the gargamel 90 day crash course. Upon graduation she received her very own wand. After months of perusing the little blue devils she resorted to magic to gain the upper hand. In an effort to become one with the Smurf, she turned herself into one. Moments later a hawk swooped in....dead....(sorry...lost interest....had to find an ending)0
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Galloping gonorrhea 0
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She was leisurely walking down the grocery aisle, enjoying the peace and quiet of solo shopping, checking off her items one by one, humming a merry tune. Now to get her jello instant chocolate pudding mix. She turned down the baking aisle, noticing as she did a woman at the other end of the aisle turning in at the same time. They both began walking towards the jello section. They both stopped, eyeing each other, then nervously glancing at the shelf. There was only one box left! Slowly at first they began to roll their carts, picking up speed as they neared. Strange guttural noises escaped her throat as she rushed full on towards her box of powdery goodness. The collision was heard all the way over on the paper goods aisle. The paramedics found her, too late, still clutching that crumpled box and face frozen in a deathly smile.0
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She wanted to be known as the first female with the longest beard. She started taking testosterone and growing the prettiest beard ever known to man. She finally made it to record length, on the way to have her picture taken for the World Guinness Record, she tripped on her massive beard and broke her neck. Couldn't be saved but they saved her beard and donated to bald homeless men.0
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She was challenged to a duel by a New Jersey Housewife after she insulted that woman's husband. The housewife scratched her with one of her fake nails, and then the fight was broken up by the production crew. However, the scratch from the yucky dirty nail gave her a nasty, flesh eating infection and they kept taking parts off of her to try to stop it, but it was no use. The only thing good that came from the whole thing was the housewife went to prison and that made the show more interesting.0
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She decided to make a stew for dinner. She wasn't really paying much attention, she was watching Bad Santa for the 46th time. She was adding cornstarch to thicken it when a particularly funny part came on. When she looked down the container of starch was empty. Oh well, It'll be fine. She hastily dished up her stew, wanting to hurry to see the end of the movie. Gulping it down, she finished her movie and went to bed. During the night, the entire container of corn starch she added began to congeal the contents of her stomach. During the autopsy they found a solid gellatinous mass in her stomach and intestines.1
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Wanted some extra money to buy Christmas presents and fancy clothes, so she sold a kidney. Wow, this is some great, easy money, she said! So she sold the other one, along with half her liver, and too late, she realized she ought to have held on to those, that they come in handy. The family had some nice Christmas gifts, though..0
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She was run over while running through the Streets of Juarez looking for a bathroom after having eaten some Street Tacos! I really don't think it was the Tacos though, she made a big mistake by drinking an Horchata which she had forgotten was made with water! You know what they say..."Don't drink the Water!!!"1
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Farted loudly in church..died from embarrassment 1
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