Was this an out of line question?
Replies
-
OP. you finally showed up - looks like there was no big deal between you and your mom over the jam. Problem solved.
But honestly, looking over the rest of your post, you have a lot of work to do. I, along with several other posters (by the nature of their posts), looked at your profile. You have a very nice profile picture showing some nicely defiined abs, and without any stats or measurements, what I'd estimate at about 18-20% body fat.
And yet your ticker says you have 15 pounds to lose. And your original post is this thread has you dreading carbs and such, and worrying about cravings because of your SAD.
There's much here that sends off some warning signals, and you need to be aware of them, not start blaming carbs and insulin spikes and all of that. Biscuits and jam are not your problem. No food is your problem. Learning to control your cravings is your problem. You obviously know how to exercise - you say in your profile that you're a competitive marathoner, and you have quite a nice physique. If you're spending two hours a day with your light, and still working, and helping your mom, and working on what it is your working on while living with your mom, and still running long distance, how are you finding time to eat more than the calories required to sustain all of that activity?
I think you need to sit down and work through some of this with yourself. The cravings and worry over weight gain are stress you are putting on yourself needlessly and you should stop.
And you should probably let yourself enjoy one of your mom's biscuits with some jam.
This is very well said, and while I understand you have a health issue, I happen to agree with mccindy. No matter what health issue(s) we have, it's up to us to learn how to work with them/it even in tough situations because not everyone can or will carter (used only for lack of a better word) to our needs.
However, @RiseHigher, the best thing is that you and your mom talked the next morning and there was no problem at all.
0 -
@SLLRunner , it sounds to me like she's doing just that (learning to work around her issues), just maybe not doing it in a way some of us currently might. Let's remember earlier in the thread, many were explaining how they initially used the OP's approach but later "graduated" - I'll borrow from you here, lack of a better word - to more sophisticated means.
The whole thing actually reminds me of thin women who are told, no no no, not you, you don't have to worry about all that. They have to remind the commenter, how do you think I stay thin?0 -
Yes, you're blaming your weight gain on things other than yourself: SAD and where your mother keeps her jam (!!). You ate it, you gained weight. The end.0
-
@SLLRunner , it sounds to me like she's doing just that (learning to work around her issues), just maybe not doing it in a way some of us currently might. Let's remember earlier in the thread, many were explaining how they initially used the OP's approach but later "graduated" - I'll borrow from you here, lack of a better word - to more sophisticated means.
The whole thing actually reminds me of thin women who are told, no no no, not you, you don't have to worry about all that. They have to remind the commenter, how do you think I stay thin?
There's also an issue with becoming obsessed about food and overthinking its effects. Disordered thinking is an easy pattern to fall into (coming from a person who has a history with it).
And it's not so simple as your analogy of thin women and how they stay thin. - OP has SAD, as she mentioned, and has mentioned some fear of gaining weight. There's also the issue of her avatar picture, her ticker, and her story, all of which don't meld well. It's not just a matter of shrugging our shoulders and saying 'let's leave this thin woman to her maitenance plan'. She's the one who posted for assistance. Sometimes the cry for help is buried deeper than the initial question about jam.0 -
@SLLRunner , it sounds to me like she's doing just that (learning to work around her issues), just maybe not doing it in a way some of us currently might. Let's remember earlier in the thread, many were explaining how they initially used the OP's approach but later "graduated" - I'll borrow from you here, lack of a better word - to more sophisticated means.
The whole thing actually reminds me of thin women who are told, no no no, not you, you don't have to worry about all that. They have to remind the commenter, how do you think I stay thin?
There's also an issue with becoming obsessed about food and overthinking its effects. Disordered thinking is an easy pattern to fall into (coming from a person who has a history with it).
And it's not so simple as your analogy of thin women and how they stay thin. - OP has SAD, as she mentioned, and has mentioned some fear of gaining weight. There's also the issue of her avatar picture, her ticker, and her story, all of which don't meld well. It's not just a matter of shrugging our shoulders and saying 'let's leave this thin woman to her maitenance plan'. She's the one who posted for assistance. Sometimes the cry for help is buried deeper than the initial question about jam.
These are all possibilities. I'm just also saying what I see
0 -
I can tell you with absolute fact that if my mum had pieces of cheesecake (my fave happy food) sitting on the bench, you can bet I'd be asking her to move them! Because my self control goes out the window with that particular food...0
-
christinev297 wrote: »I can tell you with absolute fact that if my mum had pieces of cheesecake (my fave happy food) sitting on the bench, you can bet I'd be asking her to move them! Because my self control goes out the window with that particular food...
I'd be eating them, personally :laugh: It's a free for all when I visit family. No one has stayed in my place long enough to leave treats out so I wouldn't know
0 -
booksandchocolate12 wrote: »
Let your dad arrange his home the way he wants. Unless....you'd be fine with it if he came into your home and hid things?
My mom will rearrange things in my home. Even as kids we were not allowed to do this in their home, so I'm not sure why she tries it here. It is one of the reasons I don't like her around.0 -
CoffeeNCardio wrote: »If it went down like you said it did, then no I don't think that was out of line. My mother would do it for me. I would do it for my son. Hell, I'd do it for my friends and acquaintances too. But I also believe we're not getting the full story here. Much as I'd love to believe everyone is quirky and nuts like me, the reality is that if your mom was upset, there is probably something else at work.......unless she has some sort of unhealthy obsession with the placement of jam, in which case you got bigger problems girl.
Agree 100%.0 -
christinev297 wrote: »I can tell you with absolute fact that if my mum had pieces of cheesecake (my fave happy food) sitting on the bench, you can bet I'd be asking her to move them! Because my self control goes out the window with that particular food...
I'd be eating them, personally :laugh: It's a free for all when I visit family. No one has stayed in my place long enough to leave treats out so I wouldn't know
Hehe Yeah i would if it was a day visit, but not if I was staying there for months. I'd end up a butterball by the end of it.
I remember when I was a kid if mum made a cheesecake for an occasion, she would have to hide it so I wouldn't pick bits off of it every 5 minutes..0 -
OP, thanks for the nice explanation of SAD. I, too, suffer from it and dread winter. My husband keeps carbs around and throughout the summer I was able to ignore them totally. Now, they are calling my name in a way that's hard to describe. Avoidance is hit or miss for me so I understand your concern. I'm so glad that you spoke with your mom and the issue easily resolved. I don't really have any input on whether or not your request was appropriate. I just want to say, as a fellow SAD person, I get it.0
-
We have one family member who gets upset if anyone has dessert and she can't that day. I find her needs overshadow everyone else's, and I do think it's a bit much. But, family is family. I just put up with it and slap a smile on.
I must say, though, I don't choose to hang out with them much. People who aren't flexible have their reasons, of course, but it's not much fun for others.
0 -
MarcyKirkton wrote: »We have one family member who gets upset if anyone has dessert and she can't that day. I find her needs overshadow everyone else's, and I do think it's a bit much. But, family is family. I just put up with it and slap a smile on.
I must say, though, I don't choose to hang out with them much. People who aren't flexible have their reasons, of course, but it's not much fun for others.
I don't see what this has has to do with OPs question, though. OP did not ask mom to quit eating biscuits or to quit buying jam. It was a request to simply move them out of sight.
0 -
I just want to know if it's normal to leave an open jar of jam at room temperature all day and then store it in the pantry.
0 -
rainbowbow wrote: »I just want to know if it's normal to leave an open jar of jam at room temperature all day and then store it in the pantry.
My Jam lives in the fridge.0 -
christinev297 wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »I just want to know if it's normal to leave an open jar of jam at room temperature all day and then store it in the pantry.
My Jam lives in the fridge.
Same. =\0 -
rainbowbow wrote: »I just want to know if it's normal to leave an open jar of jam at room temperature all day and then store it in the pantry.
I wouldn't do it. But my in laws do. I never understood why.
0 -
rainbowbow wrote: »I just want to know if it's normal to leave an open jar of jam at room temperature all day and then store it in the pantry.
For safety reasons, once jam/jelly/preserves have been opened, if they're not in use they're in the fridge. That may or may not be sound reasoning, but there it is. I would not eat from a jar that's always left room temp.0 -
I don't know. Maybe a little out of line, but I don't see what the big deal is about storing the jam in a cabinet either.... It's not like you asked her not to make the biscuits while you're there.0
-
Wow thanks for the support from those who gave it you guys! I am slowly getting better with my new light and schedule, and still working with timings of using it etc that work best for me. I also am listening to a book on mindful meditation, which is extremely helpful in itself.
It also seems like some people like to assume a lot about me, which I find odd. Not that I really need to prove anything to anyone, but before my last marathon at the end of September/early October I weighed around 126 lbs and my body fat was around 22-23%. In my profile picture I was around 124 lbs before a marathon previous to that, and I don't know what my body fat was as I was away traveling for an extended time.
As I said in my original post I have gained since my last marathon in part due to the SAD and in part because it's approaching my TOM right now too. I have a Fitbit Aria scale, which reads my weight and wirelessly transmits it to FitBit and therefore MyFitnessPal. I weigh every day, but check the average given by a website called Trendweight.com. Before anyone freaks out and says blah blah I am OCD about weighing every day, studies have shown that people who weigh everyday lose more weight and keep it off than those who weigh less frequently. This method isn't for those who freak out if they gain a pound or two in a day - which isn't me. Weight normally fluctuates in a 5+ lb range, which is why I look at the AVERAGE not daily points. So I don't know what my "ticker" says I have to lose on any particular day, and I don't really care. I just check Trendweight every now and then to make sure my AVERAGE TREND is going in the right direction, not daily points.
So yes my goal weight for my next race, which isn't until spring, is 115-116 lbs. I am 5ft 3, you can look at any chart and see that is still in the healthy range for my height. I tend to stay between 115.5-120.5; more at the bottom end of that range when approaching a race, top end otherwise. (This was before I moved and had the problems with SAD, which went undiagnosed for a while as I didn't know I had it or even what it was.)
I am reaching the national/elite level as I said for the Master's Marathon, which automatically means a fast marathon. I'm close as it is. A rule of thumb is every pound adds 1 minute to your marathon time. That may seem minor to some, but it's my priority and everyone has different ones.
And just because I lose weight or maintain weight differently than anyone else doesn't mean it's wrong. I don't care to be around unhealthy foods or have them in my face all the time. That's also been a proven way to fail at weight loss. Even though this is not my house it is the environment I am living and working with, and everyone needs one that works for them. My Mom can eat a lot of junk food. It's all over the place and basically I've been working with her to get it to a manageable level, as she can hoard food too. If I had no control as some keep liking to say, why am I not eating chips, chocolate bars, potato chips and other things that are easily available here? Why am I not buying them for myself? Haha - whatever. I noticed for whatever reason I had a problem with the jam. It's out of site, and there's no problem anymore.
And I'm not going to debate the storage of jam, lol. That's really neither here nor there or relating to my original post. Frankly I don't know where she put it and so much the better for now.
And btw I also never said carbs were the enemy or bad. When in season I tend to eat a diet that is 65% carbs. They help me to run fast. But there's a certain time for everything and when I'm in my off season and dealing with the SAD SOME carbs are not good to be around until my symptoms are better under control, which even if what you're doing is working, takes time to improve.
0 -
I would have hoped that "jam must be on counter" would not be a stead-fast rule in your moms house...... But the reality is that it is more important for jam to be on counter then the peace of mind of her child (adult or not, you are always going to be her child).
Everyone else is right, that it is her house, her rules.... Looks like you will need to figure out another way to deal with that temptation.....0 -
I am sorry but I see a lot of excuses and blaming everything on something (TOM, SAD etc). You are a grown up. Take responsibilities for your actions and stop finding excuses.-1
-
RiseHigher wrote: »Wow! Well I find it interesting all the points of view given here. Thanks for the responses!
So first of all let me clear this up. This morning when my Mom woke up, I asked her directly, "Did I annoy you last night when I asked if we could move the jam to a different location?" She said, "No." I said, "Ok, because you sort of paused and I wasn't sure if it was because you wanted to keep it there." "She said, no, not at all, I only paused because I was thinking of where to move it." I said, "Oh, ok. Normally it would be OK, but right now..." and she just nodded her head knowingly and said, "Yes, I know. It doesn't bother me at all."
She also started talking about a documentary she had been watching that was depressing. So that probably affected her too.
I guess once again it's an example that we can't read other people's thoughts, so it's just better to ask. I really wasn't feeling well last night anyway, which is probably why I jumped to conclusions. But on a positive note it's because last week, I tapered OFF caffeine, and it was my first day fully caffeine-free. My SAD has been improving with my new super bright light (it's brighter than typical therapeutic SAD lights), among other things I have been doing, so I hope this will be the first winter I will be caffeine free!
Now, if interested in "the rest of the story" here it is. I figure that perhaps if some answers weren't all that helpful, it's from those that don't totally understand what is going on or how bad Seasonal Affective Disorder can get. I didn't know, either, until I moved and realized I had it. You could live somewhere sunny for your whole life and have it, yet not show any symptoms because you have ample sunlight. But then you move north/to a location with more clouds/dark winters and then BOOM it shows it's head and you're dealing with it, sometimes unknowingly.
And there are differing degrees of SAD. Some people are only mildly affected by it. Others can become suicidal. Some have only some symptoms such as fatigue and lack of focus, and while for others the carb cravings can get bad and they isolate etc. It's like any other medical issue, no two people are exactly the same. And for those interested, a main proposed cause of SAD is lowered serotonin levels caused by lack of sunlight. Well guess what they suspect causes BED (binge eating disorder) - lowered serotonin levels. It's one reason the drug Fenfluramine (widely knows as fen-phen) was so successful as a weight loss agent before it was pulled due to side effects. It worked on the brain's serotonin system.
Eating processed carbs/simple sugars causes an insulin spike which causes serotonin production in the brain. So when someone with this disorder craves carbs, that is why. It's not a "Wow that looks good I have no self control let me eat a ton of it." It is the body's way of replenishing badly depleted serotonin levels, as with SAD. For even those without SAD, it's one reason that many overeat when they are stressed or bored - these can lower serotonin levels to some degree too.
I say this to clarify the issue of people saying that I have a "lack of control" especially in the "real world". If that is the case,
Honestly when I lived in California I didn't get why people just didn't exercise and eat healthy. It's so easy, right? But then I learned there are other factors involved, but that's ok, it just sets me up to better help others.rainbowbow wrote: »I just want to know if it's normal to leave an open jar of jam at room temperature all day and then store it in the pantry.
No. Ick0 -
RiseHigher wrote: »Wow thanks for the support from those who gave it you guys! I am slowly getting better with my new light and schedule, and still working with timings of using it etc that work best for me. I also am listening to a book on mindful meditation, which is extremely helpful in itself.
It also seems like some people like to assume a lot about me, which I find odd. Not that I really need to prove anything to anyone, but before my last marathon at the end of September/early October I weighed around 126 lbs and my body fat was around 22-23%. In my profile picture I was around 124 lbs before a marathon previous to that, and I don't know what my body fat was as I was away traveling for an extended time.
As I said in my original post I have gained since my last marathon in part due to the SAD and in part because it's approaching my TOM right now too. I have a Fitbit Aria scale, which reads my weight and wirelessly transmits it to FitBit and therefore MyFitnessPal. I weigh every day, but check the average given by a website called Trendweight.com. Before anyone freaks out and says blah blah I am OCD about weighing every day, studies have shown that people who weigh everyday lose more weight and keep it off than those who weigh less frequently. This method isn't for those who freak out if they gain a pound or two in a day - which isn't me. Weight normally fluctuates in a 5+ lb range, which is why I look at the AVERAGE not daily points. So I don't know what my "ticker" says I have to lose on any particular day, and I don't really care. I just check Trendweight every now and then to make sure my AVERAGE TREND is going in the right direction, not daily points.
So yes my goal weight for my next race, which isn't until spring, is 115-116 lbs. I am 5ft 3, you can look at any chart and see that is still in the healthy range for my height. I tend to stay between 115.5-120.5; more at the bottom end of that range when approaching a race, top end otherwise. (This was before I moved and had the problems with SAD, which went undiagnosed for a while as I didn't know I had it or even what it was.)
I am reaching the national/elite level as I said for the Master's Marathon, which automatically means a fast marathon. I'm close as it is. A rule of thumb is every pound adds 1 minute to your marathon time. That may seem minor to some, but it's my priority and everyone has different ones.
And just because I lose weight or maintain weight differently than anyone else doesn't mean it's wrong. I don't care to be around unhealthy foods or have them in my face all the time. That's also been a proven way to fail at weight loss. Even though this is not my house it is the environment I am living and working with, and everyone needs one that works for them. My Mom can eat a lot of junk food. It's all over the place and basically I've been working with her to get it to a manageable level, as she can hoard food too. If I had no control as some keep liking to say, why am I not eating chips, chocolate bars, potato chips and other things that are easily available here? Why am I not buying them for myself? Haha - whatever. I noticed for whatever reason I had a problem with the jam. It's out of site, and there's no problem anymore.
And I'm not going to debate the storage of jam, lol. That's really neither here nor there or relating to my original post. Frankly I don't know where she put it and so much the better for now.
And btw I also never said carbs were the enemy or bad. When in season I tend to eat a diet that is 65% carbs. They help me to run fast. But there's a certain time for everything and when I'm in my off season and dealing with the SAD SOME carbs are not good to be around until my symptoms are better under control, which even if what you're doing is working, takes time to improve.
There are a lot of things in this protest that are concerning. No way is your avatar 22-23% body fat. I'm at 18% and your picture is at last where I'm at if not less. Even if you've gained a couple of pounds of fat that's nothing much to even worry about.
Then you claim you're concerned about weight gain slowing you for marathon running, right after you say that you know it's your TOM. You should know better than to count any weight gain at your TOM - that's water weight and you know it. A few days after and that will come off.
Your attitude toward food isn't good either. You say you view carbs as fuel during season, but now you're talking about things like junk food and unhealthy food. Having that view toward food isn't going to help while you're dealing with your SAD, but learning to view food in a good way, and learning how to have some of those foods and enjoy them without being afraid of gaining weight, is going to help.0 -
I am sorry but I see a lot of excuses and blaming everything on something (TOM, SAD etc). You are a grown up. Take responsibilities for your actions and stop finding excuses.
Pbbbfffft. Do I look like I make excuses. Nope. I gain water weight with my TOM. I gain weight when I get hungry with SAD. Not blaming it just it what it is. I'm 5 or so lbs over where I was. Not 50 or 100. LOL. You can go flame another thread now, bye....rainbowbow wrote: »I just want to know if it's normal to leave an open jar of jam at room temperature all day and then store it in the pantry.
No. Ick
Fine. Any other opinions on the storage of jam - feel free to take it up with my Mom then... happy? Haha. Bye!0 -
I don't think it was out of line. I ask my mom for favors sometimes...bigger than putting a jar of jam in the cup board. She is not out of line to refuse, but I have no idea why people think it is out of line to ask.
0 -
I can't believe this many responses and no one bothered to ask what kinds of jam!?0
-
tonisha1821 wrote: »I really don't see how this could have been turned into a big deal. It's literally just jam. It's not like you asked her to rearrange the entire house. It's 4 jars of jam.
This this this!!! Perfectly said!
I feel like I'm the crazy one after reading some of these opinions. Out of line to ask your MOM to put the freakin jam out of site???!!! THAT is out of line?! Wow
It's jam. We are talking about a jar. A jar of jam.0 -
WinoGelato wrote: »I can't believe this many responses and no one bothered to ask what kinds of jam!?
I feel bad for the biscuits. No one cares about the biscuits. is there a recipe we can have?0 -
WinoGelato wrote: »I can't believe this many responses and no one bothered to ask what kinds of jam!?
I feel bad for the biscuits. No one cares about the biscuits. is there a recipe we can have?
Well, I for one love biscuits and jam. My mother, who has been deceased since I was 23, made the best homemade biscuits and strawberry jam. I miss her, and those wonderful treats of hers.
@RiseHigher, this is just an observation, but I dont think this is actually about the biscuits and jam. In your last post you mention a 5 pound weight gain with TOM. That is normal and nothing to worry about, it's just water weight. It seems to me you might actually be afraid of weight gain, which indicates deeper isdues. It takes time to work through these issues.0
This discussion has been closed.
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.6K Introduce Yourself
- 43.8K Getting Started
- 260.3K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.9K Food and Nutrition
- 47.5K Recipes
- 232.5K Fitness and Exercise
- 431 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.6K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153K Motivation and Support
- 8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.8K MyFitnessPal Information
- 24 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions