Why request friends if you're not going to interact?
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NurseCrystalB wrote: »Came here to this thread yesterday stating that I have zero friends to interact with and that I'd like some. Got zero friend requests from this thread...hmmmm thanks folks.
@JaneiR36 is right on with her entire reply to you. My intentions for this post was not to get more friends. I've stated throughout the thread I am not looking for any. I specifically wanted to know why the people that never comment take the time to request friends. If people happen to find someone they want to request as a friend, that's great.0 -
Alatariel75 wrote: »Maybe some people add people because they think they might be a good fit, decide they don't really like that person for whatever reason, but are worried about hurting their feelings if they defriend?
That's a possibility. I'm sure it happens sometimes. But the vast majority of the time I can see when they comment on another friends post and it's very rare.0 -
nakedraygun wrote: »Insofar as size of FL and whether I delete a contact or not, If I accept your messageless FR and then go out of my to way to introduce myself to you on your wall, you better dang well reciprocate. Clicking the stupid like button is meaningless.
Have I been neglecting you again?0 -
Alatariel75 wrote: »PrizePopple wrote: »Alluminati wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »PrizePopple wrote: »PrizePopple wrote: »Cranquistador wrote: »nakedraygun wrote: »Insofar as size of FL and whether I delete a contact or not, If I accept your messageless FR and then go out of my to way to introduce myself to you on your wall, you better dang well reciprocate. Clicking the stupid like button is meaningless.
So you like to give as well as receive.
Awww yeah. Imma have to send some FR's out now.
I can haz Moscato?
*pats the couch next to her*
I'll even make some brownies!
[...something about straining the butter]
Yes please
Brownies? Yes puhleez...
As long as they aren't crunchy. In.
Wut m8?
All edges here or GTFO.
THIS, is why we're friends!0 -
OP I'm curious, did you ever go back and ask those people on your FL that you feel aren't interacting enough, why? Rather than posting about it here and having a bunch of others speculate?
I find a direct discussion with people that I have issues with or questions about something going on with them more helpful than side conversations with other people. If I were one of those people on your FL and I saw this thread I would probably think that was a passive aggressive way to confront me.0 -
nakedraygun wrote: »
Of course. Happiness all around.Cranquistador wrote: »nakedraygun wrote: »Insofar as size of FL and whether I delete a contact or not, If I accept your messageless FR and then go out of my to way to introduce myself to you on your wall, you better dang well reciprocate. Clicking the stupid like button is meaningless.
So you like to give as well as receive.
Whatever Kerry.nakedraygun wrote: »Insofar as size of FL and whether I delete a contact or not, If I accept your messageless FR and then go out of my to way to introduce myself to you on your wall, you better dang well reciprocate. Clicking the stupid like button is meaningless.
If I friend request you without a message, you better accept without talking about me on your wall first with the wrong freaking name.
Jus' sayin'
Uh oh.....thought it was Katy. I even had a neat little reminder.....the 'y' at the end 'cause I thought they cared.
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Liftng4Lis wrote: »nakedraygun wrote: »Insofar as size of FL and whether I delete a contact or not, If I accept your messageless FR and then go out of my to way to introduce myself to you on your wall, you better dang well reciprocate. Clicking the stupid like button is meaningless.
Have I been neglecting you again?
Who is Russell Wilson?!?
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WinoGelato wrote: »OP I'm curious, did you ever go back and ask those people on your FL that you feel aren't interacting enough, why? Rather than posting about it here and having a bunch of others speculate?
I find a direct discussion with people that I have issues with or questions about something going on with them more helpful than side conversations with other people. If I were one of those people on your FL and I saw this thread I would probably think that was a passive aggressive way to confront me.
Thank you for your speculation but I'd like to keep this thread on topic. Perhaps a PM if you want to chat.0 -
WinoGelato wrote: »OP I'm curious, did you ever go back and ask those people on your FL that you feel aren't interacting enough, why? Rather than posting about it here and having a bunch of others speculate?
I find a direct discussion with people that I have issues with or questions about something going on with them more helpful than side conversations with other people. If I were one of those people on your FL and I saw this thread I would probably think that was a passive aggressive way to confront me.
Thank you for your speculation but I'd like to keep this thread on topic. Perhaps a PM if you want to chat.
You started a thread saying you didn't understand why people on your friends list weren't interacting with you. How is me asking if you've just asked them about it, off topic?
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WinoGelato wrote: »OP I'm curious, did you ever go back and ask those people on your FL that you feel aren't interacting enough, why? Rather than posting about it here and having a bunch of others speculate?
I find a direct discussion with people that I have issues with or questions about something going on with them more helpful than side conversations with other people. If I were one of those people on your FL and I saw this thread I would probably think that was a passive aggressive way to confront me.
Good point, but remember she deletes those that do not interact. At that point IMO it's just gonna be drama with people that you've decided to no longer be on your list. Perhaps a suggestion for future cases prior to using the delete button. If said person doesn't even respond to a PM, then they really don't want to interact with you (the general you!)
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TheBeachgod wrote: »New post so LWins999 won't think it was directed at her only.
This is a fitness site. So what if someone is a "friend" collector and someone isn't? CICO and exercise should be a bigger focus than worrying about how superficial you may think the Like button is or deleting a friend because they didn't leave a meaningful comment about my Cheerios and coffee for breakfast.
PS NurseCrystalB: I sent a friend request. If you accept I'll have a whopping 19 friends on MFP.
I've seen this conclusion before. Having a certain focus on one thing or doing it a certain way doesn't have to mean that is all you do or care about. It's just a preference
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WinoGelato wrote: »OP I'm curious, did you ever go back and ask those people on your FL that you feel aren't interacting enough, why? Rather than posting about it here and having a bunch of others speculate?
I find a direct discussion with people that I have issues with or questions about something going on with them more helpful than side conversations with other people. If I were one of those people on your FL and I saw this thread I would probably think that was a passive aggressive way to confront me.
Good point, but remember she deletes those that do not interact. At that point IMO it's just gonna be drama with people that you've decided to no longer be on your list. Perhaps a suggestion for future cases prior to using the delete button. If said person doesn't even respond to a PM, then they really don't want to interact with you (the general you!)
Presumably many of those friends came about through interactions in the forums, so I suspect many of them have seen this thread already. They probably now have their answer as to why they were deleted, if they were wondering!
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WinoGelato wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »OP I'm curious, did you ever go back and ask those people on your FL that you feel aren't interacting enough, why? Rather than posting about it here and having a bunch of others speculate?
I find a direct discussion with people that I have issues with or questions about something going on with them more helpful than side conversations with other people. If I were one of those people on your FL and I saw this thread I would probably think that was a passive aggressive way to confront me.
Good point, but remember she deletes those that do not interact. At that point IMO it's just gonna be drama with people that you've decided to no longer be on your list. Perhaps a suggestion for future cases prior to using the delete button. If said person doesn't even respond to a PM, then they really don't want to interact with you (the general you!)
Presumably many of those friends came about through interactions in the forums, so I suspect many of them have seen this thread already. They probably now have their answer as to why they were deleted, if they were wondering!
Especially if that "your friend posted in this topic" feature was working, right??
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WinoGelato wrote: »OP I'm curious, did you ever go back and ask those people on your FL that you feel aren't interacting enough, why? Rather than posting about it here and having a bunch of others speculate?
I find a direct discussion with people that I have issues with or questions about something going on with them more helpful than side conversations with other people. If I were one of those people on your FL and I saw this thread I would probably think that was a passive aggressive way to confront me.
Good point, but remember she deletes those that do not interact. At that point IMO it's just gonna be drama with people that you've decided to no longer be on your list. Perhaps a suggestion for future cases prior to using the delete button. If said person doesn't even respond to a PM, then they really don't want to interact with you (the general you!)
Instead, we now get drama for everyone! Wheeee!!!
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WinoGelato wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »OP I'm curious, did you ever go back and ask those people on your FL that you feel aren't interacting enough, why? Rather than posting about it here and having a bunch of others speculate?
I find a direct discussion with people that I have issues with or questions about something going on with them more helpful than side conversations with other people. If I were one of those people on your FL and I saw this thread I would probably think that was a passive aggressive way to confront me.
Good point, but remember she deletes those that do not interact. At that point IMO it's just gonna be drama with people that you've decided to no longer be on your list. Perhaps a suggestion for future cases prior to using the delete button. If said person doesn't even respond to a PM, then they really don't want to interact with you (the general you!)
Presumably many of those friends came about through interactions in the forums, so I suspect many of them have seen this thread already. They probably now have their answer as to why they were deleted, if they were wondering!
@WinoGelato Your speculations are wrong and full of inaccurate assumptions. Again, I ask that you please stay on topic.
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WinoGelato wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »OP I'm curious, did you ever go back and ask those people on your FL that you feel aren't interacting enough, why? Rather than posting about it here and having a bunch of others speculate?
I find a direct discussion with people that I have issues with or questions about something going on with them more helpful than side conversations with other people. If I were one of those people on your FL and I saw this thread I would probably think that was a passive aggressive way to confront me.
Good point, but remember she deletes those that do not interact. At that point IMO it's just gonna be drama with people that you've decided to no longer be on your list. Perhaps a suggestion for future cases prior to using the delete button. If said person doesn't even respond to a PM, then they really don't want to interact with you (the general you!)
Presumably many of those friends came about through interactions in the forums, so I suspect many of them have seen this thread already. They probably now have their answer as to why they were deleted, if they were wondering!
@WinoGelato Your speculations are wrong and full of inaccurate assumptions. Again, I ask that you please stay on topic.
This entire thread has been speculative in nature. You started a thread saying you didn't understand why people send you a friend request and then fail to interact to your level of expectations. You asked the community to offer opinions why that might be (speculation). You got several comments with different reasons why that might be the case. I'm simply asking if you've now gone back and validated any of those theories with the people you are describing in your OP, otherwise it is simply just speculation. I fail to see how that is off topic.
If these friend requests didn't initiate out of seeing your posts in the forums, how did people find you, I'm genuinely curious? Most of my FL was generated because I saw posts in the forums and we had common interests or opinions.
When I see someone on my FL has posted a topic in the forums I generally take a look to see what they are discussing. It's often a better way to interact than through the news feed. I figured some of the people on your FL, the interactive ones and the ones who are less so, have seen this thread.
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Cranquistador wrote: »I'm always saying, "One of these days, I'm going to go on a deleting spree!" but I never do. Maybe that time is near. Reading this makes me think I really should.
Yep, I did it last year and haven't looked back. I'm friend-free and happy to be. I chat with whoever I want on the main forums and open groups and that's enough for me. I liked almost all my friends when I kept a list but there were a few lurkers who were completely silent and that did creep me out a bit.
Mostly it was me who was the inactive friend though. I tried to keep up with the woo hoos!, and the way to gos!, and the excellent progress! and the congratulations! and the that looks so yummy! narratives but I got tired and could no longer keep up with that. Also I found it stressful.
After awhile I just didn't want to see a hundred daily updates of people who completed their diary for the umpteenth time, who logged in for the 57th consecutive day, who burned 800 calories on the eliptical or who burned 5 calories farting into a sofa cushion while posting stupid zombie references from gory, violent TV shows I never watch.
I also didn't understand only wanting to converse on a "wall" or a "feed" with the belief that it is somehow an exclusive, members only club - invisible to the rest of the site, since I don't think any website conversations are really private anyway.
Then again, I don't have a Facebook account or any other social media account- which I think is where the friend list idea was copied from anyway...
Bottom line is, who are these online friends anyway? Anonymous avatars who appear and disappear in the blink of an eye. And nothing more than words on a screen, ultimately. I like to keep that reality check.
It might be that way for you, but it's not that way for everyone. I have made some lifelong friends here that have evolved into non screen interaction... Like tough mudders, and Sunday brunch. (Okok brunch is in the werks)
I wish that our "friends", weren't labeled as such automatically because to me a friend, is someone that I initially met & interacted with offline, until I become acquainted with someone offline regularly; I consider them to be "associates" but since some of us have online friends, that're also offline; I believe that we should be able to designate whether our "friends" are associates, friends, coworkers and/or family, via separate lists.0 -
Cryptonomnomicon wrote: »Well I can say I interact with my FL and have grown familiar with quite a few of them over the years BUT I also have commitments outside of the feed, as do my friends. If someone writes something on my wall or messages me I respond but the majority of my FL is self sufficient and long time members so most of us don't really bother with the superfluous "WTG! Good job!" etc on what has become habitual; such as logging streaks or finishing diaries. We tend to support each other when it comes to more personal tribulations or if we are seeking advice be it regarding lifting, nutrition etc. More often than not we are there for each other when we need it. I like low maintenance friends...not unlike real life.
Different strokes for different folks.
This 100%!0 -
No I asked why did the people that do this, do it. No speculation there.
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I've never sent a request out, and only except ones with a message as to why, unless I recognize the name from a group I support, or friend of friend.
I only post exercise, and state from time to time I don't need comments or nods of support so don't feel obligated, the workout is being done no matter what, but several have said they get ideas and reminders from my verbose workout notes, or ask questions to learn something.
I'll share studies and ideas and general encouragement too.
After logging in a couple times daily, I'll look back over the past 3 hr window and comment on others workouts and posts if something there besides generic posting, or at least a like if I know they are same with their workouts as I am with mine.
I only clean up the FL when I remember to, with those with no login over a month being deleted, unless they posted why they'd be gone, or I'm one of only 6 friends.
So there are lots of folks out there that could be used to my and others methods where we expect or need nothing in return, and our posts are likely being used for encouragement. Or forgotten.
So when these folks see your posts, they may like the tact you take and want to feel inspired and so friend you - but not realizing they are expected to be inspiring in return.
I am apart of a group, at 1st I considered sending everyone there a friend request, since we had that in common but then I decided to wait, until the end of the challenge & then only send requests, to those that stayed committed to the end. It's a private group & after the 1st weekly chart, was created by our leader, she informed us that she sent 352 invites (to people that requested them), we got only 223 members to join (from those invites) & then only 172 (including myself) actually weighed in. Our leader only deletes someone, if they miss 2 weeks of weigh ins. So now after only 5 weeks into an 11 week challenge, we only have 144 members left.0
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